Vent. I'm a slave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wish I could build a time machine just so I could arrange a meeting between a 2010s American SAHM and a 1800s American SAHM.

I would love to hear 1800s reaction to 2010s insistence about how hard she works. Back then, SAHMs REALLY worked hard, doing all kinds of chores that most modern SAHMs have even thought about, but modern technology has made things so much easier for them.

Just think about being in a house with 5-8 children (people had more kids back then due to higher infant mortality) no washing machine (you had to wash clothes manually) no running water (you had to pump water at a well) no TVs and radio to entertain you while you work no microwaves, no modern cleaning devices. If they needed to buy something, they had to walk and carry a bag down to some general store a mile away.

SAHMs have never had it easier than they do today and yet they have NEVER COMPLAINED MORE.

If you had 5-8 children, then a few of them would be daughters and would be expected to care for the children and do all the chores along with the mother. Plus if you had any amount of money you would have a true slave doing the work, or a indentured servant.

I'm curious, have you done any period reading from the 17 and 1800s? Women complained bitterly about their lot in life.

Back then, women truly had something to complain about.

-- specifically SAHMs

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wish I could build a time machine just so I could arrange a meeting between a 2010s American SAHM and a 1800s American SAHM.

I would love to hear 1800s reaction to 2010s insistence about how hard she works. Back then, SAHMs REALLY worked hard, doing all kinds of chores that most modern SAHMs have even thought about, but modern technology has made things so much easier for them.

Just think about being in a house with 5-8 children (people had more kids back then due to higher infant mortality) no washing machine (you had to wash clothes manually) no running water (you had to pump water at a well) no TVs and radio to entertain you while you work no microwaves, no modern cleaning devices. If they needed to buy something, they had to walk and carryovers a bag down to some general store a mile away.

SAHMs have never had it easier than they do today and yet they have NEVER COMPLAINED MORE.

You can easily say the same thing of men then vs, now. I doubt most men these days are responsible for farming their food or building their own house. Our lives are dramatically different whether youre a sahp or working parent.

[Anonymous]

Working on a farm wasn't that bad (as long as you were healthy). It was the lack of insurance and fear of crop failures and famine that sucked.

[Anonymous]

The other night I didn't feel like cooking dinner and said do you want to go out. He didn't care and that's when it dawned on me that for him, every night is like a fucking restaurant! He comes to the table with dinner served and then gets up and walks away when he's done. I do all the work

I totally get what you are saying and it sounds like he is generally unhelpful. But I do think that, in general, the person who is at home should prepare dinner for the family rather than the person coming home from work, unless you live really close to his work. It doesn't make sense otherwise, due to commuting time/dinner time for little kids. I work full time, DH works part time, and I expect him to make something for dinner since he is home 5 hours earlier than I am.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I will say though, I work FT and have a PT house keeper that comes 20hrs a week and we don't have these fights in our house. Well worth the 380/wk spent.

20K a year for a PT housekeeper?
Ah, that's how the other half lives )

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wish I could build a time machine just so I could arrange a meeting between a 2010s American SAHM and a 1800s American SAHM.

I would love to hear 1800s reaction to 2010s insistence about how hard she works. Back then, SAHMs REALLY worked hard, doing all kinds of chores that most modern SAHMs have even thought about, but modern technology has made things so much easier for them.

Just think about being in a house with 5-8 children (people had more kids back then due to higher infant mortality) no washing machine (you had to wash clothes manually) no running water (you had to pump water at a well) no TVs and radio to entertain you while you work no microwaves, no modern cleaning devices. If they needed to buy something, they had to walk and carry a bag down to some general store a mile away.

SAHMs have never had it easier than they do today and yet they have NEVER COMPLAINED MORE.

What is your point? African Americans also had it worse, but would you say that contemporary complains about racism are unwarranted? Just because things were far more unjust two centuries ago does not mean that today all is good in the world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am feeling so resentful of my husband right now. I feel like he's just another child in our family and I'm so sick of feeling that way. Everytime he does something I ask him to do- like empty the dishwasher, clean up after dinner, etc. He just does such a half-assed and incomplete job that it ends up being easier for me to do it myself but then the anger just bubbles up and I feel so annoyed. Then when I try to bring it up to him, it sounds so petty. I don't care that he doesn't do it my way. I know I'm type A and like things done a certain way. I've let go of that. I just want things done and he is a grown ass man. For example, last night after dinner I asked him if he wanted to clean up from dinner or start a bath for our youngest daughter. He chose clean up from dinner. I give DD a bath, get her in her pj's and put a show on for her before bed and go to the kitchen and the table still has crumbs and placemats all over, pots on stove. All he did was put the dishes in the dishwasher and walk away. So now I gave the bath AND I have to clean up the rest of dinner. This is just time number 1000 that this has happened. When he empties the dishwasher he leaves a bunch of crap on the counter because he "wasn't sure where to put them". We've been in our house for a few years and if you aren't sure, just open the cabinets and see where they go! It's not fucking rocket science. Our 7 year old can (and does) do it.

