Applying to mainstream private schools: When/how should I tell the admission about DC's autism?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

There's also more tolerance for those kids in public school parents. You know when you send your kid to a public school, you have to be willing to accept a lot of diversity. Parents who send their kids to expense privates are not good at tolerating disruptions or diversity in the student body. They are paying for a certain type of educational experience and they are very unhappy if someone disrupts the experience. Their lack of tolerance gets passed on to their children and it bleeds over into peer relationships.

This resonates with me. My SN kid is in public school. A friend whose child has ADHD and dysgraphia went to a progressive, mainstream private for MS. Was counseled out at end of 8th because other parents objected to the kind and amount accommodations he was being given. The school was very wary of gaining a reputation as a SN school.

It was very hard on the child who was doing well at the school academically and socially and planned on attending that high school.

I can honestly understand this. Schools that become "SN schools" change dramatically in the eyes of parents.

Wow, what school was this? Did they tell your friend thus directly. Not very progressive of them. How was that taking anything away from other children

NP here, but what happens is that you get a huge drop off in applications from NT students. That's a real and tangible issue for a school.

I take it that you support excluding SN kids from private schools because it's a real and tangible issue. Your bigotry is amazing. I doubt that you would feel the same way if the issue was admitting Asian kids or black kids. You know because if a school gets a reputation as a school that admits too many kids of color, applications from white kids are going to drop off. It's a real and tangible issue for a school.

Not the NP you are responding to but please stop. You are just being argumentative for the sake of argument. Private schools do not have to meet the educational needs of every child unlike public schools. They are not covered by IDEA.

Most of the very top private schools (like colleges and universities) have mission statements saying they do not discriminate for "disabilities" in their mission statements. Like another pp stated, there are kids with ASD at every mainstream private school in this area.

But OP cannot expect one-on-one social support. The social curriculum at mainstream private schools are designed for NT kids not for kids with ASD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

There's also more tolerance for those kids in public school parents. You know when you send your kid to a public school, you have to be willing to accept a lot of diversity. Parents who send their kids to expense privates are not good at tolerating disruptions or diversity in the student body. They are paying for a certain type of educational experience and they are very unhappy if someone disrupts the experience. Their lack of tolerance gets passed on to their children and it bleeds over into peer relationships.

This resonates with me. My SN kid is in public school. A friend whose child has ADHD and dysgraphia went to a progressive, mainstream private for MS. Was counseled out at end of 8th because other parents objected to the kind and amount accommodations he was being given. The school was very wary of gaining a reputation as a SN school.

It was very hard on the child who was doing well at the school academically and socially and planned on attending that high school.

I can honestly understand this. Schools that become "SN schools" change dramatically in the eyes of parents.

Wow, what school was this? Did they tell your friend thus directly. Not very progressive of them. How was that taking anything away from other children

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

There's also more tolerance for those kids in public school parents. You know when you send your kid to a public school, you have to be willing to accept a lot of diversity. Parents who send their kids to expense privates are not good at tolerating disruptions or diversity in the student body. They are paying for a certain type of educational experience and they are very unhappy if someone disrupts the experience. Their lack of tolerance gets passed on to their children and it bleeds over into peer relationships.

This resonates with me. My SN kid is in public school. A friend whose child has ADHD and dysgraphia went to a progressive, mainstream private for MS. Was counseled out at end of 8th because other parents objected to the kind and amount accommodations he was being given. The school was very wary of gaining a reputation as a SN school.

It was very hard on the child who was doing well at the school academically and socially and planned on attending that high school.

I can honestly understand this. Schools that become "SN schools" change dramatically in the eyes of parents.

Wow, what school was this? Did they tell your friend thus directly. Not very progressive of them. How was that taking anything away from other children

I won't disclose the name of the school. And yes, they were this frank. The other parents were very unhappy - some thought this child was an unfair advantage; others said it was taking too much time from their kids; and others worried it was watering down the curriculum and the school's reputation.

[Anonymous]

Not the NP you are responding to but please stop. You are just being argumentative for the sake of argument. Private schools do not have to meet the educational needs of every child unlike public schools. They are not covered by IDEA.

Most of the very top private schools (like colleges and universities) have mission statements saying they do not discriminate for "disabilities" in their mission statements. Like another pp stated, there are kids with ASD at every mainstream private school in this area.

But OP cannot expect one-on-one social support. The social curriculum at mainstream private schools are designed for NT kids not for kids with ASD.

NP here. No, of course privates are not legally bound to meet these needs and of course their social curricula are mostly designed only for NT kids. But don't talk the talk about inclusiveness and diversity and a progressive approach to education if you aren't going to walk the walk. Many mainstream privates could easily have therapeutic support on staff and provide pull-out services just like public schools do. They simply choose not to do so - probably for the reasons some PPs mentioned upthread such as harm to their reputation and protests from parents of NT kids. The warm and supportive communities some privates extoll only extend so far. At least be honest about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not the NP you are responding to but please stop. You are just being argumentative for the sake of argument. Private schools do not have to meet the educational needs of every child unlike public schools. They are not covered by IDEA.

