DH didn't make partner - dealing with imminent major reduction of HHI

[Anonymous]

Just a minor point - he should be able to go into the government at the top of the scale if he's been out that long, depending on the agency. Not remotely near $350, but $155k or higher for DC locality pay depending on agency (thinking of SEC). Every penny counts when you make such an income drop!

I left my big law firm voluntarily and took the 50% pay cut to take my government job (which I love but it was competitive - over 400 applications when I applied back in 2010). It was hard, but I too was a huge saver so I was able to manage and realize I would not be saving as much going forward.

Sympathies for your husband. This must be very hard for him.

[Anonymous]

My dad was a fed and my mom a nurse. Mom picked up contract work when we were little and dad could watch us. When we were in school, she'd work 7-3pm. When we were a bit older 3-11pm. Sometimes 7am-7pm 3 days a week for fulltime. There is a massive shortage of nurses. It should be fairly easy for you to get a job.

[Anonymous]

an ex didn't make partner, went in house counsel, now makes more than 500k. Not typical, but possible.

for you and your husband: first job for you is to be supportive and positive, because he needs that. Its okay for you to worry, but keep it to yourself, your friends and DCUM so that he doesn't spiral down. He needs to be positive and proactive while looking for a second job.

govt--he should be going in at a GS 15 or so, right? There are benefits, including a shorter work day/work load in general, which should allow you to pick up some work. If he makes 150k, and you can start part time shift work, you're looking at a healthy income, if not 350k. The reason you want to start working now, even if very part time, is to be ready to go to a more full time higher paying job when all your kids in school

parochial school and daycare:
what are your public options? What about financial aid for parochial school.

SAHM vs part time vs full time work for you: what are your other options? Have you considered a home day care for the twins? part time nanny? If you can work 20 hours a week, and you can get a nanny 20 hours a week and your husband is working less, that might be a better balance and less stress on him.

I am sure its scary--my husband was in a bad period a couple years ago (lost 3 jobs in 3 years) his salary had been 90k and my salary was 70k, and we had one kid in daycare, another on the way, in DC. Tough times, but he has a decent job now and we're stable (but no private school for us).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for all of the responses. As you can see, I woke up at 5 AM the day after Thanksgiving unable to sleep.

Some more background/response to questions:
a) It happened Monday so we haven't even really had time to process it.
b) I was in a doctor's office and have been SAHM since first kid was born 10 years ago.
c) I will obviously consider shift work but haven't really been able to even think about logistics/options/etc.
d) technically DH can stay for another year and go up for partner again (can go up twice) but got some strong messages that his practice area isn't really going to be a focus area for the firm.
e) he definitely won't leave without something else in-hand but given the legal economy in general we need to start planning now.
f) my entire side of the family is here and so leaving would be tough. But we will consider it.

You guys need to focus on d and e. They mean your husband isn't in imminent danger of losing a paycheck for at least another 18 months, but the time has probably come to look for an exit strategy.

I'm sure your husband is disappointed but it's not a cause for devastation. At least at a BigLaw firm, associates today only have two paths to partnership: they either have to be part of a very active, profitable practice group or they must have personally demonstrated business-generating potential. Preferably, both. Most associates today never aspire to partnership and prepare to be disappointed even if they do. It can be arbitrary and decisions can be made on the basis of information to which the associate may never have access.

If your husband is in his 30s or early 40s, he still has good career opportunities. Employers should recognize that he would not have made it to a senior associate level without having demonstrated strong skills. The people who really get screwed at law firms today are associates who get laid off before they've ever acquired meaningful skills of those who are passed over and hang around as "counsel" until they are in their late 40s and 50s and then face age discrimination when they eventually do have to look for something else.

There will be a silver lining, though. Your DH probably will get to spend more time with his kids and may eventually find something that is less stressful and more rewarding than BigLaw practice. Being a partner at a BigLaw firm can be as much of a sentence as a reward.

[Anonymous]

Your occupation is perfect for this. Nurses can work any time day or night, unlike many jobs. Take night and weekends shifts when DH is at home.

Also you only have to "tough it out" for a few years -- kids will be in school full-time before you know it.

DH may want to consider going out on his own. Seems like a good time to make the change in terms of his career path. You have savings to cushion for the first year, and by then if he's good, he should be making good money. It also gives him the flexiblity to work from home/take on child rearing if you have nurse shifts during certain times. I have a few friends who did this (started their own practice) in this area and they do quite well working on their own, and get a lot of flexibility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your occupation is perfect for this. Nurses can work any time day or night, unlike many jobs. Take night and weekends shifts when DH is at home.

Also you only have to "tough it out" for a few years -- kids will be in school full-time before you know it.

DH may want to consider going out on his own. Seems like a good time to make the change in terms of his career path. You have savings to cushion for the first year, and by then if he's good, he should be making good money. It also gives him the flexiblity to work from home/take on child rearing if you have nurse shifts during certain times. I have a few friends who did this (started their own practice) in this area and they do quite well working on their own, and get a lot of flexibility.

On the last point, that is very much a function of personality and skills. Many passed-over senior associates would be completely incapable of running their own practice. They are technically very sharp, but don't necessarily have the contacts, or social or organizational skills, to strike out on their own. The people I've known who did best on their own were people who had prior work experience before law school, and may not have had strong enough technical skills or enough good luck to win the partner lottery, but who were very confident in their own abilities. Some of the traits that can hurt a BigLaw associate can be advantages for someone thinking about starting her own practice.

