What is it like to be a family at an elite NWDC Private who can just barely afford it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

So being in the same classroom doesn't really change their knowledge/awareness of the fact that there are some people who have all the things they can imagine.

Oh this is completely untrue. Sitting inches away from phenomenally wealthy people 8 hours a day, 9 months a year absolutely DOES "change their awareness" of income disparity. I have this distinct feeling you've never set foot in a school like St. Alban's or Potomac. amiright?

Um, no. DC is a private school lifer at one of the upper NW independents, but I'm only talking about our experience. Our child was plenty aware of the lifestyles of Leo DiCaprio and Miley Cyrus and Selena Gomez and Taylor Swift and the Kardashians from watching TV and reading the magazines at the checkout line. No one at these schools lives like that - parents are too old to hop on their private jet to a rave in Ibiza. Washington is a government/political town, not a center of fashion or movies or celebrity. We're public interest/non-profit types and DC has always gone to our organization's fundraisers/galas and met very wealthy board members and famous donors and celebrity spokesmen. DC understands that we work for them as much as we work with them. But they're just people (though often freakishly good looking). We have had conversations with DC when he was pretty young about people with more money and even more conversations about people with less.

Why the fear of DC going to school with children from wealthier families? Do you think the income distribution gets more equal in college? If you were at a public school, would you teach your child to look down on children from poorer families? Would you undermine their family values? If not, then why do you think a wealthy family would teach their child to look down on yours? And no matter where a child goes to school or relatively well-off you are, you're going to have the unpleasantness of telling your child no to something they want because you can't afford it or don't want to spend the money. It's one of the basic lessons in maturity.

+1,000. Thank you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"These things will happen wherever your kid goes to school to a degree."

I see some of these same things in public school in Fairfax. I have been to houses in our school boundary with 3-4 air conditioners outside and we have a townhouse. My kids will make a comment periodically about how big someone's house it, but my response typically ends with something like, "think of how much more cleaning I would make you do!". It is an opportunity to discuss spending and budgeting, decision making, etc.

I love your response and say similar things to my DC. This has been our experience in our Fairfax public as well. Lots of families with money, several cars, big homes - second, third homes, etc., amazing vacations, etc. It was just not a big deal when we switched to Private for HS. More of the same. Life will hand my kids many opportunities to feel inferior. It's all how we as parents handle it and model behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP We are doing that now. It is awkward. The other parents are constantly buying cars, real estate and vacations. Of course the DC asks us when are we ...? Umm, never. The idea on DCUM that the rich never spend money is ridiculous. They are rich -- they spend money on things. Things we cant afford. It is a good education, but. We turned down the super elite private b/c it was another step up on the money ladder. Perhaps if you have a charming personality and a thick skin it will not bother you or yours.

Goodness! We are that family, and yes you hear about kids going on vacations and whatnot, but at social functions these things do not come up.
It's an intellectual crowd and people are very interesting. Without revealing more there are some very high powered/important parents at the school and I enjoy their company very much and where they vacation does not enter into any social conversations (just hear about people going places from the kids sometimes). The kids seem great too (not all, but most, like anywhere).
I'm pretty sure our kids still appreciate our peasant like vacations and our beat up minivan anyway .
The education is great. Make sure to tour schools to get an idea of the climate before you decide.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"These things will happen wherever your kid goes to school to a degree."

I see some of these same things in public school in Fairfax. I have been to houses in our school boundary with 3-4 air conditioners outside and we have a townhouse. My kids will make a comment periodically about how big someone's house it, but my response typically ends with something like, "think of how much more cleaning I would make you do!". It is an opportunity to discuss spending and budgeting, decision making, etc.

I love your response and say similar things to my DC. This has been our experience in our Fairfax public as well. Lots of families with money, several cars, big homes - second, third homes, etc., amazing vacations, etc. It was just not a big deal when we switched to Private for HS. More of the same. Life will hand my kids many opportunities to feel inferior. It's all how we as parents handle it and model behavior.

I think it can be worse and less restrained at the public schools actually

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP We are doing that now. It is awkward. The other parents are constantly buying cars, real estate and vacations. Of course the DC asks us when are we ...? Umm, never. The idea on DCUM that the rich never spend money is ridiculous. They are rich -- they spend money on things. Things we cant afford. It is a good education, but. We turned down the super elite private b/c it was another step up on the money ladder. Perhaps if you have a charming personality and a thick skin it will not bother you or yours.

Goodness! We are that family, and yes you hear about kids going on vacations and whatnot, but at social functions these things do not come up.
It's an intellectual crowd and people are very interesting. Without revealing more there are some very high powered/important parents at the school and I enjoy their company very much and where they vacation does not enter into any social conversations (just hear about people going places from the kids sometimes). The kids seem great too (not all, but most, like anywhere).
I'm pretty sure our kids still appreciate our peasant like vacations and our beat up minivan anyway .
The education is great. Make sure to tour schools to get an idea of the climate before you decide.

I'm sure they do.

[Anonymous]

This post is so ridiculous! If everyone had this chip on their shoulder there would be no need for FA because only the 'uber rich' would attend the school. We are applying (yes WE for those who might want to flame me) and also applying for FA, DC knows we cannot afford it otherwise. DC is mature to know that there are others more wealthy than we are, just like DC knows that some can afford bigger homes, nicer cars, more vacations... Does this mean DC feels they are better than DC. NO!

It's all about how you raise your child and to the OP methinks you will have a problem in PS because you come across as having a boulder on your shoulder!

