Questioning boarding school...mother's dilemma

[Anonymous]

My DH also went away to boarding school at a young age. He felt it was life-changing for him in a positive way, and still stays in touch with his teachers 25 years later. In fact, he feels a closer bond to his boarding school than to his college and law school. He made the decision at 13. My MIL still talks about her devastation. However, DH has been super successful in career, college, and attributes it all to his boarding school. He absolutely loved it.

[Anonymous]

Oh for gods sake. So send her for a semester or summer abroad.

Or send her to public school, where she'll meet tons of kids from other countries.

This "hook" would not suffice as a global education for my child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most 8th graders have instinct, gut, and mind. At least mine does. He can read, review school websites and talk to students, teachers and coaches at boarding schools. He has visited some schools and even sat in on classes, joined a team practice and spent an overnight. I'm sure an 8th grader can get a good read on whether he likes or dislikes a situation. They have opinions. At least mine does.

Of course kids know what they "like". In fact, most of them know by age two, btw.

How do you feel about the drinking and drugs "options" your kid will have at boarding school?

While most caring parents can't even control that at home, let alone at a far away boarding school. And don't kid yourself. NO ONE cares about your kid, half as much as you do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most 8th graders have instinct, gut, and mind. At least mine does. He can read, review school websites and talk to students, teachers and coaches at boarding schools. He has visited some schools and even sat in on classes, joined a team practice and spent an overnight. I'm sure an 8th grader can get a good read on whether he likes or dislikes a situation. They have opinions. At least mine does.

Of course kids know what they "like". In fact, most of them know by age two, btw.

How do you feel about the drinking and drugs "options" your kid will have at boarding school?

While most caring parents can't even control that at home, let alone at a far away boarding school. And don't kid yourself. NO ONE cares about your kid, half as much as you do.

If boarding school is anything like when I went, they won't last and will be kicked out. I went to Exeter and they were notorious for expelling kids for most anything but especially for drinking and drugs. So they'll come home and attend a local private where these things are much more tolerated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I would never send my 14 year old to boarding school and I don't understand those that do. We have so little time with our children as it is.

Sounds like the 14-year-old is condemned to a local university where you'll see him every day and do the laundry to prevent self-devastation.

Sure, that's a logical next step. Kids whose parents don't want them to go to boarding school end up living at home. Somehow, my parents thought boarding school was a horrible idea and i still ended up at harvard and fully employed and self sufficient. Who'd have thunk it. Clearly, i am not alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Oh for gods sake. So send her for a semester or summer abroad.

Or send her to public school, where she'll meet tons of kids from other countries.

This "hook" would not suffice as a global education for my child.

Sincere question: what do you mean by "global education"? Do you mean one that prepares him to compete in the global economy? Or one where he learns about international cultures/history, etc.? Or something else?

[Anonymous]

Never in a million years would i send a kid to boarding school. My college friends who came from them had either very messed up home lives which made it preferable or logistical reasons (parents stationed in developing countries with no good educational option). I am sure it is great for some people, but not worth the loss of closeness with the kid ( who is still a kid).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I would never send my 14 year old to boarding school and I don't understand those that do. We have so little time with our children as it is.

Sounds like the 14-year-old is condemned to a local university where you'll see him every day and do the laundry to prevent self-devastation.

Sure, that's a logical next step. Kids whose parents don't want them to go to boarding school end up living at home. Somehow, my parents thought boarding school was a horrible idea and i still ended up at harvard and fully employed and self sufficient. Who'd have thunk it. Clearly, i am not alone.

To echo that, I went to one of the top 5 institutes in the country and attended public school. So did most of my friends. The few that went to Choate, Exeter, etc had maturity issues. Most failed our first semester which woke them up to the fact that the party was over. So yeah...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I would never send my 14 year old to boarding school and I don't understand those that do. We have so little time with our children as it is.

Sounds like the 14-year-old is condemned to a local university where you'll see him every day and do the laundry to prevent self-devastation.

Sure, that's a logical next step. Kids whose parents don't want them to go to boarding school end up living at home. Somehow, my parents thought boarding school was a horrible idea and i still ended up at harvard and fully employed and self sufficient. Who'd have thunk it. Clearly, i am not alone.