Most of the very top private schools (like colleges and universities) have mission statements saying they do not discriminate for "disabilities" in their mission statements. Like another pp stated, there are kids with ASD at every mainstream private school in this area.

But OP cannot expect one-on-one social support. The social curriculum at mainstream private schools are designed for NT kids not for kids with ASD.

NP here. No, of course privates are not legally bound to meet these needs and of course their social curricula are mostly designed only for NT kids. But don't talk the talk about inclusiveness and diversity and a progressive approach to education if you aren't going to walk the walk. Many mainstream privates could easily have therapeutic support on staff and provide pull-out services just like public schools do. They simply choose not to do so - probably for the reasons some PPs mentioned upthread such as harm to their reputation and protests from parents of NT kids. The warm and supportive communities some privates extoll only extend so far. At least be honest about it.

Private school is a choice... and there are many different types of private schools including SN private schools. Even the SN private schools will only take certain diagnosis. Lab, for instance, will not take kids with ASD because according to Lab, they cannot provide the supports and services needed. Some SN private schools are very selective about who they will accept like Maddux. Are they being discriminatory?

If you want a school that is "all things to all kids", you can always choose public.

[Anonymous]

I know two different children on the spectrum at two different privates in the area.

I'm not sure whether they were at the schools before they got a diagnosis but from I've heard from their parents they are doing very well and the schools have been very understanding. These kids do not seem to require academic or social accommodations beyond what a typical NT child might and have no behavioral issues.

For them the small class size has been enough to make the difference. At a big public these children may have been overwhelmed by the noise and have been neglected by the teachers. I wish more privates would be accepting of children like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know two different children on the spectrum at two different privates in the area.

I'm not sure whether they were at the schools before they got a diagnosis but from I've heard from their parents they are doing very well and the schools have been very understanding. These kids do not seem to require academic or social accommodations beyond what a typical NT child might and have no behavioral issues.

For them the small class size has been enough to make the difference. At a big public these children may have been overwhelmed by the noise and have been neglected by the teachers. I wish more privates would be accepting of children like this.

+1 If a child with ASD needs adult facilitation to interact with their peers, work in groups with other kids, etc. a mainstream private school will not be the best environment for them no matter how well they do academically.

Op needs to ask herself if a small class size is enough for her DC. How is it going in K? Does your child have friends at school?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

There's also more tolerance for those kids in public school parents. You know when you send your kid to a public school, you have to be willing to accept a lot of diversity. Parents who send their kids to expense privates are not good at tolerating disruptions or diversity in the student body. They are paying for a certain type of educational experience and they are very unhappy if someone disrupts the experience. Their lack of tolerance gets passed on to their children and it bleeds over into peer relationships.

This resonates with me. My SN kid is in public school. A friend whose child has ADHD and dysgraphia went to a progressive, mainstream private for MS. Was counseled out at end of 8th because other parents objected to the kind and amount accommodations he was being given. The school was very wary of gaining a reputation as a SN school.

It was very hard on the child who was doing well at the school academically and socially and planned on attending that high school.

I can honestly understand this. Schools that become "SN schools" change dramatically in the eyes of parents.

Wow, what school was this? Did they tell your friend thus directly. Not very progressive of them. How was that taking anything away from other children

NP here, but what happens is that you get a huge drop off in applications from NT students. That's a real and tangible issue for a school.

I take it that you support excluding SN kids from private schools because it's a real and tangible issue. Your bigotry is amazing. I doubt that you would feel the same way if the issue was admitting Asian kids or black kids. You know because if a school gets a reputation as a school that admits too many kids of color, applications from white kids are going to drop off. It's a real and tangible issue for a school.

Not the NP you are responding to but please stop. You are just being argumentative for the sake of argument. Private schools do not have to meet the educational needs of every child unlike public schools. They are not covered by IDEA.

Most of the very top private schools (like colleges and universities) have mission statements saying they do not discriminate for "disabilities" in their mission statements. Like another pp stated, there are kids with ASD at every mainstream private school in this area.

But OP cannot expect one-on-one social support. The social curriculum at mainstream private schools are designed for NT kids not for kids with ASD.

This is such bull. Schools are not legally required to provide accommodations, BUT they have nice nondiscrimination language in their mission statements so you can't say they don't care about progressive values, BUT of course you can't expect them to actually do anything towards that end, like providing students with disabilities with the support they need, because the other parents don't want their NT kids to be exposed to/inconvenienced by/associated with kids with SN. This is a morally repugnant position.

[Anonymous]

OP here.
If you follow the DCUM Private/Independent School posts, you will find out that a lot of parents with NT kids are very anxious with the presence of ASD kids in their schools (as if autism is contagious). It seems to be acceptable if the kids need academic support from tutors and learning specialists, but not when the kids need social communication support.

