Applying to mainstream private schools: When/how should I tell the admission about DC's autism?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. What I meant by "social support" is any of the following:
- Recognizing that even though my DC looks content playing alone, DC needs to learn to play with other kids.
- Understanding that recess (and other non-structured periods) are the golden opportunity for my DC is learn social skills and willing to help DC to connect with other kids, even just by simple gesture "Let's see what (Friend A) is playing." or said to (Friend A),"(DC) might be interested in what you're doing."
In short, the teacher should TRY to help facilitate social interaction as much as he/she would help other kids academically in the classroom.
- This might be a a stretch for most schools and will make them anxious ... consider parents bringing in an outside therapist during recess (push-in, not pull out).

I really try to be honest about my DC's diagnosis and needs, if there's an opportunity to talk to the admission privately during school visits/tours, but it always felt that I dropped a bomb and created a tension/awkwardness once the word "autism" comes out.

You are right not to bring it up in the group tours, but it's worth calling and talking to the AD one on one.

But honestly, it doesn't sound like your kid is going to be as good a fit to a mainstream school then to one that is more inclusive. Have you checked out McClean/Siena etc?

[Anonymous]

With respect, OP, you very much are wearing "preschool glasses." Just keep that in mind as you go forward. It gets difficult, if not impossible, for instructors and aides to micromanage social relationships with every passing year. The counselor at DS's independent makes a laudable effort and fostering/promoting/forcing (!) inclusiveness among students ....but kids past the age of 6, certainly 8, will do exactly as they want to do socially.

- Recognizing that even though my DC looks content playing alone, DC needs to learn to play with other kids.

You mean during recess? Because after K, kids don't "play" anymore at school.

- Understanding that recess (and other non-structured periods) are the golden opportunity for my DC is learn social skills and willing to help DC to connect with other kids, even just by simple gesture "Let's see what (Friend A) is playing." or said to (Friend A),"(DC) might be interested in what you're doing." All good teachers will do this, autism or not. But see my point above about your preschool filter and kids being autonomous after a certain age and shrugging off such "direction"
In short, the teacher should TRY to help facilitate social interaction as much as he/she would help other kids academically in the classroom.

All the top independents will promote social skills during the academic day. I'd be surprised if any systematically help certain kids "connect with other kids" on an ongoing basis.

- This might be a a stretch for most schools and will make them anxious ... consider parents bringing in an outside therapist during recess (push-in, not pull out).

Never.

[Anonymous]

I think that you need to look at what type of school would be best for your dc in the short term. I have a child with ADHD and HFA who has always struggled with social skills and making friends so I do understand your anxiety. Please also note that where your child attends school for 1st grade may not necessarily be where he attends for 4th grade or 8th grade or 12th grade. You may need to change schools based on how his needs change. We have done that. You have to remember that at the mainstream schools the kids are going to be pretty socially savvy, even in first grade. The teacher (who won't have any training in social skills for special needs kids) may prompt your child to join a group but it is possible that your child will not be able to follow the social interactions and will retreat. I'm not saying that your child will never be able to attend a mainstream private but if he needs this much social support right now, I think that you should look at a more nurturing environment where he can find peers that will be more accepting and teachers with the expertise you need. I would visit McLean (as a pp said), Newton (although it's in Sterling, VA, the academics are top notch and there is a strong social skills program) and The Maddux School. Although Maddux only goes up to second grade, a couple of years there could give your dc what he needs to transition to a mainstream school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. What I meant by "social support" is any of the following:
- Recognizing that even though my DC looks content playing alone, DC needs to learn to play with other kids.
- Understanding that recess (and other non-structured periods) are the golden opportunity for my DC is learn social skills and willing to help DC to connect with other kids, even just by simple gesture "Let's see what (Friend A) is playing." or said to (Friend A),"(DC) might be interested in what you're doing."
In short, the teacher should TRY to help facilitate social interaction as much as he/she would help other kids academically in the classroom.
- This might be a a stretch for most schools and will make them anxious ... consider parents bringing in an outside therapist during recess (push-in, not pull out).

I really try to be honest about my DC's diagnosis and needs, if there's an opportunity to talk to the admission privately during school visits/tours, but it always felt that I dropped a bomb and created a tension/awkwardness once the word "autism" comes out.

If these are the type of social supports you are looking for, you need to look at SN privates like Auburn. Mainstream schools, public or private, do not provide these supports. Public schools will provide it, if you specify in the IEP. I cannot image a school allowing you to bring in an outside therapist during recess past preschool.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Since you want to make sure your child is in the learning environment best suited to his /her needs, you should be straight forward and tell them right up front. The last thing you want is to waste valuable time learning your child needs to be elsewhere. Assuming of course, that the school somehow misses the diagnosis during the admission process, which is unlikely.

Agree. You need to be upfront about the diagnosis and tell the school when you apply. All schools have a section where they ask you if there is anything you need to tell the school about your child and certainly having an ASD diagnosis is not something you should hide.

