Friends don't want to pay for beach house, and think it was my fault?

[Anonymous]

I agree with 16:05. I'd have a hard time ignoring the money issue because I think your original e-mail was clear enough.

[Anonymous]

Your email was clear. If they read it too quickly and made assumptions, they should take the fall for it.

If they really cannot afford to pay, however, I would have more sympathy for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: They don't plan on going if they have to pay.

Here's the problem. They owe you whether they go or not, unless you can get another couple you would be happy to have join you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again.

Please excuse my obsessing about this. I just shared the responses with my husband, and we both think that maybe our friends just gave a cursory read of the email, and didn't actually open the attachment. I agree, friendships should not end over money.

We have the money, as we paid for it. But we anticipated being reimbursed, and frankly, we are going to have to re-adjust our family fall budget without the 3K.

I just need to put it behind me, so that I can enjoy their company and not be a stick in the mud. And we are going to invite our neighbors, and not worry about checking in with the other family! (Normally, I wouldn't invite others if sharing a house unless I checked with the others, but now that we own the house, I am going to do whatever I want. I am small like that.)

Maybe I'm small too, but I don't think what you're proposing to do is small at all. It's your way of making peace with this crappy situation, and I think you're the bigger person for it, honestly.

[Anonymous]

FWIW, we DID treat a family of four to a week at an OBX rental and we made it very clear that we were not asking them to contribute financially. I said "we'd like to invite you as our guests..." etc. Your email is perfectly clear and they are not being honest with you.

[Anonymous]

I can't imagine that they'd still go even after knowing that they were expected to pay and cannot. Have they no shame?

[Anonymous]

OP, are you telling the neighbors that they should pay too? Will that make things awkward if one guest pays and one does not?

[Anonymous]

You were clear and they'd no longer be invited if they didn't pay. Your email was very clear and they are purposely lying to you. That's what would upset me.

[Anonymous]

It's extremely clear. I can't imagine thinking anything else. I would wonder what is going on with the friends. If they do go, I'd also make sure they paid for all the food and drinks!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think the email was clear. I have been involved in a ton of multiple-family trips and never have the communications been this unclear. When dealing with friends and money, everything should be spelled out in detail, including exact amounts. On the other hand, unless OP has previously treated the friends to such trips or there were other communications in which that was discussed, I think they were quite presumptuous.

this. looks to me like you wanted then to simply pay for the sheets. You never said "hey, I am looking at beach houses that cost $6K for the week. Are you up for going 50/50?". That is what I would have done. Where do you even tell them the total cost of the house????

[Anonymous]

OP, we rent a beach house every year. We used to split it with family, and the details were always hashed out by e-mail, including who was putting the depsoit down and who wanted what insurance, elevator depsoit, etc. They started complaining about this and that, and maybe they couldn't afford it, and so on. So the next year, we paid for the whole thing. This is what we said (repeatedly): "We are getting the house whether you come or not. So please come if you want to - we'll pay." (Quite sadly, it turns out a relative has developed a disorder where she really can't be around other people for very long without being very uncomfortable.) They didn't. So now every year we invite my parents. We say: "We're getting the house again. Here are the dates. Please come for however long suits you. We sure would like to have someone in that big old house we're paying for with us to make it more fun. Hope you can come!"

In the freebie mode we are in now, we have never attached a lease, never talked about settling up, never said who is splitting what, and always sprung for the rentals of sheets, towels, whatever, rather than trouble our guests with that. THAT it what a freebie invite looks like. I know because we have written both kinds. Yours was NOT a freebie invite.

I don't know what you should do, but you are a much bigger person than I am for even thinking abut letting them come. There was no ambiguity, although I do wonder whether something else is going on with them. Too bad they won't level. If the friend called up and said, "Gee, we're going through a rough time now and I feel so bad for sticking you and that my kids will miss out on the trip," THEN you could spring for it and feel good about it. But that's not what they have done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think the email was clear. I have been involved in a ton of multiple-family trips and never have the communications been this unclear. When dealing with friends and money, everything should be spelled out in detail, including exact amounts. On the other hand, unless OP has previously treated the friends to such trips or there were other communications in which that was discussed, I think they were quite presumptuous.

this. looks to me like you wanted then to simply pay for the sheets. You never said "hey, I am looking at beach houses that cost $6K for the week. Are you up for going 50/50?". That is what I would have done. Where do you even tell them the total cost of the house????

The attachments. She attached the lease docs. Why would she do that if it wasn't 50/50?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think the email was clear. I have been involved in a ton of multiple-family trips and never have the communications been this unclear. When dealing with friends and money, everything should be spelled out in detail, including exact amounts. On the other hand, unless OP has previously treated the friends to such trips or there were other communications in which that was discussed, I think they were quite presumptuous.

this. looks to me like you wanted then to simply pay for the sheets. You never said "hey, I am looking at beach houses that cost $6K for the week. Are you up for going 50/50?". That is what I would have done. Where do you even tell them the total cost of the house????

The attachments. She attached the lease docs. Why would she do that if it wasn't 50/50?

BECAUSE SHE NEVER SAID OR ASKED "DO YOU WANT TO SPLIT IT 50/50" OR "YOUR SHARE WILL BE $___________" OR ANYTHING REMOTELY SIMILAR. It was a horrible passive aggressive weak email. She should have done it on the phone and followed up with email to clarify. She deserves what she gets for being that horrible of a communicator.

[Anonymous]

I think it can also be read as OP will pay the rental, and their friends have to pay for extras they use, like sheets.

Also maybe this was in the context of a longer email, which they sort of skimmed over.

I can see how this could be just a misunderstanding. There's certainly room for doubt, as others in the thread have also stated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think the email was clear. I have been involved in a ton of multiple-family trips and never have the communications been this unclear. When dealing with friends and money, everything should be spelled out in detail, including exact amounts. On the other hand, unless OP has previously treated the friends to such trips or there were other communications in which that was discussed, I think they were quite presumptuous.

this. looks to me like you wanted then to simply pay for the sheets. You never said "hey, I am looking at beach houses that cost $6K for the week. Are you up for going 50/50?". That is what I would have done. Where do you even tell them the total cost of the house????

The attachments. She attached the lease docs. Why would she do that if it wasn't 50/50?

BECAUSE SHE NEVER SAID OR ASKED "DO YOU WANT TO SPLIT IT 50/50" OR "YOUR SHARE WILL BE $___________" OR ANYTHING REMOTELY SIMILAR. It was a horrible passive aggressive weak email. She should have done it on the phone and followed up with email to clarify. She deserves what she gets for being that horrible of a communicator.

Not PP. But I disagree. The NJ friends have horrible reading and comprehension skills. Who would just pay for sheets. That is nuts that the OP would be paying for an entire week but hey - you have to pay for extra sheets. Idiotic really.

This is not the OP's fault. Lesson learned for all of us that we have to provide an itemized receipt in order for some people to get it.