DD 16 is involved in a sexual relationship

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 16 year old DD has a had a boyfriend (that we like very much) since September. I finally asked and she told me that they were in a sexual relationship but not to worry because they went to her doctor (gyno) together and she is on the pill. They have sex in her room.

Okay - yikes! I'm very glad she is responsible and went to the doctor with her boyfriend to get on birth control but... my daughter is having sex while DH and I are downstairs watching TV!!!

DD is a top student, always ranked first or second in her class, and an accomplished ballet dancer. I have always been very lax with curfews/rules because she has always been so responsible. This sex thing just threw me for a loop.

Yet another parent who raised her child with zero morals, but hey, as long as she makes top grades and is "an accomplished ballet dancer" (oh, wow!!!), that is all that matters.

Thanks for the warning to this mother of young girls. Yours is an end result I would consider a complete failure.

LOL Her kid will be in an Ivy League school while your (maybe) virgins will be working at McDonalds. If you think your daughters are going to wait for marriage to have sex you are living in a dream world.

Yes, and we all know that this is the only thing that really matters to the average DCUM poster. Pathetic

[Anonymous]

Please make sure to tell you that she can always come to you if she needs money for the pill. No skipping. Also tell her to look up the facts such as antibiotics make pills ineffective for the month they are taken.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 16 year old DD has a had a boyfriend (that we like very much) since September. I finally asked and she told me that they were in a sexual relationship but not to worry because they went to her doctor (gyno) together and she is on the pill. They have sex in her room.

Okay - yikes! I'm very glad she is responsible and went to the doctor with her boyfriend to get on birth control but... my daughter is having sex while DH and I are downstairs watching TV!!!

DD is a top student, always ranked first or second in her class, and an accomplished ballet dancer. I have always been very lax with curfews/rules because she has always been so responsible. This sex thing just threw me for a loop.

Yet another parent who raised her child with zero morals, but hey, as long as she makes top grades and is "an accomplished ballet dancer" (oh, wow!!!), that is all that matters.

Thanks for the warning to this mother of young girls. Yours is an end result I would consider a complete failure.

LOL Her kid will be in an Ivy League school while your (maybe) virgins will be working at McDonalds. If you think your daughters are going to wait for marriage to have sex you are living in a dream world.

Then she can crash the economy with the rest of you morally corrupt Ivy league graduates or she can be CEO of Enron.

[Anonymous]

I am not a BTDT parent. My kids have a lot of freedom but they know what our expectations are regarding dating. Good that OP's DD is using BC, but 16 is still very young.

When your kids are doing well in school and being generally responsible - it is great, BUT, they are still not adults and they still need guidance and supervision - so you cannot be lax. There is a difference between delegation of responsibility as a parent and dereliction of duty as a parent.

Teen years are confusing years for our children and they are not capable of making very good choices sometimes. It is a hard balance for parents though because you also do not want them to not be independent.

I hope things go well for OP's daughter and she remains focussed on her education, because next year is Junior year and this(boyfriend, sex) is a major distraction and a source of emotional ups and downs.

BTW - if your DD is in her bedroom with her BF with doors shut, what do you think is happening?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 16 year old DD has a had a boyfriend (that we like very much) since September. I finally asked and she told me that they were in a sexual relationship but not to worry because they went to her doctor (gyno) together and she is on the pill. They have sex in her room.

Okay - yikes! I'm very glad she is responsible and went to the doctor with her boyfriend to get on birth control but... my daughter is having sex while DH and I are downstairs watching TV!!!

DD is a top student, always ranked first or second in her class, and an accomplished ballet dancer. I have always been very lax with curfews/rules because she has always been so responsible. This sex thing just threw me for a loop.

Yet another parent who raised her child with zero morals, but hey, as long as she makes top grades and is "an accomplished ballet dancer" (oh, wow!!!), that is all that matters.

Thanks for the warning to this mother of young girls. Yours is an end result I would consider a complete failure.

You and your parents are the only moral failures here. The sad part is you'll never understand why.

Oh, really? Then why don't you explain it to me, in your great wisdom. Yes, if my 16 year old was having sex (IN MY HOME, WHILE I WAS DOWNSTAIRS IGNORING HER WHILE I'M WATCHING TV), you'd better believe, that is a complete moral failure on the part of the parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My only comment here is that 16 is too young to have such a serious relationship. Too much drama.

This is it in a nutshell. Really has nothing to do with prudishness about sex. Emotional maturity and life experience is just not there yet. Could we stop harping on class rank and ballerina?
So, if she was flunking out and a total slacker, then the sex part is not ok. Give me a break. Developmental appropriateness matters.

I think the importance of her class rank and extra curricular activity is that she is doing everything else "right" and her relationship has not effected her grades or dedication to her chosen activity. The boy is not the sole focus of her life.

I think if she is as mature as she sounds at 16 (setting her own curfew) then this is developmentally appropriate behavior. It is how most girls act in college anyway and she is just two years shy of that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My only comment here is that 16 is too young to have such a serious relationship. Too much drama.

This is it in a nutshell. Really has nothing to do with prudishness about sex. Emotional maturity and life experience is just not there yet. Could we stop harping on class rank and ballerina?
So, if she was flunking out and a total slacker, then the sex part is not ok. Give me a break. Developmental appropriateness matters.

I think the importance of her class rank and extra curricular activity is that she is doing everything else "right" and her relationship has not effected her grades or dedication to her chosen activity. The boy is not the sole focus of her life.

I think if she is as mature as she sounds at 16 (setting her own curfew) then this is developmentally appropriate behavior. It is how most girls act in college anyway and she is just two years shy of that.

