DW Needs to Put on Her Big Girl Pants and Be an Adult

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So what if DW keeps the 5K? You are far away and she cleans the mess. With the summer we are getting ready to have/having I think a back up system is a good idea. The insurance company will not be happy to compensate you twice. Have you actually seen the damage? It is easy to be far away and say...well it is no problem for me...
My DH did this and I sent him some of the soggy nasty stuff. When he saw it he understood better what I went through. It was just a small package, easliy thrown away... not a whole basement.

I'm sorry, but this perspective (and OP's wife's) is childish in the extreme and indicates either that you (and she) are too immature to handle adult life or that you have WAY bigger problems in your relationships.

Why are you sorry? Dont you really mean, I disagree?

Yes. I'm sorry is a well known colloquialism for saying "I respectfully disagree."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - why don't you try this:

"Hi darling, I know it's been really tough on you - all these years having to cope with the kids and house without me being there. And the storms and basement flooding was a lot for you to have to deal with. You did deserve to spend some money on yourself, and I'm glad you did. Let's get the system sorted out now with the savings we have in our joint account."

Then stop being such a jerk.

I can only assume that DW knew what OP's job situation was and that he is well-compensated for it, which benefits his wife and their entire family. Unless he took this job against her wishes, her self-pity doesn't really play with me.

[Anonymous]

OP, I am wondering if this is a case where you are right but you're being a jerk about it which is making it hard to communicate with your dw and which is getting a negative response here on DCUM. Is there an alternate path you could take?

Sorry you have to go through this. I know it is hard to deal with stuff from a long distance.

[Anonymous]

We had backup sump pumps put in. It came to $800 each including the battery and installation (have to hook it into the outgoing sump pipe) as I recall, for pretty good backup pumps. I think they were Zoellers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know if your DW is crazy, but I think you sound pretty mean, OP.

And if you were here for the Derecho, you wouldn't be sounding so flippant about it. If I was on my own with the kids during that, plus a flooded basement, I'd want my DH to be damn thankful for me.

don't see OP being a jerk at all - his interest is to prevent the basement/house from being flooded AND to prevent his DW from having to deal with the ordeal again. it's DW who doesn't want to use some of the 5k to properly invest in back-up or prevention systems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know if your DW is crazy, but I think you sound pretty mean, OP.

And if you were here for the Derecho, you wouldn't be sounding so flippant about it. If I was on my own with the kids during that, plus a flooded basement, I'd want my DH to be damn thankful for me.

don't see OP being a jerk at all - his interest is to prevent the basement/house from being flooded AND to prevent his DW from having to deal with the ordeal again. it's DW who doesn't want to use some of the 5k to properly invest in back-up or prevention systems.

+1 There's a whole lot of martyr syndrome going on here.

[Anonymous]

I don't know if your DW is crazy, but I think you sound pretty mean, OP.

And if you were here for the Derecho, you wouldn't be sounding so flippant about it. If I was on my own with the kids during that, plus a flooded basement, I'd want my DH to be damn thankful for me.

Flippant? Pressuing his DW to get a battery back is NOT being flippant. It's being pragmatic and responsible. Like PPs, we had battery backups installed (really excellent ones by Wayne), including the marine battery to power it (you want marine batteries), I think it came to $400 each - but these are higher end ones that tell us how much charge is in the battery. I'm thinking OP's DW has already squandered the money.

[Anonymous]

I think the phrase big girl panties tends to color everything he says.

[Anonymous]

This seems unbelievable. $5K for a backup sump pump?

[Anonymous]

No, the estimate is $1900 for two backups with marine batteries. We have two sump pumps in the basement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, the estimate is $1900 for two backups with marine batteries. We have two sump pumps in the basement.

Right. OP said they had $5K left from the insurance settlement, not that the cost was $5K.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the phrase big girl panties tends to color everything he says.

Yeah I lost respect for him when I read the title of the thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the phrase big girl panties tends to color everything he says.

Yeah I lost respect for him when I read the title of the thread.

Maybe she needs to put on her big girl panties, take her $5K and trade up. And I don't mean on back up systems either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So, I am stationed overseas on a 3-year assignment. Last summer, during one of the rain storms, derecho or whatver it was that happened our basement flooded due to power failure. Our sump pumps stopped working and the basement flooded. Luckily our insurance paid to repair the finished basement.

However, DW is now complaining with the summer storm season coming on that this being the Washington area where power failures seem to be de rigeur for even the smallest thunderstorm, that our basement will inevitably flood when the power goes out yet again. She wants to install a backup system. I agree, but the question comes down to how to pay for it. I know for a fact that she took at least $5K from the insurance payout and squirreled it away in her own account. When I raise with her that this money can be used to pay for the backup system, she cried this is her "compensation." So, at this point I am basically saying that I agree we need a backup system, but that the responsibility for paying for it needs to come out of that remainder of insurance money because "that is what it is for." If the basement floods again, she will need to accept responsibility.

Frankly, I do not understand her thinking that this insurance money is her "compensation." However, she either needs to decide whether she wants to keep that money - which is not hers to begin with - or whether she wants to prevent the basement from flooding again. I do not understand her stubborness, but she needs to put on her big girl pants and start acting like an adult and not expect me to cave in and give her what she wants.

All of this sounds to me like OP has an awful attitude towards his DW. Whatever bad things I might do, I doubt my DH would ever speak of me in these terms.

You guys have some work to do, and as others have said, it's not in the basement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So what if DW keeps the 5K? You are far away and she cleans the mess. With the summer we are getting ready to have/having I think a back up system is a good idea. The insurance company will not be happy to compensate you twice. Have you actually seen the damage? It is easy to be far away and say...well it is no problem for me...
My DH did this and I sent him some of the soggy nasty stuff. When he saw it he understood better what I went through. It was just a small package, easliy thrown away... not a whole basement.

I'm sorry, but this perspective (and OP's wife's) is childish in the extreme and indicates either that you (and she) are too immature to handle adult life or that you have WAY bigger problems in your relationships.

Why are you sorry? Dont you really mean, I disagree?

Yes. I'm sorry is a well known colloquialism for saying "I respectfully disagree."

I'm ESL and even I know that, or was that just bring bitchy?