Questioning boarding school...mother's dilemma

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Think about it this way - If you can find a daycare center to take your child at 8 weeks old so that you can return to work, find a grandparent willing to watch them for a couple of weeks every few months so that you and your DH can spend quality time together, find an elementary school with an aftercare program, and then send them off to boarding school at 14 years old, you can pretty much avoid the whole parenting thing completely. If that's your goal, I say go for it!

I'm a pp who may send their kid to boarding school if he wants to go. I'm also a SAHM and we will probably buy a place near the boarding school to be near our son, who is an only child. DH will be retired by the time he goes to high school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'll be damned if I let family tradition tell me how to parent my own child.

You are special and courageous.

Huh?

Okay, translated: "You are preening and self-righteous."

Nope, not really. By saying its family tradition, it essentially takes the parents decision power away. It's a scapegoat. Now they have a convenient excuse. Because they are too chicken to admit they WANT to ship their kids off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'll be damned if I let family tradition tell me how to parent my own child.

This is actually an excellent point. It really is the weakest reason to do something. We sent DC to DH's school (locally) and it was a terrible fit. OP you need to take DH's connection out of the equation and ask yourself if this makes sense independent of that. And you have to make sure your DC wants to go and isn't feeling pressure from his father.

So she is letting the decisions her MIL mad dictate how she raises her kid.

[Anonymous]

Think about it this way - If you can find a daycare center to take your child at 8 weeks old so that you can return to work, find a grandparent willing to watch them for a couple of weeks every few months so that you and your DH can spend quality time together, find an elementary school with an aftercare program, and then send them off to boarding school at 14 years old, you can pretty much avoid the whole parenting thing completely. If that's your goal, I say go for it!

Of course one of these people were going to come out of the woodworks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our extended family has sent many children to various boarding school over the years. Think this through very, very carefully. Although some had good experiences, plenty of others experienced sexual abuse (other students or adults in charge), drugs and very mature situations at a too-young age. The sexual abuse and experimentation stories we've heard from family members is absolutely enough to never consider sending my children. Think it through very carefully.

This happened to a friend of ours. One child did fine in boarding school. the other fell into a drug crowd. The parents were too far away to know what was happening so were surprised to have DC back on the doorstep having been expelled for drug use. You really have to decide if it is the right decision for your child and that THEY really want it. Our first kid was not mature enough. Our second is mature enough but doesn't want to do it. Listen to what you son is really saying.

[Anonymous]

The approach that has worked with our family unit is great boarding school or great public school magnet. We are very skeptical of the area private day schools. The former options (not mutually exclusive) have worked well for our children and we would not change our approach or recommendations.

[Anonymous]

I would be devastated sending my child off to boarding school. If my mil's voice was bigger than mine on the decision I would would be considering divorce.

[Anonymous]

I would never send my 14 year old to boarding school and I don't understand those that do. We have so little time with our children as it is.

[Anonymous]

I would recommend not sending your kid off to boarding school.

We would not want you devastated. Will you picked your DC's spouse also.

Ironically, it sounds like you are well en route to divorce regardless.

[Anonymous]

I would never send my 14 year old to boarding school and I don't understand those that do. We have so little time with our children as it is.

Sounds like the 14-year-old is condemned to a local university where you'll see him every day and do the laundry to prevent self-devastation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a decision your child can (and should) make. Went to Exeter, and it's great for kids who want to be there. Misery for those who don't. Living close by is not a realistic solution. That's just not just how boarding school works.

How would an 8th grader make such an adult decision? Based on what?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Do you think local private schools are comparable up Andover? I'm not from this area and would consider saving a ton in order to send dc to a local private. This might be a compromise for dh in terms of dc getting a great education but not going to his alma mater.

Dc is open to the idea. We toured a few years ago when in the area and he was excited. Now that it's more of a reality, he seems excited but nervous about being on his own. Dh says totally normal at this stage and I say keep my baby home!!

You don't save that much. Andover is about $10k a year more than the good private schools here (and their day program is about the same as schools here). And it's too late to apply to the good local private schools for next year anyway.

I'd let him go. If he hates it he can always transfer. My DD went to a boarding school and there was actually quite a bit of movement in and out, especially the first 2 years.

Actually, Andover and the other comparable elite private boarding schools are about 20K more than the good local private day schools so 50K+ a year, comparable to the Ivies and other similar private universities. But most people who are interested in these types of schools can afford full freight although Andover and Exeter and their ilk does give out a lot of financial aid to those with lots of merit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I think one of the reasons dc is not a big boarding school town is that there are so many good day schools. Sidwell, gds, ncs, etc are great so why send your fourteen year old away?

Not quite good enough for the global education we are seeking.

Oh for gods sake. So send her for a semester or summer abroad.

Or send her to public school, where she'll meet tons of kids from other countries.

[Anonymous]

Most 8th graders have instinct, gut, and mind. At least mine does. He can read, review school websites and talk to students, teachers and coaches at boarding schools. He has visited some schools and even sat in on classes, joined a team practice and spent an overnight. I'm sure an 8th grader can get a good read on whether he likes or dislikes a situation. They have opinions. At least mine does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most 8th graders have instinct, gut, and mind. At least mine does. He can read, review school websites and talk to students, teachers and coaches at boarding schools. He has visited some schools and even sat in on classes, joined a team practice and spent an overnight. I'm sure an 8th grader can get a good read on whether he likes or dislikes a situation. They have opinions. At least mine does.

Exactly, plus with a family tradition of going to these schools, it would be weird not to at least offer the option to go since we can afford it.