Applying to mainstream private schools: When/how should I tell the admission about DC's autism?

[Anonymous]

All this discussion about social communication issues has me wondering about Aspie kids and friends. If an Aspie kid has friends and doesn't have a lot of issues with friends does that mean she's not Aspie after all?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. What I meant by "social support" is any of the following:
- Recognizing that even though my DC looks content playing alone, DC needs to learn to play with other kids.
- Understanding that recess (and other non-structured periods) are the golden opportunity for my DC is learn social skills and willing to help DC to connect with other kids, even just by simple gesture "Let's see what (Friend A) is playing." or said to (Friend A),"(DC) might be interested in what you're doing."
In short, the teacher should TRY to help facilitate social interaction as much as he/she would help other kids academically in the classroom.
- This might be a a stretch for most schools and will make them anxious ... consider parents bringing in an outside therapist during recess (push-in, not pull out).

I really try to be honest about my DC's diagnosis and needs, if there's an opportunity to talk to the admission privately during school visits/tours, but it always felt that I dropped a bomb and created a tension/awkwardness once the word "autism" comes out.

If these are the type of social supports you are looking for, you need to look at SN privates like Auburn. Mainstream schools, public or private, do not provide these supports. Public schools will provide it, if you specify in the IEP. I cannot image a school allowing you to bring in an outside therapist during recess past preschool.

These are blanket statements, so there's probably some truth and untruths. Many mainstream privates do have support services like ST and OTs. Some have social skills curriculums as part of educational approaches. (I have known some privates that have brought in outside therapist. Not common, but not impossible.)

Would your kid be able to respond to academic instruction and basically function in a classroom. From what you describe, your kid has rudimentary skills but could limp along socially without supports. If you are in denial and this is really "pie-in-the sky," then look at a SN school.

OP, I would look at Maddux. It's a mainstream school with built in educational supports. I'd invest the time and money now for a social skills group. Ivymount has great ones. In terms of traditional mainstream schools, focus your efforts on schools that have small classrooms and preferably already use a social skills curriculum and offer OT/ST. Even if your kid doesn't need ST/OT, it's an indication that schools acknowledge that some kids need support.

You still have to do testing, applications are generally due in January, and if your kid meets the first round, there is the playdate, which will be in the spring of 2016. Don't put your eggs in one basket, don't cross off SN schools b/c they are SN. Apply to a few different kinds of schools. For SN schools, the Exceptional Schools Fair is coming up: http://www.exceptionalschoolsfair.com

PP, what are the many mainstream schools that offer these supports? Please name them. I always thought Maddux was a special school.

So I'm not PP but I know a couple that do ... and am reluctant to "name them." That would feel like a betrayal in a way, because honestly these schools are forced to talk in very careful code to SN parents. To their credit, some of them actually are receptive to working with great kids who are a little bit different. They understand the truth that a generation ago the kids we are talking about would not have had a diagnosis at all. And none of them will contaminate the special snowflake typical kids with some kind of zombie apocalypse disease through mild social contact. These are wonderful children, who for the most part are smart (more than occasionally brilliant), naïve and socially vulnerable and almost pathologically honest and far more prone to being bullied and abused by the typically developing kids than they are to impede the typically developing kids' education in any important way. If you knew a bunch of HFA kids well I promise you would love them, and defend them and their right to try and integrate with the rest of the world, fiercely. I promise, if you are not a monster, that is how you would feel. Some of the schools get that. Most of the typical parents do not, not because they are monsters but because they do not understand and because they have been conditioned by their environment to think in a particular way and to fear what they do not understand. The schools have to deal with that, and have to be very careful about who they decide to try to help. And if they ever admitted on their web site that they were open to kids with learning and social differences, they would be destroyed by it--because of the insane, superficial, status-hounding culture of this city. For heaven's sake, look even at Maddux's web site. They are indeed a very special place, filled with people who have dedicated their entire lives to helping special kids. Even they can't forthrightly say what they are doing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. What I meant by "social support" is any of the following:
- Recognizing that even though my DC looks content playing alone, DC needs to learn to play with other kids.
- Understanding that recess (and other non-structured periods) are the golden opportunity for my DC is learn social skills and willing to help DC to connect with other kids, even just by simple gesture "Let's see what (Friend A) is playing." or said to (Friend A),"(DC) might be interested in what you're doing."
In short, the teacher should TRY to help facilitate social interaction as much as he/she would help other kids academically in the classroom.
- This might be a a stretch for most schools and will make them anxious ... consider parents bringing in an outside therapist during recess (push-in, not pull out).

