Friends don't want to pay for beach house, and think it was my fault?

[Anonymous]

Agree with 17:34. Who offers to pay for half a beach house in a nice location and then nickel and dimes you for sheet rental?

[Anonymous]

OP, they knew what you meant from the beginning but now they want to get out of it. Maybe they just don't have the money and they are too embarrassed to say that. But they knew what you meant.

[Anonymous]

I think the email is unclear.

When you want someone to pay for half, you state "the cost will be x dollars. The amount is due tto the realty company on 8 date so please send me the payment in advance of the date ..." Etc . Just talking about sheet rental and insurance and then saying "we will settle up later " reads like you are goimg to settle up on those costs only later

[Anonymous]

PP here (I had suggested you try to find replacements for them). After reading your e-mail to them, I think your mail is clear and that your friends are clearly supposed to be paying for their share of the rental, not getting a free vacation. I can't believe they are weaseling out because, best case scenario, they didn't carefully read your mail or the attachments. How long have you been friends with them, and before this arose, how close did you consider your friendship? Whatever else happens, make sure YOU and your husband enjoy your time at the beach!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the email is unclear.

When you want someone to pay for half, you state "the cost will be x dollars. The amount is due tto the realty company on 8 date so please send me the payment in advance of the date ..." Etc . Just talking about sheet rental and insurance and then saying "we will settle up later " reads like you are goimg to settle up on those costs only later

Let's assume it is unclear. It clearly doesn't invite them as guests. If nothing is said, would you assume friends of your same age are offering you a free vacation at a beach house they have not yet rented?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the email is unclear.

When you want someone to pay for half, you state "the cost will be x dollars. The amount is due tto the realty company on 8 date so please send me the payment in advance of the date ..." Etc . Just talking about sheet rental and insurance and then saying "we will settle up later " reads like you are goimg to settle up on those costs only later

Let's assume it is unclear. It clearly doesn't invite them as guests. If nothing is said, would you assume friends of your same age are offering you a free vacation at a beach house they have not yet rented?

not the PP, but I think both parties are morons who cannot communicate. If I were the "guests", after receiving the first horrible email, I would have immediately clarified the situation. Neither did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the email is unclear.

When you want someone to pay for half, you state "the cost will be x dollars. The amount is due tto the realty company on 8 date so please send me the payment in advance of the date ..." Etc . Just talking about sheet rental and insurance and then saying "we will settle up later " reads like you are goimg to settle up on those costs only later

Let's assume it is unclear. It clearly doesn't invite them as guests. If nothing is said, would you assume friends of your same age are offering you a free vacation at a beach house they have not yet rented?

not the PP, but I think both parties are morons who cannot communicate. If I were the "guests", after receiving the first horrible email, I would have immediately clarified the situation. Neither did.

The default in this scenario is that you are splitting costs. Unless OP is fabulously wealthy, it was ballsy and stupid of her friend to assume otherwise given emails that can easily support the plan of sharing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again.

At the end of the email, I wrote this. . .

"Please review the attached lease. It includes the fees and phone number if you want to rent sheets or a highchair. I will go ahead and pay the balance just to ensure we reserve it. We are going to pay for insurance in case of bad weather, and we will cover that. We can settle up later. Really looking forward to having our families spend time together! It has been way too long since we had a proper visit together."

I can't imagine what wasn't clear about that.

The only way she could have misunderstood the above is intentional. I would not want them to join me because I would be resentful toward them. I would find a way to dis-invite. Who needs a close friend who has no qualms about using you?

[Anonymous]

Unless you are wealthy. it's absurd for your friends to claim they thought this was your treat. Especially if you have an email where you talked about COSTS.

I would apologize for the misunderstanding, say you are going to try to find another couple to go and pay for their half, sorry to have to cancel -and then I'd go alone and enjoy the privacy with my family.

I'd never expect a friend to pay for my vacation. Sheesh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unless you are wealthy. it's absurd for your friends to claim they thought this was your treat. Especially if you have an email where you talked about COSTS.
quote]

Exactly. Why would a guest be shown the lease? If you treat someone to dinner, do you advertise how much you are paying for them and how generous your tip is? No.

And like PP said, an invited guest with any manners would offer to split costs, the host would refuse, the guest would sigh and insist on paying for other incidentals. It's just the way the exchange goes. These folks knew the deal and are backing out.

Take the high road and send an email saying "So sorry you misunderstood. We're going to still make this work for all of us by just adding a few more people since the house is plenty big. Our neighbors the Smiths are going to come along as well so please do still come as our guests."

[Anonymous]

If they assumed you were paying, they would have at some point said something about how generous it was of you to invite them and normal people would have appeared grateful. Your friends are lying to you. They knew and they are weaseling out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If they assumed you were paying, they would have at some point said something about how generous it was of you to invite them and normal people would have appeared grateful. Your friends are lying to you. They knew and they are weaseling out.

This is a great point. It hadn't occurred to me before but if she didn't thank you for your generosity at the time and several times since, somethings fishy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, I can't believe this is happening to you. If I were the friend who assumed this was a free ride, upon being told otherwise, I would immediately offer to pay. That she has not indicates serious bad faith and/or financial problems.

Why is it on the OP to be the "bigger person" and pay for the whole house? The "friend" should be offering to pay.

Or at the very least, should be mortified and apologetic about the misunderstanding. It sounds like the friend was upset when she should have been saying "I totally understand if you need to find someone else". And after all this they would stullngoing and let their friends pay for the whole thing?!?! What entitled asshats, taking advantage like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unless you are wealthy. it's absurd for your friends to claim they thought this was your treat. Especially if you have an email where you talked about COSTS.

I would apologize for the misunderstanding, say you are going to try to find another couple to go and pay for their half, sorry to have to cancel -and then I'd go alone and enjoy the privacy with my family.

I'd never expect a friend to pay for my vacation. Sheesh.

This is what I would do, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unless you are wealthy. it's absurd for your friends to claim they thought this was your treat. Especially if you have an email where you talked about COSTS.

I would apologize for the misunderstanding, say you are going to try to find another couple to go and pay for their half, sorry to have to cancel -and then I'd go alone and enjoy the privacy with my family.

I'd never expect a friend to pay for my vacation. Sheesh.

This is what I would do, too.

100% this. Especially the bold.

I love being generous. I really do. But to think my friends expect it from me would put a terrible taste in my mouth. I'd have a very hard time vacationing with them without a grudge.