How Do I Trust that DH Did Not Have an Affair?

[Anonymous]

I have had to do almost everything this whole marriage BY MYSELF. My DH is never around when I need him. During the Washington sniper spree, he was overseas. I was here with a little girl and commuting to NYC once a week. He refused to come back. When my mother died and a psychiatrist said I was on the edge of a nervous breakdown he could not come back. This past round, I had strep throat and had to go to the ER. He could not come back. He is an absentee husband and father. I think I want to divorce him, but am afraid I will not get everything I deserve. I need the house, and he owes me compensation for being his slave all these years. I am tired of it. I wish he would just go and never come back.

[Anonymous]

OP, you sound insufferable. Really, you chose not to travel abroad with your husband who has always had this job.

You have clearly resented this job for years and love playing the victim. calling yourself a slave is despicable. acting like he owes you something just speaks to the kind of person you are. You should absolutely divorce so your poor husband can move on from this life with you. I dare you to do it on your own and still call yourself a frickin' slave, it is called single motherhood, and you willing signed up for it in your current relationship so why not make it official so you don't' have to be so bitter about what someone else "owes" you

[Anonymous]

I think I know OP. She's not really representing the full story and definitely enjoys the martyr/victim act
A lot of her friends have suspected a mental health issue but don't know how to approach her.
Her husband isn't cheating on her but has been considering divorce for quite awhile now, but is afraid of the repercussoo

[Anonymous]

Sorry hit enter when I was trying to correct the spelling.

Anyways he's afraid of the repercussions considering they are in different countries. It's actually a pretty sad situation for anyonE witnessing it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have had to do almost everything this whole marriage BY MYSELF. My DH is never around when I need him. During the Washington sniper spree, he was overseas. I was here with a little girl and commuting to NYC once a week. He refused to come back. When my mother died and a psychiatrist said I was on the edge of a nervous breakdown he could not come back. This past round, I had strep throat and had to go to the ER. He could not come back. He is an absentee husband and father. I think I want to divorce him, but am afraid I will not get everything I deserve. I need the house, and he owes me compensation for being his slave all these years. I am tired of it. I wish he would just go and never come back.

In most states you will get 50% of the assets. It doesn't matter who was making the money and who was "being the slave". Talk to a divorce lawyer to get informed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have had to do almost everything this whole marriage BY MYSELF. My DH is never around when I need him. During the Washington sniper spree, he was overseas. I was here with a little girl and commuting to NYC once a week. He refused to come back. When my mother died and a psychiatrist said I was on the edge of a nervous breakdown he could not come back. This past round, I had strep throat and had to go to the ER. He could not come back. He is an absentee husband and father. I think I want to divorce him, but am afraid I will not get everything I deserve. I need the house, and he owes me compensation for being his slave all these years. I am tired of it. I wish he would just go and never come back.

You have worked for years. You are raising a child. I am sympathetic to how difficult that is when you're on your own sometimes, and the examples you cite make me sad that you did not get the support you needed. But be real.

I was a single parent with young children. I had two deaths in the family, a mother with a degenerative illness and money troubles. I work full time and have had to scramble for help with childcare during snow days and school breaks. What you are describing does not sound any worse than anything many people face. My daughter's father travels a lot too, such that he is not around when I need him. Despite this, I would not speak of him the way you've spoken of your husband.

Do not divorce because of an imaginary affair. Divorce because you are unhappy and feel nothing but contempt for someone you promised to love forever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have had to do almost everything this whole marriage BY MYSELF. My DH is never around when I need him. During the Washington sniper spree, he was overseas. I was here with a little girl and commuting to NYC once a week. He refused to come back. When my mother died and a psychiatrist said I was on the edge of a nervous breakdown he could not come back. This past round, I had strep throat and had to go to the ER. He could not come back. He is an absentee husband and father. I think I want to divorce him, but am afraid I will not get everything I deserve. I need the house, and he owes me compensation for being his slave all these years. I am tired of it. I wish he would just go and never come back.

You read like a parody.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think I know OP. She's not really representing the full story and definitely enjoys the martyr/victim act
A lot of her friends have suspected a mental health issue but don't know how to approach her.
Her husband isn't cheating on her but has been considering divorce for quite awhile now, but is afraid of the repercussoo

Do you know the OP personally or just through her rantings on DCUM?

