Someone lied about a position DS had - she got in, DS didn't. Appropriate to tell school?

[Anonymous]

I would quietly report it without involving my DC. Interesting the accepting school didn't check it out. And, I don't this any of this is cyber-stalking. Public information.

[Anonymous]

I'm normally a "live and let live"/MYOB type, but in this case, I think I'd do something. Not to be vindictive, but because this girl needs to learn not to lie on resumes before it really bites her in the ass. Also, it's grossly unfair to those whose accomplishments she is taking credit for.

I agree with OP's son's plan of action. OP, I think your son sounds very mature. I do think it is better to let the high school handle it. I would not report it to the college.

[Anonymous]

I saw many ex co-workers lie or inflate their positions or experience on LinkedIn.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a Catholic, but I still believe in a rule of karma. If this girl is a liar, then her day will eventually come.

However, if your son upsets the balance in her life, then one day someone will equally upset his.

If you really feel that you must intervene, then here is a more mature (and less karma upsetting) solution.

Have your son approach his classmate and politely say, "I read your resume on the website, and you appear to have mistakenly and in error listed X position as one you hold when, in fact, you and I both know that I hold X position. I would appreciate it if you would change your mistake."

He might follow up, as guidance, "employers sometimes let people go who include such mistakes on their resumes." She will get the message loud and clear, but your son won't be responsible for having her admissions rescinded (which he might feel guilty about in the long run).

I suggested this approach.

Yes, I do think that a high school senior, going off to an elite (or really any) university next year, should be mature enough to approach another individual person-to-person to discuss an issue that they might have with them. Believe me, if he takes her aside and to task, she will be mortified by having her transgression caught, and she won't be telling anyone else in the class about it. (By the time he was in eighth grade, I had already told my son that if he had an issue with scheduling, grades, conflicts, commitments, then it was his responsibility to contact the other individual directly (or by email) to sort it out -- not mine.)

My problem with going to the college anonymously is two-fold. First, it teaches your son that handling problems through anonymous emails, or messages, is a good approach, which it generally is not. Second, it reflects badly on future applicants from your school. First, because the school's applicants seemingly exaggerate their credentials and qualifications. And second, because the school's students (and they will know this came from a classmate) are the type to undercut each other anonymously. The university will, like me, ask themselves why your school's students do not possess the maturity to handle this personally amongst themselves.

Finally, whenever I am thinking of doing something which causes me to question my own judgment, I turn to one if my sisters to ask WWYD? If you and your son really think that it is a good idea to anonymously contact a university to report another student's transgression, then why not have your son ask a trusted advisor or counselor at his school WWYD? If he cannot even bring himself to do so (discuss the plan with a counselor), then he probably should not bring himself to do so (anonymously report it to the college).

I emphatically DO NOT think the son should get involved. This is a "tar baby" (dirt bounces back on you) situation which will bring no good to OP son. It is not a learning lesson for her son to turn this girl in. Someone else should do it. Anybody but him. If the school contacts him, he should tell the truth.

[Anonymous]

The girl lied on her application. That is resume fraud on the first adult thing she is responsible for, and a clear honor code violation. It is a form of plagiarism. Check out how schools respond to that. It is not for OPs son the straighten this situation out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a Catholic, but I still believe in a rule of karma. If this girl is a liar, then her day will eventually come.

However, if your son upsets the balance in her life, then one day someone will equally upset his.

If you really feel that you must intervene, then here is a more mature (and less karma upsetting) solution.

Have your son approach his classmate and politely say, "I read your resume on the website, and you appear to have mistakenly and in error listed X position as one you hold when, in fact, you and I both know that I hold X position. I would appreciate it if you would change your mistake."

He might follow up, as guidance, "employers sometimes let people go who include such mistakes on their resumes." She will get the message loud and clear, but your son won't be responsible for having her admissions rescinded (which he might feel guilty about in the long run).

I suggested this approach.

Yes, I do think that a high school senior, going off to an elite (or really any) university next year, should be mature enough to approach another individual person-to-person to discuss an issue that they might have with them. Believe me, if he takes her aside and to task, she will be mortified by having her transgression caught, and she won't be telling anyone else in the class about it. (By the time he was in eighth grade, I had already told my son that if he had an issue with scheduling, grades, conflicts, commitments, then it was his responsibility to contact the other individual directly (or by email) to sort it out -- not mine.)

