DH didn't make partner - dealing with imminent major reduction of HHI
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
| I don't get why you can't work. My mom is a nurse and always worked when the 3 of us were little. She did shift work around our schedule. Nursing is probably THE easiest career to have and have kids. |
Anonymous
7:45 again and I too would consider this. Law and nursing jobs might be relatively easy to come by elsewhere and this could be an opportunity to establish your family in a lower cost, lower stress area, f that interests you. |
Anonymous
|
It took my husband 3 times being up for partner to get it. Is this your husband's first time being up? Is his firm a once and never again firm? My DH's firm is top 10 Biglaw (not a humblebrag), I mention that because if his firm allowed him to be up 3 times I would bet many others do as well, unless he was firmly told he was being pushed out. My DH used to say "if I don't get it I am definitely leaving" and then it happened, and he decided to stick it out and it worked out.
Fed no are super hard and competitive right now. definitely look into them but I would also recommend having him test out feelers from some of his clients to see if he can go inhouse. As others mentioned, this often requires a move, but it could be to a cheaper cost of living city. Then there are NGOs, trade associations, even lobbying firms. And it is easier to find a job when you already have one. Encourage him to not leave until he has something lined up. You should look Into going back to work. My sister is a hospital shift RN, she and her husband stagger their schedule so they only need 2 days of childcare. She works weekends and nights. You could be a floater, part time, etc. You need to pull the kids out of parochial for next year. This is a huge expense. Even though it sounds like your tuition is $10,000, you need to make that plus your tax rate to afford it, as I assume you pay for it with post tax dollars. Maybe see if your school offers scholarships. Go to the school with your financial situation in the new year, say you want to stay but no longer can afford it, see if they can offer any aid. All they can say is no. It makes no sense clipping coupons if your a pound foolish with big expenses. I am sorry this happened to you. I was also on the partnership track at another biglaw firm and had fantastic hours and receivables, and was laid off/RIF in 2009 during the big recession while I was pregnant. Even though I tried finding a job, no one was going to hire a hugely pregnant woman. So I became a. SAHM by default I guess. Our income was cut in half. But we survived, you will too. |
Anonymous
| I have no idea why people get so obsessed with keeping their kids in private school, unless of course you live in DC and have no options. If you live in the suburbs you are a fool to send your kids to private. |
Anonymous
 Yes, all of us in DC have no options.
|
Anonymous
My father was a lawyer. My mother a nurse. She worked 7pm - 7 am 3 days a way snd got paid for 40 hours. Average starting salaries for registered nurses is about $55K. Depending on specialty and years of experience, you can earn more. |
Anonymous
|
OP, my responses isn't about finances but about the psychological blow of not making partner that you didn't mention (and if it's not an issue, please ignore this post )...
When I was a child, my dad was told he was not going to make partner of his NY firm. It was a kind of "Political" environment from what I understand. He left, then He went in-house to a company, then to a suburban firm. After another decade or so at the second firm, during which he did actually become partner, he was appointed a judge, and served respectably on the bench for 2 decades. At a "collective" memorial service his courthouse held for him and local lawyers who'd passed away in 2013, I was touched by all that came out to show gratitude for how my father had touched their lives, and that continues to inspire me daily. But I wanted to share with you the eulogy made by another lady on behalf of her husband who was being memorialized. She served as his secretary and was pregnant when he was starting out/launching his sole practice. A young man came to the firm with huge "issues" as she put it, and later as her husband walked the man out, he assured he'd help him and not to worry about payment. The wife questioned her husband afterwards--was he crazy to not charge payment? They were having a baby, etc! The husband replied something to the effect of , "if I can't help someone in need, I shouldn't be in this business." The young man over time became a grateful--and paying--client, and the wife learned and appreciated her husband even more. She told this story in front of the audience and her then-grown sons and told everyone she wanted them to know and be proud of their father for his legacy, which included this attitude towards helping others. All of us strangers were totally moved. So I include this story because I know the financial part is a huge worry at the moment and I don't mean to minimize that--I know others will pipe in with practical suggestions on that but I wanted to offer some moral support along the lines that there is life after making partner and there are things that kids can appreciate about their dad's work even if he is not always a high-roller. |
Anonymous
|
Thanks for all of the responses. As you can see, I woke up at 5 AM the day after Thanksgiving unable to sleep.
