Applying to mainstream private schools: When/how should I tell the admission about DC's autism?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What the OP listed as supports are basically "verbal prompts" from the teacher. If this is sufficient for her kid, then she'd be fine at a mainstream.

If her kid actually needs more than a verbal prompt and actually needs to practice his social skills with more teacher oversight and facilitation, then probably not.

OP needs to be upfront with any school about her kid's challenges. If not OP you may end up with a miserable kid and/or be counseled out.

That is a good start. My criteria of whether the school is a good fit is if DS (with ASD/ADHD) is a happy child who likes school and has friends. Is a full participant in school activities including recess and not off to the sidelines by himself. We work hard on his IEP every year to make sure that this is the case. Participation was the main criteria for our developmental pediatrician too on whether the school will work for DS. Originally this wasn't the case pre diagnosis and IEP but we made it work with supports/services.

OP, did he participate at those mainstream camps? Do the projects with other kids? Is he OK with working in a group? If he needs adult interventions (more than a vocal prompt) to participate, he needs more supports.

PP, your kid with the IEP is in public school. The situation is not relevant to a parent trying to put a kid in a private, non-therapeutic school: in DC, they don't do IEPs. Don't manage them, don't coordinate, and sure as heck do not provide services mandated by an IEP.

I have no idea where this PP --

Many mainstream privates do have support services like ST and OTs.

-- is getting her information. Schools like Maret, Sidwell, NCS and Sheridan do not offer occupational and speech therapy during the day. No way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:15:42 with all do respect, there are kids on the spectrum at almost every mainstream. I've known ASD kids at Harbor, WES, Lowell, Field, GDS, and Norwood for starters. If you've met one kid with autism, you've met one kid with autism. It really depends on the kid. OP, the school can tell you if they are a right fit for your kid.

The question is were the children you know who are on the spectrum admitted to a private school before or after the diagnosis was known. Did the school, or even the parents, know that the student was ASD before being admitted?

Which schools would be open to admitting a student with a known diagnosis and would willing to work on social supports vs. schools who will work with a student with a new diagnosis who is already at the school vs. schools that won't deal with it at all.

[Anonymous]

OP,Can you tell us more about why you didn't like the experience at the SN summer camp?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sympathetic, OP. It is hard to make the leap from preschool to "real school" after having hoped for years that all your efforts and therapy would make mainstream school work out. For me, there was something psychological about needing therapy and help in the preschool years that felt much more like a social stigma for K and beyond. I guess b/c so many people say "He'll grow outta of it!"

Mainstream public school can work out for kids with ASD - mainstream privates are a different animal.

BTDT

I was in love with the private school that my kid with ASD attended. (He wasn't DX'd yet.) When he started having problems in kindergarten, they had no idea what to do with him. When we got the DX, they still didn't know what to do. We gave them carte blanche access to our psychologist and they didn't use it at all. They didn't talk to her. They didn't want to meet with her. They didn't take any of the steps she recommended. They were completely over-whelmed about what to do with this kid.

We moved DS to a public school. He was placed in a mainstream classroom with an IEP and push-in and pull-out support services. He did very well there, and with support, he did better and better. He is now in a mainstream middle school and has very limited support. (He meets with the school social worker once a week and meets with his ST once a week.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sympathetic, OP. It is hard to make the leap from preschool to "real school" after having hoped for years that all your efforts and therapy would make mainstream school work out. For me, there was something psychological about needing therapy and help in the preschool years that felt much more like a social stigma for K and beyond. I guess b/c so many people say "He'll grow outta of it!"

Mainstream public school can work out for kids with ASD - mainstream privates are a different animal.

BTDT

I was in love with the private school that my kid with ASD attended. (He wasn't DX'd yet.) When he started having problems in kindergarten, they had no idea what to do with him. When we got the DX, they still didn't know what to do. We gave them carte blanche access to our psychologist and they didn't use it at all. They didn't talk to her. They didn't want to meet with her. They didn't take any of the steps she recommended. They were completely over-whelmed about what to do with this kid.

We moved DS to a public school. He was placed in a mainstream classroom with an IEP and push-in and pull-out support services. He did very well there, and with support, he did better and better. He is now in a mainstream middle school and has very limited support. (He meets with the school social worker once a week and meets with his ST once a week.)

We had the exact same experience with our pre-diagnosis mainstream private. We then moved to SN private and the difference was extraordinary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: When he started having problems in kindergarten, they had no idea what to do with him. When we got the DX, they still didn't know what to do. We gave them carte blanche access to our psychologist and they didn't use it at all. They didn't talk to her. They didn't want to meet with her. They didn't take any of the steps she recommended. They were completely over-whelmed about what to do with this kid.

I could have written this word for word for my kid... in public.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They asked us up front if our child had ever been evaluated by a psychologist or neuropsych. If the answer was yes, we had to submit the reports with our application materials. The rest of his application process was normal - interview, placement test, shadow day. The only other difference was that I had to sit for a separate interview with the dean to talk about his issues and how they might impact his behavior and academic performance, as well as whether we would be on the same page about discipline, etc. (mild aspie kid)

He got in and received financial aid and has thrived there ever since. That was in 3rd grade and he's in 6th now.

