Someone lied about a position DS had - she got in, DS didn't. Appropriate to tell school?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wonder if all the people calling OP a "psycho", "petty", etc. are terrified that their child's lies will be exposed.

I said OP was petty and my kids, to my knowledge, haven't lied on any social media that I have ever seen.

I just don't think it is is OP's place. She should learn to let her son speak for himself is he is upset. And if not - let it go. It has nothing to do with her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wonder if all the people calling OP a "psycho", "petty", etc. are terrified that their child's lies will be exposed.

No, I was a PP who said that OP was being petty and neither of my kids have ever lied on any social media or application that I have ever seen.

I simply do not think it is OP's place. If her son feels the need to do it that is his choice but the mother should let her son decide what, if anything, he could or should do. Mommy has to let go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A girl was admitted to a school my son was rejected to. She has a personal website with a resume on it and on it she lists that she has a fairly substantial leadership position that is actually my son's. The resume is also filled with, likely, other lies and exaggerations (my son knows her pretty well and can tell that some of them are made up, but has no proof for anything other than that leadership position). He came to me asking for advice and showed me the resume, but I don't know what to do.

The school is not his first choice and he is not upset about his rejection. He was already committed to his first choice. He is, however, upset to see a liar get away with it and to see the benefit of an elite school education wasted on this girl.

Yes, and I'll tell you why. Honesty counts. Especially when that title belongs to your son. You need to show your son that you will defend him in these situations. Even if it goes nowhere, your son will respect you for it. It sets a great example as well.

A number of kids are cheating these days, doing what this girl is doing or checking off a box that gives them a racial advantage, even of they are not of that race but it can't be proven (think Hispanic or Native American - it's not like they look for documentation).

For all of you who are saying otherwise....I'm surprised at so many who have no sense of morality. Very disturbing.

I don't think it denotes a lack of morality. Some people aren't comfortable with vigilante justice and don't find it to be their place to be both judge and jury in a situation like this. Even if OP is correct, who does it really benefit for her to "tell"? If this girl's MO is to lie, cheat, and exaggerate, her actions will eventually catch up to her.

That's not vigilante justice. It's being complicit to a lie. I consider it a moral responsibility to report such behavior, especially when it involves me child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A girl was admitted to a school my son was rejected to. She has a personal website with a resume on it and on it she lists that she has a fairly substantial leadership position that is actually my son's. The resume is also filled with, likely, other lies and exaggerations (my son knows her pretty well and can tell that some of them are made up, but has no proof for anything other than that leadership position). He came to me asking for advice and showed me the resume, but I don't know what to do.

The school is not his first choice and he is not upset about his rejection. He was already committed to his first choice. He is, however, upset to see a liar get away with it and to see the benefit of an elite school education wasted on this girl.

1. Your son needs to practice having difficult conversations. The 1st is with this girl. You can help him in pointing him to some resources and role play with him.
2. I would doubt that an elite school does not have an honor code that they take very seriously and I would be surprised if there was not a place where she signed saying that the information submitted was accurate. He could ask her during the conversation if she wants to notify the school herself or her misrepresentation of leadership positions. Depending on her response he can leave it to her or he can send a note to the school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a Catholic, but I still believe in a rule of karma. If this girl is a liar, then her day will eventually come.

However, if your son upsets the balance in her life, then one day someone will equally upset his.

If you really feel that you must intervene, then here is a more mature (and less karma upsetting) solution.

Have your son approach his classmate and politely say, "I read your resume on the website, and you appear to have mistakenly and in error listed X position as one you hold when, in fact, you and I both know that I hold X position. I would appreciate it if you would change your mistake."

He might follow up, as guidance, "employers sometimes let people go who include such mistakes on their resumes." She will get the message loud and clear, but your son won't be responsible for having her admissions rescinded (which he might feel guilty about in the long run).

I suggested this approach.

Yes, I do think that a high school senior, going off to an elite (or really any) university next year, should be mature enough to approach another individual person-to-person to discuss an issue that they might have with them. Believe me, if he takes her aside and to task, she will be mortified by having her transgression caught, and she won't be telling anyone else in the class about it. (By the time he was in eighth grade, I had already told my son that if he had an issue with scheduling, grades, conflicts, commitments, then it was his responsibility to contact the other individual directly (or by email) to sort it out -- not mine.)