Unbelievable. It scares me that there are so many parents like you in this area. And by the way, it's "affected," not "effected."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My only comment here is that 16 is too young to have such a serious relationship. Too much drama.

This is it in a nutshell. Really has nothing to do with prudishness about sex. Emotional maturity and life experience is just not there yet. Could we stop harping on class rank and ballerina?
So, if she was flunking out and a total slacker, then the sex part is not ok. Give me a break. Developmental appropriateness matters.

I think the importance of her class rank and extra curricular activity is that she is doing everything else "right" and her relationship has not effected her grades or dedication to her chosen activity. The boy is not the sole focus of her life.

I think if she is as mature as she sounds at 16 (setting her own curfew) then this is developmentally appropriate behavior. It is how most girls act in college anyway and she is just two years shy of that.

Unbelievable. It scares me that there are so many parents like you in this area. And by the way, it's "affected," not "effected."

What's scary about it? You raise your child according to your sense of morality. I'll raise my child according to my sense of morality. OP will raise OP's child according to OP's sense of morality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again. DD and her boyfriend split the cost of the doctor's visit and prescription - DD told me that she insisted on this. So I never saw an insurance statement/doctor's bill.

Now that this is the situation, telling me what I should or shouldn't have done is not helpful - it is what is is and I have been successful in "parenting" a successful student and disciplined dancer who never had a curfew because she voluntarily comes home early! She is also a very kind, generous and popular girl.

But even for the more puritanical parents - what if anything should I do now?

Ok, now I am really questioning the veracity of the OP. Either that or OP really needs to make sure the doctor visit actually happened.

[Anonymous]

Did she get the HPV shot?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 16 year old DD has a had a boyfriend (that we like very much) since September. I finally asked and she told me that they were in a sexual relationship but not to worry because they went to her doctor (gyno) together and she is on the pill. They have sex in her room.

Okay - yikes! I'm very glad she is responsible and went to the doctor with her boyfriend to get on birth control but... my daughter is having sex while DH and I are downstairs watching TV!!!

DD is a top student, always ranked first or second in her class, and an accomplished ballet dancer. I have always been very lax with curfews/rules because she has always been so responsible. This sex thing just threw me for a loop.

Yet another parent who raised her child with zero morals, but hey, as long as she makes top grades and is "an accomplished ballet dancer" (oh, wow!!!), that is all that matters.

Thanks for the warning to this mother of young girls. Yours is an end result I would consider a complete failure.

You and your parents are the only moral failures here. The sad part is you'll never understand why.

Oh, really? Then why don't you explain it to me, in your great wisdom. Yes, if my 16 year old was having sex (IN MY HOME, WHILE I WAS DOWNSTAIRS IGNORING HER WHILE I'M WATCHING TV), you'd better believe, that is a complete moral failure on the part of the parent.

I'm not the OP, but WOW.

A daughter who wants to do a pretty normal thing, in a relationship with someone her parents know and trust, who responsibly goes to the doctor, communicates with her boyfriend about it and then actually tells her mom about it is "a complete moral failure"? What would you call a girl who sneaks around, having sex with lots of different people without using protection?

Also, the dig about OP ignoring her daughter? Seriously? The girl is 16. Do you actually expect her mom to hover over her at all times and never do anything in the house in a different room from the daughter?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am not a BTDT parent. My kids have a lot of freedom but they know what our expectations are regarding dating. Good that OP's DD is using BC, but 16 is still very young.

When your kids are doing well in school and being generally responsible - it is great, BUT, they are still not adults and they still need guidance and supervision - so you cannot be lax. There is a difference between delegation of responsibility as a parent and dereliction of duty as a parent.

Teen years are confusing years for our children and they are not capable of making very good choices sometimes. It is a hard balance for parents though because you also do not want them to not be independent.

I hope things go well for OP's daughter and she remains focussed on her education, because next year is Junior year and this(boyfriend, sex) is a major distraction and a source of emotional ups and downs.

BTW - if your DD is in her bedroom with her BF with doors shut, what do you think is happening?

OP again. DD is a junior now and her grades have not suffered at all nor has her dedication to dancing suffered. But yes, I am watching this. Her boyfriend is also a good student who got a 4.0+ last semester due, he says, to being around DD.

Honestly, DD has always studied with the door to her bedroom suite shut. There is a partner's desk in her adjacent study that she has always used with any friend that came over to study with her. Maybe I was just stupid, but it never occurred to me that she was engaging in a sexual relationship with this boyfriend.

But yes, sex aside, the seriousness of their relationship does concern me. Again - what can I do about it now?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would let your DD know that you are proud of her for being responsible and thank her for being honest with you. I think the fact that she told you speaks volumes about your relationship (and I mean that it is a very positive thing).

I think if it was me, I would ask them not to have sex while you are at home (notice I said ask, not order). Unless you are home all the time and they are never alone, they will still have opportunities. I also think it is appropriate to ask them to leave the door open while studying and not to use the other entrance to the house. Boyfriend should feel comfortable coming in and out through the front door.

I agree with all the PPs that they should be using condoms. It is something that they both should get used to using. In addition, how did your DD get all the testing and get her prescriptions without you knowing? That stuff is expensive, and insurance should be sending you EOBs for all visits, right?

+1 This is good advice. So much depends upon the child in question, and OP's DD has handled things very well and with great maturity. However, she is still a child and mom should keep an open dialogue with her and maintain certain boundaries and ground rules, as PP suggested.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did she get the HPV shot?

Yes.

[Anonymous]

Did you know your DD had as gyno, OP? Because you mentioned it was your DD's gyno, not yours.

And separate question...is it true that a 16 year old can go to the gyno without a parent and get birth control without the parent knowing about it? I didn't realize that.