DH's job hunt: help me not be an ass.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

That's really patronizing. I am a woman btw. When I lost my job it took me a few months to grapple with my loss of identity..I was basically so down in the dumps even if I went for an interview I probably would not be able to represent myself well. After 8 months I felt alot better and found a job. You all have NO EMPATHY for your husbands what soever.

It took you 8 months to get over a layoff?

I hope nothing real traumatic happens to you in life. You may never recover.

Put your big girl panties on and face reality.

I'm doing just fine thank you. having found a job that paid me even better than before. You on the other hand good luck with your personal relationships with the way and lack of empathy for your supposed love ones.

Not everyone has enough money in the bank to mope for eight months.

Seriously, it sounds like you had an actual mental health problem.

Depression after a loss of a job is a valid issue..and many people may experience it. Not sure if you meant it as an insult. Yes I had money to tide me over for 8 months, after being a high flyer my entire life it was my first taste of failure. Not everyone has a stoic upper lip. Also you want to find the right job. One of my friends was in private equity and he not only needed a job, he needed a suitable one. Took him 6 months to find the right fit, glad his girlfriend was supportive. Sorry you don't have a nice reserve to tide you over such issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You didn't save any of his former income?! 220 k is a lot...

Ummm, that's a lot more than a lot! WTF do people do to earn salaries that high?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:unemployed for more than a month is unacceptable

Since when? it might be possible to get a temp job within a month, but a high level position? Not likely at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you me?

If I ask my husband to do the dishes, he'll say why do we have to generate so many dishes? We're a household of 4. If I ask him to take the trash out, he'll say he'll get to it later - which is never. We fight about this all the time and he would say he'll do better.

Very passive aggressive.

Here's the pattern: you ask for help, say for dishes, he shifts the topic to not whether he's going to help but the unrelated subject of why there are so many. It's a much more pleasant discussion than to be accountable for helping. And saying he will do something but not actually doing it is the definition of passive aggressive.

I'm sorry, your husband turned into a petulant teenager. I hope he grows up. I can see why the fights never get resolved: he perpetuates them, then you're the bad guy. What an ass.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

That's really patronizing. I am a woman btw. When I lost my job it took me a few months to grapple with my loss of identity..I was basically so down in the dumps even if I went for an interview I probably would not be able to represent myself well. After 8 months I felt alot better and found a job. You all have NO EMPATHY for your husbands what soever.

It took you 8 months to get over a layoff?

I hope nothing real traumatic happens to you in life. You may never recover.

Put your big girl panties on and face reality.

I think you are confusing "being a realist" with "being an asshole."

No I'm a realist. People need to stop being so sensitive and expect others to coddle them as they 'heal' from these traumatic events. We are adults....act like it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

That's really patronizing. I am a woman btw. When I lost my job it took me a few months to grapple with my loss of identity..I was basically so down in the dumps even if I went for an interview I probably would not be able to represent myself well. After 8 months I felt alot better and found a job. You all have NO EMPATHY for your husbands what soever.

It took you 8 months to get over a layoff?

I hope nothing real traumatic happens to you in life. You may never recover.

Put your big girl panties on and face reality.

I'm doing just fine thank you. having found a job that paid me even better than before. You on the other hand good luck with your personal relationships with the way and lack of empathy for your supposed love ones.

If someone wants empathy for 8 months because they lost their job, chances are they won't be a friend of mine. I don't hang around with children and whiners.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Depression after a loss of a job is a valid issue..and many people may experience it. Not sure if you meant it as an insult. Yes I had money to tide me over for 8 months, after being a high flyer my entire life it was my first taste of failure. Not everyone has a stoic upper lip. Also you want to find the right job. One of my friends was in private equity and he not only needed a job, he needed a suitable one. Took him 6 months to find the right fit, glad his girlfriend was supportive. Sorry you don't have a nice reserve to tide you over such issues.

