What is it like to be a family at an elite NWDC Private who can just barely afford it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not worth the stress. It will ruin u financially and u quality of life would suffer. ROI is not all that, but u do get the bumper sticker.? Did it for one kid, but will not be doing it for the other.

This depends on what you value. If you value your child receiving a certain type of education then maybe it is worth it. If you value having the latest car and eating out every not then maybe not.

Private is overrated, especially in this economy.? Look at recent job placements?

Depends on what you see the value of education as. I don't see it as only a means to a job or income. I see it as being learned and well read.

[Anonymous]

As always, every child is different. Some will take not having as many things as a real issue. Every family is different too. As parents, we just have to evaluate these issues carefully. And, it is easier to say that everyone is welcoming if you are the wealthier family doing the welcoming.

But, almost no one is exempt from teenage peer pressure to compare stuff. We're a solidly upper middle class family, but DC mentioned classmates who fly private as we walked to the back of the plane for Christmas. But, we're not a "keeping up with the Joneses" family and we can't even try at that level.

The plus side is that I think ostentatious displays of wealth are ridiculed rather at my DC's school. Old dads picking up their kids in sports cars seem to get particular abuse from my DC's circle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find the post interesting and puzzling all at the same time. I don't have a child in one of these schools yet, but we are applying. We will need substantial FA to send your DC to whichever school we are lucky to get into. This fact has not discouraged me from applying for a few reasons. One, we require FA simply because of the careers we have chosen to pursue. Both my husband and I graduated from a top 25 college and have advanced degrees. Nonetheless, we are both lifetime public servants by choice. Despite our annual income we have a deep commitment to making sure our children get the absolute best education possible. Part of that education is teaching them that life is about the choices you make including your income. Given my profession I certainly could be making 10 times more than I do had I chosen to not work in the public sector. I'm a lawyer, but a long time government lawyer by choice. I valued a commitment to public service and the flexibility of a less demanding work week so that I could be a present mother over earning a high salary. With that choice came certain consequences. We wont be buying a new car every year, we wont be taking lavish vacations every year, and they wont be wearing shoes and clothes that cost $500. However, we plan on working hard to instill in them IF they want those material things they are being provided an excellent education so that they can pursue whatever career choice they want and earn however much they want to provide those things FOR THEMSELVES! Does that mean they may not feel slighted as they grow and see other kids with all of the material things? No, it doesn't and of course they will. However, adversity builds character. Period. It isn't my job to protect them from all of the ills of the world, its to instill in them skills to handle any obstacle they face.

Heck I was on FA in college and never took a lavish Spring Break vacation and had to hear all about my roommates and dorm mates fancy vacations. Guess what? That's life. Unless you are in the 1% there will always be someone who can afford more than you. More importantly, while money can certainly make you more comfortable it doesn't define happiness. I don't want to suggest the OP concerns are valid, but I think the response should be -- yeah there may be challenges, but you have to decide why you want this education for your child...and THAT has to be your focus.

1) Being on FA in college is very different than being on FA in middle or high school.
2) I suggest that you have a more sensitive understanding of how your child might experience class difference in private school instead of simply brushing it off. My parents brushed of my struggles as a FA kid in private school, and I really wish that they had tried to empathize with me. Instead of trying to connect with me, they cut me off saying that it didn't matter. But, really, to a 13 year old girl these things do. Needless to say, we did not develop a very strong relationship as I became a teenager. I did not mention about 95% of my social life to them because I felt that they would not understand, or simply did not want to.

