DW Needs to Put on Her Big Girl Pants and Be an Adult

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, I am stationed overseas on a 3-year assignment. Last summer, during one of the rain storms, derecho or whatver it was that happened our basement flooded due to power failure. Our sump pumps stopped working and the basement flooded. Luckily our insurance paid to repair the finished basement.

However, DW is now complaining with the summer storm season coming on that this being the Washington area where power failures seem to be de rigeur for even the smallest thunderstorm, that our basement will inevitably flood when the power goes out yet again. She wants to install a backup system. I agree, but the question comes down to how to pay for it. I know for a fact that she took at least $5K from the insurance payout and squirreled it away in her own account. When I raise with her that this money can be used to pay for the backup system, she cried this is her "compensation." So, at this point I am basically saying that I agree we need a backup system, but that the responsibility for paying for it needs to come out of that remainder of insurance money because "that is what it is for." If the basement floods again, she will need to accept responsibility.

Frankly, I do not understand her thinking that this insurance money is her "compensation." However, she either needs to decide whether she wants to keep that money - which is not hers to begin with - or whether she wants to prevent the basement from flooding again. I do not understand her stubborness, but she needs to put on her big girl pants and start acting like an adult and not expect me to cave in and give her what she wants.

All of this sounds to me like OP has an awful attitude towards his DW. Whatever bad things I might do, I doubt my DH would ever speak of me in these terms.

You guys have some work to do, and as others have said, it's not in the basement.

OP here. Where is use bad attitude? She is complaining about not having her backup system and know very well that she has the money. She is not entitled to "compensation" from the insurance payout. Believe me - she gets more than enough from what I earn. Since I have just laid out for summer camp for the kids, recent car repairs, orthodontics, her credit card and her medical bill not covered by insurance, I think she needs to step up to the plate and pony up $2K. Otherwise, she is saying that the backup system is not so important to me that I'm willing to part with the money.

And yes, I do expect a 39 year old woman to behave like a grown up and take some responsibility. My mother dealt with three kids and a husband in a combat zone and never ever would've behaved this way.

DING DING DING!!!!! There's your issue! She's not your mommy. She never will be. She's her own person.

Who clearly isn't as adult as his mother was, from what I can tell. You know, stealing household money and all.

[Anonymous]

No, she's not. Shit! Incoming! More later...

[Anonymous]

OP: I think you should pull up your jock strap and get over yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you people who are justifying OP's wife's appropriation of $5K in INSURANCE MONEY mentally square your defense of this action? I don't get it. When you are married, you run a household as a team. That money is household money - not HER money. She's essentially stealing from her family, IMO.

Then he should stop talking about having to "lay out his money" for camp, her credit card bill, etc. I don't really know what's going on with these two, but that's pretty gross too.

How do you figure? I assume that OP's wife doesn't work. Weigh in OP - am I right? He's simply saying that he foots the bill for almost everything. All of you pearl clutchers are assuming that OP's work arrangements were not made with his wife's input. I've seen this time and again. . .woman agrees to something, then finds out it's not what she thought it would be, changes her mind, and becomes a raging bitch. And I am a woman. I have no respect whatsoever for women like this. If the arrangement isn't working for you anymore, have an honest conversation with your spouse. But don't act like an entitled, passive-aggressive bitch.

You are a woman who looks down on women and prefers to work with men. I know your type.

[Anonymous]

...and OP call your Mommy, the basement is flooding!

[Anonymous]

OP, I think both you and your wife need to work on your negative attitudes. Of course, we on DCUM can't know who started this, and we all know that long-distance relationships are very difficult on everyone.

Stop comparing her to your mother!

What is your wife doing for herself, in terms of pampering? Medical bills do not count toward that, you know. What if she needs a little money to spend on clothes, flower, jewelry, spa, books, etc?

If the sump pump installation costs less than 5K, what about a little frivolous spending with the rest?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you people who are justifying OP's wife's appropriation of $5K in INSURANCE MONEY mentally square your defense of this action? I don't get it. When you are married, you run a household as a team. That money is household money - not HER money. She's essentially stealing from her family, IMO.

Then he should stop talking about having to "lay out his money" for camp, her credit card bill, etc. I don't really know what's going on with these two, but that's pretty gross too.

How do you figure? I assume that OP's wife doesn't work. Weigh in OP - am I right? He's simply saying that he foots the bill for almost everything. All of you pearl clutchers are assuming that OP's work arrangements were not made with his wife's input. I've seen this time and again. . .woman agrees to something, then finds out it's not what she thought it would be, changes her mind, and becomes a raging bitch. And I am a woman. I have no respect whatsoever for women like this. If the arrangement isn't working for you anymore, have an honest conversation with your spouse. But don't act like an entitled, passive-aggressive bitch.