I really try to be honest about my DC's diagnosis and needs, if there's an opportunity to talk to the admission privately during school visits/tours, but it always felt that I dropped a bomb and created a tension/awkwardness once the word "autism" comes out.

If these are the type of social supports you are looking for, you need to look at SN privates like Auburn. Mainstream schools, public or private, do not provide these supports. Public schools will provide it, if you specify in the IEP. I cannot image a school allowing you to bring in an outside therapist during recess past preschool.

These are blanket statements, so there's probably some truth and untruths. Many mainstream privates do have support services like ST and OTs. Some have social skills curriculums as part of educational approaches. (I have known some privates that have brought in outside therapist. Not common, but not impossible.)

Would your kid be able to respond to academic instruction and basically function in a classroom. From what you describe, your kid has rudimentary skills but could limp along socially without supports. If you are in denial and this is really "pie-in-the sky," then look at a SN school.

OP, I would look at Maddux. It's a mainstream school with built in educational supports. I'd invest the time and money now for a social skills group. Ivymount has great ones. In terms of traditional mainstream schools, focus your efforts on schools that have small classrooms and preferably already use a social skills curriculum and offer OT/ST. Even if your kid doesn't need ST/OT, it's an indication that schools acknowledge that some kids need support.

You still have to do testing, applications are generally due in January, and if your kid meets the first round, there is the playdate, which will be in the spring of 2016. Don't put your eggs in one basket, don't cross off SN schools b/c they are SN. Apply to a few different kinds of schools. For SN schools, the Exceptional Schools Fair is coming up: http://www.exceptionalschoolsfair.com

PP, what are the many mainstream schools that offer these supports? Please name them. I always thought Maddux was a special school.

So I'm not PP but I know a couple that do ... and am reluctant to "name them." That would feel like a betrayal in a way, because honestly these schools are forced to talk in very careful code to SN parents. To their credit, some of them actually are receptive to working with great kids who are a little bit different. They understand the truth that a generation ago the kids we are talking about would not have had a diagnosis at all. And none of them will contaminate the special snowflake typical kids with some kind of zombie apocalypse disease through mild social contact. These are wonderful children, who for the most part are smart (more than occasionally brilliant), naïve and socially vulnerable and almost pathologically honest and far more prone to being bullied and abused by the typically developing kids than they are to impede the typically developing kids' education in any important way. If you knew a bunch of HFA kids well I promise you would love them, and defend them and their right to try and integrate with the rest of the world, fiercely. I promise, if you are not a monster, that is how you would feel. Some of the schools get that. Most of the typical parents do not, not because they are monsters but because they do not understand and because they have been conditioned by their environment to think in a particular way and to fear what they do not understand. The schools have to deal with that, and have to be very careful about who they decide to try to help. And if they ever admitted on their web site that they were open to kids with learning and social differences, they would be destroyed by it--because of the insane, superficial, status-hounding culture of this city. For heaven's sake, look even at Maddux's web site. They are indeed a very special place, filled with people who have dedicated their entire lives to helping special kids. Even they can't forthrightly say what they are doing.

Do you realize you are posting on the Kids With Special Needs message board? Will you please spare us with this "private schools are forced to be cagey about admitting kids with SN" crap? And "If you knew kids with SN you would love them?" Perhaps you thought you were posting on the Private Schools board and this is how people there talk about our kids. I am glad to say I don't read that crap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All this discussion about social communication issues has me wondering about Aspie kids and friends. If an Aspie kid has friends and doesn't have a lot of issues with friends does that mean she's not Aspie after all?

