What is it like to be a family at an elite NWDC Private who can just barely afford it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are at cathedral schools. It's hard when all your kids friends belong to the Chevy Chase club. That's been the hardest for us. Our kids don't notice the difference between our house or cars and friends houses or cars or vacations. But they feel left out cuz many (most) of their friends are skating at Chevy in the winter and swimming in the summer. Hard to arrange play dates. They get invited along as guests once in a while but it is not the same and also highlights the fact that we are on the outside looking in.

Then I am disappointed in the country club parents. We belong to a club and my kid's best buddy at school does not so we always invite him for play dates. Parents who are members of clubs should be sensitive to the fact that not all want to join or can join a club. My son did ask at an early age why some friends from school are not at the club and I said they like to do to other things on the weekends and not everybody likes to do the same things. I always tell my kids if we all did the same thing then that would boring. If he wants his friend to come, he can always invite him. I always see a ton of kids with friends that are non members at our club. Those that have should share and not exclude others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am shocked. I come from a European country and I am profoundly shocked. From this posts, it appears that in the US you are basically what you have. I have friends who are real estate agents, personal assistants. I come from a wealthy aristocratic family. My friends come from a diverse and broad variety of background (that is ehat happens when the best tertisry education is public). I will never, or had never, looked down any of my friends /or better, anyone for the money they have. On the contrary. I, for example, admire my housekeeper. She had 11 children in a rural village of Ecuador, in an abusive marriage, and was able to migrate to my country and -over the years- naturalize and bring all her kids there. One has a substantial disability. She was able to find him a job. Two of her children are going to graduate from one of the best engineering schools in the country -while they clean houses and work as part-time nannies to support their living. I truly admire this hardworking woman.
I have family members who believe working -really- is kind of shameful for their status (a minority of them, basically one or two). I don't admire them at all, nor does most of our society. How does having money make you a better person or more worthy -yes I mean worthy- to society? There are true mean and twisted people with and without money. I think being a loser is having so much focus on what people have rather on how they are, not being a hard-working real estate agent.

thank you, such a refreshing sensibility

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am shocked. I come from a European country and I am profoundly shocked. From this posts, it appears that in the US you are basically what you have. I have friends who are real estate agents, personal assistants. I come from a wealthy aristocratic family. My friends come from a diverse and broad variety of background (that is ehat happens when the best tertisry education is public). I will never, or had never, looked down any of my friends /or better, anyone for the money they have. On the contrary. I, for example, admire my housekeeper. She had 11 children in a rural village of Ecuador, in an abusive marriage, and was able to migrate to my country and -over the years- naturalize and bring all her kids there. One has a substantial disability. She was able to find him a job. Two of her children are going to graduate from one of the best engineering schools in the country -while they clean houses and work as part-time nannies to support their living. I truly admire this hardworking woman.
I have family members who believe working -really- is kind of shameful for their status (a minority of them, basically one or two). I don't admire them at all, nor does most of our society. How does having money make you a better person or more worthy -yes I mean worthy- to society? There are true mean and twisted people with and without money. I think being a loser is having so much focus on what people have rather on how they are, not being a hard-working real estate agent.

I wonder how this woman would feel if her kid married the housekeeper's kid. Self-righteous European, do you extend the same admiration for Muslim immigrant's kid who wants to make it out of the slum in your European country? Do you not discriminate against them when they apply to schools and jobs? Here in America, a poor kid can go to an elite school if he can get in and will be given a job based on their qualifications not their ethnicity. There is racism here but it is not as rampant as it is in Europe. A fancy German once told me that it doesn't matter if a Turkish kid had been born and raised in Germany, that kid would never be a real German. It is completely possible in America to move up in society, not so much in Europe. You want to talk about shock, im shocked at how openly racist Europeans are or maybe that's a good thing, at least you have the decency to show your true colors up front.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am shocked. I come from a European country and I am profoundly shocked. From this posts, it appears that in the US you are basically what you have. I have friends who are real estate agents, personal assistants. I come from a wealthy aristocratic family. My friends come from a diverse and broad variety of background (that is ehat happens when the best tertisry education is public). I will never, or had never, looked down any of my friends /or better, anyone for the money they have. On the contrary. I, for example, admire my housekeeper. She had 11 children in a rural village of Ecuador, in an abusive marriage, and was able to migrate to my country and -over the years- naturalize and bring all her kids there. One has a substantial disability. She was able to find him a job. Two of her children are going to graduate from one of the best engineering schools in the country -while they clean houses and work as part-time nannies to support their living. I truly admire this hardworking woman.
I have family members who believe working -really- is kind of shameful for their status (a minority of them, basically one or two). I don't admire them at all, nor does most of our society. How does having money make you a better person or more worthy -yes I mean worthy- to society? There are true mean and twisted people with and without money. I think being a loser is having so much focus on what people have rather on how they are, not being a hard-working real estate agent.

