"Party girl" reputation

[Anonymous]

DWI by age 30 and stds

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I'm the person who posted the question to High-and-Mighty. I would call taking drugs or drinking neither good or bad, in and of itself.

It was not clear that the OP was "drinking to excess"...that whole assumption has kind of wormed it's way in and changed things. No, I do not believe that intoxication - either from alcohol or any other drug - is, in and of itself, a "bad" activity, or necessarily "harmful" (to self or others). I know a shit-ton of highly functional, highly successful people who smoke weed and get a little drunk regularly. They don't abuse their children (or other personal relationships) or cause office drama or fail to perform in other aspects of life.

I recognize that there are Al-Anon and AA and NA types (all of whom share a particular brand of rigid, circular thinking) who will vehemently disagree with me and I will never persuade them. These people argue that "one drop" is the same as being at the end of the slippery slope down in the septic tank. I don't expect to persuade them. I personally don't choose to live in a black-and-white world.

In addition to being surrounded by highly successful role models, who poured me a few, I've also had plenty of dysfunctional substance abusers in my life. I've also had a few dysfunctional and emotionally dysregulated teetotalers, and you know what the common thread was? (Hint: not substance abuse!) It was being head cases. I'm sorry this will hurt the fee-fees of the headcases who want to blame it all on demon rum (or some other external locus of control - $deity forbid a human should be responsible, we are all, afterall powerless, aren't we? Before some kind of "Higher Power", right? Talk about magical thinking!).

Fascinating, and inaccurate. Not everyone who thinks getting drunk leads to stupid decisions thinks that "one drop" is the demon. Nor does every alcoholic use AA principles in order to quit drinking. Generalize much?

In this particular case, the OP is complaining that it has damaged her reputation at work and is in the way of being seen as relationship material. So yes, the damage seems clear.

In this particular case, a troll has constructed a just-so story, one which sounds very much like the kind of story a real person wouldn't post online, but instead one which represents the fantasy imagination of someone who judges a "party girl". For all we know, the real "party girl" on whom this fictional archtype is based isn't suffering negative consequences and is perfectly happy. Jealous, insecure shitbirds, male and female, lurk everywhere. To some degree, we should be discreet in our lives because we are, unfortunately, surrounded by people like this, sometimes people like this in positions of professional power over us. On the other hand, we can't let these puritan scold shitbirds rule our lives - that means subjecting ourselves to the tyranny of the lowest (emotional IQ, common denominator, take your pick).

Nice language. But people can judge your actions without being jealous or insecure. You earn your reputation based on your actions. If you don't like your reputation, then change your behavior. You can claim that that is "tyranny" as much as you like, but it doesn't change the fact that people judge others all the time. As proven by your rather harsh judgment of anyone who disagrees with you on this (made-up) thread.

A serious question: Have you ever watched Rashomon?


My original challange was to people who "call them out on it". What fucking business is it of anyone - anyone not directly involved - to be "calling out" others on their behavior? Glass houses, glass houses. The vast majority of people "calling out" others are merely doing so to tear others down in an effort to make themselves feel better.

I get that you find relativism based on easygoing individual morality is appealing. However, as you mature, you will see that a shared moral framework is a communal value - one that helps society function. And I say this as a political liberal. It's one thing to advocate for people expressing their sexuality freely. It's another thing to say that that means kiddie porn is okay. It's one thing to say your body is yours and it is no one's business how many partners you have. It's another thing to say "go out, get drunk off your ass, and screw around, regardless of whether your co-workers think you are sleazy." It surprises me that so many people are reluctant to acknowledge the difference.

[Anonymous]

I get that you find relativism based on easygoing individual morality is appealing. However, as you mature, you will see that a shared moral framework is a communal value - one that helps society function.

I find it cute that you think I'm some young thing. I'm in my 50s and as I have matured, my dependence on external moral authorities/codes has lessened as I've gotten older and more mature. I've learned that my morality is something I derive from my own personal sense of ethics - it's not dictated by some external source - whether "imaginary" supernatural (theistic) - or "social" (peer group). In fact, I'd disagree with you: individual ethics, not dependency on group approval, is a sign of maturity.

And I say this as a political liberal.

