How Do I Trust that DH Did Not Have an Affair?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:News flash - your marriage has been over for years. You are the person raising his child and spending his money. This was a multiyear assignment overseas that could be accompanied and you refused to go? And then all you do is bitch at him about other women? You don't seem to like him much.

When you got married and had kids you formed a family unit. You do things as a unit. You sound like you married young, get your ideas about marriage from women's magazines, and didn't really consider who was actually standing next to you in your pretty white dress. Either be happy with the paycheck he's sending home or pack your stuff up and move to the assignment. Or get a divorce and find some other dude who better fits your requirements for a husband.

That is what I keep trying to tell him. We are a family, but he is always thinking about himself and his career. I was twenty-six when we married. I have given up everything for him. I could have much better jobs now had I not moved around early in our marriage. I could have had more children. Instead, I went for several years, but grew tired of having to quit my jobs all the time. He has refused to have more kids. As for his paycheck, it is laughable. He thinks that his low six figures is a great salary and refuses to look for something better paying. Because of this we have constant fights about money. He just refuses to see things as I do and to appreciate all the sacrifices I make. Just this morning he told me, after I complained about all the unpaid housework and childrearing I did while he was goen and still do now, that he is more than willing to take over any of that from me. So f**king ungrateful! I regret marrying the bastard. What was I thinking when I was younger. Was his kindness just an act and he was all along just an a**hole?

[Anonymous]

[img]http://nickandzuzu.com/wp-content/uploads/2003/02/4-2b-400x363.jpg[url]

[Anonymous]

[Anonymous]

I guess this is where we dig up Ann Landers and ask her famous question, "Would you be better off with him or without him?"

It doesn't sound like much of a marriage, and I'm pretty sure he cheats on you. He lives a totally separate life. If you are okay with your separate lives, continue, but just drop the jealousy and learn to accept it. If it makes you miserable, get some counseling for yourself and get out of the marriage.

[Anonymous]

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I guess this is where we dig up Ann Landers and ask her famous question, "Would you be better off with him or without him?"

It doesn't sound like much of a marriage, and I'm pretty sure he cheats on you. He lives a totally separate life. If you are okay with your separate lives, continue, but just drop the jealousy and learn to accept it. If it makes you miserable, get some counseling for yourself and get out of the marriage.

She has no evidence and neither do you. DW had the choice to join her DH on these assignments and chose not too. She is refusing to accept responsibility for her own decisions and laying all the blame on her DH. Not very fair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Yes, why do so many women seem to want to "change" their men?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:News flash - your marriage has been over for years. You are the person raising his child and spending his money. This was a multiyear assignment overseas that could be accompanied and you refused to go? And then all you do is bitch at him about other women? You don't seem to like him much.

When you got married and had kids you formed a family unit. You do things as a unit. You sound like you married young, get your ideas about marriage from women's magazines, and didn't really consider who was actually standing next to you in your pretty white dress. Either be happy with the paycheck he's sending home or pack your stuff up and move to the assignment. Or get a divorce and find some other dude who better fits your requirements for a husband.

That is what I keep trying to tell him. We are a family, but he is always thinking about himself and his career. I was twenty-six when we married. I have given up everything for him. I could have much better jobs now had I not moved around early in our marriage. I could have had more children. Instead, I went for several years, but grew tired of having to quit my jobs all the time. He has refused to have more kids. As for his paycheck, it is laughable. He thinks that his low six figures is a great salary and refuses to look for something better paying. Because of this we have constant fights about money. He just refuses to see things as I do and to appreciate all the sacrifices I make. Just this morning he told me, after I complained about all the unpaid housework and childrearing I did while he was goen and still do now, that he is more than willing to take over any of that from me. So f**king ungrateful! I regret marrying the bastard. What was I thinking when I was younger. Was his kindness just an act and he was all along just an a**hole?

You set the tone very early on. Hard to change things now without really shaking things up and possibly getting divorced. After all these years you're finally expressing unhappiness. If you weren't looking to move around a lot and if you wanted to establish a solid career for yourself, why did you marry a man who likes having a job that sends him abroad for long periods of time?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess this is where we dig up Ann Landers and ask her famous question, "Would you be better off with him or without him?"