Typical aristocrat who thinks she BFF with her housekeeper. Wait isn't there a movie about that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am shocked. I come from a European country and I am profoundly shocked. From this posts, it appears that in the US you are basically what you have. I have friends who are real estate agents, personal assistants. I come from a wealthy aristocratic family. My friends come from a diverse and broad variety of background (that is ehat happens when the best tertisry education is public). I will never, or had never, looked down any of my friends /or better, anyone for the money they have. On the contrary. I, for example, admire my housekeeper. She had 11 children in a rural village of Ecuador, in an abusive marriage, and was able to migrate to my country and -over the years- naturalize and bring all her kids there. One has a substantial disability. She was able to find him a job. Two of her children are going to graduate from one of the best engineering schools in the country -while they clean houses and work as part-time nannies to support their living. I truly admire this hardworking woman.
I have family members who believe working -really- is kind of shameful for their status (a minority of them, basically one or two). I don't admire them at all, nor does most of our society. How does having money make you a better person or more worthy -yes I mean worthy- to society? There are true mean and twisted people with and without money. I think being a loser is having so much focus on what people have rather on how they are, not being a hard-working real estate agent.

Typical aristocrat who thinks she BFF with her housekeeper. Wait isn't there a movie about that?

As soon as all the refugees start flooding their public schools, the white Europeans will be pulling their kids and moving them to private.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have not read the previous posts. But OP, in response to your original post, I will say that I grew up as the family-barely-able-to-afford-it kid at an elite DC private. It was really, really difficult. I basically still have a chip on my shoulder about not having as much money as other people. My husband had a similar experience and the commonality of experience as the have-nots is what drew us together. Both of us always felt inferior to those with more money. Our friends were always going on ski vacations, going to their beach houses, Caribbean vacations, driving fancy cars, etc. We felt left out and ridiculed b/c we were "poor" (never mind that we were not poor by any stretch of the imagination). It was somewhat miserable. Perhaps our skin is not very thick though....

We will not be sending our child to an elite NW DC private school.

I think your experience is more common than parents would like to believe. Thank you for sharing that.

Not for me. I was a have not at a very wealthy private school outside of this area. I am in my late 30's. My single mother sacrificed and worked hard for me to attend. I am eternally grateful. Those people with the nice houses, clothes, cars, and vacations all inspired me to work hard so I too could have a nice life one day. All the kids who went to the public highschool in my neighborhood are still for a lack of a better word, losers. I think the most anyone ever accomplished out of my area public school was becoming a local area real estate agent. The others all work as bartenders or retail. My private school class, has the highest percentage of alumni that went to medical school, including myself.

I am still friends with many highschool friends and at reunion events no one ever looks down on me. My uniforms were always bought used, my mom drove an old mitsubishi, and some days I only could afford to buy french fries for lunch. I loved my school, and my teachers. I had great friends and amazing experiences. I did not get to go on the Europe trip senior year, but no one ever made me feel bad about it and when I finally made to the top of the eiffel tower and ate lunch at Jules Verne, all I could think about was my awesome mom. Private all the way for my kids.

I agree. It is what you make of it. There are people that live in the slums that will always live in the slums. Why? Because they rather take hands outs and complain about others who have more than them. Parents teach their kids this way of life. If your kids are not the wealthiest, it is because the wealthy are selfish, we deserve more, life isn't fair etc... Their bad attitude rubs right off on the kids. The kids feel self conscious. Bullies find their targets in kids that are easy to push around. And those "rich" bullies everyone is talking about? Why are they that way? What is going on in their life that is making THEM so unhappy that they feel better making others feel just as bad as them.

We are not wealthy. I would say we are in the bottom 15-20% of my child's school. But she is a hard worker and has confidence for days. She is in high school. It won't change. She has never been bullied. She never feels left out. She was elected in student council and is president of one of the clubs. Both elected by her peers. She knows the grass always appears greener on the other side and you never know what is going on behind closed doors. She appreciates that she has parents that aren't divorced, that can spend time with her, that work hard to give her things that don't come easy. You don't need $$$ to raise your child to have confidence and like themselves. I see plenty of wealthy kids feeling alone, depressed, cutting, binge-drinking, committing suicide, etc... If you teach your kids to equate wealth with happiness you are helping them live a life full of anxiety and disappointment. It isn't the rich kids fault, it is yours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have not read the previous posts. But OP, in response to your original post, I will say that I grew up as the family-barely-able-to-afford-it kid at an elite DC private. It was really, really difficult. I basically still have a chip on my shoulder about not having as much money as other people. My husband had a similar experience and the commonality of experience as the have-nots is what drew us together. Both of us always felt inferior to those with more money. Our friends were always going on ski vacations, going to their beach houses, Caribbean vacations, driving fancy cars, etc. We felt left out and ridiculed b/c we were "poor" (never mind that we were not poor by any stretch of the imagination). It was somewhat miserable. Perhaps our skin is not very thick though....

