How Do I Trust that DH Did Not Have an Affair?
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Anonymous
| If you have the money, next time he goes on a business trip hire a private investigator. Although, if it's coming to that then your marriage is already in trouble. |
Anonymous
+1 You have to expect he's not going to be spending every night watching television alone. It's true-- you'll never know for sure if he's cheating, even if you asked him. You can ask him but it's a big can of worms, especially if he already suspects you're jealous. Based on what you said, he's probably not. If anything, he probably enjoys the attention from all the women, especially if he's had somewhat of a mundane life at home for a while. When you visit him make sure it's as positive an experience as it can be-- don't start up arguments over jealously or fight over other nonsense. He probably looks forward to seeing you but it will only leave a bad taste in his mouth if you end up fighting all the time. Then yeah, the other women will start to look better and better. Put yourself in his shoes-- if you were on assignment and he came to visit and made things unpleasant, wouldn't a bunch of interesting men who make you feel better about yourself start looking pretty good? |
Anonymous
+1 Sorry, OP. Divorce, over this?? That's nuts!! Do you want him to admit to an affair he didn't have just to satisfy you? I can't believe you left the fashion show because your DH was talking to other women. Unless you have other, valid reasons to distrust your DH then the issues are yours and you need to get some help. If you are this jealous then I can understand him not wanting to tell you that his colleague was female. But what's the big deal about that anyway? It was a business trip! Get some counseling. |
Anonymous
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Anonymous
| While I mostly agree with all the previous posts. I do believe in gut instinct. So look at (in therapy) behviour over time. If there is a trend of him being untrustworthy, maybe your guy means something. Based on what you said, it doesn't sound like he is cheating. But there could be so many things in the history of your relationship you haven't shared. So only you really know. Check yourself for being overly and irrationally jealous, but also listen to your gut. |
Anonymous
| My DH used to go overseas all the time. Many assignments lasted 6 mnths +. Several times I had no way to reach him and he would not call home for months! I am certain he had affairs while overseas, especially with some slipped comments he would occassionally make while home. The way I figure it, what I don't know can't hurt me as long as he doesn't bring home a disease. Yes, I know that may seem foolish of me, but what can I do if I have no proof? My advice to OP is to just let it go, unless she has any solid proof that the activity is still continuing. |
Anonymous
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OP- I get it. I have a DH that has long hours and used to travel for it. Your mind starts going crazy when some small things just start not feeling right.
I have overrided my gut instinct numerous times in my marriage because 1) I don't want to believe it 2) I don't think he'd actually do it, etc. I'm learning cheaters are master manipulators (again the situation u describe isn't so alarming by itself so I'd just pay attention more closely. I was told that if a spouse suspects the other of cheating the gut instinct is correct more than 90% of the time. I am 18 years into a marriage and I'm dealing with this for the first time (at least I think it's the first time). The crap he's tried to have me believe is incredulous. Never before in marriage has he been so evasive and unwilling to give his whereabouts. Story keeps changing for this one night. I can't even begin to know where I stand until there is some initial coup ability and transparency. I have lost 6 pounds since Friday from stress and lack of sleep and I am a fit person that didn't need to lose weight. My stomach is now concave. Though he complains how he can't sleep because I keep demanding answers. |
Anonymous
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He cheated, but since you can't prove it, get help and move on.
Taking you to places where women know him? What does that show? the women probably know when to keep their mouths shut. On the bright side, he had some"fun" so he should be good to go for awhile here at home. |
Anonymous
| OP, do you want him to turn his back socially on half the human race? Do you view all other men as your potential sex partners? Can't they just be other human beings who are fun to socialize with? |
Anonymous
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Do you guys have unprotected sex? Get tested for stds, including hpv.
I can't tell from this if you are the jealous insecure type, or if your gut instinct is right. How long was the detail? Were you opposed to him going? |
Anonymous
| I wouldn't be surprised if he cheated. Sounds like he likes the attention of women. Ask the reception of the hotel he's at if other women have spent the night. |
Anonymous
!!!!!!! She's screaming it far and wide for the entire internet to see! |
Anonymous
OP...jealous/insecure...you think? [/img]http://i188.photobucket.com/albums/z86/dnoxon/stalker.gif[img] |
Anonymous
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His assignment was three years. He had his own apartment. He has always enjoyed the company of women - I can't stand it. I've asked him to stop, repeatedly. He says he is just being social.
When we met, at least 1/2 his friends were women. To this day, and we have been married 12 years, he is still in contact with his college girlfriend's best friend and another woman he knew in college. She is single and 47, so I don't know what is wrong with her. |
Anonymous
They are his friends!! He has always been like this - platonic friends with women. My DH is like this too, and I appreciate that about him. I have become friends with his female friends too. Why in the world would you pathologize that? And it sounds like you have tried to end these friendships!! That is so f-ed up, OP!! How has your ash tolerated this all these years? I'm not buying this anymore. |