[Anonymous]

Reading this thread as a late 20's man has proven that I have my priorities in order in that the number 1 trait i'm looking for in a woman for a LTR is loyalty and support.

[Anonymous]

Nurses make WAY more than $40k full time. That's crazy. You'd make at least double that. Take some overtime shifts and make even more.

You'll do fine with public school and day care next year of you work, too. The two of you can clear $200k. You have over half a million saved. You're fine. Jeez.

[Anonymous]

First of all, just for reality sake, there IS NO nursing shortage. Most areas of the country are over-saturated with nurses--those who don't feel they can afford to retire, all the way down to new grads trying to get a foot in the door. $80.000 is a pretty generous estimate for the salary you would probably earn as a nurse who's been out for 10 years, but most likely far more than $40,000. Have you kept your license current?
I agree with others that YOU are going to have to pull your weight as far as bringing in income. You can do night shifts, weekend packages, home health, lots of options out there. Are you an RN or an LPN?

[Anonymous]

BTDT. I didnt make it the first time and left shortly before I would of been up the second time. I went in-house though...gov was too competitive and i didnt have an in and my connections and relationships fit in better with some in house leads and on of them turned into an offer. In-house counsel is different than big law and took a lot of adjustment but overall I like it. I also like working 50 hours a week (max) and having better healthcare. I was making about 310 in big law (left in 12) and started at 185 in-house with small quarterly bonuses. I barely break 200k but the work/life balance is better. My husband and kids both like this life better. I will say I did pay off my house in the 14 months I had between not getting partner and leaving the firm. (which isn't saying a ton bc our house is fairly modest but still) That made the drop in income fairly seamless. Just pay everything down as much as possible and jump when you can. Thats basically how it goes now a days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First of all, just for reality sake, there IS NO nursing shortage. Most areas of the country are over-saturated with nurses--those who don't feel they can afford to retire, all the way down to new grads trying to get a foot in the door. $80.000 is a pretty generous estimate for the salary you would probably earn as a nurse who's been out for 10 years, but most likely far more than $40,000. Have you kept your license current?
I agree with others that YOU are going to have to pull your weight as far as bringing in income. You can do night shifts, weekend packages, home health, lots of options out there. Are you an RN or an LPN?

Thank you for responding. Someone earlier made the outrageous claim that there is a massive nursing shortage. Not true at all. Because the economy is in the tank (yes even here in DC) many nurses are not retiring. This leaves a glut. It's exhausting when people cite employment refreshes from a decade ago.

[Anonymous]

^^refrences

[Anonymous]

OP, can you move to a lower cost of living area? You don't have to send your kids to private schools in most suburbs.

Also $500k in cash? For half do that, you can completely pay off a house in a decent neighborhood in most of the country, outside of expensive metros.

To put things into perspective, the average HHI in the US is around $40-50k.

Move to a less expensive area, where your husband can probably make $80-100k. Since you would have a paid-off house and no private school expenses, you wouldn't have to work. And you're stress level would go down since you'd be living in the real world, where people don't make 500k a year and are obsessed with keeping up with the joneses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First of all, just for reality sake, there IS NO nursing shortage. Most areas of the country are over-saturated with nurses--those who don't feel they can afford to retire, all the way down to new grads trying to get a foot in the door. $80.000 is a pretty generous estimate for the salary you would probably earn as a nurse who's been out for 10 years, but most likely far more than $40,000. Have you kept your license current?
I agree with others that YOU are going to have to pull your weight as far as bringing in income. You can do night shifts, weekend packages, home health, lots of options out there. Are you an RN or an LPN?

Thank you for responding. Someone earlier made the outrageous claim that there is a massive nursing shortage. Not true at all. Because the economy is in the tank (yes even here in DC) many nurses are not retiring. This leaves a glut. It's exhausting when people cite employment refreshes from a decade ago.

Not massive, but seems like it's there or coming up:
http://www.aacn.nche.edu/media-relations/fact-sheets/nursing-shortage

I think anyway that OP, if they're looing to work night/weekned shifts so DH can take care of kids then, will not have much difficulty. I'm assuming those shifts are more difficult to fill.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First of all, just for reality sake, there IS NO nursing shortage. Most areas of the country are over-saturated with nurses--those who don't feel they can afford to retire, all the way down to new grads trying to get a foot in the door. $80.000 is a pretty generous estimate for the salary you would probably earn as a nurse who's been out for 10 years, but most likely far more than $40,000. Have you kept your license current?
I agree with others that YOU are going to have to pull your weight as far as bringing in income. You can do night shifts, weekend packages, home health, lots of options out there. Are you an RN or an LPN?

Thank you for responding. Someone earlier made the outrageous claim that there is a massive nursing shortage. Not true at all. Because the economy is in the tank (yes even here in DC) many nurses are not retiring. This leaves a glut. It's exhausting when people cite employment refreshes from a decade ago.

PP here. I post regularly on a nursing forum. Almost daily there is a new grad post "I can't find a job, I thought there was a nursing shortage" and several responses like yours and mine. Is no one researching before they plunk down thousands of dollars on an education for a career in a completely over-saturated market?. Unless you want to move to SD