DD (7) says Daddy dresses her

[Anonymous]

OP is mad at her ex and wants to hurt\get even with him for whatever she perceives as how he wronged her. She is stoopinh to the lowest, most despicable thing she can by casting aspersions of sexual abuse. What a loathsome person you are OP. You make pond scum appetizing. You are hurting your child with this and you should lose custody because you are unfit in every way to be a parent.

[Anonymous]

You people, I cannot believe this thread. I know many of you have never dealt with child abuse, but to say "your crazy he is not molesting her" is just ignorant. I am not saying we should say "OP he is molesting her!" either. But to shut down a possibility based on your experiences or thoughts is very naive. I was molested when I was 4 by at my home daycare. I was sick and puked on myself, and a center worker found it a convenient opportunity to touch me while he changed me. My older sister luckily was aware of the situation enough to ask my mom about it, while I did not know what had happened. Fast forward I was molested by a cousin when I was 11 yo. I did not tell me parents about it until I was 17. During that time I never wanted to go to my aunt's house, I didn't want to visit, my parents did not listen to me ever! Thought I was just being a moody preteen etc. The only reason I ended up telling them was my dad and I were arguing and he said I was a bad daughter.. I retorted he was a horrible father and just blurted it all out.

Six years I felt like I couldn't say anything, 6 years I was put in uncomfortable situations and sleepovers and vacations. No one knew. Not a single sole. I said things like I just don't like him, he's mean etc. No one cared to ask why I felt the way I felt. It was my problem. I wasn't friendly.

OP please take it from me, let your daughter have a voice, let her know she has power over her body Let your DH know this is a serious issue. Be stern, follow your gut. I wished someone, (my parents, or anyone) would have paid attention at all the hints I dropped but was too afraid to say outwardly. And some of you should reflect too, and be sure the same things do not happen to your children. I am a parent now, I don't give two shits who thinks I am overprotective or paranoid, sexual abuse happens more times than we would like to believe, and I refuse to let my D or DD suffer through what I did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You people, I cannot believe this thread. I know many of you have never dealt with child abuse, but to say "your crazy he is not molesting her" is just ignorant. I am not saying we should say "OP he is molesting her!" either. But to shut down a possibility based on your experiences or thoughts is very naive. I was molested when I was 4 by at my home daycare. I was sick and puked on myself, and a center worker found it a convenient opportunity to touch me while he changed me. My older sister luckily was aware of the situation enough to ask my mom about it, while I did not know what had happened. Fast forward I was molested by a cousin when I was 11 yo. I did not tell me parents about it until I was 17. During that time I never wanted to go to my aunt's house, I didn't want to visit, my parents did not listen to me ever! Thought I was just being a moody preteen etc. The only reason I ended up telling them was my dad and I were arguing and he said I was a bad daughter.. I retorted he was a horrible father and just blurted it all out.

Six years I felt like I couldn't say anything, 6 years I was put in uncomfortable situations and sleepovers and vacations. No one knew. Not a single sole. I said things like I just don't like him, he's mean etc. No one cared to ask why I felt the way I felt. It was my problem. I wasn't friendly.

OP please take it from me, let your daughter have a voice, let her know she has power over her body Let your DH know this is a serious issue. Be stern, follow your gut. I wished someone, (my parents, or anyone) would have paid attention at all the hints I dropped but was too afraid to say outwardly. And some of you should reflect too, and be sure the same things do not happen to your children. I am a parent now, I don't give two shits who thinks I am overprotective or paranoid, sexual abuse happens more times than we would like to believe, and I refuse to let my D or DD suffer through what I did.

Oh for God's sake. The daughter does have a voice, and she seems perfectly fine using it. Her parents are divorced, so guess what? Mom does not get to impose her view, or make parenting suggestions, trying to control behaviour that she has absolutely no reason to believe is at all inappropriate. This is NOT, as you say, a "serious issue" that the dad needs to be scolded about. It's a dad getting a daughter dresses, and a girl who seems to dawdle when dressing herself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You people, I cannot believe this thread. I know many of you have never dealt with child abuse, but to say "your crazy he is not molesting her" is just ignorant. I am not saying we should say "OP he is molesting her!" either. But to shut down a possibility based on your experiences or thoughts is very naive. I was molested when I was 4 by at my home daycare. I was sick and puked on myself, and a center worker found it a convenient opportunity to touch me while he changed me. My older sister luckily was aware of the situation enough to ask my mom about it, while I did not know what had happened. Fast forward I was molested by a cousin when I was 11 yo. I did not tell me parents about it until I was 17. During that time I never wanted to go to my aunt's house, I didn't want to visit, my parents did not listen to me ever! Thought I was just being a moody preteen etc. The only reason I ended up telling them was my dad and I were arguing and he said I was a bad daughter.. I retorted he was a horrible father and just blurted it all out.

