Help! Dating question: are my expectations wrong?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In any event, I think a few posters are reading past me. I'm not talking about having sex. I'm just finding it odd that women who are in their early 30s aren't wanting to figure out if there's chemistry (i.e., through a kiss) on date 2 or 3. These women seem content to go on 5-6 dates and they rarely "open up" either... I have no idea whether they are into me or whether we click because they play it so close to the vest. I never remember dating being like this in the late 20s. You'd think now that both sides have less time to figure it out things would be more direct. Again, this isn't about getting laid.

They take their time finding "chemistry" because they're not the ones paying for dates! That's why if they aren't putting out by date 3, you STOP PURSUING THEM AND MAKE THEM PURSUE YOU! TURN THE TABLES!

WAKE UP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Even these days, women aren't going to make a move out of nowhere.

He must be new here, or else he'd know women believe they are entitled to sit on their fat little asses and NEVER make a move

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I met my husband online 4.5 years ago; I was 28 and he was 32. We kissed on our 2nd date and I went to his place for dinner on our 4th date. We agreed to be exclusive and delete our online dating profiles that night and then we had sex.

I really liked him, though...maybe these women just aren't sure how they feel about you? I can't imagine going on 3+ dates without even a kiss.

Your husband is an idiot. How did he know you wouldn't be a dead fish in the sack?

[Anonymous]

you're an idiot and it shows

[Anonymous]

Try talking.... works wonders

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm the OP. Thanks for the advice. Most of it has been helpful, save the one crazy woman above who can't differentiate versions of the word "expectations" and sees everything as a sexual assault.

In any event, I think a few posters are reading past me. I'm not talking about having sex. I'm just finding it odd that women who are in their early 30s aren't wanting to figure out if there's chemistry (i.e., through a kiss) on date 2 or 3. These women seem content to go on 5-6 dates and they rarely "open up" either... I have no idea whether they are into me or whether we click because they play it so close to the vest. I never remember dating being like this in the late 20s. You'd think now that both sides have less time to figure it out things would be more direct. Again, this isn't about getting laid.

If you want to kiss a woman, lean in and kiss her. Are these women saying they don't even kiss on a second or 3rd date?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
If you want to kiss a woman, lean in and kiss her.

Rape culture!

[Anonymous]

Absolutely shocking that women don't want to get with some of the mouth-breathers on this thread.

Women are PEOPLE, and respond well to being talked to like fully-formed adults. Consent is sexy. Assumptions, arbitrary timelines for physical interactions, and stupid headgames aren't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I met my husband online 4.5 years ago; I was 28 and he was 32. We kissed on our 2nd date and I went to his place for dinner on our 4th date. We agreed to be exclusive and delete our online dating profiles that night and then we had sex.

I really liked him, though...maybe these women just aren't sure how they feel about you? I can't imagine going on 3+ dates without even a kiss.

Your husband is an idiot. How did he know you wouldn't be a dead fish in the sack?

He's an idiot for agreeing to exclusivity before getting laid? LOL. I'm sure you're the same type of guy who thinks women are slutty for going home with a man on the first date but a cold fish if she doesn't put out by date number 3.

[Anonymous]

"So far, the supply of high quality women in my target age range (27-35) is solid"

high quality women hahahaha. Wow, way to make us sound like objects.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In my experience, the same guys who expect you to put out on a second date are the same guys who freak out if you're anything less than a virginal angel....with porn star skills in bed.

I had a second date with a guy recently which ended with 45 minutes of making out at his place. When I left without going further, he seemed disappointed. Sure enough, a few days later I get a text saying we didn't have the right "chemistry" and he didn't want to see me again. sure, sweetie. whatever you say.

Assuming you're not a teenager, PP, then "making out" for 45 minutes implies that he tried to go further and you made it clear you weren't interested in doing that.

Adults who spend that much time making out, if they are emotionally healthy, understand that the making out isn't for its own sake--it's foreplay. Apparently you just like to make out for its own sake, but the guy you dated, being a more mature individual, views that as a waste of his time if it's not going to lead any further, and frustrating.