I really highly doubt this - you are more likely a closet evangelical. But I don't know you and can't read your mind. What you are expressing is the fundamental conservative theological christian reasoning in defense of external locus "morality" - dogma/doctrine, bible based and top-down-authority (not liberal/libertarian) "morality".

It's one thing to advocate for people expressing their sexuality freely. It's another thing to say that that means kiddie porn is okay.

These things are quite different - Kiddie porn - at least the stuff created using real children - is not a victimless crime. Sexual activities between consenting adults is victimless, by definition of being consenting. Children cannot consent. That you can't see these distinctions is evidence of either a lack of intellect or a degree of intellectual dishonesty.

It's one thing to say your body is yours and it is no one's business how many partners you have. It's another thing to say "go out, get drunk off your ass, and screw around, regardless of whether your co-workers think you are sleazy."

No, actually, it's not a different thing: what business is it of my co-workers who I screw around with, and how often I do it, whether or not I am drunk when I do, and what kinds of sex we have? My co-workers business is limited to my work performance.

It surprises me that so many people are reluctant to acknowledge the difference.

It amazes me that you utterly fail to grasp what is your business and what is not - you clearly have no sense of personal boundaries. You also have demonstrated pretty amply your inability to reason clearly.

Now, run along back to your little pentagon prayer group.

[Anonymous]

If your morality depends on what an outside entity (God, society, etc.) thinks of your actions, you're doing it wrong.

"I'd be an immoral shithead, only I'm afraid an invisible sky daddy will torture me."

[Anonymous]

Sleeping with coworkers and making it known in the office is unprofessional. This is separate from any sexual autonomy issues. Really, discussing any details of your sex life is unprofessional. I don't care if you're married or with a different partner every night. I don't want to hear about it at work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sleeping with coworkers and making it known in the office is unprofessional. This is separate from any sexual autonomy issues. Really, discussing any details of your sex life is unprofessional. I don't care if you're married or with a different partner every night. I don't want to hear about it at work.

I am PP @9:18 and I do agree with this.

[Anonymous]

I haven't read all of these pages but getting back to OP. (If this is even real) I would say that its not that men are conservative, its that most 27 year old guys are more interested in sex (from any woman, not just you) than relationships. This is the age where I think the tide starts to turn a bit for men too, but you might not take it personally, they may think you are just good for sex or they may only really be interested in something casual be it with you or anyone else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sleeping with coworkers and making it known in the office is unprofessional. This is separate from any sexual autonomy issues. Really, discussing any details of your sex life is unprofessional. I don't care if you're married or with a different partner every night. I don't want to hear about it at work.

I am PP @9:18 and I do agree with this.

You think details about your sex life are fine at work? Why?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sleeping with coworkers and making it known in the office is unprofessional. This is separate from any sexual autonomy issues. Really, discussing any details of your sex life is unprofessional. I don't care if you're married or with a different partner every night. I don't want to hear about it at work.

I am PP @9:18 and I do agree with this.

You think details about your sex life are fine at work? Why?

Wow...you clearly didn't read that did you? I'm pp @9:18 and I said I agreed with the person I quoted above that sharing the details of your personal sex life at work is wrong.

Don't mix work and play.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sleeping with coworkers and making it known in the office is unprofessional. This is separate from any sexual autonomy issues. Really, discussing any details of your sex life is unprofessional. I don't care if you're married or with a different partner every night. I don't want to hear about it at work.

I am PP @9:18 and I do agree with this.

You think details about your sex life are fine at work? Why?

Wow...you clearly didn't read that did you? I'm pp @9:18 and I said I agreed with the person I quoted above that sharing the details of your personal sex life at work is wrong.

Don't mix work and play.

An honest mistake requires a "wow?" Really?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sleeping with coworkers and making it known in the office is unprofessional. This is separate from any sexual autonomy issues. Really, discussing any details of your sex life is unprofessional. I don't care if you're married or with a different partner every night. I don't want to hear about it at work.

I am PP @9:18 and I do agree with this.

You think details about your sex life are fine at work? Why?

Wow...you clearly didn't read that did you? I'm pp @9:18 and I said I agreed with the person I quoted above that sharing the details of your personal sex life at work is wrong.

Don't mix work and play.

An honest mistake requires a "wow?" Really?

You're getting pissy because pp corrected your incorrect reading comprehension? Really?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:An honest mistake requires a "wow?" Really?