My problem with going to the college anonymously is two-fold. First, it teaches your son that handling problems through anonymous emails, or messages, is a good approach, which it generally is not. Second, it reflects badly on future applicants from your school. First, because the school's applicants seemingly exaggerate their credentials and qualifications. And second, because the school's students (and they will know this came from a classmate) are the type to undercut each other anonymously. The university will, like me, ask themselves why your school's students do not possess the maturity to handle this personally amongst themselves.

Finally, whenever I am thinking of doing something which causes me to question my own judgment, I turn to one if my sisters to ask WWYD? If you and your son really think that it is a good idea to anonymously contact a university to report another student's transgression, then why not have your son ask a trusted advisor or counselor at his school WWYD? If he cannot even bring himself to do so (discuss the plan with a counselor), then he probably should not bring himself to do so (anonymously report it to the college).

I have enjoyed the OP's post and the elicited responses. It one of those old-fashioned ethical and moral questions to ponder, and I have enjoyed thinking it through on this contemplative Palm Sunday.

I posted all of the above, and have one more thing to add. When discussing this with your son, ask him and yourself honestly, "what do we want to be the desired outcome for ourselves and for this girl here?"

Is your son's desired outcome simply an acknowledgement of the lie and rehabilitation for the girl? If so, your son should speak to "Jane" directly -- or request a meeting with the girl and a high school counselor -- in which he can point out her "mistake" (i.e., lie), discuss how the lie possibly hurt him (it may have cost him admission to the same elite college that admitted her), and request an immediate correction to her resume. Hopefully, being caught in a flagrant lie about her credentials will teach her never to do that again. I would also hope that she sincerely apologizes to your son.

Or is one of your son's goals also retribution against the girl? If he submits an anonymous letter to the college, that girl may have her admission rescinded. Is that a desired outcome for him?

Finally, I will offer this example. Last year my son was one of three seniors who has written for the school paper for all four years. The other two seniors were promoted to EIC, but my son was kept as a section editor. All three of them applied to the same elite college. My son and one EIC were admitted, but the other EIC was not. We are assuming that the girl used her classmate's title in her college admission (a valid assumption, she may very well have), but we are also assuming that the title was the thing that made the difference in his rejection and her admission (maybe not).

The girl doesn't care. My guess is if OP's son spoke to the girl, she would simply get mad at OP's son. She knows what she did, did it deliberately, and will be offensive. Ten to one she'll be all about the 'stalking' then (which it isn't btw) and the school could turn it on her kid. There are times when the adults need to stand with their kid, to ensure the tale doesn't get twisted. This is one of them. And OP, screenshot the lie if you haven't already!

Whether it cost her son admission is a red herring. Her lie cost SOMEONE admission, and that's flat-out wrong.

+1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi, OP again. He has already screenshotted it.

He is going to talk to the teacher involved with the position who can back him up. They will probably end up going to her counselor and letting her know about the falsified resume. From there he will let the high school decide whether to contact the colleges she has been accepted to.

And again, he is not upset that he didn't get in. As I said before, he is committed to his first choice. Nor does he think that this made a difference with respect to the decisions.

What he IS upset about is that she is getting away with lying. He has a strong sense of justice and does not like the amount of rampant cheating that goes on in his high school, and that everyone gets away with it. He complains about it frequently.

OP: Be careful. Things like this have a way of being covered up by the offending parties. Contact the school directly with the screen shots enclosed. It is up to the college to know and to decide, not that HS counselor, or even your son.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The girl lied on her application. That is resume fraud on the first adult thing she is responsible for, and a clear honor code violation. It is a form of plagiarism. Check out how schools respond to that. It is not for OPs son the straighten this situation out.

Not "Plagiarism" but this is certainly an honor code violation at almost any private school. Kids are supposed to (and are honor bound) to report stuff like this, and allow the school to act.

[Anonymous]

It is a kind of plagiarism to accept credit by lying for someone else's work and position. Not sure what the correct word is ...