No. Not if you are talking about a girl especially. Girls with Asperger's present differently than Boys. While what you say may be true for boys, girls with Asperger's tend to have very close female friends and can "fake it" better. However, they still have just as much difficulty with theory of mind and pragmatic speech.

My mother probably had ASD and she always had close female friends but she had great difficulty with pragmatics and the give and take of conversation. She pretty much followed a script socially so much so that my DH (who is also on the spectrum) would comment on it. In fact, he could repeat exactly what she would say to him on the phone every.single.conversation. verbatim.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. What I meant by "social support" is any of the following:
- Recognizing that even though my DC looks content playing alone, DC needs to learn to play with other kids.
- Understanding that recess (and other non-structured periods) are the golden opportunity for my DC is learn social skills and willing to help DC to connect with other kids, even just by simple gesture "Let's see what (Friend A) is playing." or said to (Friend A),"(DC) might be interested in what you're doing."
In short, the teacher should TRY to help facilitate social interaction as much as he/she would help other kids academically in the classroom.
- This might be a a stretch for most schools and will make them anxious ... consider parents bringing in an outside therapist during recess (push-in, not pull out).

I really try to be honest about my DC's diagnosis and needs, if there's an opportunity to talk to the admission privately during school visits/tours, but it always felt that I dropped a bomb and created a tension/awkwardness once the word "autism" comes out.

If these are the type of social supports you are looking for, you need to look at SN privates like Auburn. Mainstream schools, public or private, do not provide these supports. Public schools will provide it, if you specify in the IEP. I cannot image a school allowing you to bring in an outside therapist during recess past preschool.

These are blanket statements, so there's probably some truth and untruths. Many mainstream privates do have support services like ST and OTs. Some have social skills curriculums as part of educational approaches. (I have known some privates that have brought in outside therapist. Not common, but not impossible.)

Would your kid be able to respond to academic instruction and basically function in a classroom. From what you describe, your kid has rudimentary skills but could limp along socially without supports. If you are in denial and this is really "pie-in-the sky," then look at a SN school.

OP, I would look at Maddux. It's a mainstream school with built in educational supports. I'd invest the time and money now for a social skills group. Ivymount has great ones. In terms of traditional mainstream schools, focus your efforts on schools that have small classrooms and preferably already use a social skills curriculum and offer OT/ST. Even if your kid doesn't need ST/OT, it's an indication that schools acknowledge that some kids need support.

You still have to do testing, applications are generally due in January, and if your kid meets the first round, there is the playdate, which will be in the spring of 2016. Don't put your eggs in one basket, don't cross off SN schools b/c they are SN. Apply to a few different kinds of schools. For SN schools, the Exceptional Schools Fair is coming up: http://www.exceptionalschoolsfair.com

PP, what are the many mainstream schools that offer these supports? Please name them. I always thought Maddux was a special school.

So I'm not PP but I know a couple that do ... and am reluctant to "name them." That would feel like a betrayal in a way, because honestly these schools are forced to talk in very careful code to SN parents. To their credit, some of them actually are receptive to working with great kids who are a little bit different. They understand the truth that a generation ago the kids we are talking about would not have had a diagnosis at all. And none of them will contaminate the special snowflake typical kids with some kind of zombie apocalypse disease through mild social contact. These are wonderful children, who for the most part are smart (more than occasionally brilliant), naïve and socially vulnerable and almost pathologically honest and far more prone to being bullied and abused by the typically developing kids than they are to impede the typically developing kids' education in any important way. If you knew a bunch of HFA kids well I promise you would love them, and defend them and their right to try and integrate with the rest of the world, fiercely. I promise, if you are not a monster, that is how you would feel. Some of the schools get that. Most of the typical parents do not, not because they are monsters but because they do not understand and because they have been conditioned by their environment to think in a particular way and to fear what they do not understand. The schools have to deal with that, and have to be very careful about who they decide to try to help. And if they ever admitted on their web site that they were open to kids with learning and social differences, they would be destroyed by it--because of the insane, superficial, status-hounding culture of this city. For heaven's sake, look even at Maddux's web site. They are indeed a very special place, filled with people who have dedicated their entire lives to helping special kids. Even they can't forthrightly say what they are doing.