It doesn't sound like much of a marriage, and I'm pretty sure he cheats on you. He lives a totally separate life. If you are okay with your separate lives, continue, but just drop the jealousy and learn to accept it. If it makes you miserable, get some counseling for yourself and get out of the marriage.

She has no evidence and neither do you. DW had the choice to join her DH on these assignments and chose not too. She is refusing to accept responsibility for her own decisions and laying all the blame on her DH. Not very fair.

No, there's no evidence. But be real here. He lives a separate life from her, for years at a time, apparently. Do you know anything about men and what they do when they get lonely, horny, and are not happy with their wives?

From what OP says, the marriage is full of resentment, lack of mutual appreciation, and a fundamental disagreement on the husband's job choice. She says she quit jobs and went along with him in the early years. It no longer works for her to do all the sacrificing for his job. And why should she be the one to sacrifice? Meanwhile, he chooses his job over being with his family, even though it has a very negative effect. Something's got to give. The cheating issue is not even relevant. They are both torn because their job situation is not compatible with their having a happy marriage. They may both feel they're doing the best thing, but it just isn't working, so time to rethink.

[Anonymous]

I don't know. The more I read OP's posts, the more I wonder if she's a troll making this all up. She just said that her husband offered to take on more of the housework and child rearing and she called him F-ing ungrateful? Is she just trying to give us clues that she's messing with us?

[Anonymous]

OP here. No, my DH, is not offering to take a burden off of me but trying to show he does not need me to do all the so-called necessary things I take care of, which I then feel is him being disrespectful and ungrateful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess this is where we dig up Ann Landers and ask her famous question, "Would you be better off with him or without him?"

It doesn't sound like much of a marriage, and I'm pretty sure he cheats on you. He lives a totally separate life. If you are okay with your separate lives, continue, but just drop the jealousy and learn to accept it. If it makes you miserable, get some counseling for yourself and get out of the marriage.

She has no evidence and neither do you. DW had the choice to join her DH on these assignments and chose not too. She is refusing to accept responsibility for her own decisions and laying all the blame on her DH. Not very fair.

No, there's no evidence. But be real here. He lives a separate life from her, for years at a time, apparently. Do you know anything about men and what they do when they get lonely, horny, and are not happy with their wives?

From what OP says, the marriage is full of resentment, lack of mutual appreciation, and a fundamental disagreement on the husband's job choice. She says she quit jobs and went along with him in the early years. It no longer works for her to do all the sacrificing for his job. And why should she be the one to sacrifice? Meanwhile, he chooses his job over being with his family, even though it has a very negative effect. Something's got to give. The cheating issue is not even relevant. They are both torn because their job situation is not compatible with their having a happy marriage. They may both feel they're doing the best thing, but it just isn't working, so time to rethink.

You make some pretty broad assumptions about all men based on what? Do you think it is impossible for a man to be chaste/celibate and keep his vows sexually in the absence of his wife, even during long-term separation? How do we know that OP herself has not cheated?

[Anonymous]

Afterall, don'y you know what women do when they are lonely, horny and not happy with their husbands?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. No, my DH, is not offering to take a burden off of me but trying to show he does not need me to do all the so-called necessary things I take care of, which I then feel is him being disrespectful and ungrateful.

You complained about having to do it. He said, fine, I'll do it. I don't see how HE'S the one being disrespectful and ungrateful, given that you're the one calling him a bastard, an asshole, accusing him of having affairs, and saying that his career and paycheck are laughable. I'm impressed that he even continues to try to have a relationship with you, though every time you post, I'm less and less surprised that he spends 3 years abroad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. No, my DH, is not offering to take a burden off of me but trying to show he does not need me to do all the so-called necessary things I take care of, which I then feel is him being disrespectful and ungrateful.

You complained about having to do it. He said, fine, I'll do it. I don't see how HE'S the one being disrespectful and ungrateful, given that you're the one calling him a bastard, an asshole, accusing him of having affairs, and saying that his career and paycheck are laughable. I'm impressed that he even continues to try to have a relationship with you, though every time you post, I'm less and less surprised that he spends 3 years abroad.

Ditto this. And how materialistic are you to call a "low six figure salary" laughable? You might to remove the silver spoon and take at peek at rest of the world. Oh wait. You're tired of sacrificing, and so chose to not experience the rest of the world.