DH's job hunt: help me not be an ass.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Losing a job is a traumatic event. I'm kind of aghast at how unsupportive you all are of your husbands.

I agree it is a traumatic event. But you should be over the shock within a day or two. Then you put your focus on finding a new job. Spend a few hours each morning searching, applying etc. Then you spend the rest of your day doing things you've wanted to get done while working, working out, enjoying the free time, etc.

But if someone is moping around for weeks and weeks and months about not having a job, they need to grow up and face reality.

I have been laid off a few times. It sucks....but being depressed won't help get you a job. Have some savings, keep your resume updated, and have a plan for when it happens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here are some tips on keeping yourself sane:

1. Remember that applying for jobs is stressful and draining. Both because it is unpleasant to be unemployed, and because the actual process of filling out a job application is nauseating. He needs some downtime to relax, just like a gainfully employed person does.

2. Try to remember that it is easy to underestimate how long some of the things he is doing actually take. As one example, I am convinced that my wife thinks "Hey can you fix that rocker?" involves me carrying the rocker to the basement, banging a screwdriver against it for five minutes, and then taking it back upstairs. Actually, it involves carrying the rocker, disassembling it, searching for the correct tools, discovering that one of the washers is broken, driving to the hardware store and rooting through bins for the correct washer, buying it, bringing it home, re-assembling the rocker, carrying it back upstairs, cleaning up the tools, and then washing the shirt that I accidentally stained with oil. To be clear, I am not suggesting he's a martyr or anything, just that this perspective might make it somewhat easier for you to swallow if he later doesn't start the dishwasher.

Oh, don't forget scraping off the dried-on baby barf that is somehow in the joints of every piece of disassembled furniture.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Losing a job is a traumatic event. I'm kind of aghast at how unsupportive you all are of your husbands.

I agree it is a traumatic event. But you should be over the shock within a day or two. Then you put your focus on finding a new job. Spend a few hours each morning searching, applying etc. Then you spend the rest of your day doing things you've wanted to get done while working, working out, enjoying the free time, etc.

But if someone is moping around for weeks and weeks and months about not having a job, they need to grow up and face reality.

I have been laid off a few times. It sucks....but being depressed won't help get you a job. Have some savings, keep your resume updated, and have a plan for when it happens.

I have known dozens of people who have been laid off or between jobs or couldn't get a job right out of school. Nobody is upbeat all the time or even half of the time. Nobody sets a goal of applying to at least five jobs per day and sticks to it. It is well and good to say people should do that. Nobody does it in reality so expecting them to is ridiculous.

(And if your response is "well I did!" please include your address so I can mail you a medal).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Losing a job is a traumatic event. I'm kind of aghast at how unsupportive you all are of your husbands.

I agree it is a traumatic event. But you should be over the shock within a day or two. Then you put your focus on finding a new job. Spend a few hours each morning searching, applying etc. Then you spend the rest of your day doing things you've wanted to get done while working, working out, enjoying the free time, etc.

But if someone is moping around for weeks and weeks and months about not having a job, they need to grow up and face reality.

I have been laid off a few times. It sucks....but being depressed won't help get you a job. Have some savings, keep your resume updated, and have a plan for when it happens.

I have known dozens of people who have been laid off or between jobs or couldn't get a job right out of school. Nobody is upbeat all the time or even half of the time. Nobody sets a goal of applying to at least five jobs per day and sticks to it. It is well and good to say people should do that. Nobody does it in reality so expecting them to is ridiculous.

(And if your response is "well I did!" please include your address so I can mail you a medal).

Well I did. I am a very positive person. I just took the task of finding a new job as my morning thing to do.

Get up, go to starbucks with my laptop, search and apply for a few hours, and then go about my day. There was plenty to do to keep my mind off the fact I wasn't working and that my severance/savings would eventually run out. It sucks, but it isn't the end of the world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:unemployed for more than a month is unacceptable

Have you looked for a job lately? It sometimes takes 3-4 months to get through a single hiring process. Three interviews is not unusual these days. Certainly you can and should aim to be in multiple processes at once but it takes time. And if you end up as a finalist but not selected you are back at the beginning trying to network and get yourself into other processes. Then once elected sometimes you have to wait for security clearances.

[Anonymous]

Are you me?

If I ask my husband to do the dishes, he'll say why do we have to generate so many dishes? We're a household of 4. If I ask him to take the trash out, he'll say he'll get to it later - which is never. We fight about this all the time and he would say he'll do better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:unemployed for more than a month is unacceptable

Have you looked for a job lately? It sometimes takes 3-4 months to get through a single hiring process. Three interviews is not unusual these days. Certainly you can and should aim to be in multiple processes at once but it takes time. And if you end up as a finalist but not selected you are back at the beginning trying to network and get yourself into other processes. Then once elected sometimes you have to wait for security clearances.

True. One thing I did was not rely on anything until I had the signed offer letter and all my contingencies were passed. Until then, I continue to search, apply, and interview. Hell one place I applied with first and never heard anything. After a few weeks applied at another job that called me in right away, interviewed twice, and had a signed offer letter within a week. Then #1 calls wanting to talk. So I kept #1 open while on the path to starting with #2. Ended up starting with #1 and then going to #2 after their long process for interviewing and hiring.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Losing a job is a traumatic event. I'm kind of aghast at how unsupportive you all are of your husbands.