Do you realize you are posting on the Kids With Special Needs message board? Will you please spare us with this "private schools are forced to be cagey about admitting kids with SN" crap? And "If you knew kids with SN you would love them?" Perhaps you thought you were posting on the Private Schools board and this is how people there talk about our kids. I am glad to say I don't read that crap.

Sorry I see what you mean but I am just really sad and pissed off about this particular issue right now. And this thread doesn't help, with all the "it's perfectly reasonable and not a values issue at all for private schools to shun whoever they want to for whatever reason" crap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All this discussion about social communication issues has me wondering about Aspie kids and friends. If an Aspie kid has friends and doesn't have a lot of issues with friends does that mean she's not Aspie after all?

No. Not if you are talking about a girl especially. Girls with Asperger's present differently than Boys. While what you say may be true for boys, girls with Asperger's tend to have very close female friends and can "fake it" better. However, they still have just as much difficulty with theory of mind and pragmatic speech.

My mother probably had ASD and she always had close female friends but she had great difficulty with pragmatics and the give and take of conversation. She pretty much followed a script socially so much so that my DH (who is also on the spectrum) would comment on it. In fact, he could repeat exactly what she would say to him on the phone every.single.conversation. verbatim.

Also, everyone improves socially with age. We all learn especially given effort (even though it is hard to get a kid with ASD interested and depends on their social motivation and personality). Pragmatics and social skills are not rocket science. Even my DB who had no friends until college has found his niche and is now a very successful MD with friends (all a little quirky but really nice people)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All this discussion about social communication issues has me wondering about Aspie kids and friends. If an Aspie kid has friends and doesn't have a lot of issues with friends does that mean she's not Aspie after all?

No. Not if you are talking about a girl especially. Girls with Asperger's present differently than Boys. While what you say may be true for boys, girls with Asperger's tend to have very close female friends and can "fake it" better. However, they still have just as much difficulty with theory of mind and pragmatic speech.

My mother probably had ASD and she always had close female friends but she had great difficulty with pragmatics and the give and take of conversation. She pretty much followed a script socially so much so that my DH (who is also on the spectrum) would comment on it. In fact, he could repeat exactly what she would say to him on the phone every.single.conversation. verbatim.

Also, everyone improves socially with age. We all learn especially given effort (even though it is hard to get a kid with ASD interested and depends on their social motivation and personality). Pragmatics and social skills are not rocket science. Even my DB who had no friends until college has found his niche and is now a very successful MD with friends (all a little quirky but really nice people)

The diagnosis of autism is a "persistant deficit" in social skills such that attempts to make friends are "typically unsuccessful." We have to draw a line at some point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All this discussion about social communication issues has me wondering about Aspie kids and friends. If an Aspie kid has friends and doesn't have a lot of issues with friends does that mean she's not Aspie after all?

No. Not if you are talking about a girl especially. Girls with Asperger's present differently than Boys. While what you say may be true for boys, girls with Asperger's tend to have very close female friends and can "fake it" better. However, they still have just as much difficulty with theory of mind and pragmatic speech.

My mother probably had ASD and she always had close female friends but she had great difficulty with pragmatics and the give and take of conversation. She pretty much followed a script socially so much so that my DH (who is also on the spectrum) would comment on it. In fact, he could repeat exactly what she would say to him on the phone every.single.conversation. verbatim.

Also, everyone improves socially with age. We all learn especially given effort (even though it is hard to get a kid with ASD interested and depends on their social motivation and personality). Pragmatics and social skills are not rocket science. Even my DB who had no friends until college has found his niche and is now a very successful MD with friends (all a little quirky but really nice people)

The diagnosis of autism is a "persistant deficit" in social skills such that attempts to make friends are "typically unsuccessful." We have to draw a line at some point.