[Anonymous]

And if you do know her, please dish the full story so we know not to pity her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:News flash - your marriage has been over for years. You are the person raising his child and spending his money. This was a multiyear assignment overseas that could be accompanied and you refused to go? And then all you do is bitch at him about other women? You don't seem to like him much.

When you got married and had kids you formed a family unit. You do things as a unit. You sound like you married young, get your ideas about marriage from women's magazines, and didn't really consider who was actually standing next to you in your pretty white dress. Either be happy with the paycheck he's sending home or pack your stuff up and move to the assignment. Or get a divorce and find some other dude who better fits your requirements for a husband.

That is what I keep trying to tell him. We are a family, but he is always thinking about himself and his career. I was twenty-six when we married. I have given up everything for him. I could have much better jobs now had I not moved around early in our marriage. I could have had more children. Instead, I went for several years, but grew tired of having to quit my jobs all the time. He has refused to have more kids. As for his paycheck, it is laughable. He thinks that his low six figures is a great salary and refuses to look for something better paying. Because of this we have constant fights about money. He just refuses to see things as I do and to appreciate all the sacrifices I make. Just this morning he told me, after I complained about all the unpaid housework and childrearing I did while he was goen and still do now, that he is more than willing to take over any of that from me. So f**king ungrateful! I regret marrying the bastard. What was I thinking when I was younger. Was his kindness just an act and he was all along just an a**hole?

Ah, I see.

On top of being batshite crazy with trust issues, you are also a grasping, materialistic, greedy grubster.

Thanks for clearing that up!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH went on a long-term assignment for the Government overseas. I did not go with him because of my career and work here and our DC's school. I did visit DH several times and each time I was there we would go out and he would know all manner of women. We would be in a bar or restaurant and some woman would come up to him, say hello, kiss him on the cheeks, etc. Needless to say, I was feeling very jealous. One of the women he introduced me to said she did not know my DH was married. Now, DH says that nothing sexual ever happened between him and any woman while he was overseas. I do not believe him. I don't know what to do, because it is just eating inside at me that he has not been faithful to me. Should I get a divorce? Can I prove he had an affair?

If he says that he loves you and you are still close sexually and affectionate towards each other.. Stop worrying about it.

[Anonymous]

OP,

Is he wearing his ring?

I don't know. I'd be jealous, too. Is he coming back? Why can't you go there, too?

[Anonymous]

Pp here who thinks she knows OP personally. Been a crazy day. Long story short....her husband isn't perfect by any stretch because he has had the opportunity to stay with OP in the states but chooses the overseas assignment. That said, OP has always played the passive aggressive thing of telling him to go and then when he doesn't say "no no I'll stay" she holds it against him.

She enjoys the martyr act because she thinks she gets sympathy from it. (This behavior is why we suspect a mental illness). Her husband has offered to do whatever to help out, but she always turns him down but holds it against him.

She's spent her whole life feeling like she's owed things because of a tough childhood. A lot of that translates into her feeling their 6 figure income isn't good enough.

I could go on about the jealousy issue, but I think you guys have seen that first hand.


Maybe it isn't the person I know, but OP is exactly like
Her!

[Anonymous]

I haven't read the rest of the thread. Demand all his passwords to accounts he had access to over there. Money, email, everything. If he doesn't hand them over, that would be it for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Pp here who thinks she knows OP personally. Been a crazy day. Long story short....her husband isn't perfect by any stretch because he has had the opportunity to stay with OP in the states but chooses the overseas assignment. That said, OP has always played the passive aggressive thing of telling him to go and then when he doesn't say "no no I'll stay" she holds it against him.

She enjoys the martyr act because she thinks she gets sympathy from it. (This behavior is why we suspect a mental illness). Her husband has offered to do whatever to help out, but she always turns him down but holds it against him.

She's spent her whole life feeling like she's owed things because of a tough childhood. A lot of that translates into her feeling their 6 figure income isn't good enough.

I could go on about the jealousy issue, but I think you guys have seen that first hand.


Maybe it isn't the person I know, but OP is exactly like
Her!

Not the OP. I don't have mental health issues. But, I can be dramatic when my heart hurts. That's half of DCUM. Um, you can't turn down housework when you're in another country. Relationships are complex. It's not the work needed to be done, but the impression that two people are a team. That's a hard thing to capture.