"Party girl" reputation
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Anonymous
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I've developed a bit of a party girl reputation at work, especially after a couple of work colleagues attended a party that my friend from college had because they also know her. I'm 27 so I don't think that my behavior is out of the norm. But a lot of men I like have seen me doing things I guess and even though they were doing that stuff with me (raging a bit at a party or two, hooking up with one of my co-workers), they have decided I'm just good for sex. This is not just guys at work who learned things through the grapevine but nowadays any professional man who is linked to my post-college social circle.
I'm really frustrated because I want to be in serious, committed relationship. So what if I like to drink a little bit and party? Don't men want a woman who gets the most out of life? I see this attitude especially from professional, successful, well-to-do guys - they are MUCH more secretly conservative than I thought. Why are people still like this in the 21st century? |
Anonymous
| This can't be real. |
Anonymous
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1. Don't get drunk with colleagues or hook up with people at work.
2. Do what you want on your free time away from work friends, but make efforts to really date people and not just have drunken hook-ups if you want a serious relationship. Consider speed dating or online dating, at 27 you can meet plenty of fun people to date. |
Anonymous
| I don't get it OP, are you asking for advice on how to attract men or just ranting about how men are such assholes for not accepting your party girl ways? |
Anonymous
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Your actions have consequences.
Your behavior tells people something about you. To change how people perceive you, you may need to change your behavior. |
Anonymous
| I am real. And yeah I'm starting to realize I should've kept the hook-ups secret and outside of work. Ugh. |
Anonymous
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Ah, I see. You want "professional, successful, well-to-do" guys, not a boozed-up party boy from the Jersey Shore. And yet you behave like Snooki and you expect the Mr. Darcys of the world to just fall for you?
And let's not even get started on your not-so-secret gold-digger tendencies here. Successful, rich men have endless options, especially if they are successful, rich and good-looking. Men like that want gracious, elegant, well-mannered, lady-like women. That doesn't mean she can't be outgoing and empowered and very smart and successful, but it does mean she doesn't make him look bad by getting drunk at bars or having random, sleazy hook-ups. You want a gentleman, act like a lady. |
Anonymous
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They're not all like this. I partied fairly hard in college, first job, and law school. My now-husband and I met in law school after many, many beers and some questionable decisions. He liked me anyway, despite my extracurriculars. Together now 8 years, married for 4.
But I will say that many men (rightly) don't want a train wreck. If "raging" means things like unsubtle PDAs at work parties or locking yourself in the bathroom to throw up for a few hours, at 27 you might want to reassess. I had cut that sort of thing way down by the time I was your age, barring a few slip-ups here and there. |
Anonymous
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I was you at 23. Yes, a guy wants someone who can be fun. They also want someone they can bring to a work function and not risk them being an out of control embarrassment.
Thankfully I realized this, toned it down, and met DH at 24. I'm 28 now and still enjoy life, but DH is also proud to have me by his side at his black tie events. |
Anonymous
| Fake. |
Anonymous
PP here. Yes, discretion is important. I made out/hooked up with 4-5 guys in my office at my first job. Not my finest couple of years and I was not particularly subtle about it. By law school, I had learned a lot about the value of a little discretion. |
Anonymous
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If you don't want your after-work life to bleed into your work life, then keep them separate and be discreet. You can't expect people to put up some kind of wall between what they've seen of your outside work and who you are at work.
If it's spreading beyond just the co-workers who saw you, though, to everyone in your professional circle, I suspect your behavior isn't exactly typical, because if it were that wouldn't be worth talking about. May be time to consider how healthy your behavior is. Beyond a certain age "living life to the fullest" and getting raging drunk and having random hook-ups are not the same thing, not by a long shot. |
Anonymous
So now I'm being slut-shamed by misogynists and told I'm fake, great.
Yeah but the point is you shouldn't have had to "change" to get wifed up and neither should I. Why can't your DH accept you for who you are? : / |
Anonymous
No one is slut -shaming you. We're just giving you advice for the real world. Also, you don't have to change. Absolutely not. But if you care what other people think then you need to consider changing. That's your choice and it depends on what you want. |
Anonymous
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oh god, troll.
If you don't understand why being a drunk, indiscriminately hooking-up party girl is NOT feminist and why the advice you're being given isn't "sexist" it's just "act like a goddamn grown-up" then you're definitely either a troll or an idiot. Being a "party girl" is not something to boast about. (or a party boy for that matter.) |