I agree it is a traumatic event. But you should be over the shock within a day or two. Then you put your focus on finding a new job. Spend a few hours each morning searching, applying etc. Then you spend the rest of your day doing things you've wanted to get done while working, working out, enjoying the free time, etc.

But if someone is moping around for weeks and weeks and months about not having a job, they need to grow up and face reality.

I have been laid off a few times. It sucks....but being depressed won't help get you a job. Have some savings, keep your resume updated, and have a plan for when it happens.

That's really patronizing. I am a woman btw. When I lost my job it took me a few months to grapple with my loss of identity..I was basically so down in the dumps even if I went for an interview I probably would not be able to represent myself well. After 8 months I felt alot better and found a job. You all have NO EMPATHY for your husbands what soever.

[Anonymous]

Job search is also difficult..I have a friend that has been searching for a year. She keeps getting to the final round and then they offer it to another candidate. I have another friend who has a job but is job hunting..its been a year.

Feel sorry for those husbands with unsupportive wives

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

That's really patronizing. I am a woman btw. When I lost my job it took me a few months to grapple with my loss of identity..I was basically so down in the dumps even if I went for an interview I probably would not be able to represent myself well. After 8 months I felt alot better and found a job. You all have NO EMPATHY for your husbands what soever.

It took you 8 months to get over a layoff?

I hope nothing real traumatic happens to you in life. You may never recover.

Put your big girl panties on and face reality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

That's really patronizing. I am a woman btw. When I lost my job it took me a few months to grapple with my loss of identity..I was basically so down in the dumps even if I went for an interview I probably would not be able to represent myself well. After 8 months I felt alot better and found a job. You all have NO EMPATHY for your husbands what soever.

It took you 8 months to get over a layoff?

I hope nothing real traumatic happens to you in life. You may never recover.

Put your big girl panties on and face reality.

I'm doing just fine thank you. having found a job that paid me even better than before. You on the other hand good luck with your personal relationships with the way and lack of empathy for your supposed love ones.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here are some tips on keeping yourself sane:

1. Remember that applying for jobs is stressful and draining. Both because it is unpleasant to be unemployed, and because the actual process of filling out a job application is nauseating. He needs some downtime to relax, just like a gainfully employed person does.

2. Try to remember that it is easy to underestimate how long some of the things he is doing actually take. As one example, I am convinced that my wife thinks "Hey can you fix that rocker?" involves me carrying the rocker to the basement, banging a screwdriver against it for five minutes, and then taking it back upstairs. Actually, it involves carrying the rocker, disassembling it, searching for the correct tools, discovering that one of the washers is broken, driving to the hardware store and rooting through bins for the correct washer, buying it, bringing it home, re-assembling the rocker, carrying it back upstairs, cleaning up the tools, and then washing the shirt that I accidentally stained with oil. To be clear, I am not suggesting he's a martyr or anything, just that this perspective might make it somewhat easier for you to swallow if he later doesn't start the dishwasher.

OP here again checking in. Thanks for this. He really is a good man and I do love him to pieces.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Losing a job is a traumatic event. I'm kind of aghast at how unsupportive you all are of your husbands.

I agree it is a traumatic event. But you should be over the shock within a day or two. Then you put your focus on finding a new job. Spend a few hours each morning searching, applying etc. Then you spend the rest of your day doing things you've wanted to get done while working, working out, enjoying the free time, etc.

But if someone is moping around for weeks and weeks and months about not having a job, they need to grow up and face reality.

I have been laid off a few times. It sucks....but being depressed won't help get you a job. Have some savings, keep your resume updated, and have a plan for when it happens.

That's really patronizing. I am a woman btw. When I lost my job it took me a few months to grapple with my loss of identity..I was basically so down in the dumps even if I went for an interview I probably would not be able to represent myself well. After 8 months I felt alot better and found a job. You all have NO EMPATHY for your husbands what soever.

Wow. When I got laid off, I had a 10 month old and a 3 year old and a brand newly hired nanny. I got out there immediately. Got temp work after 5 weeks, new job 3 months after that. Who has 8 months to wallow if you have mouths to feed?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

That's really patronizing. I am a woman btw. When I lost my job it took me a few months to grapple with my loss of identity..I was basically so down in the dumps even if I went for an interview I probably would not be able to represent myself well. After 8 months I felt alot better and found a job. You all have NO EMPATHY for your husbands what soever.

It took you 8 months to get over a layoff?

I hope nothing real traumatic happens to you in life. You may never recover.

Put your big girl panties on and face reality.

I think you are confusing "being a realist" with "being an asshole."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

That's really patronizing. I am a woman btw. When I lost my job it took me a few months to grapple with my loss of identity..I was basically so down in the dumps even if I went for an interview I probably would not be able to represent myself well. After 8 months I felt alot better and found a job. You all have NO EMPATHY for your husbands what soever.

It took you 8 months to get over a layoff?

I hope nothing real traumatic happens to you in life. You may never recover.

Put your big girl panties on and face reality.

I'm doing just fine thank you. having found a job that paid me even better than before. You on the other hand good luck with your personal relationships with the way and lack of empathy for your supposed love ones.

Not everyone has enough money in the bank to mope for eight months.

Seriously, it sounds like you had an actual mental health problem.