DH's job hunt: help me not be an ass.

[Anonymous]

Here's the break down of my 8 mths...the first 3 mths I was depressed and angry. The next 4 months I started doing different things to explore whether I wanted to find a different career path and made peace with myself. The last month I interviewed and got a higher paying job straight away.

I think it was very helpful to take that time off. I'm glad my partner did not harass me during that time. Call me a whiner or a child, my career identity was important to me and it took me a while to come to terms with it. I also picked a job that suited me better. Sorry whoever the poster is had mouths to feed, no emergency reserve fund and had to find a temp job straight away that sucked for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Yeah, you probably don't have that many friends, because everyone around you is emotionally perfect all the time.

I'm lucky to have a good group of friends from all different parts of my life. Nobody is perfect and we all go through tough times. But I've yet to see any of them sulk for 8 months over losing a job. I've been there for them when they lost their parents and they were able to heal in less time.

I've known people who are like the 8 month mourner. Their personality turns me off. And they usually have other traits that aren't in line with who I see as friends.

[Anonymous]

No emergency fund scares me. That should be the 1st thing you work toward when getting a job. 6 months living expenses at least. Don't worry about 401k, etc. until you have that 6 months put away.

Because if you do lose your job, it is a hell of a lot less stress knowing you have 6 months where you'll be fine. And if you got some vacation pay getting paid out, that extends it. And any severance. You could be looking at 9-12 months covered worst case scenario.

I have a great family I can fall back on in an emergency. No questions asked. Anytime I lost my job, they immediately tell me don't worry about money, just focus on getting a job. Yet I still make sure I have at least 6 months put away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here's the break down of my 8 mths...the first 3 mths I was depressed and angry. The next 4 months I started doing different things to explore whether I wanted to find a different career path and made peace with myself. The last month I interviewed and got a higher paying job straight away.

I think it was very helpful to take that time off. I'm glad my partner did not harass me during that time. Call me a whiner or a child, my career identity was important to me and it took me a while to come to terms with it. I also picked a job that suited me better. Sorry whoever the poster is had mouths to feed, no emergency reserve fund and had to find a temp job straight away that sucked for her.

Did you have children at this time?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Job search is also difficult..I have a friend that has been searching for a year. She keeps getting to the final round and then they offer it to another candidate. I have another friend who has a job but is job hunting..its been a year.

Feel sorry for those husbands with unsupportive wives

Yes I'm so unsupportive I've actually started putting in applications to get a 2nd job. Go to hell.

Yeah so supportive that you're applying for a 2nd job but hate your husband secretly. You sound angry, take a chill pill.

Yes I am bucking up and doing what I have to do to support my family - my DH included. How dare you label the women in this thread unsupportive.

[Anonymous]

I see it this way. As long as her husband is trying to find a job, then no reason to get worked up. He is trying. If she feels the need to get a 2nd job to help, and she can do that, then that is awesome. I'd commend my wife for doing such a thing.

The dishes, etc. are petty things in life. Yes, they need to be done. But as some have said, it may be a hard adjustment for him to take on these duties which may make him see what is really going on.

A true couple does what has to be done to keep the family moving forward. It won't be perfect....but they won't point fingers in the end.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here's the break down of my 8 mths...the first 3 mths I was depressed and angry. The next 4 months I started doing different things to explore whether I wanted to find a different career path and made peace with myself. The last month I interviewed and got a higher paying job straight away.

I think it was very helpful to take that time off. I'm glad my partner did not harass me during that time. Call me a whiner or a child, my career identity was important to me and it took me a while to come to terms with it. I also picked a job that suited me better. Sorry whoever the poster is had mouths to feed, no emergency reserve fund and had to find a temp job straight away that sucked for her.

Did you have children at this time?

pp here, I ask this because the first time my DH was unemployed it was just the 2 of us - very easy to give him that time to mourn his old job, get some R&R, try new things, find himself etc...the next bout of unemployment we had kids - at that stage of life I don't think it's as easy to allow your spouse that kind of luxury.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

pp here, I ask this because the first time my DH was unemployed it was just the 2 of us - very easy to give him that time to mourn his old job, get some R&R, try new things, find himself etc...the next bout of unemployment we had kids - at that stage of life I don't think it's as easy to allow your spouse that kind of luxury.