I didn't mean to imply being on FA in college is different than middle or high school. My point is that I was very aware of what things my parents couldn't afford me while I was friends with trust fund babies. I also didn't mean to imply that I would not be sensitive to the issue. I plan on confronting it head on and explaining that no we can't afford certain things, but that ultimately they should not define how they see or value themselves by those things either. Make no mistake I will make sacrifices to provide my children with the material things that we can reasonably afford without going into debt. We will vacation though it might not be to the same exotic place their rich friends went. They will be able to participate in after school programs, while it may not be the most monetary demanding activity. I will never discount my children's feelings and tell them those things don't matter in a way to invalidate their feelings. What I will do however is teach them how to navigate those feelings and how to find their self worth in other things. It's pretty much what my mom did for me when I moaned and groaned about what we didn't have. I think people seem to think these issues are only present in expensive private schools. Negative. These issues where also present in my under funded inner city public school. There were kids whose parents made sure they had the newest and latest clothes, jewelry, shoes, etc. My mom couldn't afford it. There were kids who got to go to Disneyland and vacations. I didn't do any of that until I could afford to pay for it myself. So I lived it as a 13 year old as well...there are economic differences in most settings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not worth the stress. It will ruin u financially and u quality of life would suffer. ROI is not all that, but u do get the bumper sticker.? Did it for one kid, but will not be doing it for the other.

This depends on what you value. If you value your child receiving a certain type of education then maybe it is worth it. If you value having the latest car and eating out every not then maybe not.

Private is overrated, especially in this economy.? Look at recent job placements?

Disagree with this point of view. Economy is changing rapidly and the job market will not even be recognizable to us when those in lower grades enter college. They may not even need to go to college, which makes early education that must more critical. If you measure sucess by the child going to HYP, then not a good ROI for you. Many of us want our kid to be articulate, well mannered, cultured, and enjoy learning. If you can manage private without lavish vacations each year, then I would recommend it. Public as currently structured will not meet the needs of future generations unless parents substantially invest in after school enrichment activities, which also cost money.

I have kids in both public and private and I couldn't disagree with you more. Many of the public schools around here (including the ones my kids attend(ed) in elementary are fantastic.
Your are CLEARLY trying very hard to justify your private school investment.

my DS went public up to 8th, but only because of Fairfax's AAP program. Then to private for HS. So he did get a near-private school type education in ES and MS.
Still, there's really no comparison. In the private, class sizes are 12-14 at most; there is one college counselor for every 15 kids; and absolutely no drugs or alcohol, which can't be said of the local public HS (go ahead and scoff, but I know it is true for this private). The peer group is all hand selected for compatibility, no cliques -- just no comparison really with the local public. Oh, and I don't consider the private school to be an "investment." Although expensive, it is just a better experience for the kid for the next 4 years.

[Anonymous]

It's fine as long you feel you secure in who you are as a family. You will always find other families similarly situated and that makes for some nice bonding. We talk about it openly with our son when it comes up and reinforce our values -- that his education is one of our top priorities from a spending perspective. Yes, it gets tough particularly around winter break because we can't take 2 weeks off and need to stay put, and of course some of his friends go to amazing places. I grew up similarly and remember the feelings, so I validate his. But he's ok with it, he understands. And we try to go somewhere fun once or twice a year. He will be exposed to income differences his whole life as we all are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not worth the stress. It will ruin u financially and u quality of life would suffer. ROI is not all that, but u do get the bumper sticker.? Did it for one kid, but will not be doing it for the other.

This depends on what you value. If you value your child receiving a certain type of education then maybe it is worth it. If you value having the latest car and eating out every not then maybe not.

Private is overrated, especially in this economy.? Look at recent job placements?

Disagree with this point of view. Economy is changing rapidly and the job market will not even be recognizable to us when those in lower grades enter college. They may not even need to go to college, which makes early education that must more critical. If you measure sucess by the child going to HYP, then not a good ROI for you. Many of us want our kid to be articulate, well mannered, cultured, and enjoy learning. If you can manage private without lavish vacations each year, then I would recommend it. Public as currently structured will not meet the needs of future generations unless parents substantially invest in after school enrichment activities, which also cost money.

I have kids in both public and private and I couldn't disagree with you more. Many of the public schools around here (including the ones my kids attend(ed) in elementary are fantastic.
Your are CLEARLY trying very hard to justify your private school investment.