My problem with going to the college anonymously is two-fold. First, it teaches your son that handling problems through anonymous emails, or messages, is a good approach, which it generally is not. Second, it reflects badly on future applicants from your school. First, because the school's applicants seemingly exaggerate their credentials and qualifications. And second, because the school's students (and they will know this came from a classmate) are the type to undercut each other anonymously. The university will, like me, ask themselves why your school's students do not possess the maturity to handle this personally amongst themselves.

Finally, whenever I am thinking of doing something which causes me to question my own judgment, I turn to one if my sisters to ask WWYD? If you and your son really think that it is a good idea to anonymously contact a university to report another student's transgression, then why not have your son ask a trusted advisor or counselor at his school WWYD? If he cannot even bring himself to do so (discuss the plan with a counselor), then he probably should not bring himself to do so (anonymously report it to the college).

I have enjoyed the OP's post and the elicited responses. It one of those old-fashioned ethical and moral questions to ponder, and I have enjoyed thinking it through on this contemplative Palm Sunday.

I posted all of the above, and have one more thing to add. When discussing this with your son, ask him and yourself honestly, "what do we want to be the desired outcome for ourselves and for this girl here?"

Is your son's desired outcome simply an acknowledgement of the lie and rehabilitation for the girl? If so, your son should speak to "Jane" directly -- or request a meeting with the girl and a high school counselor -- in which he can point out her "mistake" (i.e., lie), discuss how the lie possibly hurt him (it may have cost him admission to the same elite college that admitted her), and request an immediate correction to her resume. Hopefully, being caught in a flagrant lie about her credentials will teach her never to do that again. I would also hope that she sincerely apologizes to your son.

Or is one of your son's goals also retribution against the girl? If he submits an anonymous letter to the college, that girl may have her admission rescinded. Is that a desired outcome for him?

Finally, I will offer this example. Last year my son was one of three seniors who has written for the school paper for all four years. The other two seniors were promoted to EIC, but my son was kept as a section editor. All three of them applied to the same elite college. My son and one EIC were admitted, but the other EIC was not. We are assuming that the girl used her classmate's title in her college admission (a valid assumption, she may very well have), but we are also assuming that the title was the thing that made the difference in his rejection and her admission (maybe not).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a Catholic, but I still believe in a rule of karma. If this girl is a liar, then her day will eventually come.

However, if your son upsets the balance in her life, then one day someone will equally upset his.

If you really feel that you must intervene, then here is a more mature (and less karma upsetting) solution.

Have your son approach his classmate and politely say, "I read your resume on the website, and you appear to have mistakenly and in error listed X position as one you hold when, in fact, you and I both know that I hold X position. I would appreciate it if you would change your mistake."

He might follow up, as guidance, "employers sometimes let people go who include such mistakes on their resumes." She will get the message loud and clear, but your son won't be responsible for having her admissions rescinded (which he might feel guilty about in the long run).

I suggested this approach.

Yes, I do think that a high school senior, going off to an elite (or really any) university next year, should be mature enough to approach another individual person-to-person to discuss an issue that they might have with them. Believe me, if he takes her aside and to task, she will be mortified by having her transgression caught, and she won't be telling anyone else in the class about it. (By the time he was in eighth grade, I had already told my son that if he had an issue with scheduling, grades, conflicts, commitments, then it was his responsibility to contact the other individual directly (or by email) to sort it out -- not mine.)

My problem with going to the college anonymously is two-fold. First, it teaches your son that handling problems through anonymous emails, or messages, is a good approach, which it generally is not. Second, it reflects badly on future applicants from your school. First, because the school's applicants seemingly exaggerate their credentials and qualifications. And second, because the school's students (and they will know this came from a classmate) are the type to undercut each other anonymously. The university will, like me, ask themselves why your school's students do not possess the maturity to handle this personally amongst themselves.

Finally, whenever I am thinking of doing something which causes me to question my own judgment, I turn to one if my sisters to ask WWYD? If you and your son really think that it is a good idea to anonymously contact a university to report another student's transgression, then why not have your son ask a trusted advisor or counselor at his school WWYD? If he cannot even bring himself to do so (discuss the plan with a counselor), then he probably should not bring himself to do so (anonymously report it to the college).

I have enjoyed the OP's post and the elicited responses. It one of those old-fashioned ethical and moral questions to ponder, and I have enjoyed thinking it through on this contemplative Palm Sunday.

