DW Needs to Put on Her Big Girl Pants and Be an Adult

[Anonymous]

Those defending DW, how on earth do you justify her squirreling away $5k in her own account/spending it all?

Maybe OP is a 3/10 on the jerk scale, but the wife -- simply by unilaterally taking $5k and keeping it and insisting she requires compensation for her ordeal -- strikes me as at least a notch higher. Was there any discussion with OP about how to keep/save/spend that $5k?

I doubt it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So what if DW keeps the 5K? You are far away and she cleans the mess. With the summer we are getting ready to have/having I think a back up system is a good idea. The insurance company will not be happy to compensate you twice. Have you actually seen the damage? It is easy to be far away and say...well it is no problem for me...
My DH did this and I sent him some of the soggy nasty stuff. When he saw it he understood better what I went through. It was just a small package, easliy thrown away... not a whole basement.

I doubt DW cleaned the mess aside from going into the basement and picking out the stuff she wanted saved. part of the insurance payment *is* paying people to haul out the junk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Those defending DW, how on earth do you justify her squirreling away $5k in her own account/spending it all?

Maybe OP is a 3/10 on the jerk scale, but the wife -- simply by unilaterally taking $5k and keeping it and insisting she requires compensation for her ordeal -- strikes me as at least a notch higher. Was there any discussion with OP about how to keep/save/spend that $5k?

I doubt it.

+1

Now, if there were no $5k from insurance lying around and the DH still wouldn't pay for backup saying she needed to "deal with it" then HE would be the jerk. But she took 5k from insurance, which could have gone toward installing the backup she wants, and now wants to cry that she doesn't have a backup system. The DW needs to pay up, or suck it up. She can't have the 5k all to herself (fucking weird) AND complain about not having the backup system. The OP just sounds like an understandably frustrated guy.

[Anonymous]

OP--are you the person who posted previously about your wife hiding insurance payments and lying about it?

[Anonymous]

This one:
http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/309030.page

[Anonymous]

Nope. But I need to get together with this guy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So what if DW keeps the 5K? You are far away and she cleans the mess. With the summer we are getting ready to have/having I think a back up system is a good idea. The insurance company will not be happy to compensate you twice. Have you actually seen the damage? It is easy to be far away and say...well it is no problem for me...
My DH did this and I sent him some of the soggy nasty stuff. When he saw it he understood better what I went through. It was just a small package, easliy thrown away... not a whole basement.

I'm sorry, but this perspective (and OP's wife's) is childish in the extreme and indicates either that you (and she) are too immature to handle adult life or that you have WAY bigger problems in your relationships.

Why are you sorry? Dont you really mean, I disagree?

Yes. I'm sorry is a well known colloquialism for saying "I respectfully disagree."

I'm ESL and even I know that, or was that just bring bitchy?

Yes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, I am stationed overseas on a 3-year assignment. Last summer, during one of the rain storms, derecho or whatver it was that happened our basement flooded due to power failure. Our sump pumps stopped working and the basement flooded. Luckily our insurance paid to repair the finished basement.

However, DW is now complaining with the summer storm season coming on that this being the Washington area where power failures seem to be de rigeur for even the smallest thunderstorm, that our basement will inevitably flood when the power goes out yet again. She wants to install a backup system. I agree, but the question comes down to how to pay for it. I know for a fact that she took at least $5K from the insurance payout and squirreled it away in her own account. When I raise with her that this money can be used to pay for the backup system, she cried this is her "compensation." So, at this point I am basically saying that I agree we need a backup system, but that the responsibility for paying for it needs to come out of that remainder of insurance money because "that is what it is for." If the basement floods again, she will need to accept responsibility.

Frankly, I do not understand her thinking that this insurance money is her "compensation." However, she either needs to decide whether she wants to keep that money - which is not hers to begin with - or whether she wants to prevent the basement from flooding again. I do not understand her stubborness, but she needs to put on her big girl pants and start acting like an adult and not expect me to cave in and give her what she wants.

All of this sounds to me like OP has an awful attitude towards his DW. Whatever bad things I might do, I doubt my DH would ever speak of me in these terms.

You guys have some work to do, and as others have said, it's not in the basement.

OP here. Where is use bad attitude? She is complaining about not having her backup system and know very well that she has the money. She is not entitled to "compensation" from the insurance payout. Believe me - she gets more than enough from what I earn. Since I have just laid out for summer camp for the kids, recent car repairs, orthodontics, her credit card and her medical bill not covered by insurance, I think she needs to step up to the plate and pony up $2K. Otherwise, she is saying that the backup system is not so important to me that I'm willing to part with the money.

And yes, I do expect a 39 year old woman to behave like a grown up and take some responsibility. My mother dealt with three kids and a husband in a combat zone and never ever would've behaved this way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Those defending DW, how on earth do you justify her squirreling away $5k in her own account/spending it all?

Maybe OP is a 3/10 on the jerk scale, but the wife -- simply by unilaterally taking $5k and keeping it and insisting she requires compensation for her ordeal -- strikes me as at least a notch higher. Was there any discussion with OP about how to keep/save/spend that $5k?

I doubt it.