When you say "around here" you fail to recognize that most of the public schools around here are NOT good or competitive. Everyone doesn't live in upper NW, Chevy Chase/Bethesda, NoVA or are zoned for Wilson. Many in the DMV don't have decent public choices, so I don't think the poster is trying to justify anything but speaking his/her experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not worth the stress. It will ruin u financially and u quality of life would suffer. ROI is not all that, but u do get the bumper sticker.? Did it for one kid, but will not be doing it for the other.

This depends on what you value. If you value your child receiving a certain type of education then maybe it is worth it. If you value having the latest car and eating out every not then maybe not.

Private is overrated, especially in this economy.? Look at recent job placements?

Disagree with this point of view. Economy is changing rapidly and the job market will not even be recognizable to us when those in lower grades enter college. They may not even need to go to college, which makes early education that must more critical. If you measure sucess by the child going to HYP, then not a good ROI for you. Many of us want our kid to be articulate, well mannered, cultured, and enjoy learning. If you can manage private without lavish vacations each year, then I would recommend it. Public as currently structured will not meet the needs of future generations unless parents substantially invest in after school enrichment activities, which also cost money.

I have kids in both public and private and I couldn't disagree with you more. Many of the public schools around here (including the ones my kids attend(ed) in elementary are fantastic.
Your are CLEARLY trying very hard to justify your private school investment.

When you say "around here" you fail to recognize that most of the public schools around here are NOT good or competitive. Everyone doesn't live in upper NW, Chevy Chase/Bethesda, NoVA or are zoned for Wilson. Many in the DMV don't have decent public choices, so I don't think the poster is trying to justify anything but speaking his/her experience.

This is us. We are in Alexandria, FFX county and our public option is overcrowded even if our kid qualified for the gifted program. One parent told me that her kid is one of 36 in her section.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not worth the stress. It will ruin u financially and u quality of life would suffer. ROI is not all that, but u do get the bumper sticker.? Did it for one kid, but will not be doing it for the other.

This depends on what you value. If you value your child receiving a certain type of education then maybe it is worth it. If you value having the latest car and eating out every not then maybe not.

Private is overrated, especially in this economy.? Look at recent job placements?

Disagree with this point of view. Economy is changing rapidly and the job market will not even be recognizable to us when those in lower grades enter college. They may not even need to go to college, which makes early education that must more critical. If you measure sucess by the child going to HYP, then not a good ROI for you. Many of us want our kid to be articulate, well mannered, cultured, and enjoy learning. If you can manage private without lavish vacations each year, then I would recommend it. Public as currently structured will not meet the needs of future generations unless parents substantially invest in after school enrichment activities, which also cost money.

I have kids in both public and private and I couldn't disagree with you more. Many of the public schools around here (including the ones my kids attend(ed) in elementary are fantastic.
Your are CLEARLY trying very hard to justify your private school investment.

my DS went public up to 8th, but only because of Fairfax's AAP program. Then to private for HS. So he did get a near-private school type education in ES and MS.
Still, there's really no comparison. In the private, class sizes are 12-14 at most; there is one college counselor for every 15 kids; and absolutely no drugs or alcohol, which can't be said of the local public HS (go ahead and scoff, but I know it is true for this private). The peer group is all hand selected for compatibility, no cliques -- just no comparison really with the local public. Oh, and I don't consider the private school to be an "investment." Although expensive, it is just a better experience for the kid for the next 4 years.

Is this a JOKE?
Of course there are drugs and alcohol in DC private schools.
Lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not worth the stress. It will ruin u financially and u quality of life would suffer. ROI is not all that, but u do get the bumper sticker.? Did it for one kid, but will not be doing it for the other.

This depends on what you value. If you value your child receiving a certain type of education then maybe it is worth it. If you value having the latest car and eating out every not then maybe not.

Private is overrated, especially in this economy.? Look at recent job placements?