Six years I felt like I couldn't say anything, 6 years I was put in uncomfortable situations and sleepovers and vacations. No one knew. Not a single sole. I said things like I just don't like him, he's mean etc. No one cared to ask why I felt the way I felt. It was my problem. I wasn't friendly.

OP please take it from me, let your daughter have a voice, let her know she has power over her body Let your DH know this is a serious issue. Be stern, follow your gut. I wished someone, (my parents, or anyone) would have paid attention at all the hints I dropped but was too afraid to say outwardly. And some of you should reflect too, and be sure the same things do not happen to your children. I am a parent now, I don't give two shits who thinks I am overprotective or paranoid, sexual abuse happens more times than we would like to believe, and I refuse to let my D or DD suffer through what I did.

Oh for God's sake. The daughter does have a voice, and she seems perfectly fine using it. Her parents are divorced, so guess what? Mom does not get to impose her view, or make parenting suggestions, trying to control behaviour that she has absolutely no reason to believe is at all inappropriate. This is NOT, as you say, a "serious issue" that the dad needs to be scolded about. It's a dad getting a daughter dresses, and a girl who seems to dawdle when dressing herself.

And please tell me how you know anything you just said with any certainty? Did her daughter tell you personally that she is dawdling in the morning? Please enlighten me.

[Anonymous]

Umm, the OP herself said it takes her daughter over 10 minutes to get dressed in the morning. That's moving very slowly. If my kids tried that when we were getting ready in the morning, you bet I'd dress them. I'd also tell them I'd continue doing so until they earned to move it at a good speed in the morning. What more "enlightenment" do you need? Please enlighten me why you have any, and I mean any, reason to think this father is doing anything inappropriate. That's a tougher question. OP is wholly unable to identify ANYTHING to indicate her ex is doing anything wrong, and she would seem to have open communication with her daughter.

A better question perhaps is whether you ever leave your DH home alone with your kids. DO you ever do this? How do you know he isn't doing something inappropriate?

[Anonymous]

Did the OP give you an extensive list of her husband's behavior? I don't think so. How do you know she is "unable to identify ANYTHING". My point, if you read carefully, was not that the husband is most definitely molesting her daughter. My point is listening carefully, and acting sternly when you are comfortable. The OP feels uncomfortable with this situation, there is obviously a reason. If it was the good ole everything is great she would never question the ex's behavior. You know nothing about him or her to conclude that there is nothing afoot. My point still is, to be careful and listen to your gut, give your daughter the power to say no, and make sure your ex respects boundaries. If anything it sets a good foundation for future interactions with anyone else.
And I have an infant, my husband and I have already agreed he will not be giving her baths or otherwise pass age 3. That is what I am comfortable with and that is my reality. I trust my husband, and if I ever had a gut feeling about ANYTHING, it will never go ignored.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did the OP give you an extensive list of her husband's behavior? I don't think so. How do you know she is "unable to identify ANYTHING". My point, if you read carefully, was not that the husband is most definitely molesting her daughter. My point is listening carefully, and acting sternly when you are comfortable. The OP feels uncomfortable with this situation, there is obviously a reason. If it was the good ole everything is great she would never question the ex's behavior. You know nothing about him or her to conclude that there is nothing afoot. My point still is, to be careful and listen to your gut, give your daughter the power to say no, and make sure your ex respects boundaries. If anything it sets a good foundation for future interactions with anyone else.
And I have an infant, my husband and I have already agreed he will not be giving her baths or otherwise pass age 3. That is what I am comfortable with and that is my reality. I trust my husband, and if I ever had a gut feeling about ANYTHING, it will never go ignored.

this is crazy :shock

What if you divorce will your 3 yea rold bath alone? What if your sick? I shse bathing alone or staying dirty? Out of town? guess shell be hoping not to drown when shes taking her own bath.