Although the school DC is currently at is very welcoming, I never disclosed DC's diagnosis to other parents (why should I?). Friendship is a bit hard to define at this age. I just know that despite DC's difficulty in having back and forth conversation with peers, DC seems to have other likable traits and gets regular invitation for playdates and birthday parties.
I think it's the combination of small class size, teachers who "get it", great communication and collaboration between school and parents, that works for us right now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.
If you follow the DCUM Private/Independent School posts, you will find out that a lot of parents with NT kids are very anxious with the presence of ASD kids in their schools (as if autism is contagious). It seems to be acceptable if the kids need academic support from tutors and learning specialists, but not when the kids need social communication support.

Although the school DC is currently at is very welcoming, I never disclosed DC's diagnosis to other parents (why should I?). Friendship is a bit hard to define at this age. I just know that despite DC's difficulty in having back and forth conversation with peers, DC seems to have other likable traits and gets regular invitation for playdates and birthday parties.
I think it's the combination of small class size, teachers who "get it", great communication and collaboration between school and parents, that works for us right now.

I do not read the private school forum. This confirms all my worst stereotypes of private school parents. Do they complain about too many Jews or scholarship students too?

In some ways the fact that my child's SN are not hideable if you're around him for more than a few minutes is nice because it means I don't/can't think about trying to "pass" him as NT. it seems like that would be a difficult thing, to wonder whether to disclose it and worry that the other parent will change their assessment of you or your kid because of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.
If you follow the DCUM Private/Independent School posts, you will find out that a lot of parents with NT kids are very anxious with the presence of ASD kids in their schools (as if autism is contagious). It seems to be acceptable if the kids need academic support from tutors and learning specialists, but not when the kids need social communication support.

Although the school DC is currently at is very welcoming, I never disclosed DC's diagnosis to other parents (why should I?). Friendship is a bit hard to define at this age. I just know that despite DC's difficulty in having back and forth conversation with peers, DC seems to have other likable traits and gets regular invitation for playdates and birthday parties.
I think it's the combination of small class size, teachers who "get it", great communication and collaboration between school and parents, that works for us right now.

Reading this I don't understand why you want to leave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.
If you follow the DCUM Private/Independent School posts, you will find out that a lot of parents with NT kids are very anxious with the presence of ASD kids in their schools (as if autism is contagious). It seems to be acceptable if the kids need academic support from tutors and learning specialists, but not when the kids need social communication support.

Although the school DC is currently at is very welcoming, I never disclosed DC's diagnosis to other parents (why should I?). Friendship is a bit hard to define at this age. I just know that despite DC's difficulty in having back and forth conversation with peers, DC seems to have other likable traits and gets regular invitation for playdates and birthday parties.
I think it's the combination of small class size, teachers who "get it", great communication and collaboration between school and parents, that works for us right now.

I do not read the private school forum. This confirms all my worst stereotypes of private school parents. Do they complain about too many Jews or scholarship students too?

In some ways the fact that my child's SN are not hideable if you're around him for more than a few minutes is nice because it means I don't/can't think about trying to "pass" him as NT. it seems like that would be a difficult thing, to wonder whether to disclose it and worry that the other parent will change their assessment of you or your kid because of it.

It's not just private school parents. Same attitude at our public.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.
If you follow the DCUM Private/Independent School posts, you will find out that a lot of parents with NT kids are very anxious with the presence of ASD kids in their schools (as if autism is contagious). It seems to be acceptable if the kids need academic support from tutors and learning specialists, but not when the kids need social communication support.

Although the school DC is currently at is very welcoming, I never disclosed DC's diagnosis to other parents (why should I?). Friendship is a bit hard to define at this age. I just know that despite DC's difficulty in having back and forth conversation with peers, DC seems to have other likable traits and gets regular invitation for playdates and birthday parties.
I think it's the combination of small class size, teachers who "get it", great communication and collaboration between school and parents, that works for us right now.

Reading this I don't understand why you want to leave.

+1. Why leave for 1st grade when you are at a school that gets it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.
If you follow the DCUM Private/Independent School posts, you will find out that a lot of parents with NT kids are very anxious with the presence of ASD kids in their schools (as if autism is contagious). It seems to be acceptable if the kids need academic support from tutors and learning specialists, but not when the kids need social communication support.

Although the school DC is currently at is very welcoming, I never disclosed DC's diagnosis to other parents (why should I?). Friendship is a bit hard to define at this age. I just know that despite DC's difficulty in having back and forth conversation with peers, DC seems to have other likable traits and gets regular invitation for playdates and birthday parties.
I think it's the combination of small class size, teachers who "get it", great communication and collaboration between school and parents, that works for us right now.

Reading this I don't understand why you want to leave.

+1. Why leave for 1st grade when you are at a school that gets it.

Perhaps the current school only goes through K.

[Anonymous]

OP can always ask the her school where most of the kids end up going for elementary. She also can ask the current school if they think her DS can manage a mainstream private school.