Vent. I'm a slave.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I DO MY JOB, thanks so much. Does that mean that DH should come home and be waited on hand and foot because his wife is a SAHM? When he is home he should do absolutely nothing except play?

I agree with this post but only to a point. My DH does something similar, and it bugs me. DH clears up after dinner because I cooked. Great. But, cleaning up doesn't just mean putting the dishes away. It does mean cleaning up the pots/pans and wiping the crumbs off the table/counter. If the person who is supposed to be cleaning is not doing this, then who is? Should we just leave the pots/pans dirty on the stove and crumbs on the table? I don't tell my DH "how" to clean, but if he is going to do it, then do it completely, not half the job. That's what OP is stating. That her H is doing a half-ass job, not that he's not doing it "her" way.

OP - I just politely ask my DH if he could wipe down the table, too. But inside, it does bug me that I have to tell him to do that. I'm hoping that eventually he will just get used to doing it. This is not an area that I want to fight over.

OP here-
This is an issue. For one, we have been married over 15 years. I really am past caring how he does a job. But do the whole job! I don't care if you seriously lick the table to get it clean. But it does need to be clean after dinner, kids want to do homework on the table and play games and it's just gross to have a dirty table the next day. By the time I go to the table and realize everything is still out and messy, DH is on to other things, like in his office doing emails or playing a game with one of the kids. Then it feels so petty (and like I'm his mom or something) to say "DH, can you please come back up and finish wiping the table and put away the placemats?". Because that's something I would say to my kids, kwim? And I'm not putting a clean towel out there because I was told to do it, I do it because if I'm the 2nd person to shower for the day and I go to reach for a towel and it's the wet one DH used that morning and my dry one is across from the shower, yes, I get annoyed. So I feel like it's a nice thing to do for another human being. I truly don't feel like a doormat but I feel like when I complain about these things individually they seem petty. But over time they build up and turn into something big.

[Anonymous]

I get it, OP. It's soooo annoying (and a romance-killer) to have to give those kinds of reminders, as if your spouse was a child.

[Anonymous]

I honestly don't understand SAHMs that constantly demand that their husbands do housework for them. Either be a SAHM or don't. I don't think your feelings of being a "slave" are justified.

[Anonymous]

Re the towel. Make sure you have a clean one nearby before you get in the shower. Don't worry about whether he does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I honestly don't understand SAHMs that constantly demand that their husbands do housework for them. Either be a SAHM or don't. I don't think your feelings of being a "slave" are justified.

PP.. have you ever been a SAHP with little kids? What do you think SAHP do at home all day when they have little kids? Does the laundry magically get done? Bathrooms automatically clean themselves? Maybe SAHP of older kids don't do as much at home, but if you have little kids and are a SAHP, it's not that easy. I did it for a few months.

[Anonymous]

I think a lot of marriages would work out better if women just stopped being SAHMs, got a job they love and hired help to clean/do laundry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I honestly don't understand SAHMs that constantly demand that their husbands do housework for them. Either be a SAHM or don't. I don't think your feelings of being a "slave" are justified.

PP.. have you ever been a SAHP with little kids? What do you think SAHP do at home all day when they have little kids? Does the laundry magically get done? Bathrooms automatically clean themselves? Maybe SAHP of older kids don't do as much at home, but if you have little kids and are a SAHP, it's not that easy. I did it for a few months.

And to add.. being at home all day with little kids can drive a person bat sh1t crazy. As a WOHP, at least you get to talk to adults and reason, mostly, with adults. Try reasoning with a 2 yr old or an infant all day. Not fun.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think a lot of marriages would work out better if women just stopped being SAHMs, got a job they love and hired help to clean/do laundry.

But this still doesn't help OP's specific situation of cleaning up after dinner, unless you eat out every night.

[Anonymous]

Haha op I think we married the same man, except I get a sigh and an eye roll when I ask for help. Yep, joy. Pure joy!

No advice, just empathy.

[Anonymous]

Laundry does get done magically. You throw the clothes into a magic box and push a button. Unless you have ironing to do, it's a minor task.

Toddlers are challenging, but they also take naps. That's a good time for you to do the housework that you agreed to do when you agreed to be the SAHM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So basically you want him to do 100% of his job AND 50% of your job as well. And you seriously think this is fair and reasonable. Get over yourself already and DO YOUR JOB.

Oh so she is suppose to work 7 days a week? While he has two days off? When does she get a break?

[Anonymous]

Holy shot op.... Here come the haters!

I'm. With. You. All. The. Way. ?

[Anonymous]

. Oops ? Was supposed to be a smiley!

[Anonymous]

If he's so terrible at after dinner clean up then admit it's not his strong suit and stop putting yourself in this position. Let him do bath time and you do the cleaning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think a lot of marriages would work out better if women just stopped being SAHMs, got a job they love and hired help to clean/do laundry.

Na. I quit biglaw to SAH. And we kept the cleaning and laundry and other services. Now everyone is happy.