It isn't about failure...it is about overestimating one's value. Jobs are just that....jobs. You may feel like you are some super star, but at the end of the day you are just another employee. From the CEO to the janitor....all are just employees. If you get laid off, it isn't because you are a failure. I believe in things happen for a reason....and look...you ended up with more money in the end. Happened to me the same way each time I was laid off. Always more money...and always a better gig. Luckily it didn't take 8 months then again I only needed a few days to process what happened.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

That's really patronizing. I am a woman btw. When I lost my job it took me a few months to grapple with my loss of identity..I was basically so down in the dumps even if I went for an interview I probably would not be able to represent myself well. After 8 months I felt alot better and found a job. You all have NO EMPATHY for your husbands what soever.

It took you 8 months to get over a layoff?

I hope nothing real traumatic happens to you in life. You may never recover.

Put your big girl panties on and face reality.

I'm doing just fine thank you. having found a job that paid me even better than before. You on the other hand good luck with your personal relationships with the way and lack of empathy for your supposed love ones.

If someone wants empathy for 8 months because they lost their job, chances are they won't be a friend of mine. I don't hang around with children and whiners.

Not the PP. I am not a child or a whiner but can we also agree not to be friends?

[Anonymous]

Hi - I've been through this twice with my husband. I'm primary breadwinner anyway, so theoretically he could could be SAHD. He's not cut out for it.

It is really hard. I understand how irked you can be coming home from a long day at work to the second shift and someone who hasn't been working. Last time my husband was unemployed he built a fancy desk and shelving unit for Legos and a train table. But he never did the laundry.

What worked for us was after an explosion or two, he picked a couple of areas to step up and owned them. He does all the grocery shopping and list making. Sure, he has an over the top system with a printed checklist in the order of the aisles, but it's done and it's done well. He did all the doctor checkups, field trip chaperone, and after a long discussion, we discontinued after care for the older child. I also take tasks and break them up: "do you want to put child to bed or make our dinner." "Geez, its messy. Do you want to straighten the kitchen or the family room." All work is easier if you're in it together.

At the same time he was diligently job hunting, but if you're a specialist, it just doesn't take all day. Now, he's got a better job than before and is really happy. While I'm happy too, my half of the doctor's appointments and such is kind of a bummer.

[Anonymous]

13:26 poster

PS: The grass is always greener.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Not the PP. I am not a child or a whiner but can we also agree not to be friends?

Agree

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Job search is also difficult..I have a friend that has been searching for a year. She keeps getting to the final round and then they offer it to another candidate. I have another friend who has a job but is job hunting..its been a year.

Feel sorry for those husbands with unsupportive wives

Yes I'm so unsupportive I've actually started putting in applications to get a 2nd job. Go to hell.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Losing a job is a traumatic event. I'm kind of aghast at how unsupportive you all are of your husbands.

Aghast but not surprised.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Job search is also difficult..I have a friend that has been searching for a year. She keeps getting to the final round and then they offer it to another candidate. I have another friend who has a job but is job hunting..its been a year.

Feel sorry for those husbands with unsupportive wives

Yes I'm so unsupportive I've actually started putting in applications to get a 2nd job. Go to hell.

Yeah so supportive that you're applying for a 2nd job but hate your husband secretly. You sound angry, take a chill pill.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

That's really patronizing. I am a woman btw. When I lost my job it took me a few months to grapple with my loss of identity..I was basically so down in the dumps even if I went for an interview I probably would not be able to represent myself well. After 8 months I felt alot better and found a job. You all have NO EMPATHY for your husbands what soever.

It took you 8 months to get over a layoff?

I hope nothing real traumatic happens to you in life. You may never recover.

Put your big girl panties on and face reality.

I'm doing just fine thank you. having found a job that paid me even better than before. You on the other hand good luck with your personal relationships with the way and lack of empathy for your supposed love ones.

If someone wants empathy for 8 months because they lost their job, chances are they won't be a friend of mine. I don't hang around with children and whiners.

Yeah, you probably don't have that many friends, because everyone around you is emotionally perfect all the time.