I feel like I do so many little things he doesn't even realize to make life easier for him- one small example is that after I take a shower I put the nice new dry one right next to the shower so that when he goes in it will be right there for him rather than having to walk to the other side of the bathroom and grab it. Little things every day to make life smoother. No one ever does anything like that for me. I'm an afterthought.

The other night I didn't feel like cooking dinner and said do you want to go out. He didn't care and that's when it dawned on me that for him, every night is like a fucking restaurant! He comes to the table with dinner served and then gets up and walks away when he's done. I do all the work.
Yes I'm a SAHM but I am so tired of doing it all myself, especially when he does not currently have an especially demanding job. He's home a ton and spends plenty of time on hobbies and such. I feel like an unappreciated slave. I expect this from my young kids, but not from him.
I'm so over it.
Thanks for listening to my vent.

It's nice to do things for a spouse. WHEN it's reciprocated. This stuff would come to a screeching halt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1800s SAHM - "Thank the Good Lawd and Darnation that I gots what the Good Lawd gave me!"

2010s SAMH - "I AM A SLAVE!!!!"

1863 SAHM

[Anonymous]

you have a REALLY unhealthy dynamic - and the half-assed way your DH does things is just the obvious symptom as is your controlling and bossing style. The root cause is what is underneath all of this.

Both of you have a role in this dysfunction - so figure out how to be adults, be respectful to each other, and sit down, CALMLY, and have a discussion. And be prepared not just to dish out your own grievances but to also receive them b/c I'm sure he has a few directed towards you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will say though, I work FT and have a PT house keeper that comes 20hrs a week and we don't have these fights in our house. Well worth the 380/wk spent.

20K a year for a PT housekeeper?
Ah, that's how the other half lives )

I suppose. I paid more in daycare, so I just took those costs when my kids were out of daycare and diverted them to a housekeeper. We have more cash flow than when they were little. daycare ran us near double that.

I think if I SAH and had to clean up after the entire family like the OP, I'd be miserable. talk about being unappreciated!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Laundry does get done magically. You throw the clothes into a magic box and push a button. Unless you have ironing to do, it's a minor task.

Toddlers are challenging, but they also take naps. That's a good time for you to do the housework that you agreed to do when you agreed to be the SAHM.

Right asshat, those are daytime tasks. Simple things like cleaning up after dinner, while the other bathes kids, is a reasonable expectation. Same with replacing a roll of TP, or taking out the trash. Just shit you do when it needs to be done. You're purposefully being obtuse or you don't have kids.

[Anonymous]

Not to mention, the cleaning never ends! Sometimes you just need to have some help so it's not a never ending task. Different story when the kids are older.

[Anonymous]

This has made me realize more and more that I need to either not have kids or be a working mom. We truly get the shit end of the deal. You either work outside the home and miss out on a significant part of your child's childhood but have help and can demand equal help at home. OR you get to see your kids but become a glorified maid and cook. Shoot me now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will say though, I work FT and have a PT house keeper that comes 20hrs a week and we don't have these fights in our house. Well worth the 380/wk spent.

20K a year for a PT housekeeper?
Ah, that's how the other half lives )

I suppose. I paid more in daycare, so I just took those costs when my kids were out of daycare and diverted them to a housekeeper. We have more cash flow than when they were little. daycare ran us near double that.

I think if I SAH and had to clean up after the entire family like the OP, I'd be miserable. talk about being unappreciated!

Or you could be like me, and WOH FT and still spend evenings cleaning up after the entire family. Talk about rage waiting to explode.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This has made me realize more and more that I need to either not have kids or be a working mom. We truly get the shit end of the deal. You either work outside the home and miss out on a significant part of your child's childhood but have help and can demand equal help at home. OR you get to see your kids but become a glorified maid and cook. Shoot me now.

You forgot the part about no maternity leave, but basically YEP!