DD 16 is involved in a sexual relationship

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, you have given your dtr way too much freedom. She shouldn't be allowed to come and go and have people come and go from her room without you knowing. With the door shut, this is crazy.

I can't believe you would keep something like this from your spouse. I wouldn't never.

Step up and parent this kid.

I can never understand what "to parent" means on DCUM. I'm starting to think it means "you're not doing what I think you should be doing".

OP evidently has a very responsible, very mature, hard-working daughter. So the only problem is your problem, namely that you don't approve of OP's rules.

[Anonymous]

I would let your DD know that you are proud of her for being responsible and thank her for being honest with you. I think the fact that she told you speaks volumes about your relationship (and I mean that it is a very positive thing).

I think if it was me, I would ask them not to have sex while you are at home (notice I said ask, not order). Unless you are home all the time and they are never alone, they will still have opportunities. I also think it is appropriate to ask them to leave the door open while studying and not to use the other entrance to the house. Boyfriend should feel comfortable coming in and out through the front door.

I agree with all the PPs that they should be using condoms. It is something that they both should get used to using. In addition, how did your DD get all the testing and get her prescriptions without you knowing? That stuff is expensive, and insurance should be sending you EOBs for all visits, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 16 year old DD has a had a boyfriend (that we like very much) since September. I finally asked and she told me that they were in a sexual relationship but not to worry because they went to her doctor (gyno) together and she is on the pill. They have sex in her room.

Okay - yikes! I'm very glad she is responsible and went to the doctor with her boyfriend to get on birth control but... my daughter is having sex while DH and I are downstairs watching TV!!!

DD is a top student, always ranked first or second in her class, and an accomplished ballet dancer. I have always been very lax with curfews/rules because she has always been so responsible. This sex thing just threw me for a loop.

Yet another parent who raised her child with zero morals, but hey, as long as she makes top grades and is "an accomplished ballet dancer" (oh, wow!!!), that is all that matters.

Thanks for the warning to this mother of young girls. Yours is an end result I would consider a complete failure.

[Anonymous]

I'm very impressed with your daughter and would still be like you and freak out. But look at the long game here. And that's responsibility and respect. Looks like she's on a good start.

[Anonymous]

The break up will be ugly. Have you talked to her about that already.

[Anonymous]

People really ok with a 16-yr old girl having SEX?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My only comment here is that 16 is too young to have such a serious relationship. Too much drama.

This is it in a nutshell. Really has nothing to do with prudishness about sex. Emotional maturity and life experience is just not there yet. Could we stop harping on class rank and ballerina?
So, if she was flunking out and a total slacker, then the sex part is not ok. Give me a break. Developmental appropriateness matters.

[Anonymous]

OP again. DD and her boyfriend split the cost of the doctor's visit and prescription - DD told me that she insisted on this. So I never saw an insurance statement/doctor's bill.

Now that this is the situation, telling me what I should or shouldn't have done is not helpful - it is what is is and I have been successful in "parenting" a successful student and disciplined dancer who never had a curfew because she voluntarily comes home early! She is also a very kind, generous and popular girl.

But even for the more puritanical parents - what if anything should I do now?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 16 year old DD has a had a boyfriend (that we like very much) since September. I finally asked and she told me that they were in a sexual relationship but not to worry because they went to her doctor (gyno) together and she is on the pill. They have sex in her room.

Okay - yikes! I'm very glad she is responsible and went to the doctor with her boyfriend to get on birth control but... my daughter is having sex while DH and I are downstairs watching TV!!!

DD is a top student, always ranked first or second in her class, and an accomplished ballet dancer. I have always been very lax with curfews/rules because she has always been so responsible. This sex thing just threw me for a loop.

Yet another parent who raised her child with zero morals, but hey, as long as she makes top grades and is "an accomplished ballet dancer" (oh, wow!!!), that is all that matters.

Thanks for the warning to this mother of young girls. Yours is an end result I would consider a complete failure.

Troll grade: A-

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My only comment here is that 16 is too young to have such a serious relationship. Too much drama.

What should OP do about it? Forbid her daughter from having a boyfriend?

Yup but that ship has sailed. No exclusive dating at this age. Group "dating" far healthier and more developmentally appropriate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People really ok with a 16-yr old girl having SEX?

Yes, people are. Or at least, I am. In a consenting, equal relationship with contraception and measures against STIs -- which is evidently the case for the OP's daughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People really ok with a 16-yr old girl having SEX?

What should she do about it now?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 16 year old DD has a had a boyfriend (that we like very much) since September. I finally asked and she told me that they were in a sexual relationship but not to worry because they went to her doctor (gyno) together and she is on the pill. They have sex in her room.

Okay - yikes! I'm very glad she is responsible and went to the doctor with her boyfriend to get on birth control but... my daughter is having sex while DH and I are downstairs watching TV!!!

DD is a top student, always ranked first or second in her class, and an accomplished ballet dancer. I have always been very lax with curfews/rules because she has always been so responsible. This sex thing just threw me for a loop.

Yet another parent who raised her child with zero morals, but hey, as long as she makes top grades and is "an accomplished ballet dancer" (oh, wow!!!), that is all that matters.

Thanks for the warning to this mother of young girls. Yours is an end result I would consider a complete failure.

LOL Her kid will be in an Ivy League school while your (maybe) virgins will be working at McDonalds. If you think your daughters are going to wait for marriage to have sex you are living in a dream world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 16 year old DD has a had a boyfriend (that we like very much) since September. I finally asked and she told me that they were in a sexual relationship but not to worry because they went to her doctor (gyno) together and she is on the pill. They have sex in her room.

Okay - yikes! I'm very glad she is responsible and went to the doctor with her boyfriend to get on birth control but... my daughter is having sex while DH and I are downstairs watching TV!!!

DD is a top student, always ranked first or second in her class, and an accomplished ballet dancer. I have always been very lax with curfews/rules because she has always been so responsible. This sex thing just threw me for a loop.

Yet another parent who raised her child with zero morals, but hey, as long as she makes top grades and is "an accomplished ballet dancer" (oh, wow!!!), that is all that matters.

Thanks for the warning to this mother of young girls. Yours is an end result I would consider a complete failure.

Troll grade: A-

I am not the PP but this is what parents say all the time. Smoking pot and doing shots is fine as long as they have good grades... not a great message, either is you can screw you boyfriend while I am in the other room. She need guidance not a cool parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 16 year old DD has a had a boyfriend (that we like very much) since September. I finally asked and she told me that they were in a sexual relationship but not to worry because they went to her doctor (gyno) together and she is on the pill. They have sex in her room.

Okay - yikes! I'm very glad she is responsible and went to the doctor with her boyfriend to get on birth control but... my daughter is having sex while DH and I are downstairs watching TV!!!

DD is a top student, always ranked first or second in her class, and an accomplished ballet dancer. I have always been very lax with curfews/rules because she has always been so responsible. This sex thing just threw me for a loop.

Yet another parent who raised her child with zero morals, but hey, as long as she makes top grades and is "an accomplished ballet dancer" (oh, wow!!!), that is all that matters.

Thanks for the warning to this mother of young girls. Yours is an end result I would consider a complete failure.

You and your parents are the only moral failures here. The sad part is you'll never understand why.