Vent. I'm a slave.

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02/13/2015 12:18

Subject: Vent. I'm a slave.

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Anonymous

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Anonymous wrote:I think a lot of marriages would work out better if women just stopped being SAHMs, got a job they love and hired help to clean/do laundry.

This does not solve everything. I am a WOHM who makes more money than my husband but I still have the primary responsibility for coordinating everything. We have a cleaning service every 2 weeks. Somehow it has fallen on me to decide what to eat for dinner, know when we're out of certain foods, do the laundry, be responsible for paying the preschool tuition and getting all the myriad of forms for both kids filled out, pack up most of the stuff for daycare, etc.

Examples: if my husband does the dishes, he always manages to not see one. He never changes the table mats (cloth) if our DC spills yogurt on it in the morning. It'll just sit there until I take it upstairs to be washed and take out a new one to replace it. He doesn't see the sticky spots on the kitchen table either or the crumbs on the floor yet he eats breakfast w/ her almost every morning while this is occurring.

Recently he had to drop my oldest off at preschool. I gave him a check to give to them. He forgot to do it and came home with it. I was left scrambling so we wouldn't have to incur a late fee.

I called him as I was leaving work early to take our youngest to the doctor's office and asked him if he could put the rice in the rice cooker so it'd be ready for our dinner last night as he was home before I was and it takes at least 20 minutes to do so. He completely forgot. This may sound like not a big deal but we have a very short window from getting home to work and getting 2 kids toddler and infant bathed, fed and ready for bed that it threw off our dinner plans.

Yes, I know he does a lot compared to other men, but that's a pathetic standard. I'm not looking for him to do more than me, I'm just sick of having to do everything that I do and then having to suffer when he fails to do everything he said he would. I am so pissed and fed up. Times like this I am also really pissed at his mother because she raised 3 sons like this and it was almost deliberate as if this is your problem and I don't care if I send them out into the world w/o these skills.

To the original poster, I hear where you are coming from. I used to do even way more before we had kids but I realized that he would never reciprocate in that way so I cut way back. He's a grown man and last time I checked we had 2 kids not 3.

Reading through your complaints, you honestly sound like you're just busting his balls over forgetting occasional minor stuff. He could easily do the same to you. You sound like an overbearing task-master.

Just doing what I can to keep us afloat. And it isn't forgetting occasionally. It's all the time. These are just the most recent things (like the straw that broke the camel's back). Who goes to the grocery store for two items one which is a needed ingredient for that night's dinner and comes back with only 1 of the items? He completely forgot to buy the other one. When all of us get sick (which happened recently) who ends up taking care of everyone? Why is it always the woman? I'm still pumping 7 to 8 x a day (so i'm the most sleep deprived) and if dinner isn't ready before the baby's bed time I'm the one who is ready to pass out while I'm putting our infant down at 7. he's downstairs eating a leisurely dinner with our older child. he will throw the kids' clothes in the laundry when I mention that the jacket our youngest needs to wear for daycare the next morning has spit up on it and then forgets about it so it's still soaking wet the next morning when we need to leave for daycare. he'll take the leftover food for his lunch instead of buying so that there isn't anything for our oldest child's lunch box (she can't buy it's preschool). I do all the drop off/pick ups for day care. The one time I asked him to drop something off, he made the biggest face and said he'd get stuck in DC traffic.

PP: It sounds like your relationship has become a parent/child relationship. It's a two-way street. His childish behavior only half of the problem. You need to accept that you are the other half of the problem.

Your posts are filled with "I told him to do this, I told him to do that, I told him to do this, I told him to do this..." Can you see how this is part of the issue?

Actually, I just read this entire thread and didn't see her say "I told him to do this, I told him to do this." She said she asked him to drop something off for her and he made a face. She also asked if he would start the rice cooker when she was driving their kid to the doctor's office. Does this not ever happen in your families where one spouse calls the other and asks if they can start something b/c they're doing something else for the household? He just sounds like most men incompetent. And don't say it's his job to work. They both WOHM.

It's a two-way street. She is treating him like a child/employee, and he is acting like one. It's a vicious cycle. A marriage with two WOH parents needs to be more of a partnership, where both parties have an equal sense of responsibility and respect for each other.

Honestly, this sounds like a perfect candidate for some kind of counseling to help them work on getting out of this dynamic and more into an equal partnership.