Some more background/response to questions: a) It happened Monday so we haven't even really had time to process it. b) I was in a doctor's office and have been SAHM since first kid was born 10 years ago. c) I will obviously consider shift work but haven't really been able to even think about logistics/options/etc. d) technically DH can stay for another year and go up for partner again (can go up twice) but got some strong messages that his practice area isn't really going to be a focus area for the firm. e) he definitely won't leave without something else in-hand but given the legal economy in general we need to start planning now. f) my entire side of the family is here and so leaving would be tough. But we will consider it. |
Anonymous
|
It's going to be hard to go back to work after being out of nursing for 10 years. Can you take a refresher? Especially since your skills were not bedside previously.
You can do it though. I went back after being out for five or so years, I worked two nights a week. It was great. |
Anonymous
| I'm so sorry for you and your family. This is going to be a tough time for your husband too. BigLaw is brutal. Prayers. |
Anonymous
| Pp here. OP I now re read your post and saw that your DH is "devastated and depressed". Please let him know there are many awesome career paths after making partner as I indicated above with my father. We had a stable, not-lavish upbringing that I totally appreciate now that I'm a parent, and my siblings, mom, and his extended family were really proud of him. With distance, it is easy to see how his rejection as partner was due to firm politics that he and his mentor did not want to play, to the detriment of their partnership changes. But I know it stings terribly at the time of rejection. |
Anonymous
Really? Not very helpful advice. First of all, they are thinking of becoming a Fed and this is the best place to look. Secondly, this is where the jobs are, so why limit your chances by moving away? |
Anonymous
| He can look at firms where they ARE trying to build his practice. Lawyers move from firm to firm all the time. It may be a mid size firm but if he likes private practice it's a great option. And if he's at a top firm now he may be able to move to a mid size firm as a (income) partner. There is no rule that passed over associates go to government. In fact most don't. |
Anonymous
|
For you:
Try to think of the positives which is that your husband has the opportunity to participate fully in your home life. For finances: you have many options, first being to have the kids go to public, move to a less expensive home (maybe even eliminate your mortgage payment!), etc. For him: Continue to tell him how much you love him and that you are confident everything will be for the best (and believe it!). Let him know that when he is ready to talk about the future you are available. |
Anonymous
For a Fed job, DC is a good location, but not the only one. But, as other posters have pointed out, getting Fed jobs is very challenging right now. The contraction in the legal market has been going on for a while - so many positions have already been recently filled and those who have them aren't leaving, the government is not expanding and everyone is looking at what will happen when the Republicans take over the next Congress and a Presidential election in 2 years. The future is uncertain from a budgetary perspective in government right now. If you think that outside of the government this is the only place to find legal jobs then you have no idea what you're talking about. DC is a very high cost of living area, and if DH is going to be making less, than a lower cost of living city would enable them to afford more and get more out of OP's nursing salary. To go in house will almost certainly involve going somewhere else. DH should be on LinkedIn and should go through high school, college and law school alumni directories. Build a spreadsheet of all contacts and priority sort them by probability that they might be able to help. Start contacting them. Let them know that DH is considering making a move and ask if they can recommend someone that he should get in touch with. OP said that the firm isn't going to focus on her DH's practice area. That provides a viable story to take to mid-sized firms that might have a similar practice, especially if DH has a relatively portable book of business (he must have some if he expected to make partner). If DH wants to try other mid-sized firms, he should put together a business plan for how he would move to another firm and the steps he would take to grow his business. Here's an outline for the one I did: I. Summary A. Professional Credentials (paragraph description of DH's expertise) B. Professional Objectives ( be realistic. Something like "I am looking for a lateral partner position, most likely an initial “contract partner” or similar non-equity partner position with objective metrics and a clear track to equity partner.") II. Personal Info (resume-type summary) III. Current Practice (more detailed description of everything he does at the firm as part of advising clients, etc.) IV. Personal Financials (last 3-4 years) (table: Personal Billing Rate, Billable Hours, Total Comp) V. Client Billing History (table: list clients and billings based on actual origination or billing credit allocated) VI. List of Current Clients and history of relationships with current clients (explain the depth of his relationship to provide evidence that there's a good chance he will be able to bring them along) VII. Transactional Highlights (if DH is not a transactional lawyer then modify this to apply to his type of practice) VIII. Internal Practice Development, Marketing and Cross-Selling (this is how DH will apply what he does to the new firm, so it is somewhat target specific. Look at the target firm's website, practice descriptions and clients. How could DH help expand what the firm does for its existing clients? How could DH cross-market the firm's abilities to his portable clients? Go practice area by practice area to show how DH could integrate and support what the target firm already does) IX. Marketing What does DH do now to market himself? Does he blog? Write articles? Speak at events? What professional associations is he a member of that enable him to show off his expertise and attract clients? What near-term marketing events does he plan to attend? What is the cost of attending and what budget would he need? Good luck. |