Please share stupid things well-meaning parents of typically developing kids have said to you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My twins are not necessarily considered special needs (yet), but a friend's husband said this (our twins were in the NICU for 2 months):

"At least you didn't have to deal with all of the hard stuff of having a newborn when your kids were born. When they came home they had already past the hard, newborn phase." LOLOL FU!

I got "You're so lucky he has that feeding tube! I worry all the time about what little Larla eats."

Same mom told me I was lucky not to have a high earning husband, because I could work without feeling guilty, plus I didn't have the headache of overseeing the cleaning of such a big home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My twins are not necessarily considered special needs (yet), but a friend's husband said this (our twins were in the NICU for 2 months):

"At least you didn't have to deal with all of the hard stuff of having a newborn when your kids were born. When they came home they had already past the hard, newborn phase." LOLOL FU!

I got "You're so lucky he has that feeding tube! I worry all the time about what little Larla eats."

Same mom told me I was lucky not to have a high earning husband, because I could work without feeling guilty, plus I didn't have the headache of overseeing the cleaning of such a big home.

OMG that is so over the top ridiculous and yet I don't doubt it at all because I've experienced enough asinine comments.

[Anonymous]

From a professional at one of those SN fitness places..

Well kids with autism tend to have trouble with this and that because of blah blah and

Kids with autism often like this game and

Kids with autism all don't like noise much

Wow all my kids with AUTISM do such and such

He's a person you dimwit. Stop referring to his disability every.dam.sentence. Maybe 1 or 2 things you mention fit, but not all of them because he's an individual. Oh and I've been at this a long time so it is not news to me that kids with autism can have motor planning problems. I already told you he has been getting OT for 8 years didn't I? Do you think the OT never mentioned this or I never noticed. Do you think you are telling me something the developmental ped hasn't told us? Please don't talk to me like I am a newbie.

[Anonymous]

This has actually come out of my MIL's mouth several times: My daughter is so pretty that it doesn't matter if she does well in school or not. My daughter will find a nice guy to support her when she becomes an adult. We shouldn't waste our money or efforts on educational testing, IEP meetings, and tutoring.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This has actually come out of my MIL's mouth several times: My daughter is so pretty that it doesn't matter if she does well in school or not. My daughter will find a nice guy to support her when she becomes an adult. We shouldn't waste our money or efforts on educational testing, IEP meetings, and tutoring.

This is the mentality of my in-laws with regard to females. Actually it's even the mentality of a friend of mine. She wishes it was her daughter who was the one with learning issues instead of her son and she wishes her daughter wasn't so driven and competitive because she says it will hard to marry her off if she becomes too successful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This has actually come out of my MIL's mouth several times: My daughter is so pretty that it doesn't matter if she does well in school or not. My daughter will find a nice guy to support her when she becomes an adult. We shouldn't waste our money or efforts on educational testing, IEP meetings, and tutoring.

This is the mentality of my in-laws with regard to females. Actually it's even the mentality of a friend of mine. She wishes it was her daughter who was the one with learning issues instead of her son and she wishes her daughter wasn't so driven and competitive because she says it will hard to marry her off if she becomes too successful.

Yep. My MIL would fit in nicely with your in laws. Can you believe she was a MCPS teacher for many years?

The other bad advice when my daughter was missing reading mild stones was to "Just give it time. Everything just clicks in third grade". When reading didn't click even by 4th grade, all we got from the school was we see your daughter has gaps in reading skills but it is no longer in the curriculum to fill in those gaps.

[Anonymous]

Regarding the "if they knew this back in the day, then my fill in the blank relative would have been diagnosed," I think about this from time to time. Often wonder how lives may have turned out for folks I knew as a kid if there had been early intervention. I doubt I would say this to a SN parent, but believe me, I definitely think it about kids from my childhood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Einstein didn't speak until he was four*!




*or whatever age the person pulls from their ass that day.

We get this all the time. It is so old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Regarding the "if they knew this back in the day, then my fill in the blank relative would have been diagnosed," I think about this from time to time. Often wonder how lives may have turned out for folks I knew as a kid if there had been early intervention. I doubt I would say this to a SN parent, but believe me, I definitely think it about kids from my childhood.

There's no problem with saying/thinking this. I think the weirdness for SN parents is that throughout the day and week, we are hit with this message, and then bombarded with the opposite message that autism is constantly overdiagnosed and that there are way too many kids on the spectrum who don't belong there. It's hard to hear both messages all the time. There are bits and pieces perhaps of both messages that might make in some context or another make sense, but you can't be told constantly that too many people are "autistic" and too few. We are not the arbiters of special needs. We are just parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My twins are not necessarily considered special needs (yet), but a friend's husband said this (our twins were in the NICU for 2 months):

"At least you didn't have to deal with all of the hard stuff of having a newborn when your kids were born. When they came home they had already past the hard, newborn phase." LOLOL FU!

I got "You're so lucky he has that feeding tube! I worry all the time about what little Larla eats."

Same mom told me I was lucky not to have a high earning husband, because I could work without feeling guilty, plus I didn't have the headache of overseeing the cleaning of such a big home.

That should be follwed up with, "and my tiara is too heavy."

[Anonymous]

"He's so lucky to have you as a parent, I wonder what a less fortunate child would do."

I wish they would stop at "He's so lucky to have you as a parent."

Another, "I could never do what you do."

[Anonymous]

From a teacher(!):

Why did you tell him his diagnosis and lower his expectations for himself?

(Really? You don't think my child who has an ASD already knows he's different? I would prefer he grow up with a word for it so he can continue to be the happy, self-confident child that he is. And, no, no one is lowering expectations. But thank you for telling us our child has something we should be ashamed of.)

[Anonymous]

Some MIL gems:

I dont think this therapy will help, DS comes from a long line of non-conformists.

I think shaking his head and spinning [stims] are an advanced form of yoga.

[Anonymous]

Some more mother in law comments:

Thank GOD he's good looking. I'd rather he be good looking and stupid than ugly and smart.

Well I was really hoping you wouldn't give me a grandchild with a disability, but at least you didn't give me an ugly grandchild.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some more mother in law comments:

Thank GOD he's good looking. I'd rather he be good looking and stupid than ugly and smart.

Well I was really hoping you wouldn't give me a grandchild with a disability, but at least you didn't give me an ugly grandchild.

This is actually the tip of the iceberg which is why we are estranged from her. The ironic thing is she is the one who is attractive physically, but ignorant and air-headed. Our "disabled" child does pretty well in academics.