Our kid with ASD was accepted for preschool at a mainstream private before we knew he was on the spectrum, he had just turned 4, but there is no way of squeaking under the radar at 5. We chose a language immersion charter over the private school where he later got a diagnosis and an IEP - thank our lucky stars bc we most likely could not have stayed at the private school.

NP. Our kid with ASD was accepted for K at a mainstream private before we knew he was on the spectrum (we had an earlier--not completely accurate diagnosis--that we shared with the admissions staff).
This enrollment not work out and we subsequently left prior to end of the school year. Transitioning twice was not easy.

[Anonymous]

OP, why do you want a mainstream school and not a specialized school?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. What I meant by "social support" is any of the following:
- Recognizing that even though my DC looks content playing alone, DC needs to learn to play with other kids.
- Understanding that recess (and other non-structured periods) are the golden opportunity for my DC is learn social skills and willing to help DC to connect with other kids, even just by simple gesture "Let's see what (Friend A) is playing." or said to (Friend A),"(DC) might be interested in what you're doing."
In short, the teacher should TRY to help facilitate social interaction as much as he/she would help other kids academically in the classroom.
- This might be a a stretch for most schools and will make them anxious ... consider parents bringing in an outside therapist during recess (push-in, not pull out).

I really try to be honest about my DC's diagnosis and needs, if there's an opportunity to talk to the admission privately during school visits/tours, but it always felt that I dropped a bomb and created a tension/awkwardness once the word "autism" comes out.

If these are the type of social supports you are looking for, you need to look at SN privates like Auburn. Mainstream schools, public or private, do not provide these supports. Public schools will provide it, if you specify in the IEP. I cannot image a school allowing you to bring in an outside therapist during recess past preschool.

These are blanket statements, so there's probably some truth and untruths. Many mainstream privates do have support services like ST and OTs. Some have social skills curriculums as part of educational approaches. (I have known some privates that have brought in outside therapist. Not common, but not impossible.)

Would your kid be able to respond to academic instruction and basically function in a classroom. From what you describe, your kid has rudimentary skills but could limp along socially without supports. If you are in denial and this is really "pie-in-the sky," then look at a SN school.

OP, I would look at Maddux. It's a mainstream school with built in educational supports. I'd invest the time and money now for a social skills group. Ivymount has great ones. In terms of traditional mainstream schools, focus your efforts on schools that have small classrooms and preferably already use a social skills curriculum and offer OT/ST. Even if your kid doesn't need ST/OT, it's an indication that schools acknowledge that some kids need support.

You still have to do testing, applications are generally due in January, and if your kid meets the first round, there is the playdate, which will be in the spring of 2016. Don't put your eggs in one basket, don't cross off SN schools b/c they are SN. Apply to a few different kinds of schools. For SN schools, the Exceptional Schools Fair is coming up: http://www.exceptionalschoolsfair.com

[Anonymous]

I'm sympathetic, OP. It is hard to make the leap from preschool to "real school" after having hoped for years that all your efforts and therapy would make mainstream school work out. For me, there was something psychological about needing therapy and help in the preschool years that felt much more like a social stigma for K and beyond. I guess b/c so many people say "He'll grow outta of it!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sympathetic, OP. It is hard to make the leap from preschool to "real school" after having hoped for years that all your efforts and therapy would make mainstream school work out. For me, there was something psychological about needing therapy and help in the preschool years that felt much more like a social stigma for K and beyond. I guess b/c so many people say "He'll grow outta of it!"

Mainstream public school can work out for kids with ASD - mainstream privates are a different animal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. What I meant by "social support" is any of the following:
- Recognizing that even though my DC looks content playing alone, DC needs to learn to play with other kids.
- Understanding that recess (and other non-structured periods) are the golden opportunity for my DC is learn social skills and willing to help DC to connect with other kids, even just by simple gesture "Let's see what (Friend A) is playing." or said to (Friend A),"(DC) might be interested in what you're doing."
In short, the teacher should TRY to help facilitate social interaction as much as he/she would help other kids academically in the classroom.
- This might be a a stretch for most schools and will make them anxious ... consider parents bringing in an outside therapist during recess (push-in, not pull out).

I really try to be honest about my DC's diagnosis and needs, if there's an opportunity to talk to the admission privately during school visits/tours, but it always felt that I dropped a bomb and created a tension/awkwardness once the word "autism" comes out.

If these are the type of social supports you are looking for, you need to look at SN privates like Auburn. Mainstream schools, public or private, do not provide these supports. Public schools will provide it, if you specify in the IEP. I cannot image a school allowing you to bring in an outside therapist during recess past preschool.

These are blanket statements, so there's probably some truth and untruths. Many mainstream privates do have support services like ST and OTs. Some have social skills curriculums as part of educational approaches. (I have known some privates that have brought in outside therapist. Not common, but not impossible.)

Would your kid be able to respond to academic instruction and basically function in a classroom. From what you describe, your kid has rudimentary skills but could limp along socially without supports. If you are in denial and this is really "pie-in-the sky," then look at a SN school.