[Anonymous]

She cheated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The girl lied on her application. That is resume fraud on the first adult thing she is responsible for, and a clear honor code violation. It is a form of plagiarism. Check out how schools respond to that. It is not for OPs son the straighten this situation out.

Not "Plagiarism" but this is certainly an honor code violation at almost any private school. Kids are supposed to (and are honor bound) to report stuff like this, and allow the school to act.

The young man's mother says that the young lady has dishonestly misrepresented his activity title and position as hers.

If this is the case, then the young lady has -- at the very least -- lied on her online, personal website resume (though no one - except perhaps her college advisor - knows whether she also submitted that false representation on her college applications).

The young lady may have also violated her high school's honor code. Thus, the young man is doing exactly what he should do. He is reporting the lie to the school that they both attend as a violation of that school's honor code. If it is indeed a violation of the school's honor code, then the school will act accordingly and discipline the young lady in question. If it does not quite rise to the level of a violation of the school's honor code, then the school will still meet with the young woman and her parents, inform her that they are aware of the misrepresentation (i.e., "the lie"), require her to apologize to the student whose accomplishments she assumed with her lie, and demand that she correct the lie on her resume on the personal website.

In either case, the discipline or admonishment from her school will serve the purpose of hitting home for her the seriousness of lying on one's resume and of possibly violating the school's honor code.

If the school's college counselor reviewed her common application submissions and essays, and knows for a fact that the young woman also made the same misrepresentation on her college applications, then the high school can decide whether or not to contact the universities - or require the young woman to do so - to set the record straight.

The young man has decided on the right course of action in this case, since he does not know with certainty whether the young woman made any misrepresentation on her college application.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A girl was admitted to a school my son was rejected to. She has a personal website with a resume on it and on it she lists that she has a fairly substantial leadership position that is actually my son's. The resume is also filled with, likely, other lies and exaggerations (my son knows her pretty well and can tell that some of them are made up, but has no proof for anything other than that leadership position). He came to me asking for advice and showed me the resume, but I don't know what to do.

The school is not his first choice and he is not upset about his rejection. He was already committed to his first choice. He is, however, upset to see a liar get away with it and to see the benefit of an elite school education wasted on this girl.

You should also report it to the high school.

I would do this also. There was a girl in DD's school who was accepted into a top university. She was caught cheating senior year. THe HS reported the incident to the college and they withdrew their admission offer.

[Anonymous]

I too would anonymously report it to the AD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Have your son approach his classmate and politely say, "I read your resume on the website, and you appear to have mistakenly and in error listed X position as one you hold when, in fact, you and I both know that I hold X position. I would appreciate it if you would change your mistake."

He might follow up, as guidance, "employers sometimes let people go who include such mistakes on their resumes." She will get the message loud and clear, but your son won't be responsible for having her admissions rescinded (which he might feel guilty about in the long run).

LOLllll get serious. Say those words out loud and imagine a 17 year old boy saying them to a classmate. He would be a mockery of the school.

The girl would kick his ass let's be honest.

[Anonymous]

I worked in college admissions for several years, and sadly, this sort of thing (reportings of assumed improprieties by admitted students) happens often. In many cases we simply shook our heads at how cut throat college admissions had become and how terribly jealous and vindictive rejected families can be. This after double checking many, many reportings that proved to be false. The whistleblower reported what they thought was the case but ended up being wrong. It is possible that the student did NOT claim that leadership position on the college app although it was on her personal website. She may have crafted the resume under the assumption the position would be hers before it was filled by your son then simply forgot about it. Really, how often do adults update their resumes? Now imagine being a HS student in the throes of college admissions. We actually had a parent report that an admitted student's parent had been arrested!!! It makes the rejected student look bad and reaffirms the belief that the correct student was rejected. The decision rests with OP, but my school has never rescinded an offer based on a report. If she'd altered transcripts, SAT scores, forged teacher recs that's one thing. Exaggerating in an essay (we're much more interested in gleaning personality and writing ability) or in the activity section was no deal breaker. We know kids make up stories about volunteering and helping old people cross the street. Whatever. We were much more interested in the numbers as a base line. Everything else was gravy.

Also, one AD handles all the apps from the son's school. If they didn't catch or care about the doubly claimed position, I doubt it will matter.