What is it like to be a family at an elite NWDC Private who can just barely afford it?

[Anonymous]

A friend of mine, now in her 40s, was in this situation. For her, the problem wasn't that other families had more than her family. Rather, it was the amount of stress on her parents to scrap by financially after spending more than they could on tuition. She felt like that stress destroyed their family life, and she would have been much better off in the good local public school. Neither she nor her siblings went to elite college or high powered professions-although they are all doing fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Halfway through our second year, and so far, we've been completely comfortable with it -- but then our kid is in lower school, and I imagine it might get worse later.

For now, we're perfectly happy being the Toyota in a sea of BMWs.

But if I ever get the sense that he's starting to think we're "poor" then I will beat him like a French omelet.

Just kidding. But I will have a long, vigorous talk to him about how lucky we are and what actual poverty is.

+1

[Anonymous]

I think that the important thing is to not let the financial stress of private school education affect your child. I grew up in a working class family and attended an elite private school on substantial financial aid--but it was still a major hardship for my family. We literally counted pennies. My mother was a fastidious budgeter. I don't think this would have been so bad, because we always had good food to eat and clothes to wear, except for the fact that my parents always made me feel terribly guilty for the sacrifices they made. Even when I was young and really had no choice in the matter, my parents would make me feel terrible for wanting to have nicer clothes or go to the movies or even try a new sport--just normal teenage girl desires became horribly guilt inducing to the point that I basically never talked to my parents about what I was feeling because I dreaded it.

FWIW, I did end up at HYP with a HYP law degree, but I wonder if I would have ended up here anyway without the guilt. I still am not very close to my parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think that the important thing is to not let the financial stress of private school education affect your child. I grew up in a working class family and attended an elite private school on substantial financial aid--but it was still a major hardship for my family. We literally counted pennies. My mother was a fastidious budgeter. I don't think this would have been so bad, because we always had good food to eat and clothes to wear, except for the fact that my parents always made me feel terribly guilty for the sacrifices they made. Even when I was young and really had no choice in the matter, my parents would make me feel terrible for wanting to have nicer clothes or go to the movies or even try a new sport--just normal teenage girl desires became horribly guilt inducing to the point that I basically never talked to my parents about what I was feeling because I dreaded it.

FWIW, I did end up at HYP with a HYP law degree, but I wonder if I would have ended up here anyway without the guilt. I still am not very close to my parents.

Agree with the guilt trip thing. We weren't poor or on aid, but my parents let us know how much they were sacrificing and in those days that my mother had to work in order to send us to an elite private school. It wasn't done in a way that made us appreciate what we had, more in a way that made us feel guilty. I think in the end I would have been fine in MCPS.

[Anonymous]

In early childhood, they just won't notice and it won't make a difference. Most children won't start to pick up on the differences until the later elementary grades. But by then, they will know more than you could every care about the super rich from popular culture and reality TV anyways, no matter where they go to school. So being in the same classroom doesn't really change their knowledge/awareness of the fact that there are some people who have all the things they can imagine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Halfway through our second year, and so far, we've been completely comfortable with it -- but then our kid is in lower school, and I imagine it might get worse later.

For now, we're perfectly happy being the Toyota in a sea of BMWs.

But if I ever get the sense that he's starting to think we're "poor" then I will beat him like a French omelet.

Just kidding. But I will have a long, vigorous talk to him about how lucky we are and what actual poverty is.

Ayah, I tried that. DC still does not "get it" Thinks that $300 is pocket change and a Range Rover is an average car. Its what you see around you. I do get very tired of saying "we cant afford that!" when of course we could if we went to public. It is a sacrifice, but my DC needs it. No reason to explain why.

[Anonymous]

Anybody out there saying -- just don't do it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Anybody out there saying -- just don't do it?