Disagree with this point of view. Economy is changing rapidly and the job market will not even be recognizable to us when those in lower grades enter college. They may not even need to go to college, which makes early education that must more critical. If you measure sucess by the child going to HYP, then not a good ROI for you. Many of us want our kid to be articulate, well mannered, cultured, and enjoy learning. If you can manage private without lavish vacations each year, then I would recommend it. Public as currently structured will not meet the needs of future generations unless parents substantially invest in after school enrichment activities, which also cost money.

I have kids in both public and private and I couldn't disagree with you more. Many of the public schools around here (including the ones my kids attend(ed) in elementary are fantastic.
Your are CLEARLY trying very hard to justify your private school investment.

When you say "around here" you fail to recognize that most of the public schools around here are NOT good or competitive. Everyone doesn't live in upper NW, Chevy Chase/Bethesda, NoVA or are zoned for Wilson. Many in the DMV don't have decent public choices, so I don't think the poster is trying to justify anything but speaking his/her experience.

This is us. We are in Alexandria, FFX county and our public option is overcrowded even if our kid qualified for the gifted program. One parent told me that her kid is one of 36 in her section.

Us too...and at least you are in FFX county. I'm in Southern, Maryland and there is only one blue ribbon elementary school, all of the MS are dismal and one high school (that if your kid manages to get in) that is decent, but not necessarily on par with any IS. I don't see private as one of many options, I see it as a necessity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not worth the stress. It will ruin u financially and u quality of life would suffer. ROI is not all that, but u do get the bumper sticker.? Did it for one kid, but will not be doing it for the other.

This depends on what you value. If you value your child receiving a certain type of education then maybe it is worth it. If you value having the latest car and eating out every not then maybe not.

Private is overrated, especially in this economy.? Look at recent job placements?

Disagree with this point of view. Economy is changing rapidly and the job market will not even be recognizable to us when those in lower grades enter college. They may not even need to go to college, which makes early education that must more critical. If you measure sucess by the child going to HYP, then not a good ROI for you. Many of us want our kid to be articulate, well mannered, cultured, and enjoy learning. If you can manage private without lavish vacations each year, then I would recommend it. Public as currently structured will not meet the needs of future generations unless parents substantially invest in after school enrichment activities, which also cost money.

I have kids in both public and private and I couldn't disagree with you more. Many of the public schools around here (including the ones my kids attend(ed) in elementary are fantastic.
Your are CLEARLY trying very hard to justify your private school investment.

When you say "around here" you fail to recognize that most of the public schools around here are NOT good or competitive. Everyone doesn't live in upper NW, Chevy Chase/Bethesda, NoVA or are zoned for Wilson. Many in the DMV don't have decent public choices, so I don't think the poster is trying to justify anything but speaking his/her experience.

NP: It would have been more appropriate for the poster to have clarified his/her own public setting, rather than insult all public school students everywhere as ill-prepared, futureless drug addicts [implied in follow-up post], who are not "well mannered, cultured, and [don't] enjoy learning." Can a post be more offensive?

I think the point you made is correct, but you are being too generous with the poster, who chose to make a sweeping indictment of public school students generally. PP was correct to call out the gross generalization and point out that many of the public schools around here are excellent, just as others correctly point out that many are not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not worth the stress. It will ruin u financially and u quality of life would suffer. ROI is not all that, but u do get the bumper sticker.? Did it for one kid, but will not be doing it for the other.

This depends on what you value. If you value your child receiving a certain type of education then maybe it is worth it. If you value having the latest car and eating out every not then maybe not.

Private is overrated, especially in this economy.? Look at recent job placements?

Disagree with this point of view. Economy is changing rapidly and the job market will not even be recognizable to us when those in lower grades enter college. They may not even need to go to college, which makes early education that must more critical. If you measure sucess by the child going to HYP, then not a good ROI for you. Many of us want our kid to be articulate, well mannered, cultured, and enjoy learning. If you can manage private without lavish vacations each year, then I would recommend it. Public as currently structured will not meet the needs of future generations unless parents substantially invest in after school enrichment activities, which also cost money.