Agree. That is why I've said through this thread that you take a few days, let it settle in, and then move forward. Even if you have that $$ in the bank. You have a child, that $$ runs out faster with a child. And if you lost your insurance, that is another thing to get worried about.

[Anonymous]

So many judgmental harpies on here -- tell me, why does it matter to you if you got your job search going within 48 hrs of losing a job and someone else got theirs going within 8 months or a yr or 2 yrs? Did it occur to you that there are people out there with high incomes and high savings rates and thus can coast for a yr or more, even with kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So many judgmental harpies on here -- tell me, why does it matter to you if you got your job search going within 48 hrs of losing a job and someone else got theirs going within 8 months or a yr or 2 yrs? Did it occur to you that there are people out there with high incomes and high savings rates and thus can coast for a yr or more, even with kids?

Awesome for those of you who have the luxury to coast for months/years with no income - just don't criticize those of us who are forced to light a fire under our asses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So many judgmental harpies on here -- tell me, why does it matter to you if you got your job search going within 48 hrs of losing a job and someone else got theirs going within 8 months or a yr or 2 yrs? Did it occur to you that there are people out there with high incomes and high savings rates and thus can coast for a yr or more, even with kids?

Awesome for those of you who have the luxury to coast for months/years with no income - just don't criticize those of us who are forced to light a fire under our asses.

If you're forced to light a fire, that's fine, but why is it WRONG if someone doesn't have to? Is it so terrible that someone else could have a different financial situation where they can take months/years off and then figure out their next move? Why does it bother you enough to say that they're mentally ill or that there's something wrong with them for taking so long? I mean are you paying their bills?

[Anonymous]

Losing one's job is a horror show.

I'm a former Fed, who was on a time-limited appointment.

I was looking for a new job before the appointment expired.

I've spent the last two-years hunting down job leads, day in and day out.

My applications have put me in the "Best Qualified" category, dozens of times.

I'm in a field that people used to say "oh, if you become a "X," you'll never be out of work.

Nevertheless, I've only received two calls to interview.

I'm not lazy.

The prior posters aren't lazy.

There are those times when life really does suck, and is unfair.

Finding yourself unemployed, without having messed up on the job, is one of those times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Losing one's job is a horror show.

I'm a former Fed, who was on a time-limited appointment.

I was looking for a new job before the appointment expired.

I've spent the last two-years hunting down job leads, day in and day out.

My applications have put me in the "Best Qualified" category, dozens of times.

I'm in a field that people used to say "oh, if you become a "X," you'll never be out of work.

Nevertheless, I've only received two calls to interview.

I'm not lazy.

The prior posters aren't lazy.

There are those times when life really does suck, and is unfair.

Finding yourself unemployed, without having messed up on the job, is one of those times.

Great. Do you do laundry and dishes?

[Anonymous]

Yes.

I live by myself (except for when I have my kids), which means that no one is doing it for me.

Ok? Is it still "great?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So many judgmental harpies on here -- tell me, why does it matter to you if you got your job search going within 48 hrs of losing a job and someone else got theirs going within 8 months or a yr or 2 yrs? Did it occur to you that there are people out there with high incomes and high savings rates and thus can coast for a yr or more, even with kids?

Awesome for those of you who have the luxury to coast for months/years with no income - just don't criticize those of us who are forced to light a fire under our asses.

If you're forced to light a fire, that's fine, but why is it WRONG if someone doesn't have to? Is it so terrible that someone else could have a different financial situation where they can take months/years off and then figure out their next move? Why does it bother you enough to say that they're mentally ill or that there's something wrong with them for taking so long? I mean are you paying their bills?

exactly. At the end of the day people react differently to situations. If OP's DH is doing the best he can, he shoudl be encouraged on.