[Anonymous]

We are a FA family at Sidwell. Oldest kid now is a Sr. I can honestly say neither of my children has ever asked why we have so much less money than their classmates. Some times she rolls her eyes at the homes of her friends or their vacations if they are truly over the top, but both kids understand that we are sending them to Sidwell so they can get a great education and get to travel and take part in school events that would be beyond our reach if they went to public. (The school pays a share of these expenses). BTW we do not see school as a gateway to the Ivy league or a pathway to riches. We are comfortable in our small home and would be happy if our kids are employed after college in fields that are interesting and provide enough income for them to be financially independent. We are happy and feel like we belong at school functions and that our kids bring a lot to the table in terms of their interests and participation in the Sidwell community. The bottom line is that I think it depends on the attitude of the parents. If it's going to bother you, you may transmit your concerns to your kids without meaning to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This post is so ridiculous! If everyone had this chip on their shoulder there would be no need for FA because only the 'uber rich' would attend the school. We are applying (yes WE for those who might want to flame me) and also applying for FA, DC knows we cannot afford it otherwise. DC is mature to know that there are others more wealthy than we are, just like DC knows that some can afford bigger homes, nicer cars, more vacations... Does this mean DC feels they are better than DC. NO!

It's all about how you raise your child and to the OP methinks you will have a problem in PS because you come across as having a boulder on your shoulder!

It sounds like you've already concluded this won't be a problem (and are dismissing the concerns of families with a lot of experience) even though your child has not even been to a private school yet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are a FA family at Sidwell. Oldest kid now is a Sr. I can honestly say neither of my children has ever asked why we have so much less money than their classmates. Some times she rolls her eyes at the homes of her friends or their vacations if they are truly over the top, but both kids understand that we are sending them to Sidwell so they can get a great education and get to travel and take part in school events that would be beyond our reach if they went to public. (The school pays a share of these expenses). BTW we do not see school as a gateway to the Ivy league or a pathway to riches. We are comfortable in our small home and would be happy if our kids are employed after college in fields that are interesting and provide enough income for them to be financially independent. We are happy and feel like we belong at school functions and that our kids bring a lot to the table in terms of their interests and participation in the Sidwell community. The bottom line is that I think it depends on the attitude of the parents. If it's going to bother you, you may transmit your concerns to your kids without meaning to.

I could have written this as well except not FA, just barely able to afford it, but in our opinion, totally worth it.

[Anonymous]

We didn't get to Europe until oldest DC was in 5th grade. DC was one of the last in her class to go there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We didn't get to Europe until oldest DC was in 5th grade. DC was one of the last in her class to go there.

At any earlier age, how would the kids benefit at all?

Our DC only traveled as a young child because it was convenient for us and the grandparents aren't babysitting types. I can testify that going to Europe gave my preschool DC no advantage in Spanish, French, or Italian. Second graders simply don't compare their trips to the Louvre to the Uffizi. They compare the roller coaster at Kings Dominion to Six Flags. Learning to ski on the bunny hop at Ski Liberty is as thrilling for a 7 year old as Kitzbuhel. And the beach is as fun whether you drive or fly there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"These things will happen wherever your kid goes to school to a degree."

I see some of these same things in public school in Fairfax. I have been to houses in our school boundary with 3-4 air conditioners outside and we have a townhouse. My kids will make a comment periodically about how big someone's house it, but my response typically ends with something like, "think of how much more cleaning I would make you do!". It is an opportunity to discuss spending and budgeting, decision making, etc.

I love your response and say similar things to my DC. This has been our experience in our Fairfax public as well. Lots of families with money, several cars, big homes - second, third homes, etc., amazing vacations, etc. It was just not a big deal when we switched to Private for HS. More of the same. Life will hand my kids many opportunities to feel inferior. It's all how we as parents handle it and model behavior.

The FA kids get this opportunity much more often than the lifers. I guess they need it more.

[Anonymous]

OP, you will be pleasantly surprised when you get there. The publics are getting so bad and so overcrowded that more and more families are stretching their budgets to get into private. There are a ton of people on FA and even more that are going without to give their kids a superior educational experience. At our private, which is 28k per year, when we all get together, we are all complaining/commenting about the price tag. We are all lawyers at firms, doctors, execs, and small business owners, but with 2-3 kids, this is a good chunk of our high 6 or even low 7 figure income. Plus, it doesn't end with the tuition, there's all the extras, birthday parties, teacher appreciation days, all kinds of events at school that require you to pay $20 here, $100 there, it all adds up. My kids never walk out of the book fair without spending $80. There's one woman at our school who is a franchise owner of several area restaurants, even she complains about the price! But we do it and we're all in it together. You are doing the best for your kid, just focus on that!

[Anonymous]

We are in this situation. In our second year and it's been fine, truly. I've been active in the community and have had a chance to meet many parents in DCs grade and across other grades. Certainly there is a wide range of wealth and income, but it hasn't been an issue so far. I hope you find a school that is a good fit for your family.

[Anonymous]

We're in that category with two kids in private. We love the school and absolutely see the value of our sacrifices. Our kids are getting an incredible experience. The parents have been incredibly nice and welcoming to our family and I feel that we fit in just fine and are very much included as part of the community.

OTOH, I dread Spring Break time because everyone talks about where they're going (not is a show-offy way, but just as part of conversation.) Many people take fabulous trips- Swiss Alps, Caribbean, etc. Tuition eats up too much of our disposable income to allow for any type of extravagant trip. Right after school started this year, one of my kids complained about how it was unfair that we don't have a beach house (many of his classmates spent the summer at theirs). These are deal-breakers, but are examples of where it is obvious who has more and who has less.