I have kids in both public and private and I couldn't disagree with you more. Many of the public schools around here (including the ones my kids attend(ed) in elementary are fantastic.
Your are CLEARLY trying very hard to justify your private school investment.

my DS went public up to 8th, but only because of Fairfax's AAP program. Then to private for HS. So he did get a near-private school type education in ES and MS.
Still, there's really no comparison. In the private, class sizes are 12-14 at most; there is one college counselor for every 15 kids; and absolutely no drugs or alcohol, which can't be said of the local public HS (go ahead and scoff, but I know it is true for this private). The peer group is all hand selected for compatibility, no cliques -- just no comparison really with the local public. Oh, and I don't consider the private school to be an "investment." Although expensive, it is just a better experience for the kid for the next 4 years.

Is this a JOKE?
Of course there are drugs and alcohol in DC private schools.
Lol.

lol, a lot of parents on here, head and maybe there whole body, is in the sand. At DC pvt, I have to smh when I'm told who is using, and no, she's not all innocent either. Perfectly good kids, well mannered, articulate and stellar students. It's in every school, public and private. Let's not even talk about the hookups now...

[Anonymous]

oops...their..damm iphone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not worth the stress. It will ruin u financially and u quality of life would suffer. ROI is not all that, but u do get the bumper sticker.? Did it for one kid, but will not be doing it for the other.

This depends on what you value. If you value your child receiving a certain type of education then maybe it is worth it. If you value having the latest car and eating out every not then maybe not.

Private is overrated, especially in this economy.? Look at recent job placements?

Disagree with this point of view. Economy is changing rapidly and the job market will not even be recognizable to us when those in lower grades enter college. They may not even need to go to college, which makes early education that must more critical. If you measure sucess by the child going to HYP, then not a good ROI for you. Many of us want our kid to be articulate, well mannered, cultured, and enjoy learning. If you can manage private without lavish vacations each year, then I would recommend it. Public as currently structured will not meet the needs of future generations unless parents substantially invest in after school enrichment activities, which also cost money.

I have kids in both public and private and I couldn't disagree with you more. Many of the public schools around here (including the ones my kids attend(ed) in elementary are fantastic.
Your are CLEARLY trying very hard to justify your private school investment.

my DS went public up to 8th, but only because of Fairfax's AAP program. Then to private for HS. So he did get a near-private school type education in ES and MS.
Still, there's really no comparison. In the private, class sizes are 12-14 at most; there is one college counselor for every 15 kids; and absolutely no drugs or alcohol, which can't be said of the local public HS (go ahead and scoff, but I know it is true for this private). The peer group is all hand selected for compatibility, no cliques -- just no comparison really with the local public. Oh, and I don't consider the private school to be an "investment." Although expensive, it is just a better experience for the kid for the next 4 years.

Is this a JOKE?
Of course there are drugs and alcohol in DC private schools.
Lol.

lol, a lot of parents on here, head and maybe there whole body, is in the sand. At DC pvt, I have to smh when I'm told who is using, and no, she's not all innocent either. Perfectly good kids, well mannered, articulate and stellar students. It's in every school, public and private. Let's not even talk about the hookups now...

