DH's job hunt: help me not be an ass.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So many judgmental harpies on here -- tell me, why does it matter to you if you got your job search going within 48 hrs of losing a job and someone else got theirs going within 8 months or a yr or 2 yrs? Did it occur to you that there are people out there with high incomes and high savings rates and thus can coast for a yr or more, even with kids?

Awesome for those of you who have the luxury to coast for months/years with no income - just don't criticize those of us who are forced to light a fire under our asses.

Noone seems to be criticizing you. You seem to be calling the others mentally ill and whiners.

[Anonymous]

I struggled often when my DH lost his job. It was one of the worst experiences ever in our marraige, that I pray we never have to go through again. Dh lost his job shortly after we bought our house so the timing was terrible as we'd just depleted our savings for the down payment. I can't say I always kept my cool because I didn't but what helped was trying to focus on the future. I knew he wouldn't be unemployed forever, so I tried to remind myself that we had many fabulous years ahead of us and that unemployment would soon be a distant memory.

When he was unemployed he did taking on doing lots of things around the house including keeping the house clean, all yard work, and making dinner nightly. I didn't ask him too, but he felt embarrassed about the situation. Coming home to a well cooked meal and clean home, did make it easier for me to accept him being unemployed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Losing a job is a traumatic event. I'm kind of aghast at how unsupportive you all are of your husbands.

I agree it is a traumatic event. But you should be over the shock within a day or two. Then you put your focus on finding a new job. Spend a few hours each morning searching, applying etc. Then you spend the rest of your day doing things you've wanted to get done while working, working out, enjoying the free time, etc.

But if someone is moping around for weeks and weeks and months about not having a job, they need to grow up and face reality.

I have been laid off a few times. It sucks....but being depressed won't help get you a job. Have some savings, keep your resume updated, and have a plan for when it happens.

I have known dozens of people who have been laid off or between jobs or couldn't get a job right out of school. Nobody is upbeat all the time or even half of the time. Nobody sets a goal of applying to at least five jobs per day and sticks to it. It is well and good to say people should do that. Nobody does it in reality so expecting them to is ridiculous.

(And if your response is "well I did!" please include your address so I can mail you a medal).

Well I did. I am a very positive person. I just took the task of finding a new job as my morning thing to do.

Get up, go to starbucks with my laptop, search and apply for a few hours, and then go about my day. There was plenty to do to keep my mind off the fact I wasn't working and that my severance/savings would eventually run out. It sucks, but it isn't the end of the world.

I have to wonder what kind of jobs you were applying for. When I was applying for jobs, I routinely spent 4-6 hours crafting the cover letter for each, and another hour or two customizing my CV or resume for the particular job opening. It wasn't a "click apply and upload generic resume" kind of thing. A few hours at Starbucks in the morning wouldn't have cut it. Applying for jobs WAS a full-time job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Losing a job is a traumatic event. I'm kind of aghast at how unsupportive you all are of your husbands.

I agree it is a traumatic event. But you should be over the shock within a day or two. Then you put your focus on finding a new job. Spend a few hours each morning searching, applying etc. Then you spend the rest of your day doing things you've wanted to get done while working, working out, enjoying the free time, etc.

But if someone is moping around for weeks and weeks and months about not having a job, they need to grow up and face reality.

I have been laid off a few times. It sucks....but being depressed won't help get you a job. Have some savings, keep your resume updated, and have a plan for when it happens.

I have known dozens of people who have been laid off or between jobs or couldn't get a job right out of school. Nobody is upbeat all the time or even half of the time. Nobody sets a goal of applying to at least five jobs per day and sticks to it. It is well and good to say people should do that. Nobody does it in reality so expecting them to is ridiculous.

(And if your response is "well I did!" please include your address so I can mail you a medal).

Well I did. I am a very positive person. I just took the task of finding a new job as my morning thing to do.

Get up, go to starbucks with my laptop, search and apply for a few hours, and then go about my day. There was plenty to do to keep my mind off the fact I wasn't working and that my severance/savings would eventually run out. It sucks, but it isn't the end of the world.

I have to wonder what kind of jobs you were applying for. When I was applying for jobs, I routinely spent 4-6 hours crafting the cover letter for each, and another hour or two customizing my CV or resume for the particular job opening. It wasn't a "click apply and upload generic resume" kind of thing. A few hours at Starbucks in the morning wouldn't have cut it. Applying for jobs WAS a full-time job.

Not to mention the more senior and specialized you get in your field, the fewer jobs that are online. It becomes more about talking to people and feeling out where there may be a need; sure you're doing some online apps, but showing up at Sbux and spending 3 hrs a day applying for jobs and then merrily move on with your day isn't realistic. I found there wasn't stuff being posted online/LinkedIn to apply for on a daily basis.

And agree with the PPs -- no one is blaming or criticizing the people who say -- who has 8 months to mope, I have bills to pay and kids. It's those folks who are criticizing the rest by saying they must be mentally ill or deficient in some way if they mope for a while or take months or yrs off after a job loss bc they can afford it. I don't see any of those folks saying -- see, you should have more money invested . . . .

[Anonymous]

If you are spending 4-6 hours "crafting" your cover letter for each job, you are wasting a ridiculous amount of time. Cut it down to less than an hour, likely no one is going to read your cover letter, anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you are spending 4-6 hours "crafting" your cover letter for each job, you are wasting a ridiculous amount of time. Cut it down to less than an hour, likely no one is going to read your cover letter, anyway.

I'm the person who posted that, and I completely disagree. I've been on interview panels for less senior positions in the same field, many times, and I absolutely read and pay attention to cover letters, as do my colleagues. I may not be 100% efficient in writing my own, granted, but I certainly know what a good one looks like, and I aimed to submit a good one. These aren't 2 paragraph cover letters. They're 2-3 page cover letters in a highly technical, highly competitive field.

[Anonymous]

The more I read the angry poster berating the other posters for taking a long time to find jobs the more I think she just be out of touch. Especially for professional jobs you have to do a lot of networking as the jobs aren't even posted. I always say the average job length is six months. And yes I absolutely tailor my cover letters and read them when I interview.

[Anonymous]

If you are looking for a mid level professional job you're not just going to get it next week.

[Anonymous]

OP with an update, if anyone is interested. DH got a job!! Whew.

Also, we've gotten better about communicating. Thanks for the helpful posts with perspective, guys.

[Anonymous]

so it took about 6 months to find a new job? that's not bad these days. Was he able to find equivalent employment or is he under employed?

[Anonymous]

Ever-so-slightly underemployed, but in a slightly different direction that he is happy about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Job search is also difficult..I have a friend that has been searching for a year. She keeps getting to the final round and then they offer it to another candidate. I have another friend who has a job but is job hunting..its been a year.

Feel sorry for those husbands with unsupportive wives

Yes I'm so unsupportive I've actually started putting in applications to get a 2nd job. Go to hell.

Yeah so supportive that you're applying for a 2nd job but hate your husband secretly. You sound angry, take a chill pill.

Yes I am bucking up and doing what I have to do to support my family - my DH included. How dare you label the women in this thread unsupportive.

By hiding behind a keyboard in his parents' basement, that's how.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP with an update, if anyone is interested. DH got a job!! Whew.

Also, we've gotten better about communicating. Thanks for the helpful posts with perspective, guys.

That is good news, OP.

[Anonymous]

Congratulations OP! And 6 months is about the average length of time to find a mid level professional job, so your DH actually did great! Yay!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:unemployed for more than a month is unacceptable

I'm the above poster and it's not always easy getting a new job, especially one that pays well. My DH would not take under 220k, so it took awhile.

You're both insufferable.