Someone lied about a position DS had - she got in, DS didn't. Appropriate to tell school?

[Anonymous]

If it truly weighs on the boy's conscience, he should report it to a guidance counselor at their current school and let them investigate. That is all. No one appointed him resume police and he does not know what materials the girl submitted to the school. Assuming the worst seems self-interested and vindictive. As others have noted, if she lied on an application, it (her behavior) will catch up with her eventually.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Have your son approach his classmate and politely say, "I read your resume on the website, and you appear to have mistakenly and in error listed X position as one you hold when, in fact, you and I both know that I hold X position. I would appreciate it if you would change your mistake."

He might follow up, as guidance, "employers sometimes let people go who include such mistakes on their resumes." She will get the message loud and clear, but your son won't be responsible for having her admissions rescinded (which he might feel guilty about in the long run).

LOLllll get serious. Say those words out loud and imagine a 17 year old boy saying them to a classmate. He would be a mockery of the school.

This is exactly what is expected at schools with an honor code. Sad that you think it's so ridiculous.

For those who keep saying, "Leave it alone, the girl we get hers someday," how does someday ever come if everyone takes the lackadaisical approach you are all recommending?

Who is responsible if not those who know what's going on and can approach the girl in question?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Anon letter by snail mail to AD. let the school decide. Leave your son's name out of it. Honor code is a BIG deal in some schools. probably won't result in much -- but she should not have lied. some other, more deserving student may have been rejected in favor of this girls deceit. Ignore the haters and do what is right. waitlist movement.

Plus I think it will remind the school to fact check and not take what kids put on their apps as the gospel truth. This is no different than how future employers would treat the situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anon letter by snail mail to AD. let the school decide. Leave your son's name out of it. Honor code is a BIG deal in some schools. probably won't result in much -- but she should not have lied. some other, more deserving student may have been rejected in favor of this girls deceit. Ignore the haters and do what is right. waitlist movement.

Plus I think it will remind the school to fact check and not take what kids put on their apps as the gospel truth. This is no different than how future employers would treat the situation.

Again, this approach is not to be taken lightly as it may result in the young lady having her admission rescinded at some point when she either did not apply to other colleges (if it was EA), or when she has already turned down her other options (if the matter is not resolved until summer).

In considering motivation, a question for OP, does your son intend to contact each and every university to which the young woman applied, or only that university to which the young woman was admitted, but he was denied?

It really depends on the question, does your son seek rehabilitation of the young woman (which may be achieved by having a school college counselor speak to her directly about the lie, and have her correct it and apologize), or does your son also seek to impose some sort of retribution (because reporting this lie anonymously to the university may indeed result in very serious ).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anon letter by snail mail to AD. let the school decide. Leave your son's name out of it. Honor code is a BIG deal in some schools. probably won't result in much -- but she should not have lied. some other, more deserving student may have been rejected in favor of this girls deceit. Ignore the haters and do what is right. waitlist movement.

Plus I think it will remind the school to fact check and not take what kids put on their apps as the gospel truth. This is no different than how future employers would treat the situation.

Again, this approach is not to be taken lightly as it may result in the young lady having her admission rescinded at some point when she either did not apply to other colleges (if it was EA), or when she has already turned down her other options (if the matter is not resolved until summer).

But she chose to misrepresent her experience - she could have accurately communicated what she did and live with the results. She was the one who decided to lie - but if she gets caught in the lie someone else is to blame?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Presumably your son listed his leadership position on his application. It apparently didn't get him in so chances are it didn't get her in either. She probably had better test scores and GPA.

You have no idea what her common app said or if colleges would look at her resume. Some colleges specifically say not to send resumes. Let it go.

This. There were also transcripts from schools and teacher recommendations, right? You have no knowledge that the girl did anything wrong or embellished anything to the college in question. So I'm sorry your kid didn't get in, but they looked at your kid's entire package and went in another direction. THAT is real life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A girl was admitted to a school my son was rejected to. She has a personal website with a resume on it and on it she lists that she has a fairly substantial leadership position that is actually my son's. The resume is also filled with, likely, other lies and exaggerations (my son knows her pretty well and can tell that some of them are made up, but has no proof for anything other than that leadership position). He came to me asking for advice and showed me the resume, but I don't know what to do.