Funny! I am more worried about my kids being exposed to drugs in a wealthy private school then she would be at her local public school. At the local public school I'm fairly sure the biggest danger would be marijuana. However, at a private wealthy school I imagine cocaine, ecstasy and whatever other new drug I haven't heard of yet. LOL. It hasn't affected my decision to pursue private school, but my eyes are wide open! Heck in my inner city school the biggest drug issue was marijuana. I didn't know about some of these "expensive" drugs till I hit my top 25 college and top 25 law school! Make no mistake the wealthier have much more access to a variety of recreational drugs than broke people. LOL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find the post interesting and puzzling all at the same time. I don't have a child in one of these schools yet, but we are applying. We will need substantial FA to send your DC to whichever school we are lucky to get into. This fact has not discouraged me from applying for a few reasons. One, we require FA simply because of the careers we have chosen to pursue. Both my husband and I graduated from a top 25 college and have advanced degrees. Nonetheless, we are both lifetime public servants by choice. Despite our annual income we have a deep commitment to making sure our children get the absolute best education possible. Part of that education is teaching them that life is about the choices you make including your income. Given my profession I certainly could be making 10 times more than I do had I chosen to not work in the public sector. I'm a lawyer, but a long time government lawyer by choice. I valued a commitment to public service and the flexibility of a less demanding work week so that I could be a present mother over earning a high salary. With that choice came certain consequences. We wont be buying a new car every year, we wont be taking lavish vacations every year, and they wont be wearing shoes and clothes that cost $500. However, we plan on working hard to instill in them IF they want those material things they are being provided an excellent education so that they can pursue whatever career choice they want and earn however much they want to provide those things FOR THEMSELVES! Does that mean they may not feel slighted as they grow and see other kids with all of the material things? No, it doesn't and of course they will. However, adversity builds character. Period. It isn't my job to protect them from all of the ills of the world, its to instill in them skills to handle any obstacle they face.

Heck I was on FA in college and never took a lavish Spring Break vacation and had to hear all about my roommates and dorm mates fancy vacations. Guess what? That's life. Unless you are in the 1% there will always be someone who can afford more than you. More importantly, while money can certainly make you more comfortable it doesn't define happiness. I don't want to suggest the OP concerns are valid, but I think the response should be -- yeah there may be challenges, but you have to decide why you want this education for your child...and THAT has to be your focus.

...you do realize that you aren't avoiding materialistic things (aka. An expensive education), you are just having someone else pay for it. FA doesn't mean it's free, it just means that people who pay full freight are paying for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find the post interesting and puzzling all at the same time. I don't have a child in one of these schools yet, but we are applying. We will need substantial FA to send your DC to whichever school we are lucky to get into. This fact has not discouraged me from applying for a few reasons. One, we require FA simply because of the careers we have chosen to pursue. Both my husband and I graduated from a top 25 college and have advanced degrees. Nonetheless, we are both lifetime public servants by choice. Despite our annual income we have a deep commitment to making sure our children get the absolute best education possible. Part of that education is teaching them that life is about the choices you make including your income. Given my profession I certainly could be making 10 times more than I do had I chosen to not work in the public sector. I'm a lawyer, but a long time government lawyer by choice. I valued a commitment to public service and the flexibility of a less demanding work week so that I could be a present mother over earning a high salary. With that choice came certain consequences. We wont be buying a new car every year, we wont be taking lavish vacations every year, and they wont be wearing shoes and clothes that cost $500. However, we plan on working hard to instill in them IF they want those material things they are being provided an excellent education so that they can pursue whatever career choice they want and earn however much they want to provide those things FOR THEMSELVES! Does that mean they may not feel slighted as they grow and see other kids with all of the material things? No, it doesn't and of course they will. However, adversity builds character. Period. It isn't my job to protect them from all of the ills of the world, its to instill in them skills to handle any obstacle they face.

Heck I was on FA in college and never took a lavish Spring Break vacation and had to hear all about my roommates and dorm mates fancy vacations. Guess what? That's life. Unless you are in the 1% there will always be someone who can afford more than you. More importantly, while money can certainly make you more comfortable it doesn't define happiness. I don't want to suggest the OP concerns are valid, but I think the response should be -- yeah there may be challenges, but you have to decide why you want this education for your child...and THAT has to be your focus.

...you do realize that you aren't avoiding materialistic things (aka. An expensive education), you are just having someone else pay for it. FA doesn't mean it's free, it just means that people who pay full freight are paying for you.

When did I ever say I was avoiding materialistic things??? Your issue seems to be that someone else would be paying for my DC. Oh well, that's life. Is it any different than my tax dollars going to pay for services for others that I do not utilize?