We will not be sending our child to an elite NW DC private school.

I think your experience is more common than parents would like to believe. Thank you for sharing that.

Not for me. I was a have not at a very wealthy private school outside of this area. I am in my late 30's. My single mother sacrificed and worked hard for me to attend. I am eternally grateful. Those people with the nice houses, clothes, cars, and vacations all inspired me to work hard so I too could have a nice life one day. All the kids who went to the public highschool in my neighborhood are still for a lack of a better word, losers. I think the most anyone ever accomplished out of my area public school was becoming a local area real estate agent. The others all work as bartenders or retail. My private school class, has the highest percentage of alumni that went to medical school, including myself.

I am still friends with many highschool friends and at reunion events no one ever looks down on me. My uniforms were always bought used, my mom drove an old mitsubishi, and some days I only could afford to buy french fries for lunch. I loved my school, and my teachers. I had great friends and amazing experiences. I did not get to go on the Europe trip senior year, but no one ever made me feel bad about it and when I finally made to the top of the eiffel tower and ate lunch at Jules Verne, all I could think about was my awesome mom. Private all the way for my kids.

I agree. It is what you make of it. There are people that live in the slums that will always live in the slums. Why? Because they rather take hands outs and complain about others who have more than them. Parents teach their kids this way of life. If your kids are not the wealthiest, it is because the wealthy are selfish, we deserve more, life isn't fair etc... Their bad attitude rubs right off on the kids. The kids feel self conscious. Bullies find their targets in kids that are easy to push around. And those "rich" bullies everyone is talking about? Why are they that way? What is going on in their life that is making THEM so unhappy that they feel better making others feel just as bad as them.

We are not wealthy. I would say we are in the bottom 15-20% of my child's school. But she is a hard worker and has confidence for days. She is in high school. It won't change. She has never been bullied. She never feels left out. She was elected in student council and is president of one of the clubs. Both elected by her peers. She knows the grass always appears greener on the other side and you never know what is going on behind closed doors. She appreciates that she has parents that aren't divorced, that can spend time with her, that work hard to give her things that don't come easy. You don't need $$$ to raise your child to have confidence and like themselves. I see plenty of wealthy kids feeling alone, depressed, cutting, binge-drinking, committing suicide, etc... If you teach your kids to equate wealth with happiness you are helping them live a life full of anxiety and disappointment. It isn't the rich kids fault, it is yours.

YESSSSS! well said.

[Anonymous]

At our Bethesda parochial a school income reigns. The more you have, the more people want to be near you. It's disgusting but a fact.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are at cathedral schools. It's hard when all your kids friends belong to the Chevy Chase club. That's been the hardest for us. Our kids don't notice the difference between our house or cars and friends houses or cars or vacations. But they feel left out cuz many (most) of their friends are skating at Chevy in the winter and swimming in the summer. Hard to arrange play dates. They get invited along as guests once in a while but it is not the same and also highlights the fact that we are on the outside looking in.

Then I am disappointed in the country club parents. We belong to a club and my kid's best buddy at school does not so we always invite him for play dates. Parents who are members of clubs should be sensitive to the fact that not all want to join or can join a club. My son did ask at an early age why some friends from school are not at the club and I said they like to do to other things on the weekends and not everybody likes to do the same things. I always tell my kids if we all did the same thing then that would boring. If he wants his friend to come, he can always invite him. I always see a ton of kids with friends that are non members at our club. Those that have should share and not exclude others.

Our child is invited often but it is not the same as belonging. You have to be invited and sometimes (like this weekend) when you are running out of activities and you wish your kid could have a play date - but no one is around and you haven't been invited to the club, it's a bummer. The parents who belong know that lots of friends are almost always at the club so they don't really have to think - hey let's call a friend to bring along.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are at cathedral schools. It's hard when all your kids friends belong to the Chevy Chase club. That's been the hardest for us. Our kids don't notice the difference between our house or cars and friends houses or cars or vacations. But they feel left out cuz many (most) of their friends are skating at Chevy in the winter and swimming in the summer. Hard to arrange play dates. They get invited along as guests once in a while but it is not the same and also highlights the fact that we are on the outside looking in.