You seem surprised that the guy politely told you he wasn't interest in participating in another frustrating "tease" session with you. Are you displeased that he's made himself unavailable for your sexual manipulations? Awww, poor you.

But guaranteed if you were really into the guy you would have had sex with him on the first date. That's obvious and he figured it out, stop pretending otherwise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

They are on guard because so many men expect sex on the first couple of dates. Many women aren't interested in sex right away -- too many sleazy guys just after one thing.

Nonsense. If a woman likes the guy and is attracted to him, even if she's not willing to have sex on the first date, she will make her interest very clear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The bottom line is that most women have had some negative experiences with online dating. There are guys out there that say that they want relationships, etc. but they are really looking for just quick and easy hook-ups.

When I meet a stranger from an online site, I am usually a bit more vocal about making it clear that I am not going to sleep with them right away. Nothing is really all that different from regular dating (I still find a make out session on date 3 or 4 to be the norm, sex after 5-6 dates if the vibe is right).

Women are just more open about telling you that they aren't going to hop in bed with you if they meet you online. It's a way to weed out the ones that won't wait more than 3 dates for sex. If a guy has a hard and fast rule about not waiting more than that, he is probably not a very high quality guy.

Look. There is a phenomenon here. Desirable women who don't have some kind of psychological issue in their late 20's or early 30's have no problem getting into a relationship with a decent guy. The peanut gallery is full of head cases who don't know what they want. These women are serial daters who 1) presumably only date men they are sexually attracted to 2) yet don't seem to understand that the prime reason, if not the exclusive reason, a normal adult male is even bothering dating them, is for sex. And when the guy makes his intentions clear, these screwed up in the head women actually hold that against him.

Ladies, there is something physically or emotionally wrong with you if you don't understand that guys who date you want to have sex with you, and further that you actually feel justified in being offended by the fact that men who date you want to have sex with you. That's exactly what's supposed to happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"So far, the supply of high quality women in my target age range (27-35) is solid"

high quality women hahahaha. Wow, way to make us sound like objects.

When OP said that he obviously wasn't referring to you, PP, so no need for you to take offense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm the OP. Thanks for the advice. Most of it has been helpful, save the one crazy woman above who can't differentiate versions of the word "expectations" and sees everything as a sexual assault.

In any event, I think a few posters are reading past me. I'm not talking about having sex. I'm just finding it odd that women who are in their early 30s aren't wanting to figure out if there's chemistry (i.e., through a kiss) on date 2 or 3. These women seem content to go on 5-6 dates and they rarely "open up" either... I have no idea whether they are into me or whether we click because they play it so close to the vest. I never remember dating being like this in the late 20s. You'd think now that both sides have less time to figure it out things would be more direct. Again, this isn't about getting laid.

OP--it's selection bias. The pool of women you are dating (late 20's early 30's) even if superficially attractive are available to date (i.e. not already in a pre-existing relationship) because something is seriously wrong with them, psychologically speaking. With the rare exception of someone who is JUST getting out of a break up and you happen to luck out and meet her before she has established a new relationship. I assure you physically attractive emotionally healthy women have NO problem getting dates, knowing what to do on dates, and rather quickly establishing at least a semblance of a sexually healthy dating relationship--if they want.

Read the kind of responses you get in your thread from females who obviously don't think dating is about meeting someone who attracts you with the aim of having a healthy adult sexual relationship. It's the opposite for these women--dating is about how they can spread their unhappiness to other people.

These women are completely dysfunctional. Some of them are totally whacked out (like the one you mentioned who can't distinguish expectation from rape as you put it.) Other responders are just not as whacky.

Every single one of these women has absolutely no problem having sex on the first date, or on a one night stand, etc., if they are sufficiently attracted to the guy they are dating. But often when they see a guy that the woman wants to have a "relationship" with, they have to pretend to not be sexual. This is a lose-lose situation with an unhealthy female and the PP who was annoyed that someone dumped her after a pointless 45 minute makeout session is a perfect example. Very typical of your female responders though.