DH didn't make partner - dealing with imminent major reduction of HHI

[Anonymous]

Just found out DH was passed over for partner at big law firm which means he needs to leave in next six months or so. He's devastated and depressed so I am trying to be supportive as I can.

He's probably going to go to govt but that means a reduction in HHI from approximately $350k to $120k. I was a nurse before and we still have 2 years before the 2 younger kids (twins) are in school so getting a job doesn't make sense yet.

We did save a lot ($250k cash, $500k 401k and ira) and paid down mortgage ($380k left).

We are catholic and the older two go to parish school but obviously worried that $40k/year for all four is going to be possible on new income.

Any advice?

[Anonymous]

Just curious- why doesn't it make sense to go back to work for you? What kind of gov job will he be taking? If its not a litigation position, you may find that his work hours are a lot more reasonable - allowing him to take on more parenting duties thereby allowing you to work, and bring home money.

There's also the question of how much money you really need. Have you examined your expenses?

The more I think about it, the more I realize this must be a Troll Post. On the day after Thanksgiving? Geez, DCUM.

[Anonymous]

For heavens sake, please stop calling troll every time someone posts something that doesn't match your sheltered experience. Let's presume the poster is for real.

If you want the parochial school, with your husband's new income and that mortgage, you are going to have to go back to work. I make about $125k, with a very similar mortgage and no other debt, but there's no way I could squeeze two tuitions into the mix. So either someone needs to earn more money, or it's public school. Start living on the 120k income right now, and save, save, save the difference.

[Anonymous]

Public school and try for a counsel position somewhere.

[Anonymous]

Kids completely believe this post because it is happening at a number of law firms. One thing you need to be prepared for is that it can take a long time to get a government position. Depending on your husband's expertise he should also look at going to a trade association or going in-house. Going in-house may require a move.

[Anonymous]

I hate typing on an IPad. Kids=I

[Anonymous]

First, I am sorry. I have no comment on big-law processes; all I know is what I learned here. I will tell you it is possible for a family to live comfortably on $125....my wife is a SAHM, we have a kid in public. I make a smidgen more than that, but the difference goes to about 10K in medical expenses per year.

If you live in a decent school district, public schools are fine. I don't drive the fanciest cars -- a subaru and VW, and our house is small, but we live....we save (mostly 401K), and my daughter is no really wanting...

And a nurse can make decent income.

[Anonymous]

I think paying $40k for tuition is going to be really tough on your new income. Nurses can make great money. If I were you, I would pick up at least 1 nursing shift a week. An overnight shift (like a Friday or Saturday night) would probably be the easiest for you.

[Anonymous]

Didn't think about hospital shifts. I was making 40k/year before kids which was around 750/week take home which is exactly what daycare for two would cost.

[Anonymous]

I can absolutely understand the challenges ahead. My DH is a fed and I stay at home but we have not had to deal with that kind of income drop. The drop is the difficulty.

I don't fully understand why he has to leave. Can't he work another year and try for partner again?

Aside from that since it is the middle of the school year I suggest staying in your current school. Then sit down and look at your finances. Plan your life around your new expected income. Save the excess. Can you afford your house right now? How are your local schools? Would you be able to afford your parish school once you return to work? If that is a priority you could use savings to cover the cost for a few years until you go back to work.

On the plus side you will be able to see your husband a lot more. I'm sure his hours will be better. Also have him look at going in house at corporations. Good luck. It is an adjustment for sure but $120k is a very nice income and very do-able.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Didn't think about hospital shifts. I was making 40k/year before kids which was around 750/week take home which is exactly what daycare for two would cost.

What type of nursing did you do before?
How long have you been out of nursing?

[Anonymous]

I have no advice but wanted to say I'm sorry, OP. I'm sure this is stressful, especially coming at holiday time. Good luck to you and your family.

[Anonymous]

My nurse friends do shift work. They can work around the kids schedule. They work midnights some and sleep when the kids are in school.

Show your husband you will do anything to be there for him.

Tell your husband it is going to be okay and that he will see more of the kid and family and it is all for the best.

Since you are Catholic I suggest you listen to Garth Brooks 'Unanswered Prayers"... This may be the best thing that ever happened to your family. Just maybe... this might be your own personal... mysterious ways.

[Anonymous]

This might be a great time to leave this area.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This might be a great time to leave this area.

+1. I like living in this area, but I have to second this. I would consider getting a job moving somewhere else, because really, why bother trying to maintain a lifestyle here that is impossible on this salary? Is it possible for DH to get a good job somewhere else?