Not sure if this qualifies, but we thought about it and decided we didn't want the baggage that comes with that situation. I went to private schools all my life (back when they were affordable for upper-middle class incomes) so I understand what we are choosing between, but I don't want to be stressed about the money, feel trapped in my job, have to think about pulling them out if something goes wrong and I don't want me or them to feel "poor" compared to peers - because we certainly aren't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you have a good public do not go down the private school path. For most kids the benefits are marginal. You are talking about close to $500,000 for one kid K-12. Unless you are rich or your child really needs some kind of special attention it is probably irresponsible to do.

shut up

[Anonymous]

So being in the same classroom doesn't really change their knowledge/awareness of the fact that there are some people who have all the things they can imagine.

Oh this is completely untrue. Sitting inches away from phenomenally wealthy people 8 hours a day, 9 months a year absolutely DOES "change their awareness" of income disparity. I have this distinct feeling you've never set foot in a school like St. Alban's or Potomac. amiright?

[Anonymous]

My kids are in public now but ods is applying to private schools. The wealth at some of them is unbelievable - private jets, the whole nine yards. I don't even feel bad because the wealth is so extreme. But because this is a wealthy area, my child was feeling bad recently saying that he feels like everyone has been to Hawaii but us. That is absolutely not true - I think we know three families who have been in the last three months so that is why it was on his mind.


These things will happen wherever your kid goes to school to a degree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you have a good public do not go down the private school path. For most kids the benefits are marginal. You are talking about close to $500,000 for one kid K-12. Unless you are rich or your child really needs some kind of special attention it is probably irresponsible to do.

shut up

Why are you telling that poster to shut up? They make a good point.

[Anonymous]

DC went to a low-key K-8 and is now at a "rich" HS. We are somewhere in the middle of the pack financially, but I'm glad we did not have this environment for all 13 years. The families are nice and friendly but I don't think we would have ever been part of the "in"crowd. Most kids have a nice car, no kids work, most families have 2nd or even third homes (or family homes) and go on multiple international trips often with other families (and many trips go on additional trips through the school). The lifer families with the most money are all very tight. That said, DC has enjoyed HS - I'm just glad it has only been 4 years.

[Anonymous]

"These things will happen wherever your kid goes to school to a degree."

I see some of these same things in public school in Fairfax. I have been to houses in our school boundary with 3-4 air conditioners outside and we have a townhouse. My kids will make a comment periodically about how big someone's house it, but my response typically ends with something like, "think of how much more cleaning I would make you do!". It is an opportunity to discuss spending and budgeting, decision making, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

So being in the same classroom doesn't really change their knowledge/awareness of the fact that there are some people who have all the things they can imagine.

Oh this is completely untrue. Sitting inches away from phenomenally wealthy people 8 hours a day, 9 months a year absolutely DOES "change their awareness" of income disparity. I have this distinct feeling you've never set foot in a school like St. Alban's or Potomac. amiright?

Um, no. DC is a private school lifer at one of the upper NW independents, but I'm only talking about our experience. Our child was plenty aware of the lifestyles of Leo DiCaprio and Miley Cyrus and Selena Gomez and Taylor Swift and the Kardashians from watching TV and reading the magazines at the checkout line. No one at these schools lives like that - parents are too old to hop on their private jet to a rave in Ibiza. Washington is a government/political town, not a center of fashion or movies or celebrity. We're public interest/non-profit types and DC has always gone to our organization's fundraisers/galas and met very wealthy board members and famous donors and celebrity spokesmen. DC understands that we work for them as much as we work with them. But they're just people (though often freakishly good looking). We have had conversations with DC when he was pretty young about people with more money and even more conversations about people with less.

Why the fear of DC going to school with children from wealthier families? Do you think the income distribution gets more equal in college? If you were at a public school, would you teach your child to look down on children from poorer families? Would you undermine their family values? If not, then why do you think a wealthy family would teach their child to look down on yours? And no matter where a child goes to school or relatively well-off you are, you're going to have the unpleasantness of telling your child no to something they want because you can't afford it or don't want to spend the money. It's one of the basic lessons in maturity.