Shlumpy guy. Should I give hima chance?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would. Those guys are good guys.

+2, OP the whole thing sounds like the beginning of a very cute "how we met" story. Those things can be tweaked, I'm looking at you husband who used to wear a fleece jacket with a shirt and tie.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Disagree if you are referring to physcial attraction.
I knew the first time I saw my DW that we were going to have sex.

Anonymous wrote:Attraction often grows with repeated dates. If you think he's a good guy then give him a chance. But don't try to fix him.

Agree. I was about to break up with now DH before date 5. Really glad I didn't.

(Also, PP, I think you are confused about what "disagree" means.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes. Fix him up. I have done it before.

Straight up tell him to his face that you want to update his glasses. Then plan a shopping trip, go to the eyeglass store, and pick out a cool style (I like the ray ban style for eyeglasses right now)

Also tell him you would like his to trim (or shave off) his beard.

If he can't deal with this then dump him. He's not the guy for you.

And if he doesn't break up with you on the spot, you know he has no self-respect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. Fix him up. I have done it before.

Straight up tell him to his face that you want to update his glasses. Then plan a shopping trip, go to the eyeglass store, and pick out a cool style (I like the ray ban style for eyeglasses right now)

Also tell him you would like his to trim (or shave off) his beard.

If he can't deal with this then dump him. He's not the guy for you.

And if he doesn't break up with you on the spot, you know he has no self-respect.

OR he knows his look is outdated and needs help. Who doesn't get a haircut or trim their beard before a date?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Disagree if you are referring to physcial attraction.
I knew the first time I saw my DW that we were going to have sex.

Anonymous wrote:Attraction often grows with repeated dates. If you think he's a good guy then give him a chance. But don't try to fix him.

Men and women might vary in this regard, both as groups and individuals. I have never been attracted to someone on first sight like this.

[Anonymous]

I married my appearance-challenged boyfriend, because I cared for his interior (and the fact that even with the ugly glasses and polyester suits, he was cute).
I wasn't sexually attracted either, but then that's not a priority for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You really can't be that picky if as you say you don't look like Miss America. Most men in their mid-forties are dating women 10 years younger, while most women in their mid-forties get asked out by men in their sixties. Be happy that he is a nice guy whose only problem is he looks a little shlumpy, because if he gets fixed up he will get noticed by woman in their mid thirties.

No, some are but not most, and definitely not the shlumpy ones.

Maybe from what you have seen, but I have seen plenty of desperate women in their late 30's who were picky about superficial things like the OP's issues, come to realize they are going to be a childless old cat lady if they don't expand their horizons.

So many desperate women on this thread! The assumption is that it's better to have any guy no matter how old, tasteless, weird than no guy at all. I would rather be an old childless cat lady than grab whatever comes my way, no matter how bad, for the sake of not being single and childless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You really can't be that picky if as you say you don't look like Miss America. Most men in their mid-forties are dating women 10 years younger, while most women in their mid-forties get asked out by men in their sixties. Be happy that he is a nice guy whose only problem is he looks a little shlumpy, because if he gets fixed up he will get noticed by woman in their mid thirties.

No, some are but not most, and definitely not the shlumpy ones.

Maybe from what you have seen, but I have seen plenty of desperate women in their late 30's who were picky about superficial things like the OP's issues, come to realize they are going to be a childless old cat lady if they don't expand their horizons.

I think you are more trying to scare women into sleeping with schlumps like yourself rather than giving actual advice.

Nice try, but no dice.

Nope. I am a married women in her mid forties. I work with lots of women in their 30's who are single. Several of the ones in their mid to late 30's really want a family but on dating sites keep finding men in their late forties are the only ones who want to go out with them. They are average looking (as I am) and can't find men in their late 30's. the OP is being picky about superficial things as if she were in her 20's.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I married my appearance-challenged boyfriend, because I cared for his interior (and the fact that even with the ugly glasses and polyester suits, he was cute).
I wasn't sexually attracted either, but then that's not a priority for me.

I'm glad this has worked out for you. I do hope your husband feels similarly about sex though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. Fix him up. I have done it before.

Straight up tell him to his face that you want to update his glasses. Then plan a shopping trip, go to the eyeglass store, and pick out a cool style (I like the ray ban style for eyeglasses right now)

Also tell him you would like his to trim (or shave off) his beard.

If he can't deal with this then dump him. He's not the guy for you.

And if he doesn't break up with you on the spot, you know he has no self-respect.

OR he knows his look is outdated and needs help. Who doesn't get a haircut or trim their beard before a date?

x2. And he will be grateful for the help and that someone will tell him straight up what he can do to improve his look. Many nerdy guys would be grateful for some assistance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You really can't be that picky if as you say you don't look like Miss America. Most men in their mid-forties are dating women 10 years younger, while most women in their mid-forties get asked out by men in their sixties. Be happy that he is a nice guy whose only problem is he looks a little shlumpy, because if he gets fixed up he will get noticed by woman in their mid thirties.

