S/O: Ladies - Would you have sex more often

[Anonymous]

In a perfect world, women would marry women and set up house together, and order a free-range man for delivery when she wanted some masculine input. Unfortunately, men and women do form pair-bonds, and struggle with some basic incompatibilities.

At this point in our society, women are carrying too much of load--the burden of providing, the burden of bringing children into the world and caring for them, and the burden of running a household, and men aren't typically sharing that equally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Come on. We have young kids, get minimal sleep, and are busy all day, plus I think there are dishes still on the table and crumbs on the floor.

Good in bed = we can wrap it up in under 5 minutes and fall into a deep and contented sleep afterward.

*I only said "5 minutes" because I thought you all might judge "2 minutes", but obviously, anything under 5 is ideal.

+1 LOL, my life exactly right now down to the 2 minutes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You know what I can respect a couple who gets divorced because they realize they have grown apart and aren't being good partners to each other.

I can't respect someone who cheats because he/she isn't getting what he wants and then expects their spouse to just take it.

Given that the man's sex drive did not plummet, only the woman, a more accurate characterization would be that "she has turned away" versus "they have grown apart".

I respect a man articulating the obvious position that a low sex relationship does not work, giving her the option to adjust her priorities, or grant his liberty to go outside the marriage for "unimportant needs" which she no longer shares, or ending the marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Come on. We have young kids, get minimal sleep, and are busy all day, plus I think there are dishes still on the table and crumbs on the floor.

Good in bed = we can wrap it up in under 5 minutes and fall into a deep and contented sleep afterward.

*I only said "5 minutes" because I thought you all might judge "2 minutes", but obviously, anything under 5 is ideal.

+1 LOL, my life exactly right now down to the 2 minutes.

Know what, if we could wrap it up in 2 or 5 minutes I'd be happy. DH wants to make out before and snuggle all night afterwards and I can barely sleep when his 300 pound arm is wrapped around me and holding me so close. But if I move his hand to my hip or off entirely he gets a little out of sorts, like I'm rejecting him when honestly, I'm just rejecting his hand and arm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So much of the male complaining about this issue boils down to: "why can't a woman be more like a man?"

Women are not men. The average woman's sex drive is less than a man's, and the average woman is aroused by different mechanisms than a man is. (E.g., men tend to be much more visual.)

If you want to have sex with someone who is more like you, you are free to find another man and do so. If you want to have sex with a woman, I guess you will have to accept that women might be different from you. That doesn't mean that woman can't work harder to "own her shit." But it does mean that she can own every inch of her shit and she still might not want sex as much as you do and still might not "desire" you in the way that you want.

Actually no. The male complaint is that women's sex drive and changes drastically after marriage and kids.
If she had been upfront about facebook/DCUM/netflix being a higher priority than sex while dating, then shame on me for marrying such a person.
But I feel justified in complaining about this post-facto and unilateral priority shift.

+1

Great response. I know this feeling all to well.

My wife tells me all the time it's not me, yet she makes no effort to have a physical or emotional connection or help me understand what it is. It's almost all me. I get to hear of all the reasons she is not interested in having sex, and yet really don't ever get to talk about solutions or how that affects me.

If my lack of sleep or any health related issue bothers her to a point that it was affecting our marriage, she would expect me to see if there was anything I could do to get help. Whether through a therapeutic approach or medicinal.

I always wonder if we seperated and she had to date again, what would happen to her sex drive then? Would she be more physical? Would she make more of an effort to connect emotionally? Would she communicate with that person what she needs?

I would guess yes if she has any hope of not being alone. But yet her husband and supposed partner is not worth that same effort?

Women blame men, men blame women. The few that seem to really seek out some common ground and get help when needed seem to find a solution. But if either party resists, it will never improve.

Never thought I would be married and feel on a Friday night that I would have a better shot at enjoyable mutually desired sex from a stranger at the local bar then being at home with my "partner".

[Anonymous]

Yes. I'm horny, DH is sexy, but he sucks in the bedroom. Worst of all, he has zero interest in learning of improving his game. I'm patient, happy to experiment, read books, watch sex videos. He's uncomfortable and unwilling to admit we could improve.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes. I'm horny, DH is sexy, but he sucks in the bedroom. Worst of all, he has zero interest in learning of improving his game. I'm patient, happy to experiment, read books, watch sex videos. He's uncomfortable and unwilling to admit we could improve.

Guy here. In my opinion, thats a tough scenario. My wife is kind of like that but we've managed to find a middle ground.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:if your spouse was really good in bed?

YES. How can I make this happen? Does anyone have actual, concrete suggestions? Trying to explain it has gotten me nowhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:if your spouse was really good in bed?

YES. How can I make this happen? Does anyone have actual, concrete suggestions? Trying to explain it has gotten me nowhere.

What's the main issue? Is it that he won't do the things you like or is he too small, doesnt last long enough? Some things you can improve on. Some you can 't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:if your spouse was really good in bed?

YES. How can I make this happen? Does anyone have actual, concrete suggestions? Trying to explain it has gotten me nowhere.

What's the main issue? Is it that he won't do the things you like or is he too small, doesnt last long enough? Some things you can improve on. Some you can 't.

He fumbles and can't find my vagina easily. He needs me to help guide him in.

[Anonymous]

I love it when my wife guides me in. It's like being invited by her rather than inviting myself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love it when my wife guides me in. It's like being invited by her rather than inviting myself.

Well it's challenging to do when I'm on all fours. Means I have to hold myself up with one arm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:if your spouse was really good in bed?

YES. How can I make this happen? Does anyone have actual, concrete suggestions? Trying to explain it has gotten me nowhere.

What's the main issue? Is it that he won't do the things you like or is he too small, doesnt last long enough? Some things you can improve on. Some you can 't.

He fumbles and can't find my vagina easily. He needs me to help guide him in.

That's it? That's your big complaint?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love it when my wife guides me in. It's like being invited by her rather than inviting myself.

Well it's challenging to do when I'm on all fours. Means I have to hold myself up with one arm.

Maybe he's trying to put it somewhere else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:if your spouse was really good in bed?

YES. How can I make this happen? Does anyone have actual, concrete suggestions? Trying to explain it has gotten me nowhere.

I posted earlier in this thread, but there are instructional videos out there. You have to sift through porn to find them, but they are there.

And if he can't even find your vagina, I am going to guess that he can't find your clitoris often either. Poor you!