Shlumpy guy. Should I give hima chance?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you really enjoy his company regardless of appearance, then you should give him another chance or two. If you only think you ought to enjoy his company so as not to be shallow, then skip it.

This. I'm marrying a "shlumpy" guy. Turns out he's the light on my life, and I've never been happier.

[Anonymous]

...light "of" my life. Love gives me typos.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Had first date w nice guy. He wants to go again, is texting me, etc (not overly texting, just a few here and there). I'm not immediately attracted to him, but I think I could be with some little enhancements. He just needs a hair cut, beard trim and mabe some updated glasses (they are kind of loose/crooked on his face). He's a smart compter engineer type guy.

I not Miss America, and am not looking for perfection, but he could use a little update. What would you do? Attraction needs to be there as well as common interests and common values. We are both divorced, mid 40s.

with a divorce under your belt you think you would have learned by now that looks aren't everything. looks fade. looks change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You really can't be that picky if as you say you don't look like Miss America. Most men in their mid-forties are dating women 10 years younger, while most women in their mid-forties get asked out by men in their sixties. Be happy that he is a nice guy whose only problem is he looks a little shlumpy, because if he gets fixed up he will get noticed by woman in their mid thirties.

No, some are but not most, and definitely not the shlumpy ones.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You really can't be that picky if as you say you don't look like Miss America. Most men in their mid-forties are dating women 10 years younger, while most women in their mid-forties get asked out by men in their sixties. Be happy that he is a nice guy whose only problem is he looks a little shlumpy, because if he gets fixed up he will get noticed by woman in their mid thirties.

No, some are but not most, and definitely not the shlumpy ones.

Maybe from what you have seen, but I have seen plenty of desperate women in their late 30's who were picky about superficial things like the OP's issues, come to realize they are going to be a childless old cat lady if they don't expand their horizons.

[Anonymous]

After 24 years, I still have to remind DH when it's time to get a haircut or toss out a ratty shirt. He doesn't care about these things and doesn't mind. I wouldn't be interested in a man who is prettier than me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You really can't be that picky if as you say you don't look like Miss America. Most men in their mid-forties are dating women 10 years younger, while most women in their mid-forties get asked out by men in their sixties. Be happy that he is a nice guy whose only problem is he looks a little shlumpy, because if he gets fixed up he will get noticed by woman in their mid thirties.

No, some are but not most, and definitely not the shlumpy ones.

Maybe from what you have seen, but I have seen plenty of desperate women in their late 30's who were picky about superficial things like the OP's issues, come to realize they are going to be a childless old cat lady if they don't expand their horizons.

I think you are more trying to scare women into sleeping with schlumps like yourself rather than giving actual advice.

Nice try, but no dice.

[Anonymous]

Did he make you laugh? Don't judge on looks alone. Second thought, let him go so he can find someone who can appreciate him!

[Anonymous]

And, this is how I married the love of my life--because there are so many women (and men) who reject perfectly wonderful but shlumpy and not polished people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you enjoy being around the guy, just wish he had better glasses, etc., go for it. IF you think those traits bely some deeper nerdiness you are not into, cut loose.

Seriously I am a nerd and have dated mostly nerd guys. They are the best. My DH is an unbelievable father, have NEVER worried about these guys cheating on me, they adore me, and they're smart, responsible and fun. And they take care of themselves too -- my DH looks amazing in middle age because he is organized enough to take good care of himself and exercises regularly. I only wish I looked so good.

But you can't be too shallow -- yeah, my husband still has geeky habits and a few clothes he stubbornly hangs onto (I give him clothing as part of his presents for birthdays, etc., but I never push him to do anything different.)

I married a woman who is at the least a semi-nerd and best move I ever made. Nerds are generally smarter so you have someone intelligent to converse. And they are generally more appreciative because they were never in the popular crowd.

[Anonymous]

Attraction often grows with repeated dates. If you think he's a good guy then give him a chance. But don't try to fix him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Had first date w nice guy. He wants to go again, is texting me, etc (not overly texting, just a few here and there). I'm not immediately attracted to him, but I think I could be with some little enhancements. He just needs a hair cut, beard trim and mabe some updated glasses (they are kind of loose/crooked on his face). He's a smart compter engineer type guy.

I not Miss America, and am not looking for perfection, but he could use a little update. What would you do? Attraction needs to be there as well as common interests and common values. We are both divorced, mid 40s.

It's not your body, you don't get a vote. What the hell.

[Anonymous]

I would go out with him again. I don't get the hesitation.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't try to change him, no. But if you feel that underneath the "schlump" there's potential, meaning you might find him attractive, then give him another chance.
As you get to know him you might notice other things that attract you like his eyes, his hands, his voice, etc and will stop focusing on the superficial stuff. But don't date him with the idea that you'll make him over.

[Anonymous]

Disagree if you are referring to physcial attraction.
I knew the first time I saw my DW that we were going to have sex.

Anonymous wrote:Attraction often grows with repeated dates. If you think he's a good guy then give him a chance. But don't try to fix him.