I posted all of the above, and have one more thing to add. When discussing this with your son, ask him and yourself honestly, "what do we want to be the desired outcome for ourselves and for this girl here?"

Is your son's desired outcome simply an acknowledgement of the lie and rehabilitation for the girl? If so, your son should speak to "Jane" directly -- or request a meeting with the girl and a high school counselor -- in which he can point out her "mistake" (i.e., lie), discuss how the lie possibly hurt him (it may have cost him admission to the same elite college that admitted her), and request an immediate correction to her resume. Hopefully, being caught in a flagrant lie about her credentials will teach her never to do that again. I would also hope that she sincerely apologizes to your son.

Or is one of your son's goals also retribution against the girl? If he submits an anonymous letter to the college, that girl may have her admission rescinded. Is that a desired outcome for him?

Finally, I will offer this example. Last year my son was one of three seniors who has written for the school paper for all four years. The other two seniors were promoted to EIC, but my son was kept as a section editor. All three of them applied to the same elite college. My son and one EIC were admitted, but the other EIC was not. We are assuming that the girl used her classmate's title in her college admission (a valid assumption, she may very well have), but we are also assuming that the title was the thing that made the difference in his rejection and her admission (maybe not).

The girl doesn't care. My guess is if OP's son spoke to the girl, she would simply get mad at OP's son. She knows what she did, did it deliberately, and will be offensive. Ten to one she'll be all about the 'stalking' then (which it isn't btw) and the school could turn it on her kid. There are times when the adults need to stand with their kid, to ensure the tale doesn't get twisted. This is one of them. And OP, screenshot the lie if you haven't already!

Whether it cost her son admission is a red herring. Her lie cost SOMEONE admission, and that's flat-out wrong.

[Anonymous]

If your experience as a professional was being claimed by someone else, how would you feel? You led a very complex, successful program and a team member is claims it. You are both interviewing for an position and you know the team member interviewed first and said they led the effort. WWYD?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your experience as a professional was being claimed by someone else, how would you feel? You led a very complex, successful program and a team member is claims it. You are both interviewing for an position and you know the team member interviewed first and said they led the effort. WWYD?

OP didn't hold the office - her son did. Let her son make his decisions on what to do, not his mommy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your experience as a professional was being claimed by someone else, how would you feel? You led a very complex, successful program and a team member is claims it. You are both interviewing for an position and you know the team member interviewed first and said they led the effort. WWYD?

As a professional, I would not want my mother calling my boss and telling him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a Catholic, but I still believe in a rule of karma. If this girl is a liar, then her day will eventually come.

However, if your son upsets the balance in her life, then one day someone will equally upset his.

If you really feel that you must intervene, then here is a more mature (and less karma upsetting) solution.

Have your son approach his classmate and politely say, "I read your resume on the website, and you appear to have mistakenly and in error listed X position as one you hold when, in fact, you and I both know that I hold X position. I would appreciate it if you would change your mistake."

He might follow up, as guidance, "employers sometimes let people go who include such mistakes on their resumes." She will get the message loud and clear, but your son won't be responsible for having her admissions rescinded (which he might feel guilty about in the long run).

I suggested this approach.

Yes, I do think that a high school senior, going off to an elite (or really any) university next year, should be mature enough to approach another individual person-to-person to discuss an issue that they might have with them. Believe me, if he takes her aside and to task, she will be mortified by having her transgression caught, and she won't be telling anyone else in the class about it. (By the time he was in eighth grade, I had already told my son that if he had an issue with scheduling, grades, conflicts, commitments, then it was his responsibility to contact the other individual directly (or by email) to sort it out -- not mine.)

My problem with going to the college anonymously is two-fold. First, it teaches your son that handling problems through anonymous emails, or messages, is a good approach, which it generally is not. Second, it reflects badly on future applicants from your school. First, because the school's applicants seemingly exaggerate their credentials and qualifications. And second, because the school's students (and they will know this came from a classmate) are the type to undercut each other anonymously. The university will, like me, ask themselves why your school's students do not possess the maturity to handle this personally amongst themselves.

Finally, whenever I am thinking of doing something which causes me to question my own judgment, I turn to one if my sisters to ask WWYD? If you and your son really think that it is a good idea to anonymously contact a university to report another student's transgression, then why not have your son ask a trusted advisor or counselor at his school WWYD? If he cannot even bring himself to do so (discuss the plan with a counselor), then he probably should not bring himself to do so (anonymously report it to the college).

