Please share stupid things well-meaning parents of typically developing kids have said to you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some MIL gems:

I dont think this therapy will help, DS comes from a long line of non-conformists.

I think shaking his head and spinning [stims] are an advanced form of yoga.

these are cute

[Anonymous]

Wow! I would have never guessed, he looks so normal. (My son has Tourette's)

Then our principal who did not believe us because my son would supress his tics at school.

Well you said he would not be able to supress his tics in a high stress situation so I called him to my office and you are right he had lots of tics, even the verbal one, when he was in my office.

(We are no longer at that school.)

[Anonymous]

"But he seems so smart!"

"He'll grow out of it."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"But he seems so smart!"

"He'll grow out of it."

I get these from my own mother. She spent a week with him when DH and I went out of town. She now says, "OMG, this was your brother. I had no idea."

She also thinks that meds will make him comatose and stupid.

MIL tells us repeatedly that DS is just spoiled and needs to be hit so he will comply. We see her 2x a year and DS is never alone with her.

[Anonymous]

I'm the feeding tube mom, and I came back with another.

My kid's tube was due to severe reflux and aspiration that was causing chronic lung disease, and potentially permanent damage to his upper airway. One day, about 3 years into this journey, after trying every medication under the sun, including those with potentially life threatening side effects, 30 minute long nebulizer treatments every 4 hours around the clock with chest PT, a feeding tube with prescription formula, specialized daycare, 2 hospitalizations, and ripping up every inch of carpet in the house, my mom said to me

"Have you ever considered asking the doctor whether there's anything that they can do about that cough?"

[Anonymous]

"Is he medicated?"

This wasn't a parent but my internist who knows my son has Asperger's. DS had to go to my appointment with me and I think my doctor was surprised at how well behaved he is. DS is "well behaved" most of the time probably better than most NT 5 yr olds. Thanks. And no, he is not medicated.

[Anonymous]

Adopted mom here - With one ADHD and one possible MR.

"They don't need medication all you need to do is just love them to death".

and in the public - "Would you like to use my belt, my momma never would allow this behavior"

One more "They don't have a Daddy do they?"

[Anonymous]

Is he potty trained yet?

Has he hit (name your milestone) yet?

Why on earth is this considered a topic conversation among neighbors you barely know? If you have heard "no" every other time you asked the question then STFU and talk about the weather.

[Anonymous]

I think one day I may adopt a kid with DS. Those type of kids are compatible with my lifestyle. I want a kid who is sweet and happy go lucky. This was from a EI ST who apparently thinks adoption a child with SN is like adopting a puppy and all kids with DS are alike.

I also got from her...you should totally go see this guy for PT. He's really hot and please tell him I sent you. Totally crushing on him.

Another one from this ST: Ohhhh Myyyyy Goooood. The kid I see before yours finally went on medication. So.much.easier to work with him.

[Anonymous]

The above are really aweful.

[Anonymous]

Dear friend,

I am so sorry that when you said your kid was speech delayed at 14 months I said, "I didn't talk until I was 3." It is true and I kicked myself the moment it slipped out. I know it was insensitive. I have been kicking myself ever since and I am sorry if I made you feel bad. I love your DS and you. Please don't hold it against me.

Signed,
Well-meaning Mom, really.

So sorry for all these things you have heard. Sometimes people like me blurt out inanities without thinking first. If it makes you feel better, I feel remorse afterwards....maybe excessively so since I am still cringing months later.

[Anonymous]

12:19 you are awesome. Thanks for posting. I hope you can let yourself off the hook.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know how you do it. I admire you.

So you think my kid is a burden and must be hell to raise?Aww thanks for your pity, but no thanks. My child is a gift and if you had child with the same challenges, you would rise to the occasion.

My kid doesn't have the same challenges as many of you (he has multiple food allergies), but I get this one all the time. His allergies essentially eliminate most (almost all) store bought items, so I do a lot of cooking and baking. Otherwise, what am I going to do, let my kid go hungry? Eat the same 3 things all the time?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dear friend,

I am so sorry that when you said your kid was speech delayed at 14 months I said, "I didn't talk until I was 3." It is true and I kicked myself the moment it slipped out. I know it was insensitive. I have been kicking myself ever since and I am sorry if I made you feel bad. I love your DS and you. Please don't hold it against me.

Signed,
Well-meaning Mom, really.

So sorry for all these things you have heard. Sometimes people like me blurt out inanities without thinking first. If it makes you feel better, I feel remorse afterwards....maybe excessively so since I am still cringing months later.

I'm the feeding tube mom. I'm going to say that while the two comments I posted were annoying, and kind of funny, they also both came from people who loved me and love my kid. My mom, the one who asked if I was going to do something about his cough, was also the one contributing to his college fund when other people were lowering their expectations. She learned how to use the feeding tube, and the nebulizer, and pulled up all the carpets in her house so he could visit more often. My friend, the one who told me I was lucky, also called me a lot and talked about regular baby things when other moms couldn't see past the medical issues. She brought me home cooked meals and clean clothes in the hospital. Just like my other "friends" she didn't always know what to say, but instead of just not calling or avoiding me in the hallway, she tried and I'll always appreciate that, even if she did stick her foot in her mouth sometimes.

So, don't beat yourself up, it's natural, when someone you care about is obviously worried about something, to try and decrease their worries. It's annoying when you're on the receiving end, but it's not a big deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think one day I may adopt a kid with DS. Those type of kids are compatible with my lifestyle. I want a kid who is sweet and happy go lucky. This was from a EI ST who apparently thinks adoption a child with SN is like adopting a puppy and all kids with DS are alike.

I also got from her...you should totally go see this guy for PT. He's really hot and please tell him I sent you. Totally crushing on him.

Another one from this ST: Ohhhh Myyyyy Goooood. The kid I see before yours finally went on medication. So.much.easier to work with him.

Jesus. Wow.