The school is not his first choice and he is not upset about his rejection. He was already committed to his first choice. He is, however, upset to see a liar get away with it and to see the benefit of an elite school education wasted on this girl.

Absolutely not. It is not your place and could likely come back to really bite you. Stay out of it, its her bed to lie in, no punt intended

[Anonymous]

Hi, OP again. He has already screenshotted it.

He is going to talk to the teacher involved with the position who can back him up. They will probably end up going to her counselor and letting her know about the falsified resume. From there he will let the high school decide whether to contact the colleges she has been accepted to.

And again, he is not upset that he didn't get in. As I said before, he is committed to his first choice. Nor does he think that this made a difference with respect to the decisions.

What he IS upset about is that she is getting away with lying. He has a strong sense of justice and does not like the amount of rampant cheating that goes on in his high school, and that everyone gets away with it. He complains about it frequently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anon letter by snail mail to AD. let the school decide. Leave your son's name out of it. Honor code is a BIG deal in some schools. probably won't result in much -- but she should not have lied. some other, more deserving student may have been rejected in favor of this girls deceit. Ignore the haters and do what is right. waitlist movement.

Plus I think it will remind the school to fact check and not take what kids put on their apps as the gospel truth. This is no different than how future employers would treat the situation.

Again, this approach is not to be taken lightly as it may result in the young lady having her admission rescinded at some point when she either did not apply to other colleges (if it was EA), or when she has already turned down her other options (if the matter is not resolved until summer).

But she chose to misrepresent her experience - she could have accurately communicated what she did and live with the results. She was the one who decided to lie - but if she gets caught in the lie someone else is to blame?

No, but there are several ways to be "caught in the lie", some with potentially more severe and lasting consequences than others.

Option #1: The young man could speak directly to the young woman, inform her that he has caught her in a lie, discuss the consequences of that lie, and ask her to correct it immediately. The young woman is mortified to have been caught in the lie, apologizes for the lie, corrects the lie, and learns not to lie again because the next time might result in a more severe consequence.

Option #2: The young man could speak directly to a high school teacher, adviser, administration, or counselor, who in turn approaches the young woman about her lie. The young woman is doubly mortified, because not only has she been caught in the lie, but her standing is also rightly diminished in the eyes of those beloved teachers and counselors at her high school who had previously thought of her as one of their best students. Her parents are livid, as the school has brought them into the meeting also! The young woman apologizes for the lie, corrects the lie, and learns never, ever to lie again because the next time will certainly result in a life-altering consequence.

Option #3: The young man can anonymously contact the university to which the young woman has been admitted. The young woman is devastated because she has been caught in the lie, and it has almost certainly resulted in the young woman's admission to the university being rescinded with no back up options for her. This is a life-changing, potentially life-altering, consequence that the young woman will never forget. She corrects the lie, and learns never, ever to lie again because she has hit rock bottom.

The young man will have to decide which "caught-in-the-lie" punishment befits the young woman's crime in this case.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi, OP again. He has already screenshotted it.

He is going to talk to the teacher involved with the position who can back him up. They will probably end up going to her counselor and letting her know about the falsified resume. From there he will let the high school decide whether to contact the colleges she has been accepted to.

And again, he is not upset that he didn't get in. As I said before, he is committed to his first choice. Nor does he think that this made a difference with respect to the decisions.

What he IS upset about is that she is getting away with lying. He has a strong sense of justice and does not like the amount of rampant cheating that goes on in his high school, and that everyone gets away with it. He complains about it frequently.

Kudos to your son.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi, OP again. He has already screenshotted it.

He is going to talk to the teacher involved with the position who can back him up. They will probably end up going to her counselor and letting her know about the falsified resume. From there he will let the high school decide whether to contact the colleges she has been accepted to.

