DW Needs to Put on Her Big Girl Pants and Be an Adult

[Anonymous]

How is the career self absorbed?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How is the career self absorbed?

If it means lengthy optional separations from family. Or hell even if the separations are mandatory, then why not aim to move into a career that doesn't require so many separations?

Sure our grandmothers soldiered on solo, but that was also in an era when you could just send kids over the age of 4 out and about for much of the day, when you could leave kids under 10 alone while you went to the grocery store, etc. Things are different now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just gave some thought about a similar topic over the weekend. SAHM wife always complains she is not "compensated" for all she does to care for the house, the kids, etc. Then I thought to myself, neither am I. I basically get in the morning and go to work every goddamned day to pay for everything my family needs - the roof over their heads, the clothes on their backs, the food on their table, etc. Rarely, if ever, to I spend any of the money I earn on anything for myself (and, no, a power drill to fix things around the house doesn't count anymore than the latest vacuum cleaner). I don't regret any of it. That is my role. But by God, do I sometimes feel taken for granted.

I don't think a little "thank you" for taking care of me and the kids.

Are you the OP? You sound spitting mad and done with the marriage. SAHM is one of the least glamorous jobs there is. Nanny, housekeeper, cook, driver, book keeper. Try paying for all of that out of pocket... But never mind that, the relationship has soured. You want to be in Russia, she wants to be in the US. On one level it is as simple as that.

[Anonymous]

Your DW may be putting on her "big girl pants" and visiting a lawyer right now. She is getting ready to "put on her marching boots" and march right out the door!

[Anonymous]

Put one foot in front of the other .... And goose step right out he door!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just gave some thought about a similar topic over the weekend. SAHM wife always complains she is not "compensated" for all she does to care for the house, the kids, etc. Then I thought to myself, neither am I. I basically get in the morning and go to work every goddamned day to pay for everything my family needs - the roof over their heads, the clothes on their backs, the food on their table, etc. Rarely, if ever, to I spend any of the money I earn on anything for myself (and, no, a power drill to fix things around the house doesn't count anymore than the latest vacuum cleaner). I don't regret any of it. That is my role. But by God, do I sometimes feel taken for granted.

I don't think a little "thank you" for taking care of me and the kids.

Are you the OP? You sound spitting mad and done with the marriage. SAHM is one of the least glamorous jobs there is. Nanny, housekeeper, cook, driver, book keeper. Try paying for all of that out of pocket... But never mind that, the relationship has soured. You want to be in Russia, she wants to be in the US. On one level it is as simple as that.

I am quite capable of doing all that crap myself. Oh, and that thing you all call "being a nanny." It's not! It's called being a mother! We don't give medals for that in America. Stop trying I be a martyr!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How is the career self absorbed?

If it means lengthy optional separations from family. Or hell even if the separations are mandatory, then why not aim to move into a career that doesn't require so many separations?

Sure our grandmothers soldiered on solo, but that was also in an era when you could just send kids over the age of 4 out and about for much of the day, when you could leave kids under 10 alone while you went to the grocery store, etc. Things are different now.

b/c DW is no longer worth it!

[Anonymous]

So, what happened, OP? Did you ask her what she was using the 5k for? Did you get a backup system? How is life?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just gave some thought about a similar topic over the weekend. SAHM wife always complains she is not "compensated" for all she does to care for the house, the kids, etc. Then I thought to myself, neither am I. I basically get in the morning and go to work every goddamned day to pay for everything my family needs - the roof over their heads, the clothes on their backs, the food on their table, etc. Rarely, if ever, to I spend any of the money I earn on anything for myself (and, no, a power drill to fix things around the house doesn't count anymore than the latest vacuum cleaner). I don't regret any of it. That is my role. But by God, do I sometimes feel taken for granted.

I don't think a little "thank you" for taking care of me and the kids.

Are you the OP? You sound spitting mad and done with the marriage. SAHM is one of the least glamorous jobs there is. Nanny, housekeeper, cook, driver, book keeper. Try paying for all of that out of pocket... But never mind that, the relationship has soured. You want to be in Russia, she wants to be in the US. On one level it is as simple as that.

I am quite capable of doing all that crap myself. Oh, and that thing you all call "being a nanny." It's not! It's called being a mother! We don't give medals for that in America. Stop trying I be a martyr!

You are just a fool if you do all that for your DH and then listen to his abuse. Are you in an abusive relationship yourself?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As for your career, if you're this far along in years and can't manage to work your way past these hardship posts, that's your own failing and perhaps, rightly or wrong, she expected better.

PP, out of curiosity, are you FS or military? Do you really think it works this way? You do your best to bid on the posts that are best for your family and your career needs, but the "needs of the service" will always come first. It is a hard balancing act sometimes. However, I feel DW never really thinks about the exact characteristics of a post of assignment she wants, i.e. am a I willing to trade off a cushy place in Western Europe for a hardship assignment with good schools and great job opportunities, or do I should want to laise around the post going shopping, getting my manicure done, etc. If DW tells me that employment is her priority, then I think she should be looking with me at the posts with good employment opportunities and not so much focused on a Paris or a Rome that has none.

And, FWIW, I have made decisions for years now that were what she wanted and it generally hasn't helped in the getting promoted and moving up category.

Yes, I am from a military family. My husband is now retired and in the private sector here. He was ery successful in the mitary and is ow as well. Did multiple stints at DoD at the Pentagon even though he didn't join to be a "desk jockey." I was always willing to put his career first, and he always, always expressed appreciation for that very, very generous gift. If you are lucky enough to have found a spouse willing to tolerate you having a career that is, really, totally self -absorbed, count yourself lucky and give her a break whenever you can. My guess, though, is that she already has one foot out the door.

How often did your DH have to go down range?

[Anonymous]

My brother is career military and those who get combat commands are most successful.