OP, I would look at Maddux. It's a mainstream school with built in educational supports. I'd invest the time and money now for a social skills group. Ivymount has great ones. In terms of traditional mainstream schools, focus your efforts on schools that have small classrooms and preferably already use a social skills curriculum and offer OT/ST. Even if your kid doesn't need ST/OT, it's an indication that schools acknowledge that some kids need support.

You still have to do testing, applications are generally due in January, and if your kid meets the first round, there is the playdate, which will be in the spring of 2016. Don't put your eggs in one basket, don't cross off SN schools b/c they are SN. Apply to a few different kinds of schools. For SN schools, the Exceptional Schools Fair is coming up: http://www.exceptionalschoolsfair.com

Many mainstream schools have a social curriculum like "Responsive classroom": http://www.responsiveclassroom.org/

http://www.beauvoirschool.org/podium/default.aspx?t=154427

Beauvoir and many other schools in the area use this model. Our public charter uses this also but all the social supports DS with ASD receives is through the IEP not responsive classroom. Responsive classroom is a social curriculum designed for NT kids.

This type of a social curriculum usually isn't enough social support for kids who are on the spectrum and will not give OP the amount of social skills support she is seeking for her child.

OP should look at private SN schools like Maddux, Auburn, etc. or public with IEP if she wants the type of social supports she describes for her child.

[Anonymous]

15:42 with all do respect, there are kids on the spectrum at almost every mainstream. I've known ASD kids at Harbor, WES, Lowell, Field, GDS, and Norwood for starters. If you've met one kid with autism, you've met one kid with autism. It really depends on the kid. OP, the school can tell you if they are a right fit for your kid.

[Anonymous]

Thank you for the suggestions and supports, to all PP.
Of course, I am also considering (and have been visiting) some SN privates. But I need more input on how to approach the mainstream schools. Thus, this post.

DC has been in various mainstream and SN summer/break camps for the past year (I tell them about the diagnosis). DC liked to talk to the camps counselors instead of playing with peers, but no other major issues. Surprisingly, I was very disappointed with the highly-regarded SN private which was supposed to be known for its social support (long story).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:15:42 with all do respect, there are kids on the spectrum at almost every mainstream. I've known ASD kids at Harbor, WES, Lowell, Field, GDS, and Norwood for starters. If you've met one kid with autism, you've met one kid with autism. It really depends on the kid. OP, the school can tell you if they are a right fit for your kid.

Op listed very specific types of social supports including:

Recognizing that even though my DC looks content playing alone, DC needs to learn to play with other kids.
- Understanding that recess (and other non-structured periods) are the golden opportunity for my DC is learn social skills and willing to help DC to connect with other kids, even just by simple gesture "Let's see what (Friend A) is playing." or said to (Friend A),"(DC) might be interested in what you're doing."
In short, the teacher should TRY to help facilitate social interaction as much as he/she would help other kids academically in the classroom.
- This might be a a stretch for most schools and will make them anxious ... consider parents bringing in an outside therapist during recess (push-in, not pull out).

I agree with you that there are kids with ASD at every mainstream private school. My DH, FIL, BIL and brothers who probably are on the spectrum attended mainstream private schools K-12 but saying that the kind of social supports OP wants are available at mainstream private schools is just not true.

We applied to a mainstream private and turned it down prior to DS getting an ASD diagnosis but will be applying to mainstream private schools for middle school. We don't expect anything more than small class sizes to be honest and minimal social supports - just what the NT kids get. We will be submitting his entire neuropsych eval with the application.

[Anonymous]

What the OP listed as supports are basically "verbal prompts" from the teacher. If this is sufficient for her kid, then she'd be fine at a mainstream.

If her kid actually needs more than a verbal prompt and actually needs to practice his social skills with more teacher oversight and facilitation, then probably not.

OP needs to be upfront with any school about her kid's challenges. If not OP you may end up with a miserable kid and/or be counseled out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What the OP listed as supports are basically "verbal prompts" from the teacher. If this is sufficient for her kid, then she'd be fine at a mainstream.

If her kid actually needs more than a verbal prompt and actually needs to practice his social skills with more teacher oversight and facilitation, then probably not.

OP needs to be upfront with any school about her kid's challenges. If not OP you may end up with a miserable kid and/or be counseled out.

That is a good start. My criteria of whether the school is a good fit is if DS (with ASD/ADHD) is a happy child who likes school and has friends. Is a full participant in school activities including recess and not off to the sidelines by himself. We work hard on his IEP every year to make sure that this is the case. Participation was the main criteria for our developmental pediatrician too on whether the school will work for DS. Originally this wasn't the case pre diagnosis and IEP but we made it work with supports/services.

OP, did he participate at those mainstream camps? Do the projects with other kids? Is he OK with working in a group? If he needs adult interventions (more than a vocal prompt) to participate, he needs more supports.