You are a woman who looks down on women and prefers to work with men. I know your type.

Well in many cases yes - since I've worked with enough passive-aggressive, backstabbing harpies to last me a lifetime. Not all women feel the need to gossip, cut other people down, claim sexism at every turn, whine to get their way at home and at work, etc etc etc. Some us wear our big girl pants EVERY SINGLE DAY. And you know what? It feels awesome.

[Anonymous]

I guess our female ancestors were much stronger than today's women. After all they helped to conquer apple a wilderness, run farms, work in factories when husbands were off to war. They didn't expect baubles. We haven't come a long way baby!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I guess our female ancestors were much stronger than today's women. After all they helped to conquer apple a wilderness, run farms, work in factories when husbands were off to war. They didn't expect baubles. We haven't come a long way baby!

I couldn't agree more. I like my pampering and all, but good Lord. My grandparents who lived through the Depression would roll their eyes at some of you. You defenders of women (so-called) know it is possible to rise to the occasion and to live without flowers, the spa, etc etc etc. Right?

[Anonymous]

You do realize you are getting only one side of the story here, right? The side that didn't have to deal with the flooding and cleanup. Would love to hear Op's wife's account. My officer father would never complain about his family like whiny OP is doing.

[Anonymous]

So if you don't get the backup system, you could potentially have another flooding issue if we get bad rain this year.

Which in turn would mean another insurance claim and clean out of the basement whic I presume your dw would have to handle bc you are still away. So while she "compensates" her self for last year, she also forces herself into a repeat situation that may come with a surprise such as a lower insurance payout or canceled insurance (too many claims that are water damage)

[Anonymous]

I am totally curious to know more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You do realize you are getting only one side of the story here, right? The side that didn't have to deal with the flooding and cleanup. Would love to hear Op's wife's account. My officer father would never complain about his family like whiny OP is doing.

+1

Who knows if she's a whiny, needy bitch. We have one side of the story, and his tone sure isn't convincing me that this is an objective report of what has transpired.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP: I think you should pull up your jock strap and get over yourself.

+ 1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, I am stationed overseas on a 3-year assignment. Last summer, during one of the rain storms, derecho or whatver it was that happened our basement flooded due to power failure. Our sump pumps stopped working and the basement flooded. Luckily our insurance paid to repair the finished basement.

However, DW is now complaining with the summer storm season coming on that this being the Washington area where power failures seem to be de rigeur for even the smallest thunderstorm, that our basement will inevitably flood when the power goes out yet again. She wants to install a backup system. I agree, but the question comes down to how to pay for it. I know for a fact that she took at least $5K from the insurance payout and squirreled it away in her own account. When I raise with her that this money can be used to pay for the backup system, she cried this is her "compensation." So, at this point I am basically saying that I agree we need a backup system, but that the responsibility for paying for it needs to come out of that remainder of insurance money because "that is what it is for." If the basement floods again, she will need to accept responsibility.

Frankly, I do not understand her thinking that this insurance money is her "compensation." However, she either needs to decide whether she wants to keep that money - which is not hers to begin with - or whether she wants to prevent the basement from flooding again. I do not understand her stubborness, but she needs to put on her big girl pants and start acting like an adult and not expect me to cave in and give her what she wants.

All of this sounds to me like OP has an awful attitude towards his DW. Whatever bad things I might do, I doubt my DH would ever speak of me in these terms.

You guys have some work to do, and as others have said, it's not in the basement.

OP here. Where is use bad attitude? She is complaining about not having her backup system and know very well that she has the money. She is not entitled to "compensation" from the insurance payout. Believe me - she gets more than enough from what I earn. Since I have just laid out for summer camp for the kids, recent car repairs, orthodontics, her credit card and her medical bill not covered by insurance, I think she needs to step up to the plate and pony up $2K. Otherwise, she is saying that the backup system is not so important to me that I'm willing to part with the money.

And yes, I do expect a 39 year old woman to behave like a grown up and take some responsibility. My mother dealt with three kids and a husband in a combat zone and never ever would've behaved this way.

You really sound wacko, OP. Those things are FAMILY costs. They're not evidence of you stepping up to the plate more than DW. How do the finances work in your family? Aren't you putting everything into one pot? If you're having issues with personal spending (i.e. NOT family items, household bills or health insurance) then I strongly suggest you have one main account and two individual accounts with a certain amount going into them each month that you can each spend on whatever you like without having to justify to the other.

I have to say, you sound a lot like my father who is very controlling with money issues (and has been with his 3 wives ... ha ha!).

And finally, show some respect when you speak about your DW. Other PPs think she's a witch just because of the way you speak about her. But I think you sound pretty mean.