+1 Maybe he's coming off as a jerk because he's married to an entitled, whiny bitch. I'm a DW and know plenty of those. . .can't imagine why the husbands stay with these harpies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So what if DW keeps the 5K? You are far away and she cleans the mess. With the summer we are getting ready to have/having I think a back up system is a good idea. The insurance company will not be happy to compensate you twice. Have you actually seen the damage? It is easy to be far away and say...well it is no problem for me...
My DH did this and I sent him some of the soggy nasty stuff. When he saw it he understood better what I went through. It was just a small package, easliy thrown away... not a whole basement.

I'm sorry, but this perspective (and OP's wife's) is childish in the extreme and indicates either that you (and she) are too immature to handle adult life or that you have WAY bigger problems in your relationships.

Why are you sorry? Dont you really mean, I disagree?

Yes. I'm sorry is a well known colloquialism for saying "I respectfully disagree."

I'm ESL and even I know that, or was that just bring bitchy?

Yes.

Bitchy enough to start a whole other thread about it.

[Anonymous]

You've been away on a three year overseas assignment while your wife deals alone with the kids and the house. I think she has worn her big girl panties well, although you think all women should measure up to your mother. My father was away for a year on Vietnam and, let me tell you, it was a rough year for us all back on the home front. You haven't said whether you can afford the $5,000 without it coming from your wife's stash. Perhaps she managed that insurance money carefully so that there would be some left over by shopping around and doing some of the cleanup herself. Does your wife work, OP? Maybe she saw an opportunity to have some money that she could use without having to account to you for each purchase.

[Anonymous]

How do you people who are justifying OP's wife's appropriation of $5K in INSURANCE MONEY mentally square your defense of this action? I don't get it. When you are married, you run a household as a team. That money is household money - not HER money. She's essentially stealing from her family, IMO.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do you people who are justifying OP's wife's appropriation of $5K in INSURANCE MONEY mentally square your defense of this action? I don't get it. When you are married, you run a household as a team. That money is household money - not HER money. She's essentially stealing from her family, IMO.

Then he should stop talking about having to "lay out his money" for camp, her credit card bill, etc. I don't really know what's going on with these two, but that's pretty gross too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, I am stationed overseas on a 3-year assignment. Last summer, during one of the rain storms, derecho or whatver it was that happened our basement flooded due to power failure. Our sump pumps stopped working and the basement flooded. Luckily our insurance paid to repair the finished basement.

However, DW is now complaining with the summer storm season coming on that this being the Washington area where power failures seem to be de rigeur for even the smallest thunderstorm, that our basement will inevitably flood when the power goes out yet again. She wants to install a backup system. I agree, but the question comes down to how to pay for it. I know for a fact that she took at least $5K from the insurance payout and squirreled it away in her own account. When I raise with her that this money can be used to pay for the backup system, she cried this is her "compensation." So, at this point I am basically saying that I agree we need a backup system, but that the responsibility for paying for it needs to come out of that remainder of insurance money because "that is what it is for." If the basement floods again, she will need to accept responsibility.

Frankly, I do not understand her thinking that this insurance money is her "compensation." However, she either needs to decide whether she wants to keep that money - which is not hers to begin with - or whether she wants to prevent the basement from flooding again. I do not understand her stubborness, but she needs to put on her big girl pants and start acting like an adult and not expect me to cave in and give her what she wants.

All of this sounds to me like OP has an awful attitude towards his DW. Whatever bad things I might do, I doubt my DH would ever speak of me in these terms.

You guys have some work to do, and as others have said, it's not in the basement.

OP here. Where is use bad attitude? She is complaining about not having her backup system and know very well that she has the money. She is not entitled to "compensation" from the insurance payout. Believe me - she gets more than enough from what I earn. Since I have just laid out for summer camp for the kids, recent car repairs, orthodontics, her credit card and her medical bill not covered by insurance, I think she needs to step up to the plate and pony up $2K. Otherwise, she is saying that the backup system is not so important to me that I'm willing to part with the money.

And yes, I do expect a 39 year old woman to behave like a grown up and take some responsibility. My mother dealt with three kids and a husband in a combat zone and never ever would've behaved this way.

DING DING DING!!!!! There's your issue! She's not your mommy. She never will be. She's her own person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you people who are justifying OP's wife's appropriation of $5K in INSURANCE MONEY mentally square your defense of this action? I don't get it. When you are married, you run a household as a team. That money is household money - not HER money. She's essentially stealing from her family, IMO.

Then he should stop talking about having to "lay out his money" for camp, her credit card bill, etc. I don't really know what's going on with these two, but that's pretty gross too.

How do you figure? I assume that OP's wife doesn't work. Weigh in OP - am I right? He's simply saying that he foots the bill for almost everything. All of you pearl clutchers are assuming that OP's work arrangements were not made with his wife's input. I've seen this time and again. . .woman agrees to something, then finds out it's not what she thought it would be, changes her mind, and becomes a raging bitch. And I am a woman. I have no respect whatsoever for women like this. If the arrangement isn't working for you anymore, have an honest conversation with your spouse. But don't act like an entitled, passive-aggressive bitch.