What is it like to be a family at an elite NWDC Private who can just barely afford it?

[Anonymous]

It'll be most awkward around the breaks. Where are you going for Christmas break?? "Nowhere?? Really? Oh too bad, we are going to St. Barths for two weeks." "Where are you going for Spring break?? Nowhere?? Really? Oh too bad, we are going to Jackson Hole." Those are the conversation you will have ad infinitum. Then add in your teen wanting designer clothes and handbags and a new car and an extremely expensive private college education...yeah. It adds up.

[Anonymous]

It would be helpful if people specified elementary, middle or high school. My experience is that the kids don't really notice or care about the differences in incomes/ experiences until middle school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We didn't get to Europe until oldest DC was in 5th grade. DC was one of the last in her class to go there.

At any earlier age, how would the kids benefit at all?

Our DC only traveled as a young child because it was convenient for us and the grandparents aren't babysitting types. I can testify that going to Europe gave my preschool DC no advantage in Spanish, French, or Italian. Second graders simply don't compare their trips to the Louvre to the Uffizi. They compare the roller coaster at Kings Dominion to Six Flags. Learning to ski on the bunny hop at Ski Liberty is as thrilling for a 7 year old as Kitzbuhel. And the beach is as fun whether you drive or fly there.

That's the entire point. They don't have to ask those kinds of questions because they have SO much money that they don't have to ration trips to Europe. It doesn't matter that their two year old has no memories of going to Italy. They'll be back several times before they leave their parents' house.

You know that saying, if you have to ask, you can't afford it? There is a lot of truth to that when it comes to this world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are a FA family at Sidwell. Oldest kid now is a Sr. I can honestly say neither of my children has ever asked why we have so much less money than their classmates. Some times she rolls her eyes at the homes of her friends or their vacations if they are truly over the top, but both kids understand that we are sending them to Sidwell so they can get a great education and get to travel and take part in school events that would be beyond our reach if they went to public. (The school pays a share of these expenses). BTW we do not see school as a gateway to the Ivy league or a pathway to riches. We are comfortable in our small home and would be happy if our kids are employed after college in fields that are interesting and provide enough income for them to be financially independent. We are happy and feel like we belong at school functions and that our kids bring a lot to the table in terms of their interests and participation in the Sidwell community. The bottom line is that I think it depends on the attitude of the parents. If it's going to bother you, you may transmit your concerns to your kids without meaning to.

I could have written this as well except not FA, just barely able to afford it, but in our opinion, totally worth it.

x3. This is our experience too. My kids are younger, so they are not yet at the "roll eyes" stage, and are more at the "Wow, ___ has a big house!" stage. We just tell them that some people live in big houses and others live in small houses and others live in apartments, and maybe we could afford a bigger house but it would mean we'd need to live far away from school and spend lots longer in the car. They just sort of seem to accept it and move on. There will always be someone with a bigger house or a fancier car - don't dwell on it, and your kids won't either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We didn't get to Europe until oldest DC was in 5th grade. DC was one of the last in her class to go there.

This is kind of odd. I have a 5th grader at one of those schools. We've never been to Europe, and have no plans to go. I can only think of 1-2 classmates I recall whose families went there on a vacation. I'm sure there have been others, but certainly less than 25% of the grade. Most families either can't afford it or are too busy to do it. It's also just not something people talk about that much at my kids' school.

[Anonymous]

I find the post interesting and puzzling all at the same time. I don't have a child in one of these schools yet, but we are applying. We will need substantial FA to send your DC to whichever school we are lucky to get into. This fact has not discouraged me from applying for a few reasons. One, we require FA simply because of the careers we have chosen to pursue. Both my husband and I graduated from a top 25 college and have advanced degrees. Nonetheless, we are both lifetime public servants by choice. Despite our annual income we have a deep commitment to making sure our children get the absolute best education possible. Part of that education is teaching them that life is about the choices you make including your income. Given my profession I certainly could be making 10 times more than I do had I chosen to not work in the public sector. I'm a lawyer, but a long time government lawyer by choice. I valued a commitment to public service and the flexibility of a less demanding work week so that I could be a present mother over earning a high salary. With that choice came certain consequences. We wont be buying a new car every year, we wont be taking lavish vacations every year, and they wont be wearing shoes and clothes that cost $500. However, we plan on working hard to instill in them IF they want those material things they are being provided an excellent education so that they can pursue whatever career choice they want and earn however much they want to provide those things FOR THEMSELVES! Does that mean they may not feel slighted as they grow and see other kids with all of the material things? No, it doesn't and of course they will. However, adversity builds character. Period. It isn't my job to protect them from all of the ills of the world, its to instill in them skills to handle any obstacle they face.