Then I am disappointed in the country club parents. We belong to a club and my kid's best buddy at school does not so we always invite him for play dates. Parents who are members of clubs should be sensitive to the fact that not all want to join or can join a club. My son did ask at an early age why some friends from school are not at the club and I said they like to do to other things on the weekends and not everybody likes to do the same things. I always tell my kids if we all did the same thing then that would boring. If he wants his friend to come, he can always invite him. I always see a ton of kids with friends that are non members at our club. Those that have should share and not exclude others.

Our child is invited often but it is not the same as belonging. You have to be invited and sometimes (like this weekend) when you are running out of activities and you wish your kid could have a play date - but no one is around and you haven't been invited to the club, it's a bummer. The parents who belong know that lots of friends are almost always at the club so they don't really have to think - hey let's call a friend to bring along.

This is total BS. There may be 10-20% of families that are members to that club. You act like every family in the school is a club member. Don't they have 25% financial aid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are at cathedral schools. It's hard when all your kids friends belong to the Chevy Chase club. That's been the hardest for us. Our kids don't notice the difference between our house or cars and friends houses or cars or vacations. But they feel left out cuz many (most) of their friends are skating at Chevy in the winter and swimming in the summer. Hard to arrange play dates. They get invited along as guests once in a while but it is not the same and also highlights the fact that we are on the outside looking in.

Then I am disappointed in the country club parents. We belong to a club and my kid's best buddy at school does not so we always invite him for play dates. Parents who are members of clubs should be sensitive to the fact that not all want to join or can join a club. My son did ask at an early age why some friends from school are not at the club and I said they like to do to other things on the weekends and not everybody likes to do the same things. I always tell my kids if we all did the same thing then that would boring. If he wants his friend to come, he can always invite him. I always see a ton of kids with friends that are non members at our club. Those that have should share and not exclude others.

Our child is invited often but it is not the same as belonging. You have to be invited and sometimes (like this weekend) when you are running out of activities and you wish your kid could have a play date - but no one is around and you haven't been invited to the club, it's a bummer. The parents who belong know that lots of friends are almost always at the club so they don't really have to think - hey let's call a friend to bring along.

This is total BS. There may be 10-20% of families that are members to that club. You act like every family in the school is a club member. Don't they have 25% financial aid.

+1. Previous PP is a whiner.

[Anonymous]

I honestly think there is some rich depressed mom or some royally jealous public school mom on here posting all of these posts that "everyone" goes to the club, "everyone" wants to be around money. I have 2 kids that have been thru 4 different private schools and have never seen this at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are at cathedral schools. It's hard when all your kids friends belong to the Chevy Chase club. That's been the hardest for us. Our kids don't notice the difference between our house or cars and friends houses or cars or vacations. But they feel left out cuz many (most) of their friends are skating at Chevy in the winter and swimming in the summer. Hard to arrange play dates. They get invited along as guests once in a while but it is not the same and also highlights the fact that we are on the outside looking in.

Then I am disappointed in the country club parents. We belong to a club and my kid's best buddy at school does not so we always invite him for play dates. Parents who are members of clubs should be sensitive to the fact that not all want to join or can join a club. My son did ask at an early age why some friends from school are not at the club and I said they like to do to other things on the weekends and not everybody likes to do the same things. I always tell my kids if we all did the same thing then that would boring. If he wants his friend to come, he can always invite him. I always see a ton of kids with friends that are non members at our club. Those that have should share and not exclude others.

Our child is invited often but it is not the same as belonging. You have to be invited and sometimes (like this weekend) when you are running out of activities and you wish your kid could have a play date - but no one is around and you haven't been invited to the club, it's a bummer. The parents who belong know that lots of friends are almost always at the club so they don't really have to think - hey let's call a friend to bring along.

Then join a church or something! What the hell? The adults without money are probably more damn whiny than the kids. Run out of things to do? You can't come up with some family things to do that don't involve others? Museums? Zoo? Park? Day trips to Philly? Like seriously give me a break. Sounds like what you crave is spending time with rich people...and how sad is that?!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I honestly think there is some rich depressed mom or some royally jealous public school mom on here posting all of these posts that "everyone" goes to the club, "everyone" wants to be around money. I have 2 kids that have been thru 4 different private schools and have never seen this at all.

Honestly, I haven't either. I have a DC at a NW Private school and have not come across this ever. Maybe we're just hanging out with the "wrong" people. My DC is in the US and attends plenty of parties/events/movies/etc at all sorts of venues. We don't belong to a Country Club and she has never been invited to one. She loves school and has tons of friends from all backgrounds. I'm just shaking my head reading some of these comments.

[Anonymous]

We are the bottom of the economic ladder at Sodwell and DC are very active socially. We do not feel left out.