To echo that, I went to one of the top 5 institutes in the country and attended public school. So did most of my friends. The few that went to Choate, Exeter, etc had maturity issues. Most failed our first semester which woke them up to the fact that the party was over. So yeah...

Since PP have specifics I will too. I went to MIT. Most kids went to public high school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I would never send my 14 year old to boarding school and I don't understand those that do. We have so little time with our children as it is.

Sounds like the 14-year-old is condemned to a local university where you'll see him every day and do the laundry to prevent self-devastation.

Sure, that's a logical next step. Kids whose parents don't want them to go to boarding school end up living at home. Somehow, my parents thought boarding school was a horrible idea and i still ended up at harvard and fully employed and self sufficient. Who'd have thunk it. Clearly, i am not alone.

To echo that, I went to one of the top 5 institutes in the country and attended public school. So did most of my friends. The few that went to Choate, Exeter, etc had maturity issues. Most failed our first semester which woke them up to the fact that the party was over. So yeah...

*gave
Since PP have specifics I will too. I went to MIT. Most kids went to public high school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Never in a million years would i send a kid to boarding school. My college friends who came from them had either very messed up home lives which made it preferable or logistical reasons (parents stationed in developing countries with no good educational option). I am sure it is great for some people, but not worth the loss of closeness with the kid ( who is still a kid).

It's true that most kids in American boarding schools come from "messed up" home situations. Most of the other kids are foreign.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Never in a million years would i send a kid to boarding school. My college friends who came from them had either very messed up home lives which made it preferable or logistical reasons (parents stationed in developing countries with no good educational option). I am sure it is great for some people, but not worth the loss of closeness with the kid ( who is still a kid).

It's true that most kids in American boarding schools come from "messed up" home situations. Most of the other kids are foreign.

Day school person here -- but man do you all sound insular and provincial.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Never in a million years would i send a kid to boarding school. My college friends who came from them had either very messed up home lives which made it preferable or logistical reasons (parents stationed in developing countries with no good educational option). I am sure it is great for some people, but not worth the loss of closeness with the kid ( who is still a kid).

It's true that most kids in American boarding schools come from "messed up" home situations. Most of the other kids are foreign.

Day school person here -- but man do you all sound insular and provincial.

How's that? Opinions on the issue?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Never in a million years would i send a kid to boarding school. My college friends who came from them had either very messed up home lives which made it preferable or logistical reasons (parents stationed in developing countries with no good educational option). I am sure it is great for some people, but not worth the loss of closeness with the kid ( who is still a kid).

It's true that most kids in American boarding schools come from "messed up" home situations. Most of the other kids are foreign.

Day school person here -- but man do you all sound insular and provincial.

Not OP. Most of the opinions that say, " I did not go to boarding school and would never consider sending my child to boarding school b/c..." Are not particularly helpful.

From those with actual experience, it sounds like the best choice is to consider if your child wants to go.

As for boarding school is for kids with "messed up home lives, etc", OP is talking about Andover not reform school. Andover accepts around 20% of applicants less than most colleges.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Never in a million years would i send a kid to boarding school. My college friends who came from them had either very messed up home lives which made it preferable or logistical reasons (parents stationed in developing countries with no good educational option). I am sure it is great for some people, but not worth the loss of closeness with the kid ( who is still a kid).

It's true that most kids in American boarding schools come from "messed up" home situations. Most of the other kids are foreign.

Day school person here -- but man do you all sound insular and provincial.

Not OP. Most of the opinions that say, " I did not go to boarding school and would never consider sending my child to boarding school b/c..." Are not particularly helpful.

From those with actual experience, it sounds like the best choice is to consider if your child wants to go.

As for boarding school is for kids with "messed up home lives, etc", OP is talking about Andover not reform school. Andover accepts around 20% of applicants less than most colleges.

Yes, i am one of the postrs who based it on my college friends. I am indeed referring to Andover, Exeter, etc. They were very bright kids, but with absentee or messily divorced parents. And those are the ones who ended up at my Ivy.