DD (7) says Daddy dresses her

[Anonymous]

Why would her dad helping her get dressed when she is slow lead to her taking her clothes off for others? Hopefully you are teaching her that parents have a pretty different role in her life than random others.

OP - you obviously have great dislike for your ex and it seems like you are passing that disdain on to your daughter - looking at worst case scenarios and trying to make it as bad as possible.

[Anonymous]

I was molested starting at 8 by a family member. I definitely felt that my parents expected me to do whatever an adult said, no matter how uncomfortable it made me feel. This man abused me for 6 years until he died. For 6 years of family get togethers, I was forced to hug him, accept hello/goodbye kisses, even sit on his lap for photos because that's what he expected and I had to be obedient. Admittedly, my parents never suspected he was violating me in private. So when I said that I didn't want to hug "Uncle Greg", they got mad at me. When I said I didn't want to accompany him to the corner store, they made me go anyway. For 6 years, he used these trips as an opportunity to molest me. All my parents saw was that I rejected his seemingly innocent kisses and hugs.
My number one rule with my own kids is that they are able to refuse any touching that is not necessary for immediate safety or for health.

[Anonymous]

PP- I'm sorry that happened to you. OP is not saying that is what's happening. Their daughter is not getting dressed fast enough on school mornings. She needs to get dressed and dad is making her. OP said it wasn't happening on the weekends. There is a difference between not making your kid give grandpa a kiss and picking up your child to carry her off the playground as she's kicking and crying no or dressing your child bc they are messing around bc they don't want to go to school.

OP- maybe tell your kid to dress herself if she doesn't want help. She's old enough to do it. Maybe some reward charts would help.

[Anonymous]

OP, are her clothes at all difficult to put on?

[Anonymous]

OP - I think you are WAY over-thinking this. I have a 7 year old and she sometimes wants us (mom and/or dad) to dress her and sometimes we need to get out fast and she's too distracted. I would not even think twice about it.

But - it's a different story if she is saying she doesn't want Daddy to dress her or if she doesn't want to go to his house.

It sounds to me like you are putting your own anxieties on this situation, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter is 7. She has been dressing herself from the skin out since age 4. She says that Daddy dresses her in the mornings she sleeps over at his house. I asked him and he admitted it. He said it's faster. I asked him to stop. He said he would, but she said he did it twice this week. I don't think he's molesting her, but this just seems weird to me. Am I being over-easily squicked?

Dad here. I'm a little creeped out by the fact that you are bothered by this. Have you ever had a kid dawdle in the morning? Sometimes we have to herd our children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter is 7. She has been dressing herself from the skin out since age 4. She says that Daddy dresses her in the mornings she sleeps over at his house. I asked him and he admitted it. He said it's faster. I asked him to stop. He said he would, but she said he did it twice this week. I don't think he's molesting her, but this just seems weird to me. Am I being over-easily squicked?

Dad here. I'm a little creeped out by the fact that you are bothered by this. Have you ever had a kid dawdle in the morning? Sometimes we have to herd our children.

...in which case, child *wants* you to do the job, and succeeds. Lovely.

[Anonymous]

I am the OP. My daughter says she doesn't like it when he dresses her. Once she was about 3, she started pushing us out of the bathroom, telling us she needed privacy. She never runs around naked at home. I can't get her to change from school clothes to her swimsuit for lessons in the main locker room. She always wants to use a stall.
I asked her dad to stop dressing her. He said he would, but he lied and still does it. When she is with me, she dresses herself and asks for help brushing her hair. She actually needs help with that, but he won't help her. I'm sure it takes longer for her to brush her hair and make a pony than it would take for her to dress herself.
Today, I set the egg timer and asked her to try to get dressed in 10 minutes. She did it in 8. I told her that I would send the timer when she goes to his house next time.

[Anonymous]

15 minutes to get dressed? I'd be helping her too.3 minutes tops when close are ready for her.

[Anonymous]

It really pisses me off how some of you told OP "he's not molesting her." How the F do you know that??????? You need to be cautious with this, but you need to stay on it. If a child is complaining that ANYONE is dressing her "too roughly" and they were asked to stop and haven't, this is a red flag.

[Anonymous]

Also weird that he can help put underwear on her, but not brush her hair. I'm sure a seven year old can put underwear on pretty quickly.

[Anonymous]

I can't see how helping her dress is a sign of molestation. I dress my 7 year old son on many many mornings b/c he just takes too long. He CAN do it. But many mornings he just isn't getting it done at the time it needs to. I am NOT molesting my son. I am his mother and I'm getting his clothes on. That's something that parents do with children. I don't know what your households look like but 8-15 minutes is simply not available in my house in the morning during the week. I get the clothes out, if it takes more then about 1 mintue to get them on then time is being wasted and I help to move it along. For OP to say that the father is "lying" b/c he said he would let her dress herself but then helped her twice in a week, that makes no sense. That isn't "lying." Sounds like he tried it but it just didn't work out when he tried it your way for his schedule in the morning in his house. If there are signs the father is molesting the child then deal with those. This is not one of them. You and your husband/partner are separated/divorced. Seems odd to me that you should be dictating to him how to act in his own household - sending an egg timer? I think you are fomenting issues between your Ex and her father which aren't healthy for her in the long run. Back off.

[Anonymous]

typo correction .. . between your daughter and your Ex/her father . . .

[Anonymous]

No she shouldn't back off. She's empowering her daughter with tools to help in an uncomfortable situation.

[Anonymous]

I would feel so stressed if someone told me that I had only 5 minutes to get dressed in the morning and I'm an adult. I can't imagine being a little kid and having my mom or dad yell at me or start yanking clothes on if it took me 10 or 15 minutes to do it myself. My kids (8 and 9) don't pop out of bed ready to take on the world, so I try to set things up to give them an easy transition from sleep to school.
The night before, after I put them to bed, I pack lunches, set out their clothes, and (this is the big time-saver), I set up my slow-cooker to make a batch of oatmeal with baked fruit.
I wake them up at 7 since school is at 9:05. For the first 10 minutes, I talk to them while they are in bed. I ask about how they slept if if they want to share any interesting dreams. We tell jokes or little stories. I remind them the day of week and the date. I tell them the weather report. After 10 minutes, we recite a short prayer. Then, they get out of bed. While son #1 is in the shower and dressing, son #2 eats a hot breakfast (the oatmeal from the slow-cooker and a half a hard-boiled egg or a strip of veggie bacon.) Then the boys switch. By 8 am, they are both dressed and fed. We walk the dog together. By 8:25, we're locking the front door to get into the car.
My sons have never been late to school and I have never been late to work. I am a single mom. Not a supermom. Just one who decided that the mornings don't have to be chaotic.