I have enjoyed the OP's post and the elicited responses. It one of those old-fashioned ethical and moral questions to ponder, and I have enjoyed thinking it through on this contemplative Palm Sunday.

I posted all of the above, and have one more thing to add. When discussing this with your son, ask him and yourself honestly, "what do we want to be the desired outcome for ourselves and for this girl here?"

Is your son's desired outcome simply an acknowledgement of the lie and rehabilitation for the girl? If so, your son should speak to "Jane" directly -- or request a meeting with the girl and a high school counselor -- in which he can point out her "mistake" (i.e., lie), discuss how the lie possibly hurt him (it may have cost him admission to the same elite college that admitted her), and request an immediate correction to her resume. Hopefully, being caught in a flagrant lie about her credentials will teach her never to do that again. I would also hope that she sincerely apologizes to your son.

Or is one of your son's goals also retribution against the girl? If he submits an anonymous letter to the college, that girl may have her admission rescinded. Is that a desired outcome for him?

Finally, I will offer this example. Last year my son was one of three seniors who has written for the school paper for all four years. The other two seniors were promoted to EIC, but my son was kept as a section editor. All three of them applied to the same elite college. My son and one EIC were admitted, but the other EIC was not. We are assuming that the girl used her classmate's title in her college admission (a valid assumption, she may very well have), but we are also assuming that the title was the thing that made the difference in his rejection and her admission (maybe not).

The girl doesn't care. My guess is if OP's son spoke to the girl, she would simply get mad at OP's son. She knows what she did, did it deliberately, and will be offensive. Ten to one she'll be all about the 'stalking' then (which it isn't btw) and the school could turn it on her kid. There are times when the adults need to stand with their kid, to ensure the tale doesn't get twisted. This is one of them. And OP, screenshot the lie if you haven't already!

Whether it cost her son admission is a red herring. Her lie cost SOMEONE admission, and that's flat-out wrong.

Then have your son bring one of his trusted school advisors or college counselors into the process. Request first a meeting with the school counselor in which your son explains the issue, shows the counselor the suspect resume, mentions how it has hurt the admissions process, discuss the options together. He can also request that the school not identify him as the source of the information. At this point the issue is in the school's hands. They will certainly, at a minimum, call the girl in to discuss the lie, explain the consequences to her, and demand that she correct the lie on her resume.

Perhaps it is best to let your school handle the problem. I guarantee you that knowing that the school knows about her lie, will rehabilitate this young woman straight.

[Anonymous]

Presumably your son listed his leadership position on his application. It apparently didn't get him in so chances are it didn't get her in either. She probably had better test scores and GPA.

You have no idea what her common app said or if colleges would look at her resume. Some colleges specifically say not to send resumes. Let it go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People lie in the real world all of the time. It's a good lesson for your son. Don't tell the school. It will come out eventually.

Not necessarily. There has to be someone willing to be the whistleblower.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Presumably your son listed his leadership position on his application. It apparently didn't get him in so chances are it didn't get her in either. She probably had better test scores and GPA.

You have no idea what her common app said or if colleges would look at her resume. Some colleges specifically say not to send resumes. Let it go.

You are supposed to be truthful in your applications. Better she learns this lesson now and not when she will embarrass not only herself, but her employer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your experience as a professional was being claimed by someone else, how would you feel? You led a very complex, successful program and a team member is claims it. You are both interviewing for an position and you know the team member interviewed first and said they led the effort. WWYD?

I would discuss the issue with my direct supervisor (i.e., a counselor at the school) and request that they contact the other team member (i.e., the young woman) who was claiming my work to request that they immediately "correct" their resume and story, because it would not be otherwise supported by a reference.

[Anonymous]

I'm not sure why people are up in arms. OP's son was asking for advice from her. I honestly don't know what I would do OP. Your son can contact the organization or school that is affiliated with the leadership position to contact this girl to have her amend her resume. If it's through the high school, contact the guidance counselor and let them handle it in terms of confronting her.

Karma doesn't really exist. I'm sure this girl will grow up to continue to be a liar and get away with it until she doesn't.

Falsifying the resume may have made no difference to her college acceptance but it's true that if she lies about things like this it could potentially affect her admission if it ever came to light. Hopefully, she will be dealt with directly and change her ways.