What school?

I don't feel comfortable disclosing the name of the school, but it's not a Big 3. It's a small non-religious independent in NoVa known for its academic rigor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:15:42 with all do respect, there are kids on the spectrum at almost every mainstream. I've known ASD kids at Harbor, WES, Lowell, Field, GDS, and Norwood for starters. If you've met one kid with autism, you've met one kid with autism. It really depends on the kid. OP, the school can tell you if they are a right fit for your kid.

The question is were the children you know who are on the spectrum admitted to a private school before or after the diagnosis was known. Did the school, or even the parents, know that the student was ASD before being admitted?

Which schools would be open to admitting a student with a known diagnosis and would willing to work on social supports vs. schools who will work with a student with a new diagnosis who is already at the school vs. schools that won't deal with it at all.

Yes, the parents and the schools knew of the diagnosis. But it's irrelevant. BTW, all of these private schools in DC and MD offer learning support of some kind or another, so it's not out of the realm of possibility that kids can get what they need:

Beauvoir: http://www.beauvoirschool.org/podium/default.aspx?t=24022

Georgetown Day: http://www.gds.org/Page/Academics/Student-Support

Lowell School: http://www.lowellschool.org/Page/Programs/Primary-School/Resources--Support

National Cathedral School: http://ncs.cathedral.org/Page/Academics/Teaching--Learning-Center

St. John’s: http://www.stjohnschs.org/academics/benilde

Bullis: http://www.bullis.org/page.cfm?p=591

Charles E. Smith School: http://www.cesjds.org/page.cfm?p=403

Norwood School: http://www.norwoodschool.org/Page/Program/Student-Support-Services

St. Andrews: http://www.saes.org/Page/Academics/Academic-Resources/Accommodations

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:15:42 with all do respect, there are kids on the spectrum at almost every mainstream. I've known ASD kids at Harbor, WES, Lowell, Field, GDS, and Norwood for starters. If you've met one kid with autism, you've met one kid with autism. It really depends on the kid. OP, the school can tell you if they are a right fit for your kid.

The question is were the children you know who are on the spectrum admitted to a private school before or after the diagnosis was known. Did the school, or even the parents, know that the student was ASD before being admitted?

Which schools would be open to admitting a student with a known diagnosis and would willing to work on social supports vs. schools who will work with a student with a new diagnosis who is already at the school vs. schools that won't deal with it at all.

Yes, the parents and the schools knew of the diagnosis. But it's irrelevant. BTW, all of these private schools in DC and MD offer learning support of some kind or another, so it's not out of the realm of possibility that kids can get what they need:

Beauvoir: http://www.beauvoirschool.org/podium/default.aspx?t=24022

Georgetown Day: http://www.gds.org/Page/Academics/Student-Support

Lowell School: http://www.lowellschool.org/Page/Programs/Primary-School/Resources--Support

National Cathedral School: http://ncs.cathedral.org/Page/Academics/Teaching--Learning-Center

St. John’s: http://www.stjohnschs.org/academics/benilde

Bullis: http://www.bullis.org/page.cfm?p=591

Charles E. Smith School: http://www.cesjds.org/page.cfm?p=403

Norwood School: http://www.norwoodschool.org/Page/Program/Student-Support-Services

St. Andrews: http://www.saes.org/Page/Academics/Academic-Resources/Accommodations

These links aren't what is being discussed here. Help with attaining grade-level mastery of essay writing and after-school math tutoring is in no way synonymous with the therapeutic supports typically needed for autistic kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:15:42 with all do respect, there are kids on the spectrum at almost every mainstream. I've known ASD kids at Harbor, WES, Lowell, Field, GDS, and Norwood for starters. If you've met one kid with autism, you've met one kid with autism. It really depends on the kid. OP, the school can tell you if they are a right fit for your kid.

The question is were the children you know who are on the spectrum admitted to a private school before or after the diagnosis was known. Did the school, or even the parents, know that the student was ASD before being admitted?

Which schools would be open to admitting a student with a known diagnosis and would willing to work on social supports vs. schools who will work with a student with a new diagnosis who is already at the school vs. schools that won't deal with it at all.

Yes, the parents and the schools knew of the diagnosis. But it's irrelevant. BTW, all of these private schools in DC and MD offer learning support of some kind or another, so it's not out of the realm of possibility that kids can get what they need:

Beauvoir: http://www.beauvoirschool.org/podium/default.aspx?t=24022

Georgetown Day: http://www.gds.org/Page/Academics/Student-Support

Lowell School: http://www.lowellschool.org/Page/Programs/Primary-School/Resources--Support

National Cathedral School: http://ncs.cathedral.org/Page/Academics/Teaching--Learning-Center

St. John’s: http://www.stjohnschs.org/academics/benilde

Bullis: http://www.bullis.org/page.cfm?p=591

Charles E. Smith School: http://www.cesjds.org/page.cfm?p=403

Norwood School: http://www.norwoodschool.org/Page/Program/Student-Support-Services

St. Andrews: http://www.saes.org/Page/Academics/Academic-Resources/Accommodations

These links aren't what is being discussed here. Help with attaining grade-level mastery of essay writing and after-school math tutoring is in no way synonymous with the therapeutic supports typically needed for autistic kids.