Does this mean your three year old will never get help from your DH getting dressed? what happend during the time shes potty training and needs help getting wet pants off and dry ones on are you never going anywhere?

your CRAZY

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
And I have an infant, my husband and I have already agreed he will not be giving her baths or otherwise pass age 3. That is what I am comfortable with and that is my reality. I trust my husband, and if I ever had a gut feeling about ANYTHING, it will never go ignored.

this is crazy :shock

What if you divorce will your 3 yea rold bath alone? What if your sick? I shse bathing alone or staying dirty? Out of town? guess shell be hoping not to drown when shes taking her own bath.

Does this mean your three year old will never get help from your DH getting dressed? what happend during the time shes potty training and needs help getting wet pants off and dry ones on are you never going anywhere?

your CRAZY

Totally crazy. But if this were my spouse, I would never have had kids with her and if it happened accidentally, I would never ever be alone with the kid.

[Anonymous]

I have a son, but even 8 minutes is a long time to get dressed. If you have your clothes picked out, how hard is this? It takes my son about 30 seconds to get dressed. The fact that the daughter mentions he does it roughly is an indication he's aggravated and just trying to get out the door.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did the OP give you an extensive list of her husband's behavior? I don't think so. How do you know she is "unable to identify ANYTHING". My point, if you read carefully, was not that the husband is most definitely molesting her daughter. My point is listening carefully, and acting sternly when you are comfortable. The OP feels uncomfortable with this situation, there is obviously a reason. If it was the good ole everything is great she would never question the ex's behavior. You know nothing about him or her to conclude that there is nothing afoot. My point still is, to be careful and listen to your gut, give your daughter the power to say no, and make sure your ex respects boundaries. If anything it sets a good foundation for future interactions with anyone else.
And I have an infant, my husband and I have already agreed he will not be giving her baths or otherwise pass age 3. That is what I am comfortable with and that is my reality. I trust my husband, and if I ever had a gut feeling about ANYTHING, it will never go ignored.

How sad and twisted is this!

You are in for a little reality check, honey! You won't ALWAYS be there, and sometimes Dad will have to do these types of things. He is her FATHER, and you do not get this type of control over your partner.

[Anonymous]

OP I will say this

My dad was military and had a schedule so this is how our house worked.

Each person had an alarm set you got up and got ready or when dad was ready he was dressing you (and he was in a rush and while not rough he certainly was hurried at 7 I may have said rough because he was not dawdling and gentle about life with me like my mom did)or he was taking you to school or daycare in your pjs and it sucked to be you.

My dad loves me and we have a great relationship. It is very much one of those things they need to work out.

I think I would mention to your daughters dad that she is bothered by it and could he maybe wake her before her shower or whatever so she has a bit longer to get ready or maybe suggest an alarm clock.

but this is on your daughter also she needs to get ready in a reasonable amount of time and accept responsibility for being self sufficient if she wants to be and understand that dad has a schedule and will assist her as needed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did the OP give you an extensive list of her husband's behavior? I don't think so. How do you know she is "unable to identify ANYTHING". My point, if you read carefully, was not that the husband is most definitely molesting her daughter. My point is listening carefully, and acting sternly when you are comfortable. The OP feels uncomfortable with this situation, there is obviously a reason. If it was the good ole everything is great she would never question the ex's behavior. You know nothing about him or her to conclude that there is nothing afoot. My point still is, to be careful and listen to your gut, give your daughter the power to say no, and make sure your ex respects boundaries. If anything it sets a good foundation for future interactions with anyone else.
And I have an infant, my husband and I have already agreed he will not be giving her baths or otherwise pass age 3. That is what I am comfortable with and that is my reality. I trust my husband, and if I ever had a gut feeling about ANYTHING, it will never go ignored.

OMG, this is one of the most ridiculous posts I've ever read. You've set an age limit? Wtf! I still see my 8 year old naked, it's just part of parenting. The fact that you feel you have to eliminate your dh seeing his own child naked after age 3 is just really disturbing to me. Do you feel like you have to protect her from her father? Why have children with a man who you can't trust with his own child?

