DH didn't make partner - dealing with imminent major reduction of HHI

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is what happens when there is too much of one profession in one geographic area. [For all the tiger moms chanting: "lawyer, doctor, engineer, lawyer, doctor, engineer!"]. Seriously.

I second relocation, OP. For your own peace of mind.

I'd argue the exact opposite and suggest too many changes at the same time would be incredibly stressful for everyone in the family.

Change is inevitable. If people aren't willing to make sacrifices, things will only get worse. You have to give some to get some. It may not require relocation; it may require giving up private school tuition, giving up living near your families, it may require OP going back to work, either OP or DH or both changing jobs and/or professions, it may require something no one has thought of yet. Until you have been through huge adversity, and numerous blockades, you have no idea how good change can be for you.

I am shocked most people can tie their own shoes, expecting life to always be smooth sailing is not realistic in any form.

It sounds like the OP's family was saving money and not necessarily always expecting smooth sailing. But that doesn't mean you can't ask for advice when you hit a bump in the road. I agree change is inevitable, but the question is how many changes to make in short order. You don't necessarily move to Cleveland just because your hopes of pulling down a seven-figure salary are dashed.

Seven figure salary? Holy crap - OP is THAT why you married your DH?

And who says the answer is Cleveland, or if moving, or even Cleveland, would be bad? D.C. is really the only answer, the only option, for some of you? Wow.

Moving may or may not be the answer, but clearly something has go to give. Changes have to be made. OP can't just hide her head in the sand, and pretend everything will always be sunshine and lollipops.

Now I am wondering how many women marry their DH for their paycheck? When DH and I married, we lived in to rooms and drove old cars. We still drive old cars! I can't imagine living my life for the next new car. How sad. No wonder OP is depressed!

You are crazy. Now youve concocted some story in your head wherein OP married her DH for money and you are shaman her for it? And even if she did, if it works for them, what's it to you? Youve contributed zero to this discussion other than speculating that OP is a gold digger... thanks so much for your "insight" aka overactive imagination.

[Anonymous]

I know people this happened to--they left the area (to another area of VA) and she remained a SAHM for awhile; he is still lawyer. They are much happier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is what happens when there is too much of one profession in one geographic area. [For all the tiger moms chanting: "lawyer, doctor, engineer, lawyer, doctor, engineer!"]. Seriously.

I second relocation, OP. For your own peace of mind.

I'd argue the exact opposite and suggest too many changes at the same time would be incredibly stressful for everyone in the family.

Change is inevitable. If people aren't willing to make sacrifices, things will only get worse. You have to give some to get some. It may not require relocation; it may require giving up private school tuition, giving up living near your families, it may require OP going back to work, either OP or DH or both changing jobs and/or professions, it may require something no one has thought of yet. Until you have been through huge adversity, and numerous blockades, you have no idea how good change can be for you.

I am shocked most people can tie their own shoes, expecting life to always be smooth sailing is not realistic in any form.

It sounds like the OP's family was saving money and not necessarily always expecting smooth sailing. But that doesn't mean you can't ask for advice when you hit a bump in the road. I agree change is inevitable, but the question is how many changes to make in short order. You don't necessarily move to Cleveland just because your hopes of pulling down a seven-figure salary are dashed.

Seven figure salary? Holy crap - OP is THAT why you married your DH?

And who says the answer is Cleveland, or if moving, or even Cleveland, would be bad? D.C. is really the only answer, the only option, for some of you? Wow.

Moving may or may not be the answer, but clearly something has go to give. Changes have to be made. OP can't just hide her head in the sand, and pretend everything will always be sunshine and lollipops.

Now I am wondering how many women marry their DH for their paycheck? When DH and I married, we lived in to rooms and drove old cars. We still drive old cars! I can't imagine living my life for the next new car. How sad. No wonder OP is depressed!

You're an idiot. I married my DH who is now pulling in 7 figures with bonus. We met in college and the prestigious George Mason.

I too would be depressed if my DH lost his enormous income. The is is an amazing lifestyle we live.

[Anonymous]

Night baby nurse for newborns who've just come home.

[Anonymous]

So, you downsize your life and your expectations. Nothing wrong with that. People in this area really have a sense of over entitlement. Get out in the real America where people really have to work for a living and see how that works for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So, you downsize your life and your expectations. Nothing wrong with that. People in this area really have a sense of over entitlement. Get out in the real America where people really have to work for a living and see how that works for you.

If OP's spouse is a 7th or 8th year associate at a BigLaw firm, he's likely been putting in hours week after week that dwarf those of most people in "real America." Sounds like you have no clue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is what happens when there is too much of one profession in one geographic area. [For all the tiger moms chanting: "lawyer, doctor, engineer, lawyer, doctor, engineer!"]. Seriously.

I second relocation, OP. For your own peace of mind.

I'd argue the exact opposite and suggest too many changes at the same time would be incredibly stressful for everyone in the family.

Change is inevitable. If people aren't willing to make sacrifices, things will only get worse. You have to give some to get some. It may not require relocation; it may require giving up private school tuition, giving up living near your families, it may require OP going back to work, either OP or DH or both changing jobs and/or professions, it may require something no one has thought of yet. Until you have been through huge adversity, and numerous blockades, you have no idea how good change can be for you.

I am shocked most people can tie their own shoes, expecting life to always be smooth sailing is not realistic in any form.

It sounds like the OP's family was saving money and not necessarily always expecting smooth sailing. But that doesn't mean you can't ask for advice when you hit a bump in the road. I agree change is inevitable, but the question is how many changes to make in short order. You don't necessarily move to Cleveland just because your hopes of pulling down a seven-figure salary are dashed.