And again, he is not upset that he didn't get in. As I said before, he is committed to his first choice. Nor does he think that this made a difference with respect to the decisions.

What he IS upset about is that she is getting away with lying. He has a strong sense of justice and does not like the amount of rampant cheating that goes on in his high school, and that everyone gets away with it. He complains about it frequently.

Kudos to your son.

Yep, good for him!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi, OP again. He has already screenshotted it.

He is going to talk to the teacher involved with the position who can back him up. They will probably end up going to her counselor and letting her know about the falsified resume. From there he will let the high school decide whether to contact the colleges she has been accepted to.

And again, he is not upset that he didn't get in. As I said before, he is committed to his first choice. Nor does he think that this made a difference with respect to the decisions.

What he IS upset about is that she is getting away with lying. He has a strong sense of justice and does not like the amount of rampant cheating that goes on in his high school, and that everyone gets away with it. He complains about it frequently.

Catholic poster again. I suppose this is a fair, compromise resolution under the circumstances.

The young woman will certainly have the fear of God put into her when the faculty advisor for that activity, as well as her college counselor, confront her with her lie (possibly in front of her parents, if they are invited to the meeting). She will be not only be caught in her lie, but she will be rightly diminished in the eyes of the activity's faculty advisor and the college counselor because of it. The young woman will certainly be mortified, clearly understand the serious nature of her lie, feel truly sorry and apologize, and correct the lie. Hopefully this resolution will allow the young woman to learn an extremely important lesson about ethical behavior, without the consequences derailing her future plans (at least this, hopefully the last, time).

[Anonymous]

I still don't understand how you know what this young lady submitted to the school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi, OP again. He has already screenshotted it.

He is going to talk to the teacher involved with the position who can back him up. They will probably end up going to her counselor and letting her know about the falsified resume. From there he will let the high school decide whether to contact the colleges she has been accepted to.

And again, he is not upset that he didn't get in. As I said before, he is committed to his first choice. Nor does he think that this made a difference with respect to the decisions.

What he IS upset about is that she is getting away with lying. He has a strong sense of justice and does not like the amount of rampant cheating that goes on in his high school, and that everyone gets away with it. He complains about it frequently.

Kudos to your son.

Yep, good for him!

I don't blame your son for being upset. No one likes someone else taking credit for something they've done. I think he's decided on a good course of action.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi, OP again. He has already screenshotted it.

He is going to talk to the teacher involved with the position who can back him up. They will probably end up going to her counselor and letting her know about the falsified resume. From there he will let the high school decide whether to contact the colleges she has been accepted to.

And again, he is not upset that he didn't get in. As I said before, he is committed to his first choice. Nor does he think that this made a difference with respect to the decisions.

What he IS upset about is that she is getting away with lying. He has a strong sense of justice and does not like the amount of rampant cheating that goes on in his high school, and that everyone gets away with it. He complains about it frequently.

Catholic poster again. I suppose this is a fair, compromise resolution under the circumstances.

The young woman will certainly have the fear of God put into her when the faculty advisor for that activity, as well as her college counselor, confront her with her lie (possibly in front of her parents, if they are invited to the meeting). She will be not only be caught in her lie, but she will be rightly diminished in the eyes of the activity's faculty advisor and the college counselor because of it. The young woman will certainly be mortified, clearly understand the serious nature of her lie, feel truly sorry and apologize, and correct the lie. Hopefully this resolution will allow the young woman to learn an extremely important lesson about ethical behavior, without the consequences derailing her future plans (at least this, hopefully the last, time).

This reminds me of a valuable lesson I learned in Catholic high school and never forgot. I went to see the faculty advisor for the school newspaper, for which I was a Section Editor. He genuinely liked me, and thought I was a great student (which I was). In any case, I opened his office door, and he then spent the next two minutes berating me and criticizing my parents for my inconsiderate and ill-mannered behavior, as I had failed to knock on the door and wait for a response, before entering. I left his office in tears that day, but I tell you I always, always knock on a door and wait for a response before entering.