Yeah, my kid with ASD/ADHD with IEP has friends including a BFF at his mainstream school. Doubt he is losing the diagnosis anytime soon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. What I meant by "social support" is any of the following:
- Recognizing that even though my DC looks content playing alone, DC needs to learn to play with other kids.
- Understanding that recess (and other non-structured periods) are the golden opportunity for my DC is learn social skills and willing to help DC to connect with other kids, even just by simple gesture "Let's see what (Friend A) is playing." or said to (Friend A),"(DC) might be interested in what you're doing."
In short, the teacher should TRY to help facilitate social interaction as much as he/she would help other kids academically in the classroom.
- This might be a a stretch for most schools and will make them anxious ... consider parents bringing in an outside therapist during recess (push-in, not pull out).

I really try to be honest about my DC's diagnosis and needs, if there's an opportunity to talk to the admission privately during school visits/tours, but it always felt that I dropped a bomb and created a tension/awkwardness once the word "autism" comes out.

If these are the type of social supports you are looking for, you need to look at SN privates like Auburn. Mainstream schools, public or private, do not provide these supports. Public schools will provide it, if you specify in the IEP. I cannot image a school allowing you to bring in an outside therapist during recess past preschool.

These are blanket statements, so there's probably some truth and untruths. Many mainstream privates do have support services like ST and OTs. Some have social skills curriculums as part of educational approaches. (I have known some privates that have brought in outside therapist. Not common, but not impossible.)

Would your kid be able to respond to academic instruction and basically function in a classroom. From what you describe, your kid has rudimentary skills but could limp along socially without supports. If you are in denial and this is really "pie-in-the sky," then look at a SN school.

OP, I would look at Maddux. It's a mainstream school with built in educational supports. I'd invest the time and money now for a social skills group. Ivymount has great ones. In terms of traditional mainstream schools, focus your efforts on schools that have small classrooms and preferably already use a social skills curriculum and offer OT/ST. Even if your kid doesn't need ST/OT, it's an indication that schools acknowledge that some kids need support.

You still have to do testing, applications are generally due in January, and if your kid meets the first round, there is the playdate, which will be in the spring of 2016. Don't put your eggs in one basket, don't cross off SN schools b/c they are SN. Apply to a few different kinds of schools. For SN schools, the Exceptional Schools Fair is coming up: http://www.exceptionalschoolsfair.com

PP, what are the many mainstream schools that offer these supports? Please name them. I always thought Maddux was a special school.

So I'm not PP but I know a couple that do ... and am reluctant to "name them." That would feel like a betrayal in a way, because honestly these schools are forced to talk in very careful code to SN parents. To their credit, some of them actually are receptive to working with great kids who are a little bit different. They understand the truth that a generation ago the kids we are talking about would not have had a diagnosis at all. And none of them will contaminate the special snowflake typical kids with some kind of zombie apocalypse disease through mild social contact. These are wonderful children, who for the most part are smart (more than occasionally brilliant), naïve and socially vulnerable and almost pathologically honest and far more prone to being bullied and abused by the typically developing kids than they are to impede the typically developing kids' education in any important way. If you knew a bunch of HFA kids well I promise you would love them, and defend them and their right to try and integrate with the rest of the world, fiercely. I promise, if you are not a monster, that is how you would feel. Some of the schools get that. Most of the typical parents do not, not because they are monsters but because they do not understand and because they have been conditioned by their environment to think in a particular way and to fear what they do not understand. The schools have to deal with that, and have to be very careful about who they decide to try to help. And if they ever admitted on their web site that they were open to kids with learning and social differences, they would be destroyed by it--because of the insane, superficial, status-hounding culture of this city. For heaven's sake, look even at Maddux's web site. They are indeed a very special place, filled with people who have dedicated their entire lives to helping special kids. Even they can't forthrightly say what they are doing.

Do you realize you are posting on the Kids With Special Needs message board? Will you please spare us with this "private schools are forced to be cagey about admitting kids with SN" crap? And "If you knew kids with SN you would love them?" Perhaps you thought you were posting on the Private Schools board and this is how people there talk about our kids. I am glad to say I don't read that crap.