[Anonymous]

It's not about protecting my DD from a man I don't trust. It's about teaching her that no man should see her naked or feel the need to clean and dress her. Sorry I haven't kept abreast with responses. But yes I handle all baths and have more availability to. I don't know about you, but a 4/5 year old is very capable of taking a bath alone. Hair washing is the only issue, and yes I can handle that. My DH has no problem with this arrangement and does not find it strange at all. He grew up with 2 sisters and in his home dad was not involved in "girl issues" nor was the son expected to be. SO it is not alarming to him. It's the reality of our life and I am sorry that many of you don't understand it, and I am sure most of haven't been sexually abused either. I trust my husband, otherwise he wouldn't be my husband. And I told him about the events of molestation since we were dating. If you knew of the trauma someone has been through and couldn't adjust accordingly to ensure they are comfortable there is something more wrong with you than them. Spouses who truly care would want to accommodate the other. And sorry it is not my husband's burning desire to bathe and dress my DD that this is uncompromisable. That is laughable.

I want to teach boundaries to my DD and future children, I believe nudity is a big one. I don't believe there is anything wrong with telling a female child that no man should see her naked or have to touch her when she is capable of doing it herself. Sorry if you have a problem with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's not about protecting my DD from a man I don't trust. It's about teaching her that no man should see her naked or feel the need to clean and dress her. Sorry I haven't kept abreast with responses. But yes I handle all baths and have more availability to. I don't know about you, but a 4/5 year old is very capable of taking a bath alone. Hair washing is the only issue, and yes I can handle that. My DH has no problem with this arrangement and does not find it strange at all. He grew up with 2 sisters and in his home dad was not involved in "girl issues" nor was the son expected to be. SO it is not alarming to him. It's the reality of our life and I am sorry that many of you don't understand it, and I am sure most of haven't been sexually abused either. I trust my husband, otherwise he wouldn't be my husband. And I told him about the events of molestation since we were dating. If you knew of the trauma someone has been through and couldn't adjust accordingly to ensure they are comfortable there is something more wrong with you than them. Spouses who truly care would want to accommodate the other. And sorry it is not my husband's burning desire to bathe and dress my DD that this is uncompromisable. That is laughable.

I want to teach boundaries to my DD and future children, I believe nudity is a big one. I don't believe there is anything wrong with telling a female child that no man should see her naked or have to touch her when she is capable of doing it herself. Sorry if you have a problem with that.

I don't think that PP is crazy. She is sharing her experiences and makes a good point about listening to your gut and giving children the power to say no. She also has a husband that is understanding of her past experiences that have shaped how she would like to raise her children. If they both of them are on the same page, then what is crazy about it?

OP - I would listen to your gut and make sure that your child feels free to discuss anything about anything with you. My kids are still really young (oldest is 4), so eight minutes doesn't seem like a long time to get dressed. I think leggings would be too foriegn of an object for their dad to even attempt to put on our daughter. (He's a great dad in other aspects, but grew up in a house of boys and finds all things girl-related to be a mystery never to be solved.) I would get with your ex and discuss how you would like to empower your child with the ability to say no and what the both of you can to do be on the same page about it. I wouldn't even bring up him getting her dressed. That would come naturally from the plan you both agree to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's not about protecting my DD from a man I don't trust. It's about teaching her that no man should see her naked or feel the need to clean and dress her. Sorry I haven't kept abreast with responses. But yes I handle all baths and have more availability to. I don't know about you, but a 4/5 year old is very capable of taking a bath alone. Hair washing is the only issue, and yes I can handle that. My DH has no problem with this arrangement and does not find it strange at all. He grew up with 2 sisters and in his home dad was not involved in "girl issues" nor was the son expected to be. SO it is not alarming to him. It's the reality of our life and I am sorry that many of you don't understand it, and I am sure most of haven't been sexually abused either. I trust my husband, otherwise he wouldn't be my husband. And I told him about the events of molestation since we were dating. If you knew of the trauma someone has been through and couldn't adjust accordingly to ensure they are comfortable there is something more wrong with you than them. Spouses who truly care would want to accommodate the other. And sorry it is not my husband's burning desire to bathe and dress my DD that this is uncompromisable. That is laughable.

I want to teach boundaries to my DD and future children, I believe nudity is a big one. I don't believe there is anything wrong with telling a female child that no man should see her naked or have to touch her when she is capable of doing it herself. Sorry if you have a problem with that.

Good for you OP. I have a similar history and I 100% agree. If she says don't touch me that way, he should listen. No matter what age she is, or if she's taking too long, or whatever.