No, some are but not most, and definitely not the shlumpy ones.

Maybe from what you have seen, but I have seen plenty of desperate women in their late 30's who were picky about superficial things like the OP's issues, come to realize they are going to be a childless old cat lady if they don't expand their horizons.

I think you are more trying to scare women into sleeping with schlumps like yourself rather than giving actual advice.

Nice try, but no dice.

Nope. I am a married women in her mid forties. I work with lots of women in their 30's who are single. Several of the ones in their mid to late 30's really want a family but on dating sites keep finding men in their late forties are the only ones who want to go out with them. They are average looking (as I am) and can't find men in their late 30's. the OP is being picky about superficial things as if she were in her 20's.

Whatever loser. Just because you are average looking doesnt mean the rest of us are. Trust me, I have no issues finding dudes. The "all women are lonely" after 35 thing is a myth that unhappily married women like to glom onto to support their feeling that getting married to a loser was the right, pragmatic thing to do because their options would have dried up anyway.

But it's not the case for us cuties!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Had first date w nice guy. He wants to go again, is texting me, etc (not overly texting, just a few here and there). I'm not immediately attracted to him, but I think I could be with some little enhancements. He just needs a hair cut, beard trim and mabe some updated glasses (they are kind of loose/crooked on his face). He's a smart compter engineer type guy.

I not Miss America, and am not looking for perfection, but he could use a little update. What would you do? Attraction needs to be there as well as common interests and common values. We are both divorced, mid 40s.

Did you see that movie with James Gandolfini and Julia Louis Dreyfuss? She faces the same question. Oh, it's such a sweet movie. I think it was his last.

Definitely worth viewing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You really can't be that picky if as you say you don't look like Miss America. Most men in their mid-forties are dating women 10 years younger, while most women in their mid-forties get asked out by men in their sixties. Be happy that he is a nice guy whose only problem is he looks a little shlumpy, because if he gets fixed up he will get noticed by woman in their mid thirties.

No, some are but not most, and definitely not the shlumpy ones.

Maybe from what you have seen, but I have seen plenty of desperate women in their late 30's who were picky about superficial things like the OP's issues, come to realize they are going to be a childless old cat lady if they don't expand their horizons.

I think you are more trying to scare women into sleeping with schlumps like yourself rather than giving actual advice.

Nice try, but no dice.

Nope. I am a married women in her mid forties. I work with lots of women in their 30's who are single. Several of the ones in their mid to late 30's really want a family but on dating sites keep finding men in their late forties are the only ones who want to go out with them. They are average looking (as I am) and can't find men in their late 30's. the OP is being picky about superficial things as if she were in her 20's.

Whatever loser. Just because you are average looking doesnt mean the rest of us are. Trust me, I have no issues finding dudes. The "all women are lonely" after 35 thing is a myth that unhappily married women like to glom onto to support their feeling that getting married to a loser was the right, pragmatic thing to do because their options would have dried up anyway.

But it's not the case for us cuties!

+1 Some people need to believe that to make it through the night though PP. Or because, for some women, getting married to a man no one else wants is all they've managed to 'accomplish'. I don't think that's the thinking for most married women but for those who are nasty for no reason? Yeah, something else is going on there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Had first date w nice guy. He wants to go again, is texting me, etc (not overly texting, just a few here and there). I'm not immediately attracted to him, but I think I could be with some little enhancements. He just needs a hair cut, beard trim and mabe some updated glasses (they are kind of loose/crooked on his face). He's a smart compter engineer type guy.

I not Miss America, and am not looking for perfection, but he could use a little update. What would you do? Attraction needs to be there as well as common interests and common values. We are both divorced, mid 40s.

Did you see that movie with James Gandolfini and Julia Louis Dreyfuss? She faces the same question. Oh, it's such a sweet movie. I think it was his last.

Definitely worth viewing.

This was a cute movie! Enough Said is the title.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. Fix him up. I have done it before.

Straight up tell him to his face that you want to update his glasses. Then plan a shopping trip, go to the eyeglass store, and pick out a cool style (I like the ray ban style for eyeglasses right now)

Also tell him you would like his to trim (or shave off) his beard.

If he can't deal with this then dump him. He's not the guy for you.

And if he doesn't break up with you on the spot, you know he has no self-respect.

OR he knows his look is outdated and needs help. Who doesn't get a haircut or trim their beard before a date?

x2. And he will be grateful for the help and that someone will tell him straight up what he can do to improve his look. Many nerdy guys would be grateful for some assistance.

+1. If he likes you, he'll be flattered that you want help him improve his appearance. Do it a little bit at a time.