"Party girl" reputation

[Anonymous]

When you DVDA, what do you expect?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Because believe it or not, the double standard will between women and men will always exist whether we want to admit it or not.

ALWAYS.

No if you have some guy acting like he is still in a frat 5-6 year out of college, no one takes him seriously. It's the same way for everyone. I remember a guy I worked with, he would always come in tired, bags under his eye and wearing the same cloths from the night before. His work suffered and people noticed all his behavior.

A guy I knew never stopped drinking like he was in college. In fact, he kept hanging out with co-workers who were in their 20s. When he was in his early 40s, his wife got sick of it and filed for divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because believe it or not, the double standard will between women and men will always exist whether we want to admit it or not.

ALWAYS.

I wouldn't be interested in a guy who was always partying and hooking up with colleagues. Gender has nothing to do with it.

I agree. A skank is a skank, regardless of gender.

[Anonymous]

OP, what do you think will happen if you do settle into a nice relationship? Are you going to change the partying ways? If not, do you think that any guy (one who has seen your behavior at these parties) will be able to trust that you can go out, get drunk, and NOT hook up with someone else? I'm sorry, but your behavior does not exactly demonstrate that you can stay committed in a monogamous relationship. This is not gender-biased, btw, I'd have the same skepticism about dating any of your male colleagues who (according to you) act the same way.

If you want guys to take you seriously for a real relationship, then you need to act like you can be in a real relationship. Stop the hookups, or at least take them to a different social circle where your colleagues won't know about it. If you don't have the self-control to do that, then you don't have the self-control necessary to actually commit to one guy.

The alcohol itself isn't necessarily a problem, but if it leads to drunken hookups or other irresponsible behavior, then it is a problem. You need to be on control of your actions. If you want to hook up, that's fine, but do it deliberately in a way that won't jeopardize your professional life.

-Former party girl, who had a very hard time settling down after I committed to one guy after years of hooking up with random guys at parties.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, what do you think will happen if you do settle into a nice relationship? Are you going to change the partying ways? If not, do you think that any guy (one who has seen your behavior at these parties) will be able to trust that you can go out, get drunk, and NOT hook up with someone else? I'm sorry, but your behavior does not exactly demonstrate that you can stay committed in a monogamous relationship. This is not gender-biased, btw, I'd have the same skepticism about dating any of your male colleagues who (according to you) act the same way.

If you want guys to take you seriously for a real relationship, then you need to act like you can be in a real relationship. Stop the hookups, or at least take them to a different social circle where your colleagues won't know about it. If you don't have the self-control to do that, then you don't have the self-control necessary to actually commit to one guy.

The alcohol itself isn't necessarily a problem, but if it leads to drunken hookups or other irresponsible behavior, then it is a problem. You need to be on control of your actions. If you want to hook up, that's fine, but do it deliberately in a way that won't jeopardize your professional life.

-Former party girl, who had a very hard time settling down after I committed to one guy after years of hooking up with random guys at parties.

I read the whole thread in hopes that someone would post exactly this.

OP, listen to this PP. I was her too. It's really easy to fall back into old social patterns, even if you recognize them as being unwise and wish to move on. It's hard to transition relationships begun in the circumstances you describe into the serious committed relationship you describe wanting.

Also, frankly, a lot of men do actually want someone who behaves like you have been behaving. They just only way you to do it with them. Take a spin through any of the threads where men are upset that their wives used to be adventurous and fun and are now worn down and boring. It's actually hard to maintain your "fun" persona when you've got a lot of other stuff going on, and it's definitely not a priority for a lot of women (including me, at various times).

What you are looking for is a strong connection with someone - passion and a sense of adventure, but also a LASTING connection that will not evaporate when you have kids and haven't slept a full night in 6 months, when someone is stressed out by work, when you've got weird family issues or health issues or whatever. You want someone who is going to stick by your side, rather than chasing the magic party girl or party life somewhere else.

It's really, really unlikely that you're going to find that person in a casual hook up culture.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, what do you think will happen if you do settle into a nice relationship? Are you going to change the partying ways? If not, do you think that any guy (one who has seen your behavior at these parties) will be able to trust that you can go out, get drunk, and NOT hook up with someone else? I'm sorry, but your behavior does not exactly demonstrate that you can stay committed in a monogamous relationship. This is not gender-biased, btw, I'd have the same skepticism about dating any of your male colleagues who (according to you) act the same way.

If you want guys to take you seriously for a real relationship, then you need to act like you can be in a real relationship. Stop the hookups, or at least take them to a different social circle where your colleagues won't know about it. If you don't have the self-control to do that, then you don't have the self-control necessary to actually commit to one guy.

The alcohol itself isn't necessarily a problem, but if it leads to drunken hookups or other irresponsible behavior, then it is a problem. You need to be on control of your actions. If you want to hook up, that's fine, but do it deliberately in a way that won't jeopardize your professional life.

-Former party girl, who had a very hard time settling down after I committed to one guy after years of hooking up with random guys at parties.

I read the whole thread in hopes that someone would post exactly this.

OP, listen to this PP. I was her too. It's really easy to fall back into old social patterns, even if you recognize them as being unwise and wish to move on. It's hard to transition relationships begun in the circumstances you describe into the serious committed relationship you describe wanting.

Also, frankly, a lot of men do actually want someone who behaves like you have been behaving. They just only way you to do it with them. Take a spin through any of the threads where men are upset that their wives used to be adventurous and fun and are now worn down and boring. It's actually hard to maintain your "fun" persona when you've got a lot of other stuff going on, and it's definitely not a priority for a lot of women (including me, at various times).