Heck I was on FA in college and never took a lavish Spring Break vacation and had to hear all about my roommates and dorm mates fancy vacations. Guess what? That's life. Unless you are in the 1% there will always be someone who can afford more than you. More importantly, while money can certainly make you more comfortable it doesn't define happiness. I don't want to suggest the OP concerns are valid, but I think the response should be -- yeah there may be challenges, but you have to decide why you want this education for your child...and THAT has to be your focus.

[Anonymous]

It's not worth the stress. It will ruin u financially and u quality of life would suffer. ROI is not all that, but u do get the bumper sticker.? Did it for one kid, but will not be doing it for the other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's not worth the stress. It will ruin u financially and u quality of life would suffer. ROI is not all that, but u do get the bumper sticker.? Did it for one kid, but will not be doing it for the other.

This depends on what you value. If you value your child receiving a certain type of education then maybe it is worth it. If you value having the latest car and eating out every not then maybe not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It would be helpful if people specified elementary, middle or high school. My experience is that the kids don't really notice or care about the differences in incomes/ experiences until middle school.

I disagree. Even little kids want to go to the same summer camp as their friend and have the same video games as their friends or go to the same private swim team or soccer club or have their birthday party at the same place. It starts early -- it isn't about noticing the differences, so much as expecting and asking for the same. So you start saying no earlier and more frequently and teaching those life lessons PPs talk about pretty much right away. Nothing wrong with that, but it does start right away.

BTW, it also happens to a degree in the public schools, particularly if the school has economic diversity. Some do, some don't. It's all relative.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It would be helpful if people specified elementary, middle or high school. My experience is that the kids don't really notice or care about the differences in incomes/ experiences until middle school.

I disagree. Even little kids want to go to the same summer camp as their friend and have the same video games as their friends or go to the same private swim team or soccer club or have their birthday party at the same place. It starts early -- it isn't about noticing the differences, so much as expecting and asking for the same. So you start saying no earlier and more frequently and teaching those life lessons PPs talk about pretty much right away. Nothing wrong with that, but it does start right away.

BTW, it also happens to a degree in the public schools, particularly if the school has economic diversity. Some do, some don't. It's all relative.

Good point about noticing differences in public too. We have a two in elementary and definitely have to make sacrifices to send them to private. We are not wealthy and do have family money. We live in a small house, etc...For us and our children being of more modest means has not changed our experience at all. We have not encountered what the pp described, ie desire to go to certain camps, vacations, etc. although I have no doubt that may change and we are ok with that. Life is not fair and we see no reason why are kids should not learn that lesson now--their whole lives someone will have something that they do not and they will have things, such as a private school education, that others do not. For what's its worth ALL the parents at our kids' school could not be nicer or more welcoming. Would our loves be different if were did something else with $70, 000 pretax? I'm sure but we are very content with what we have and think that the experience our kids have had at their school is well worth every penny and relative sacrifice. I wouldn't be happy with a bigger house, going out frequently to dinner, etc., if I felt like our children's education was compromised. So , to answer your question op, life as a family at an elite NWDC Private who can just barely afford it is actually pretty awesome.

[Anonymous]

Sorry for the typos DO NOT have family money

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not worth the stress. It will ruin u financially and u quality of life would suffer. ROI is not all that, but u do get the bumper sticker.? Did it for one kid, but will not be doing it for the other.

This depends on what you value. If you value your child receiving a certain type of education then maybe it is worth it. If you value having the latest car and eating out every not then maybe not.