Sorry I see what you mean but I am just really sad and pissed off about this particular issue right now. And this thread doesn't help, with all the "it's perfectly reasonable and not a values issue at all for private schools to shun whoever they want to for whatever reason" crap.

No, I'm sorry for snapping at you--this thread is pissing me off too but you were not the right person to take it out on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Depends on what you mean by "great". If you mean academics, sure. But the question with smart kids with ASD is whether they'll be happy at the school and have friends.

But why would they necessarily be happier at a SN school? Socially challenged Aspie kids don't necessarily get along well with other socially challenged Aspie kids. I would think OP's child would learn more, more quickly about social issues in a mainstream private.

Every kid is different. My socially challenged Aspie kid LOVEs other socially challenged Aspie (or otherwise developmentally delayed) kids. He never had a friend until we went to a SN school, and once we did he had friends immediately. It probably has to do, in large part, with why a kid is socially unsuccessful. The ones (like mine) who are highly socially motivated and gregarious and goofy, but get shunned in mainstream environments because they seem weird and can't catch a ball or hang from the monkeybars, need peers who won't judge them. A kid who just isn't that interested in other kids, and therefore kind of self-isolates, might actually need peers who are more socially aware and capable, and willing to make an effort. Either way, in the early grades it will help a lot to have adults around who are attentive to classroom and playground dynamics and working to steer interactions in a positive direction. Some SN schools essentially make recess part of the curriculum and a teaching opportunity. At most mainstream schools, recess and PE are more or less Lord of the Flies.

This really hits home PP. Our DD really struggles socially - she is very socially motivated but intense, goofy, quirky, etc. she is certainly being shunned, and being called weird by her classmates. Which SN schools stress social skills teaching opportunities at recess? If we can't afford a private special needs school, how do we find other Aspie kids? We are new to the area, and our DD just wants to connect with some kids who may "get her" or at least not judge her quite as quickly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Depends on what you mean by "great". If you mean academics, sure. But the question with smart kids with ASD is whether they'll be happy at the school and have friends.

But why would they necessarily be happier at a SN school? Socially challenged Aspie kids don't necessarily get along well with other socially challenged Aspie kids. I would think OP's child would learn more, more quickly about social issues in a mainstream private.

Every kid is different. My socially challenged Aspie kid LOVEs other socially challenged Aspie (or otherwise developmentally delayed) kids. He never had a friend until we went to a SN school, and once we did he had friends immediately. It probably has to do, in large part, with why a kid is socially unsuccessful. The ones (like mine) who are highly socially motivated and gregarious and goofy, but get shunned in mainstream environments because they seem weird and can't catch a ball or hang from the monkeybars, need peers who won't judge them. A kid who just isn't that interested in other kids, and therefore kind of self-isolates, might actually need peers who are more socially aware and capable, and willing to make an effort. Either way, in the early grades it will help a lot to have adults around who are attentive to classroom and playground dynamics and working to steer interactions in a positive direction. Some SN schools essentially make recess part of the curriculum and a teaching opportunity. At most mainstream schools, recess and PE are more or less Lord of the Flies.

This really hits home PP. Our DD really struggles socially - she is very socially motivated but intense, goofy, quirky, etc. she is certainly being shunned, and being called weird by her classmates. Which SN schools stress social skills teaching opportunities at recess? If we can't afford a private special needs school, how do we find other Aspie kids? We are new to the area, and our DD just wants to connect with some kids who may "get her" or at least not judge her quite as quickly.

If your dd is young, I can't recommend Maddux enough for exactly this.