What you are looking for is a strong connection with someone - passion and a sense of adventure, but also a LASTING connection that will not evaporate when you have kids and haven't slept a full night in 6 months, when someone is stressed out by work, when you've got weird family issues or health issues or whatever. You want someone who is going to stick by your side, rather than chasing the magic party girl or party life somewhere else.

It's really, really unlikely that you're going to find that person in a casual hook up culture.

Being "adventurous and fun" is NOT synonymous with being a drunk, hooking-up party girl. And if you call it a "persona" it makes it seem like an act to you.

Surprisingly, some people can be adventurous and fun - and still have respect for themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, what do you think will happen if you do settle into a nice relationship? Are you going to change the partying ways? If not, do you think that any guy (one who has seen your behavior at these parties) will be able to trust that you can go out, get drunk, and NOT hook up with someone else? I'm sorry, but your behavior does not exactly demonstrate that you can stay committed in a monogamous relationship. This is not gender-biased, btw, I'd have the same skepticism about dating any of your male colleagues who (according to you) act the same way.

If you want guys to take you seriously for a real relationship, then you need to act like you can be in a real relationship. Stop the hookups, or at least take them to a different social circle where your colleagues won't know about it. If you don't have the self-control to do that, then you don't have the self-control necessary to actually commit to one guy.

The alcohol itself isn't necessarily a problem, but if it leads to drunken hookups or other irresponsible behavior, then it is a problem. You need to be on control of your actions. If you want to hook up, that's fine, but do it deliberately in a way that won't jeopardize your professional life.

-Former party girl, who had a very hard time settling down after I committed to one guy after years of hooking up with random guys at parties.

I read the whole thread in hopes that someone would post exactly this.

OP, listen to this PP. I was her too. It's really easy to fall back into old social patterns, even if you recognize them as being unwise and wish to move on. It's hard to transition relationships begun in the circumstances you describe into the serious committed relationship you describe wanting.

Also, frankly, a lot of men do actually want someone who behaves like you have been behaving. They just only way you to do it with them. Take a spin through any of the threads where men are upset that their wives used to be adventurous and fun and are now worn down and boring. It's actually hard to maintain your "fun" persona when you've got a lot of other stuff going on, and it's definitely not a priority for a lot of women (including me, at various times).

What you are looking for is a strong connection with someone - passion and a sense of adventure, but also a LASTING connection that will not evaporate when you have kids and haven't slept a full night in 6 months, when someone is stressed out by work, when you've got weird family issues or health issues or whatever. You want someone who is going to stick by your side, rather than chasing the magic party girl or party life somewhere else.

It's really, really unlikely that you're going to find that person in a casual hook up culture.

Being "adventurous and fun" is NOT synonymous with being a drunk, hooking-up party girl. And if you call it a "persona" it makes it seem like an act to you.

Surprisingly, some people can be adventurous and fun - and still have respect for themselves.

Well, clearly the OP sees herself as adventurous and fun. Perhaps her self image needs adjustment as well as her behavior. As for "persona", I think everyone has different personalities that they use in different contexts. I've been married for almost 10 years, so my days of random hookups are long gone. I still behave differently when I'm at work, when I'm doing PTA stuff for my kid's school, when DH and I are on a date, when I'm out with my friends, with our extended families, etc. It's not that any of those behavior sets are "an act" as much as understanding what is situationally appropriate - which is clearly an understanding that the OP lacks.

I agree with your second point. I was attempting to point out that the OP doesn't have to transform from a party girl to a churchy Girl Scout in order to find a relationship.

[Anonymous]

So, you're a drunk slut?

[Anonymous]

I think it's peculiar that "having respect for yourself" is often code for "acting in conformity with someone else's more conservative moral code."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous



These bitches look 50 when they turn 30

But everyone thinks I look 20!!!

[Anonymous]

Troll is obvious troll...

This is just a member of the permanently single posse being bitchy about someone she thinks is more attractive and has better game. This is her fantasy of how it (karma) turns out for the "party girl" she's jealous of.

[Anonymous]

PP @10:30 again - the main slut-shamers of women in our society are other women.

I'm a man - there are plenty of non-repressed and emotionally secure men who are perfectly happy to have overtly sexy and extroverted women as partners. The people who hate this behavior are people who don't like themselves, and feel inadequate or insecure, particularly next to someone outgoing. This is true for the women who slut-shame other women and the men who also slut-shame them.

Ignore the women, and be glad you are driving away the men who are like this.

[Anonymous]

Here's the thing, in your 20's you can be the party girl/guy. A few years out of college, people will not take you seriously if you are the party person. In your 30's, the party girl/guy becomes the old drunk who thinks they can hang with the 20 years. Only the 20 year ollaurie laughing at you. Remember after college your social circle gets smaller, people grow up and take on responsablities. You have to move on. In your case, keep your work and social life separate. Do not drink(or hook up, unless its a longer term thing) in the work environment. That means at work happy hours, the holiday party etc, you do not drink. It will take a while at your current work place, but your rep will change if you change. Also, you can switch jobs and start over socially.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:These bitches look 50 when they turn 30

Unlike you, who have acted 50 since you were 14. Lighten up, Francis!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's peculiar that "having respect for yourself" is often code for "acting in conformity with someone else's more conservative moral code."

I think it's peculiar that people think they should be able to escape the consequences for their bad behavior by attacking those who call them out on it.