Please share stupid things well-meaning parents of typically developing kids have said to you
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Anonymous
Einstein reference mom here. Your scenario is a little different and not annoying to me. When it is personalized and you know what the parent is dealing with, it comes across as hopeful and possibly reassuring. My kid is "just" severely speech delayed. Plenty of friends have said similar about themselves or their own kids and I genuinely like hearing their stories. The Einstein thing is just grating because it is so dismissive and eyerolly -- as if we should just sit back and wait for hidden genius to emerge. Sure, that might happen, but I'm putting more stock in therapy early and often. |
Anonymous
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"Oh, please. She doesn't have ADHD! She's just bored."
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Anonymous
You should know that a lot of us are not very sensitive to this kind of comment. I am not saying it doesn't sting in the moment--it might, because it is a reminder that what for so many others was just a little hurdle for this kid could be a lifelong journey--but the main reason people are mentioning it is because these kinds of comments are extremely common. We hear them every day. So on top of everything else, a parent of a SN kid feels misunderstood and alone. But that said, I for one forget the well-meaning stuff immediately. If people are trying to make me feel better, even if they do not succeed, I would never hold it against them. You sound a nice person. I am sure that if you are showing that you care, your friend has long since forgotten. The only comments that stay with me are the kind from people who truly know better: the family members who are intimately aware of our struggles and the details of our diagnosis, but who refuse to stick with my kid's very necessary schedule and diet, who will not provide basic supports, simple stuff like a five-minute warning before a transition or providing clear expectations, and who then lecture my husband for hours on end about how we have failed at raising our child. That stuff breaks my heart because I think, these are people who actually love my son and who have every opportunity to understand how tough he has it, what a rough hand he has been delt, and how hard he really tries--and in fact how very well-behaved he is almost all the time as long as you provide the very simple supports he needs--and yet it always comes back to how we have failed as parents. That kind of thing makes me very angry and sad |
Anonymous
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"You never know when she is going to walk...you just have to keep praying."
I hate this so much. It makes me feel like I'm keeping my daughter from walking through some sort of lack of religious faith, when one of the hardest things I've done in my life is accept that she's never going to walk. It is so unfair to be told that religious faith will cure your child, when ACCEPTANCE is so much more important. |
Anonymous
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For me it always boils down to flashcards. My DS is severly dyslexic and my mom, whenever we are over there, is hauling out the flashcards, as if throwing pieces of paper in his face, rapidly, and demanding he perform will help. (He also has some anxiety issues, which are not improved with this.)
Of course, part of my anger is because (a) I keep telling her that his brain just works differently and he'll get it when he gets it and we're in a great program and she basically ignores me; (b) she seems to think he's not very smart because he struggles to read and just doesn't always see the differences between "of" "if" "for" and "from; and (c) I had to do a hell of a lot of flashcards when i was little and I hated every freaking second of it. |
Anonymous
Another person chiming in the say you are awesome for writing this. I actually didn't mind when people said this to me. It gave me hope. In fact, I read the book The Einstein Syndrome over and over. There was something to it. My kid is on the spectrum and like those kids ended up advanced in some areas. The thing is those kids all most likely were on the spectrum though according to the book most were not. For the Einstein was a late talker folks...it is speculated Einstein was on the spectrum too. I realize there are typical people like you who talk late too though. My only suggestion is, if you find yourself regretting saying something maybe ask the person if she found it offensive and apologize. I put my foot in my mouth a few times before I had my child with SN and I now really wish I had confessed it all came out wrong and I wish I could take back what I said. It would mean a lot to me to know people regretted saying things to me. I keep my hurt to myself because I hate when people without children with SN respond that you are waaaaay too sensitive. Just adds salt to the wound. Easier to act like it's NBD and cry in my car. |
Anonymous
I've gotta agree with this, and my DD has SN. If something is well-intentioned, no matter how awkward, I don't feel offended. |
Anonymous
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Oh geez, PP ^^ here and I've read on.
Some of the comments PPs describe are truly assinine, and I would be annoyed/offended too!! Plus that other mom in OPs post deserves a knuckle sandwich. So vent away! 
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Anonymous
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Can't you just let him eat a regular meal and have regular cake on this special occasion?
Would you like to see my kid crying in pain? That is usually followed by explosive diarrhea. You know how we avoid the pain and distress? GFCF diet. He is happy with the food he eats and he gets plenty of treats. This is not a form of torture. |
Anonymous
| "Did you find out why this happened?" |
Anonymous
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"You know ADHD is overdiagnosed, right?"
Random acquaintances have pulled this one on me at a time when we were in the aftermath of diagnosis and I needed to share. Now of course, I gauge people before I tell them. But what pained me most was my best friend's husband saying the exact same thing when he should have known how much painstaking research I had done (I'm a scientist and DH is a doctor) to arrive at that diagnosis. I wanted to shout: YES, I KNOW! WHAT DO YOU THINK I AM? STUPID??? |
Anonymous
| Maybe he would get better if he didn't watch so much TV/spend so much time on the iPad. |
Anonymous
| Two things: 1) Have you ever had her evaluated? and 2) It is what it is. |
Anonymous
^This!^ My wife is a teacher and was discussing a child who has ADHD with the allegedly "trained" counselor. Jackwagon counselor actually said (about child), "I don't care if he has ADHD, he can focus if he wants to". My wife responded with something along the lines of, actually the very definition of ADD means he can't. How this lady became a counselor and how my wife remained calm I have no idea... Especially since her loving husband (me) has ADD. |
Anonymous
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Stranger to my baby: "Is someone sleepy?"
My inner dialogue: "No, someone is just blind." I know they mean well but I still want to deck them all. |