Exactly. My kid with ASD has no problems keeping up academically and is above grade level across the board. What OP is asking for and what is relevant here is the amount of SOCIAL Communication supports that a mainstream private school can provide.

[Anonymous]

I'm the PP who was up front with the school and he's thriving now in 6th grade. Are you involved in any groups for ASD kids or do you like and trust your psychologist? We asked our psychologist for school recommendations and she pointed us toward our school. It is not marketed in any way as a special needs school and I would never have thought to apply there since our DS had acted out a bit in public school, but she knew the faculty there and that several of the top faculty actually had kids of their own with ASD. She said she thought they would be in our corner and she was right. She also recommended a couple of public schools in a neighboring district, but it was easier for us to go private than to sell our house and move.

[Anonymous]

It's sad that these private schools apparently cannot accommodate learning and social differences at all. What kind of values are they teaching?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What the OP listed as supports are basically "verbal prompts" from the teacher. If this is sufficient for her kid, then she'd be fine at a mainstream.

If her kid actually needs more than a verbal prompt and actually needs to practice his social skills with more teacher oversight and facilitation, then probably not.

OP needs to be upfront with any school about her kid's challenges. If not OP you may end up with a miserable kid and/or be counseled out.

That is a good start. My criteria of whether the school is a good fit is if DS (with ASD/ADHD) is a happy child who likes school and has friends. Is a full participant in school activities including recess and not off to the sidelines by himself. We work hard on his IEP every year to make sure that this is the case. Participation was the main criteria for our developmental pediatrician too on whether the school will work for DS. Originally this wasn't the case pre diagnosis and IEP but we made it work with supports/services.

OP, did he participate at those mainstream camps? Do the projects with other kids? Is he OK with working in a group? If he needs adult interventions (more than a vocal prompt) to participate, he needs more supports.

PP, your kid with the IEP is in public school. The situation is not relevant to a parent trying to put a kid in a private, non-therapeutic school: in DC, they don't do IEPs. Don't manage them, don't coordinate, and sure as heck do not provide services mandated by an IEP.

I have no idea where this PP --

Many mainstream privates do have support services like ST and OTs.

-- is getting her information. Schools like Maret, Sidwell, NCS and Sheridan do not offer occupational and speech therapy during the day. No way.

I am 17:38 and posted the quote at the top. We did apply to a mainstream private and was accepted prior to diagnosis. At the time we chose public because we liked the immersion language which after we got a diagnosis turned out to be the right decision.

DS is the only member in our families who has ever attended a public school for any grade and we like his current public school and are happy with the supports in the IEP to stay in DC when we can live anywhere.

We will be applying to mainstream privates but for middle school. Not relevant to OP since she is looking for 1st but our neuropsych recommends Field for our DS with ASD/ADHD which we'll be applying to with various other mainstream private schools attended by family members not in this area.

And yes, we'll be using the same criteria as above to judge whether the school is a good fit.

[Anonymous]

^actually "the good start..." Poster not one at the top

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. What I meant by "social support" is any of the following:
- Recognizing that even though my DC looks content playing alone, DC needs to learn to play with other kids.
- Understanding that recess (and other non-structured periods) are the golden opportunity for my DC is learn social skills and willing to help DC to connect with other kids, even just by simple gesture "Let's see what (Friend A) is playing." or said to (Friend A),"(DC) might be interested in what you're doing."
In short, the teacher should TRY to help facilitate social interaction as much as he/she would help other kids academically in the classroom.
- This might be a a stretch for most schools and will make them anxious ... consider parents bringing in an outside therapist during recess (push-in, not pull out).

I really try to be honest about my DC's diagnosis and needs, if there's an opportunity to talk to the admission privately during school visits/tours, but it always felt that I dropped a bomb and created a tension/awkwardness once the word "autism" comes out.

yes, teachers can and will do those things at the beginning of the year but for your child is that really all it will take? For an NT child, the "social support" listed above would be enough to help them get acclimated socially after a few weeeks. Will it be the same for your child? Or do you anticipate that your child will need this support all year, every day?
Will your child need friendship and social interaction reminders every single day all year? That's different than a child who needs reminding and redirection on occasion.

My child is at a "progressive" minded school and seen the autism churn. Parents come in believing that the small environment, the nurturing classroom will be enough and it's not. The school usually gives a couples years before they just let the parents know it's time to move on. During that time, the child just becomes more alienated from the very small peer groups that already exist given the size of classes. In a small environment like the dc area private schools a child who is different in terms of expected social behaviors sticks out so much more than he does in the larger classes of public school.