Shlumpy guy. Should I give hima chance?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would. Those guys are good guys.

Agree. Some men just need some touch up here and there. But personalities cannot be changed.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would. Those guys are good guys.

Agree. Some men just need some touch up here and there. But personalities cannot be changed.

+1

+2

I don't think anyone should take on a person as a fixer-upper project. Think of it like buying a house. If you think he needs to be 'gutted' or 'stripped to the studs and then rebuilt' give him a pass. He deserves someone who likes him (mostly) as he is. But you're never going to find your dream house (man) 100% as you imagined him - if all this guy needs is "new paint" as it sounds to me, then it's a worth more dates. You're not trying to change HIM, just some aesthetic stuff about how he presents himself.

[Anonymous]

I don't see the problem presuming you are willing to groom and accessorize your look as he wishes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would. Those guys are good guys.

Agree. Some men just need some touch up here and there. But personalities cannot be changed.

+1

+2

I don't think anyone should take on a person as a fixer-upper project. Think of it like buying a house. If you think he needs to be 'gutted' or 'stripped to the studs and then rebuilt' give him a pass. He deserves someone who likes him (mostly) as he is. But you're never going to find your dream house (man) 100% as you imagined him - if all this guy needs is "new paint" as it sounds to me, then it's a worth more dates. You're not trying to change HIM, just some aesthetic stuff about how he presents himself.

The way he presents himself IS a part of his identity. And, as I said earlier, it's not her body, she doesn't get a vote. She can either love him for what he is, or she can move on.

[Anonymous]

I want the shlumpy guy. If you pass, send him my way. I'll take shlumpy, smart and nice any day. I even think its kind of cute and attractive. Guys aren't supposed to be pretty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I married my appearance-challenged boyfriend, because I cared for his interior (and the fact that even with the ugly glasses and polyester suits, he was cute).
I wasn't sexually attracted either, but then that's not a priority for me.

I'm glad this has worked out for you. I do hope your husband feels similarly about sex though.

Yes, we're good. Now we have two kids and our house is GEEK CENTRAL. Well-dressed, though, because I do have an eye for that.

It's interesting. My DH seems like the most self-effacing of men, and it's only when you really get to know him that you find out he's supremely confident. So much so that he doesn't feel the need to prove it to anyone. As a result, he's the happiest person I know. It has definitely rubbed off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I want the shlumpy guy. If you pass, send him my way. I'll take shlumpy, smart and nice any day. I even think its kind of cute and attractive. Guys aren't supposed to be pretty.

Do you hear that Rob Lowe?

[Anonymous]

I say go out a few more times and see if he could grow on you.

I mean, I know he isn't a tree or anything, but some attraction could grow.

Or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would. Those guys are good guys.

Agree. Some men just need some touch up here and there. But personalities cannot be changed.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Schlumpy guys try harder!

My schlumpy DH is kind, generous, and thoughtful. He does dishes, laundry, and is a wonderful, hands-on dad. And oh my, is he great in bed.

Sure, I sometimes wish he were better looking and a sharper dresser. But would I trade him? Not on your life. He is a keeper. I adore him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Had first date w nice guy. He wants to go again, is texting me, etc (not overly texting, just a few here and there). I'm not immediately attracted to him, but I think I could be with some little enhancements. He just needs a hair cut, beard trim and mabe some updated glasses (they are kind of loose/crooked on his face). He's a smart compter engineer type guy.

I not Miss America, and am not looking for perfection, but he could use a little update. What would you do? Attraction needs to be there as well as common interests and common values. We are both divorced, mid 40s.

Did you see that movie with James Gandolfini and Julia Louis Dreyfuss? She faces the same question. Oh, it's such a sweet movie. I think it was his last.

Definitely worth viewing.

Love that movie!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. Fix him up. I have done it before.

Straight up tell him to his face that you want to update his glasses. Then plan a shopping trip, go to the eyeglass store, and pick out a cool style (I like the ray ban style for eyeglasses right now)

Also tell him you would like his to trim (or shave off) his beard.

If he can't deal with this then dump him. He's not the guy for you.

And if he doesn't break up with you on the spot, you know he has no self-respect.

OR he knows his look is outdated and needs help. Who doesn't get a haircut or trim their beard before a date?

Guys who like their hair and beard. And get new glasses for a date? WTF? Are you looking for a doll or a boyfriend?

What if on a first date a guy told you to cut your hair and not wear those earrings anymore?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You really can't be that picky if as you say you don't look like Miss America. Most men in their mid-forties are dating women 10 years younger, while most women in their mid-forties get asked out by men in their sixties. Be happy that he is a nice guy whose only problem is he looks a little shlumpy, because if he gets fixed up he will get noticed by woman in their mid thirties.

No, some are but not most, and definitely not the shlumpy ones.

Maybe from what you have seen, but I have seen plenty of desperate women in their late 30's who were picky about superficial things like the OP's issues, come to realize they are going to be a childless old cat lady if they don't expand their horizons.

I think you are more trying to scare women into sleeping with schlumps like yourself rather than giving actual advice.

Nice try, but no dice.

Nope. I am a married women in her mid forties. I work with lots of women in their 30's who are single. Several of the ones in their mid to late 30's really want a family but on dating sites keep finding men in their late forties are the only ones who want to go out with them. They are average looking (as I am) and can't find men in their late 30's. the OP is being picky about superficial things as if she were in her 20's.

Whatever loser. Just because you are average looking doesnt mean the rest of us are. Trust me, I have no issues finding dudes. The "all women are lonely" after 35 thing is a myth that unhappily married women like to glom onto to support their feeling that getting married to a loser was the right, pragmatic thing to do because their options would have dried up anyway.

But it's not the case for us cuties!

+1 Some people need to believe that to make it through the night though PP. Or because, for some women, getting married to a man no one else wants is all they've managed to 'accomplish'. I don't think that's the thinking for most married women but for those who are nasty for no reason? Yeah, something else is going on there.

All of you thinking it is ok to fix perceived "defects" in men rather than appreciating their good qualities - are any of you married? Or are you just henpecking men for imperfections?

The fact that you think that it would be "settling" to date a great guy who has a hairstyle that you happen to not prefer is pretty sad.

[Anonymous]

If the shlumpy guy knew you posted this, I don't think he would give YOU a second chance. Someone ought to tell him before he gets to date two with you. Let him free be with someone who deserves a nice guy.

[Anonymous]

The funny thing is that the "shlubby" guy here probably is in a stronger position. He's presumably smart, has a good job (computer/engineering type) etc.

Telling him to cut his hair, trim his beard and "update" his glasses seems rude. I'm sure there are things about OP that he probably wasn't floored with.