Seven figure salary? Holy crap - OP is THAT why you married your DH?

And who says the answer is Cleveland, or if moving, or even Cleveland, would be bad? D.C. is really the only answer, the only option, for some of you? Wow.

Moving may or may not be the answer, but clearly something has go to give. Changes have to be made. OP can't just hide her head in the sand, and pretend everything will always be sunshine and lollipops.

Now I am wondering how many women marry their DH for their paycheck? When DH and I married, we lived in to rooms and drove old cars. We still drive old cars! I can't imagine living my life for the next new car. How sad. No wonder OP is depressed!

You're an idiot. I married my DH who is now pulling in 7 figures with bonus. We met in college and the prestigious George Mason.

I too would be depressed if my DH lost his enormous income. The is is an amazing lifestyle we live.

THIS exactly. But I guess by the PP's logic you are a gold digger for not dumping your husband as soon as he got into mid 6 figures... After all any woman married to a high earner has AUTOMATICALLY married him for his money, whether or not she met him when he was broke. /s

[Anonymous]

If he was told his practice area was not one his firm would be focusing on, that's as good as the firm saying "start looking." Just being honest. Government is really tough to break into these days and can be really hit-or-miss as far as job satisfaction. Some of the most miserable people I ever worked with were govt. attorneys. Big Law attorneys especially have a really tough time adjusting. It's like being booted from first class to the back row of coach.

I'd strongly consider relocating to the mid-West or somewhere South. I'm a lawyer and we recently relocated due to Dh's job. I was shocked at the job opportunities available to me that wouldn't have been available in D.C. There are so many regional firms with high profits (not necessarily the 7-figure profits you'll see in D.C.) and with average billing hours considerably less than what your DH is probably accustomed to. There is a whole world outside of NY-DC-Boston. I'd also encourage your DH to look at in-house positions both in the DC area, and probably more realistic, anywhere else. I think he'd be much happier (and make more money) in house than in government.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he was told his practice area was not one his firm would be focusing on, that's as good as the firm saying "start looking." Just being honest. Government is really tough to break into these days and can be really hit-or-miss as far as job satisfaction. Some of the most miserable people I ever worked with were govt. attorneys. Big Law attorneys especially have a really tough time adjusting. It's like being booted from first class to the back row of coach.

I'd strongly consider relocating to the mid-West or somewhere South. I'm a lawyer and we recently relocated due to Dh's job. I was shocked at the job opportunities available to me that wouldn't have been available in D.C. There are so many regional firms with high profits (not necessarily the 7-figure profits you'll see in D.C.) and with average billing hours considerably less than what your DH is probably accustomed to. There is a whole world outside of NY-DC-Boston. I'd also encourage your DH to look at in-house positions both in the DC area, and probably more realistic, anywhere else. I think he'd be much happier (and make more money) in house than in government.

THIS. Wasn't that pretty much what PP said? Maybe not how you wanted to hear it. But not everyone coddles you in this world.

[Anonymous]

CNO here, for those wondering about the 40k salary, Dr offices pay quite a bit less than the hospitals. Trade off is the better hours and schedule.

Have you done the minimum to keep your license current? You may need a professional update program which is something to look into now as they take some time.

If you want a hospital nursing job you will find one. However you won't dictate your shifts the way some PP think you can. It's highly likely you will need to commit to full time for your 8-16 week orientation but you should be able to swing PT after that. Most per disk jobs require more experience thN it sounds like you have.

Salary wise, with your experience you are looking at $27-31per hour base. Shift diff can add more, quite a bit more if you do straight nights of a lot of weekends,

There are jobs if you are flexible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is what happens when there is too much of one profession in one geographic area. [For all the tiger moms chanting: "lawyer, doctor, engineer, lawyer, doctor, engineer!"]. Seriously.

I second relocation, OP. For your own peace of mind.

I'd argue the exact opposite and suggest too many changes at the same time would be incredibly stressful for everyone in the family.

Change is inevitable. If people aren't willing to make sacrifices, things will only get worse. You have to give some to get some. It may not require relocation; it may require giving up private school tuition, giving up living near your families, it may require OP going back to work, either OP or DH or both changing jobs and/or professions, it may require something no one has thought of yet. Until you have been through huge adversity, and numerous blockades, you have no idea how good change can be for you.

I am shocked most people can tie their own shoes, expecting life to always be smooth sailing is not realistic in any form.

Couldn't agree more. I actually think the OP is being smart; she is having a normal reaction to a stressor in her life but she is getting ahead of it - so keep up the good work and make sure you and your husband continue to work like a team and put the marriage first - all the other stuff will work out. Best of luck.

[Anonymous]

Yikes! That is quite a significant hit to your income OP. A 1/3 hit is major so I would think that you will need to make some major changes.

While I understand there are many benefits to religious/private education, if I were in your shoes, I would most likely make my cuts there and send all four children to a good public school. However, due to your religious beliefs, the curriculum there may conflict w/your faith so this may not be feasible, but if it is, I think for financial and practical reasons, it would make the most sense for your family.

I also suggest you post this in the MONEY/FINANCIAL ISSUES forum as well. I bet you will get some better advice there too.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

My 32 yo DH makes $275k as an in house attorney. Why does he half to go to the the govt?

[Anonymous]

My 32 yo DH makes $275k as an in house attorney. Why does he half to go to the the govt?

your marginal tax rate is 33%.

We make 150k combined and our marginal tax rate is 28% and I'm not complaining.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Public school and try for a counsel position somewhere.

+1