[Anonymous]

in relation to one of the above Previous Posters questions: does anyone know a group in the area for kids with HFA or Asperger's to connect and perhaps make friends?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. What I meant by "social support" is any of the following:
- Recognizing that even though my DC looks content playing alone, DC needs to learn to play with other kids.
- Understanding that recess (and other non-structured periods) are the golden opportunity for my DC is learn social skills and willing to help DC to connect with other kids, even just by simple gesture "Let's see what (Friend A) is playing." or said to (Friend A),"(DC) might be interested in what you're doing."
In short, the teacher should TRY to help facilitate social interaction as much as he/she would help other kids academically in the classroom.
- This might be a a stretch for most schools and will make them anxious ... consider parents bringing in an outside therapist during recess (push-in, not pull out).

I really try to be honest about my DC's diagnosis and needs, if there's an opportunity to talk to the admission privately during school visits/tours, but it always felt that I dropped a bomb and created a tension/awkwardness once the word "autism" comes out.

If these are the type of social supports you are looking for, you need to look at SN privates like Auburn. Mainstream schools, public or private, do not provide these supports. Public schools will provide it, if you specify in the IEP. I cannot image a school allowing you to bring in an outside therapist during recess past preschool.

These are blanket statements, so there's probably some truth and untruths. Many mainstream privates do have support services like ST and OTs. Some have social skills curriculums as part of educational approaches. (I have known some privates that have brought in outside therapist. Not common, but not impossible.)

Would your kid be able to respond to academic instruction and basically function in a classroom. From what you describe, your kid has rudimentary skills but could limp along socially without supports. If you are in denial and this is really "pie-in-the sky," then look at a SN school.

OP, I would look at Maddux. It's a mainstream school with built in educational supports. I'd invest the time and money now for a social skills group. Ivymount has great ones. In terms of traditional mainstream schools, focus your efforts on schools that have small classrooms and preferably already use a social skills curriculum and offer OT/ST. Even if your kid doesn't need ST/OT, it's an indication that schools acknowledge that some kids need support.

You still have to do testing, applications are generally due in January, and if your kid meets the first round, there is the playdate, which will be in the spring of 2016. Don't put your eggs in one basket, don't cross off SN schools b/c they are SN. Apply to a few different kinds of schools. For SN schools, the Exceptional Schools Fair is coming up: http://www.exceptionalschoolsfair.com

PP, what are the many mainstream schools that offer these supports? Please name them. I always thought Maddux was a special school.

So I'm not PP but I know a couple that do ... and am reluctant to "name them." That would feel like a betrayal in a way, because honestly these schools are forced to talk in very careful code to SN parents. To their credit, some of them actually are receptive to working with great kids who are a little bit different. They understand the truth that a generation ago the kids we are talking about would not have had a diagnosis at all. And none of them will contaminate the special snowflake typical kids with some kind of zombie apocalypse disease through mild social contact. These are wonderful children, who for the most part are smart (more than occasionally brilliant), naïve and socially vulnerable and almost pathologically honest and far more prone to being bullied and abused by the typically developing kids than they are to impede the typically developing kids' education in any important way. If you knew a bunch of HFA kids well I promise you would love them, and defend them and their right to try and integrate with the rest of the world, fiercely. I promise, if you are not a monster, that is how you would feel. Some of the schools get that. Most of the typical parents do not, not because they are monsters but because they do not understand and because they have been conditioned by their environment to think in a particular way and to fear what they do not understand. The schools have to deal with that, and have to be very careful about who they decide to try to help. And if they ever admitted on their web site that they were open to kids with learning and social differences, they would be destroyed by it--because of the insane, superficial, status-hounding culture of this city. For heaven's sake, look even at Maddux's web site. They are indeed a very special place, filled with people who have dedicated their entire lives to helping special kids. Even they can't forthrightly say what they are doing.

Well put! you descirbed my Aspie to a "T".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:in relation to one of the above Previous Posters questions: does anyone know a group in the area for kids with HFA or Asperger's to connect and perhaps make friends?

Does your child play chess? We went to a chess tournament recently and it was Aspie heaven, even my kid with Asperger's found other kids to hang out with between matches.

If your child likes chess or wants to learn you may want to check out us chess center in DC and/or silver Knights in VA.

Chess for my kid has been wonderful especially for his self-esteem.

[Anonymous]

A chess club sounds perfect! I will see if there is one nearby, thanks!