Private is overrated, especially in this economy.? Look at recent job placements?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find the post interesting and puzzling all at the same time. I don't have a child in one of these schools yet, but we are applying. We will need substantial FA to send your DC to whichever school we are lucky to get into. This fact has not discouraged me from applying for a few reasons. One, we require FA simply because of the careers we have chosen to pursue. Both my husband and I graduated from a top 25 college and have advanced degrees. Nonetheless, we are both lifetime public servants by choice. Despite our annual income we have a deep commitment to making sure our children get the absolute best education possible. Part of that education is teaching them that life is about the choices you make including your income. Given my profession I certainly could be making 10 times more than I do had I chosen to not work in the public sector. I'm a lawyer, but a long time government lawyer by choice. I valued a commitment to public service and the flexibility of a less demanding work week so that I could be a present mother over earning a high salary. With that choice came certain consequences. We wont be buying a new car every year, we wont be taking lavish vacations every year, and they wont be wearing shoes and clothes that cost $500. However, we plan on working hard to instill in them IF they want those material things they are being provided an excellent education so that they can pursue whatever career choice they want and earn however much they want to provide those things FOR THEMSELVES! Does that mean they may not feel slighted as they grow and see other kids with all of the material things? No, it doesn't and of course they will. However, adversity builds character. Period. It isn't my job to protect them from all of the ills of the world, its to instill in them skills to handle any obstacle they face.

Heck I was on FA in college and never took a lavish Spring Break vacation and had to hear all about my roommates and dorm mates fancy vacations. Guess what? That's life. Unless you are in the 1% there will always be someone who can afford more than you. More importantly, while money can certainly make you more comfortable it doesn't define happiness. I don't want to suggest the OP concerns are valid, but I think the response should be -- yeah there may be challenges, but you have to decide why you want this education for your child...and THAT has to be your focus.

1) Being on FA in college is very different than being on FA in middle or high school.
2) I suggest that you have a more sensitive understanding of how your child might experience class difference in private school instead of simply brushing it off. My parents brushed of my struggles as a FA kid in private school, and I really wish that they had tried to empathize with me. Instead of trying to connect with me, they cut me off saying that it didn't matter. But, really, to a 13 year old girl these things do. Needless to say, we did not develop a very strong relationship as I became a teenager. I did not mention about 95% of my social life to them because I felt that they would not understand, or simply did not want to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not worth the stress. It will ruin u financially and u quality of life would suffer. ROI is not all that, but u do get the bumper sticker.? Did it for one kid, but will not be doing it for the other.

This depends on what you value. If you value your child receiving a certain type of education then maybe it is worth it. If you value having the latest car and eating out every not then maybe not.

Private is overrated, especially in this economy.? Look at recent job placements?

Disagree with this point of view. Economy is changing rapidly and the job market will not even be recognizable to us when those in lower grades enter college. They may not even need to go to college, which makes early education that must more critical. If you measure sucess by the child going to HYP, then not a good ROI for you. Many of us want our kid to be articulate, well mannered, cultured, and enjoy learning. If you can manage private without lavish vacations each year, then I would recommend it. Public as currently structured will not meet the needs of future generations unless parents substantially invest in after school enrichment activities, which also cost money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not worth the stress. It will ruin u financially and u quality of life would suffer. ROI is not all that, but u do get the bumper sticker.? Did it for one kid, but will not be doing it for the other.

This depends on what you value. If you value your child receiving a certain type of education then maybe it is worth it. If you value having the latest car and eating out every not then maybe not.

Private is overrated, especially in this economy.? Look at recent job placements?

Disagree with this point of view. Economy is changing rapidly and the job market will not even be recognizable to us when those in lower grades enter college. They may not even need to go to college, which makes early education that must more critical. If you measure sucess by the child going to HYP, then not a good ROI for you. Many of us want our kid to be articulate, well mannered, cultured, and enjoy learning. If you can manage private without lavish vacations each year, then I would recommend it. Public as currently structured will not meet the needs of future generations unless parents substantially invest in after school enrichment activities, which also cost money.

I have kids in both public and private and I couldn't disagree with you more. Many of the public schools around here (including the ones my kids attend(ed) in elementary are fantastic.
Your are CLEARLY trying very hard to justify your private school investment.