DH didn't make partner - dealing with imminent major reduction of HHI
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Anonymous
| 12hr shifts. 7p-7a. And we love our night shifts. Besides, she's not marketable. Not enough clinical experience. |
Anonymous
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In general, law firm partners are pricks. If they are not busy, it's the economy. If you are not busy, on the other hand, it's because you are lazy or stupid. And because they know their business model is shaky, their goal is to extract as much money from their firms as quickly as possible, cut costs by treating subordinates like widgets, and jump ship when they can. Some of the same partners who talk a great game about the importance of being good "firm citizens" will turn around and leave on a moment's notice when another opportunity comes around. DC is a particularly tough market because you have so many people moving in and out of government. Good for their resumes, and havoc-wreaking on those around them.
I'm sorry this is tough on your family, OP, but it was always going to be a house of cards. |
Anonymous
| There is definitely a nursing shortage in the hospital context., not just at the NP level. My dh works for a large hospital and they are desperate for more nurses (RNs) and the ones already there have all kinds of leverage, f/t pay for four day a week schedules, etc. . . |
Anonymous
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OP, I know you guys are still in shock but there is no need to panic just yet. You said that he was not told to leave. That's good. He can look for another job from a place of relative strength. So once the shock passes, he can start ramping up. Depending on his practice area, the next month or so might be the best time. January is slow in a lot of practice areas. I do agree with others that you all need to start ramping down financially.
This part sounds preachy and I apologize. Part of the panic I am sure you both feel is because you essentially put all you financial eggs in DH's basket. You say you are worried, but it did not enter your mind that maybe you need to get back in the game. Putting all the financial pressure on DH is not helping his mindset. You are worried but he is the breadwinner - imagine how he feels. Your OP talks about the loss of HHI, but you passed over the negative impact on your DH emotionally. In the short terms that is where you should focus. I understand the pull to SAH but it also may be time to see what is out there for you. Because depending on what you can land, it may impact what type of job he seeks. |
Anonymous
Yeah, but for RNs, preferably BSNs, with recent appropriate clinical experience. 10 years ago in a MDs office sounds like a LPN. they don't even hire them in hospital any more. You get hired as a glorified CNA, if you're lucky. And the gods know I wou want to retrain her sorry ass. I have sick people to worry about and enough trouble with the float pool as it is. |
Anonymous
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Ditch the private school. Move to an area w/good neighborhood public schools. Maybe rent first. Maybe rent until he's settled and you both know what his commute is like, then buy. Don't work if that's not what you want. Your family will be just fine.
But having said that, sometimes don't associates make partner the next year? |
Anonymous
This is important. Your husband should focus on staying another year with the intent to be reconsidered for partner. This gives yo some breathing space to investigate other options. Since the firm is not going to be focusing on his area of expertise, he should start looking for other firms that DO specialize in his area of expertise. There may be medium size firms that will appreciate a partner-tracked lawyer with his specialty who came from a larger firm. Additionally if his firm is not going to be focused in his area, he might be able to bring some of his current clients with him. That is the kind of draw that many smaller to medium firms will pay well for, new clients in areas they specialize in. Since his current firm will not be focusing in that area, there will be less objection to him taking his clients with him. He will have a little over a year to look, so he should have a good buffer to protect your family financially. Second, for you, although your license is 10 years old, you should renew your license. With your LPN renewed, you can then also consider night nanny and night elder care nursing as options. LPNs are often considered for positions like this for invalids or children who need nighttime attention. We have twins and I know quite a number of families who hired a night nanny with nursing background to help them through then night in the early months. Although you may not have pediatric experience, you are a mother of at least 4 children and have a nursing background. Additionally, a lot of families have elderly relatives, some of who still want to live independently in their own homes who hire LPN's to come and help with household living for seniors who need assistance. The nursing background will help you with carrying out healthcare instructions given by their PCP. All of these are on schedules that are negotiated with the specific clients and may allow you more freedom including being able to save money on daycare for the younger children. Even if you only need some job overlap care, you can still save a lot of money if you only have a sitter in for a couple of hours a day instead of full-time. Even with the premium for part-time over full-time childcare, you can probably get childcare for the younger ones for a lot less than you will make working. And once your younger children are school-aged, it will ease a lot of the childcare issues was well. Good luck. I know it is stressful, but just take some consolation from the fact that your husband's job alone will give him a buffer of a year to make good plans for the future of the family. He wasn't given a pink slip that he was out of a job just in time for Christmas (which I have seen quite a number of times due to employers losing contracts on December 31 or January 1). |
Anonymous
| There are plenty of Big Law rejects in govt, so hang in there. |
Anonymous
Change is inevitable. If people aren't willing to make sacrifices, things will only get worse. You have to give some to get some. It may not require relocation; it may require giving up private school tuition, giving up living near your families, it may require OP going back to work, either OP or DH or both changing jobs and/or professions, it may require something no one has thought of yet. Until you have been through huge adversity, and numerous blockades, you have no idea how good change can be for you. I am shocked most people can tie their own shoes, expecting life to always be smooth sailing is not realistic in any form. |
Anonymous
| Is OP an RN or an LPN? Did she say and I missed it? That will make a difference as to what kind of nursing might fit best for her. Although I am totally under the impression that OP has no desire to go back to work and its handy to lay that "blame" on the twins and having to possibly pay for daycare |
Anonymous
Wow, look at you just jumping the gun and making assumptions... |
Anonymous
It sounds like the OP's family was saving money and not necessarily always expecting smooth sailing. But that doesn't mean you can't ask for advice when you hit a bump in the road. I agree change is inevitable, but the question is how many changes to make in short order. You don't necessarily move to Cleveland just because your hopes of pulling down a seven-figure salary are dashed. |
Anonymous
It doesn't really matter. After that much time, she needs a refresher course to be marginally employable. |
Anonymous
Seven figure salary? Holy crap - OP is THAT why you married your DH? And who says the answer is Cleveland, or if moving, or even Cleveland, would be bad? D.C. is really the only answer, the only option, for some of you? Wow. Moving may or may not be the answer, but clearly something has go to give. Changes have to be made. OP can't just hide her head in the sand, and pretend everything will always be sunshine and lollipops. Now I am wondering how many women marry their DH for their paycheck? When DH and I married, we lived in to rooms and drove old cars. We still drive old cars! I can't imagine living my life for the next new car. How sad. No wonder OP is depressed! |
Anonymous
From the OP's original post: I was a nurse before and we still have 2 years before the 2 younger kids (twins) are in school so getting a job doesn't make sense yet. Tell me NOONE interprets it the way PP spelled it out. |