Meh...I've been arguing with idiots on the internet too much, so I'm testy. My bad. The slut-shamers have been mis-reading and twisting things a bunch. Sorry to jump your case.

[Anonymous]

DCUM is insane. The OP admitted to being a troll and was laughing...wtf.

*facepalm*

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I get that you find relativism based on easygoing individual morality is appealing. However, as you mature, you will see that a shared moral framework is a communal value - one that helps society function.

I find it cute that you think I'm some young thing. I'm in my 50s and as I have matured, my dependence on external moral authorities/codes has lessened as I've gotten older and more mature. I've learned that my morality is something I derive from my own personal sense of ethics - it's not dictated by some external source - whether "imaginary" supernatural (theistic) - or "social" (peer group). In fact, I'd disagree with you: individual ethics, not dependency on group approval, is a sign of maturity.

You should look up some studies that in fact suggest the opposite. Students generally don't like moral codes. When they see what that can lead to, they develop more mature ideas about ethics and the value to society as a whole of a basic communal moral code.

Are you a complete moral relativist? Do you think that everyone's judgment on how they shall live their lives is equal? So if you are a Wall Street banker who makes millions off deals that enrich you and your cronies, and you work in a poorly-regulated industry where these deals are not only acceptable but encouraged, that makes what you are doing okay? It might be legal; it might not create any obvious victims. But is it right? Just because you say it is, according to your "individual ethics"?

But more generally I am not talking merely about group approval. I am talking about absolute morality versus relative morality and having the ability to actually differentiate between right and wrong under natural law. Life is about judgment. Do you really think that women in Saudi Arabia are treated well because their cultural standards dictate how they are treated? They have no natural rights imbued by being human? To someone who thinks you should not impose your own ethics on anyone else - like you - they are not mistreated. After all, it is their culture, and who are you to judge. Me, I'm fine judging that as wrong.

And I say this as a political liberal.

I really highly doubt this - you are more likely a closet evangelical. But I don't know you and can't read your mind. What you are expressing is the fundamental conservative theological christian reasoning in defense of external locus "morality" - dogma/doctrine, bible based and top-down-authority (not liberal/libertarian) "morality".

I am an atheist. I have not injected a single religious note into this conversation. Only you have done that. But apparently you judge religious people very negatively. Funny, you with your disdain for judging others.

It's one thing to advocate for people expressing their sexuality freely. It's another thing to say that that means kiddie porn is okay.

These things are quite different - Kiddie porn - at least the stuff created using real children - is not a victimless crime. Sexual activities between consenting adults is victimless, by definition of being consenting. Children cannot consent. That you can't see these distinctions is evidence of either a lack of intellect or a degree of intellectual dishonesty.

At a time when colleges are working hard to eliminate date rape by focusing on consent - especially the number of colleges that are now specifying that a drunk person is not capable of giving consent - the rest of us have evolved way past you on this.

It's one thing to say your body is yours and it is no one's business how many partners you have. It's another thing to say "go out, get drunk off your ass, and screw around, regardless of whether your co-workers think you are sleazy."

No, actually, it's not a different thing: what business is it of my co-workers who I screw around with, and how often I do it, whether or not I am drunk when I do, and what kinds of sex we have? My co-workers business is limited to my work performance.

They are still judging you, and you should know that. Whether you care or not is up to you, but since the (fake) OP was displaying these behaviors with her coworkers, it was only right to explain their likely perception of her. And how you behave with your work colleagues will affect what they think of your judgment, whether it happens at work or not. You can rail against it all you like, but it doesn't change the essential truth of human nature. If you were as mature as you claim, you would know that you cannot control how others perceive you and your lack of scruples.

It surprises me that so many people are reluctant to acknowledge the difference.

It amazes me that you utterly fail to grasp what is your business and what is not - you clearly have no sense of personal boundaries. You also have demonstrated pretty amply your inability to reason clearly.

Now, run along back to your little pentagon prayer group.

Personal boundaries? We are having a discussion on an anonymous board. You think I run around telling people they are making stupid decisions? Wow. Again, how judgmental of you.

And once again, I don't pray. Atheists can have strong ethical codes, you know. Funny you think that only religious people do.

[Anonymous]

What's up with the bolded responses?